Stone Cold
by probablyprocrastinating
Summary: MerDer AU
1. Chapter 1

_Stone cold_ _  
_ _You see me standing_ _  
_ _But I'm dyin' on the floor_ _  
_ _Stone cold_ _  
_ _Stone cold_ _  
_ _Maybe if I don't cry_ _  
_ _I won't feel anymore_

 _Stone cold_ _  
_ _Baby_ _  
_ _God knows I try to feel_ _  
_ _Happy for you_ _  
_ _Know that I am_ _  
_ _Even if I can't understand_ _  
_ _I'll take the pain_ _  
_ _Give me the truth_ _  
_ _Me and my heart_ _  
_ _We'll make it through_ _  
_ _If happy is her_ _  
_ _I'm happy for you_

 _Stone cold_ _  
_ _Stone cold_ _  
_ _You're dancing with her_ _  
_ _While I'm staring at my phone_ _  
_ _Stone cold_ _  
_ _Stone cold_ _  
_ _I was your amber, but now_ _  
_ _She's your shade of gold_

 _Stone cold_ _  
_ _Baby_ _  
_ _God knows I try to feel_ _  
_ _Happy for you_ _  
_ _Know that I am_ _  
_ _Even if I can't understand_ _  
_ _I'll take the pain_ _  
_ _Give me the truth_ _  
_ _Me and my heart_  
 _We'll make it through_ _  
_ _If happy is her_ _  
_ _I'm happy for you_

 _Don't wanna be stone cold_ _  
_ _Stone_ _  
_ _I wish I could mean this_ _  
_ _But here's my good-bye_ _  
_ _Oh, I'm happy for you_ _  
_ _Know that I am_ _  
_ _Even if I can't understand_ _  
_ _If happy is her_ _  
_ _If happy is her_ _  
_ _I'm happy for you._

'Daddy!' He heard as he came through the door and lugged his briefcase onto the sofa in the hall.

'Hey Hal' he grinned, bending down to pick his four year old up and slip her onto his hip. 'What did you do today?'

'This daddy this!' She giggled, thrusting a piece of paper into his face with a drawing of the two of them on.

'Its me and you,' she said proudly, 'there's you in your work clothes with your work bag going to work and look there's me standing next to you in my pink dress with the flowers! And look daddy I did it all by myself and look!'

'I'm looking Hal, it's very pretty,' he laughed, looking at the drawing, his daughter still in his arms, hers flung around his neck.

'And guess what daddy?!' She carried on excitedly, 'mommys making chicky pasta for dinner!'

'Chicky pasta?!' He repeated excitedly, bouncing her up and down. His and his daughters favourite meal, chicken and bacon pasta. 'Chicky pasta' for Hallie, before she could pronounce 'chicken'. The name just kind of stuck, and Chicky pasta was their favourite.

'Chicky pasta!' She grinned.

'And where is mommy?' He laughed, 'is she making our Chicky pasta right now?'

'Yes daddy,' she laughed, 'it's dinner time silly, you're home late'

'I know sweetie,' he said, 'and I'm sorry but daddy had a lot of work to do today. I promise I'll be home on time tomorrow. Now, let's go find mommy and say thank you for making our Chicky pasta,'

'Chicky pasta!' Hallie exclaimed again, clapping her hands together and derek laughed and continued through he house with his daughter still sat on his hip.

'Mommy! Mommy! Daddy's home!' Hallie giggled as they entered the kitchen.

Helen turned round, 'I thought I heard someone come in' she laughed as Derek moved closer to her placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

'How long till pasta mommy?' Hallie questioned as Derek placed her back down on the floor, softly kissing her forehead.

'Not long now, do you want to help daddy set the table?'

'Yes daddy we do it together!'

'One minute Hal, let me put my drawing on the refrigerator,' he said, taking a magnet and using it to pin up the piece of paper he had been given on the way in.

'There we go,' he said, opening the fridge, 'what would you like to drink Hal? Orange?'

'Yes please daddy,'

'What about you Hel? I think we have some wine in here?'

'Yes please if we've got some,' she said, plating up dinner.

Derek put the drinks on the table as Hallie tried her best to lay out the knives and forks the right way round.

'Well, Thank you mommy,' said Derek as Helen gave him his dinner,

'Thank you mommy,' Hallie mirrored, diving right into her food.

'Good day?' Helen said, turning to Derek.

'Alright I guess, nothing too interesting. I'm still bogged down with the finilisations of the Brown's case. Can't take anything big on until that's sorted and trust me it's a lot of paperwork.'

'That case is still going on?'

'Well, who knows at this point. I've got them off for now I guess, but who knows another witness could come forward before all the papers are signed and sealed, opening it up again.'

'And if they do, you're just going to keep putting cases off until this Brown thing goes away?'

'I don't really have much of a choice Hel, they're paying me the big bucks.'

'Everyone pays you the big bucks, Der. You're the best lawyer in Seattle.'

'Yeah well, I don't know. I just have to stick it out a bit longer. I've come this far I can't give it up now. And anyway, I wouldn't be the best lawyer in Seattle if I gave up when it got hard.'

'True,' said Helen, taking a sip of her wine. 'How's your Chicky Hal?'

'Real good' she beamed, tomato sauce all round her face.

'Good,' said Helen, 'have you told Daddy what you're doing tomorrow?'

'I'm going to the zoo daddy! With Nana! We gonna see lions and tigers and elephants and snakes and bears and zebras and giraffes and hippos and-'

'Lots of animals,' Derek laughed cutting her off.

'You should come daddy!'

'Remember Daddy has to work tomorrow Hal,' Helen said quietly.

'I know,' Hallie frowned. 'But daddy works everyday,'

Derek's heart twisted, he hated having such a demanding job. Well, he didn't, he loved his job. But he hated that his long office hours meant he got to spend hardly any time with his wife and his daughter.

'Daddy is home at weekend,' Helen offered, smiling. 'Maybe we could do something then?'

'Yes daddy can we pleaseeeeeeee!' Begged Hallie, her voice going higher than Derek thought possible.

'Of course we can,' he said, settling an arm around the back of Helens chair. 'What do we want to do?'

'It's meant to be sunny, we could go to the park for a picnic?' Suggested Helen, moving a strand of her light blonde hair out of her face.

'That sounds good to me,' he said, 'Hal?'

'Me too ' she said, 'can we make the picnic together daddy? All three of us?'

'Sure we can. What do you want to take? I can pick up some groceries on my way home from Work tomorrow'

'Sandwiches, lots of sandwiches' his four year old nodded.

'Sandwiches it is. What kind of sandwiches would you like Hal?'

'Cheese please daddy.'

'What about mommy?'

'Chicken,'

'Chicken for the lady,' he smiled, leaning forward to kiss her cheek, 'I'm excited,' he said, looking back at Hallie, 'spending time with my two best girls'

'Stop being silly daddy' Hallie laughed at the cheesiness of her father.

'Will you take lots of pictures at the zoo tomorrow to show me and mommy?'

'Yes. Nana said she's going to bring the camera'

'That's a good idea,' Derek nodded, 'now come on finish that Chicky pasta, you've not got much left'

'I'm eating it daddy. You're the one talking to me.'

'Alright alright I'll stop' he said, rolling his eyes, sharing a knowing smile with Helen. Their daughter was very bossy, and very stubborn, just like him.

'Morning Shep,'

'Morning Mike,' Derek greeted his boss on entry to the office, heading to his secluded desk in the corner.

'Browns still on your case?' He said, raising an eyebrow.

'More like I'm on theirs,' he laughed, 'anyway, hopefully, it should be done by today.'

'That's what I like to hear,'

'I just need to make a few calls and if I get what I want from them, I should be done and dusted with Mr and Mrs Brown by 6pm sharp.'

'About damn time,'

'Tell me about it,'

'The rest of the team have been swamped with cases the last few months, taking all the ones who wanted you,'

'Yeah well hopefully as of tomorrow I can start to take back some of the juicier cases'

'This one bored you that much?'

Derek sighed, and laughed, even though it wasn't really funny. 'Yep,'

'Well, I better let you get to your phone calls, get those Browns out of our doors for good. If I have to see the, ever come back in here for a consult I might slit my wrists'

'You'll slit your wrists? You don't have to deal with them every day!'

'Well neither will you as of tomorrow. Go, make your calls and get those Browns gone,'

'Going' Derek laughed, sitting at his desk and turning on his computer. Glancing at the photo of Hallie and Helen on his desk. Helen sat on a chair in their back garden in a cute summer dress, her short, straight blond hair neatly framing her face, with her arms around Hallie's waist. Hallie, sat on her knee in a pair of pale denim shorts and a lemon yellow t shirt, some rather large sunglasses on her eyes, a huge smile on her face. He found himself smiling as he heard Meredith settle herself at her desk.

'Morning,' she said,

'Morning,' he replied, barely even turning round before looking back at the photograph and picking up the phone.

'Hi, can I speak to Marcus Graham please? It's Derek Shepherd of Johnson lawyers Washington, it's regarding Jackson Brown.'


	2. Chapter 2

_Ok so for those of you who are confused, I hope this clears some stuff up for you. All will become clear as we go on, trust me on this one guys. And don't worry, this is very much a MerDer endgame fic._

She took a deep breath before she opened the door. Straightened her hair and her blazer. Hopefully today would have been a good day. Hopefully today he would be in a good mood. She couldn't deal with anything more, she was too tired. With Derek Shepherd not being able to take on the thousands of clients that wanted him, the rest of them at Johnson lawyers Washington were out of their depth taking them on between them. It was too much. She had a headache and couldn't deal with him tonight.

She walked in, preparing to hear him yelling at the tv, or drinking in the kitchen, but he was nowhere. Which was a relief. She locked the door behind her and walked into the kitchen, getting herself a glass of water and some painkillers, before making some grilled cheese.

After she'd eaten, she walked to the bedroom, slipping off her skirt suit and putting on her pyjamas, laying her watch on the dresser next to her bed. She had no idea where he was, and she didn't care. She was past caring now. She was just grateful to get a little peace, a little time to herself. She headed to the bathroom, washing her face. The wiping away of makeup revealing the faded purple bruise around her right eye, and the one on her left cheek. She stared in the mirror and wondered when she became this woman. How did she get here? And how would she get out? She snapped her head down, not wanting to think about it, brushing her teeth vigorously, then climbing into bed with the hope of being asleep before he got back from wherever he was.

To her surprise, at 6 am when she woke up, she woke to an empty bed. He still wasn't here. Hopefully something had happened to him; hurt in a fight or an accident or something. Or maybe he'd cheated, spent the night at another woman's house. Sick. It was sick that Meredith was hoping her boyfriend of 6 years had been hurt in a fight, and it was sick that she was hoping he'd cheated. What kind of woman hopes that they're boyfriend has cheated on them? Just so they have a reason to leave, a get out. Hoping that he'd find someone new to beat about.

Anyway, the point of the matter was, he wasn't there. And that's all that mattered. She quickly got up, and ready for work, hurrying out of the house to ensure she was gone before he got back.

'Morning,' she said, as she did every morning.

'Morning Meredith,' he said, actually turning round to her. And smiling. Derek was actually smiling. At her. In the morning.

'What's with you being all happy happy today?' She laughed, 'had a good weekend?'

'Yeah, yeah I did actually,' he said, 'we took Hal to the park for a picnic it was real nice,'

'That does sound nice, it was gorgeous weather this weekend,'

'It was. You?'

'Oh, no, I worked yesterday, and Saturday, I had too much with all these new cases to take the weekend off. I'd fall behind. I don't know how you do it, with all the cases I mean. I barely feel like I'm keeping up and I worked 9-7 for the last two days. And every other weekend for the last 2 months. But you seem to handle it fine, I mean I guess that's why you're the best lawyer in the state. Not that there are people in other states that are better than you, you are very good. Very, very good. And I'm sorry, I'm rambling. Jesus Meredith,'

'Wow,' he laughed, 'you can talk,' he said, still grinning.

'Sorry,' she winced, 'I ramble. It's kind of a thing,' she said, playing with her wrists slightly.

'It's a cute thing,' he joked, 'seriously,' he added, seeing the nervous look on her face.

'I like the rambling. And don't worry about the caseload, I know it's tough. I've been here 9 years longer than you, you have time to catch up. It's not supposed to be easy, but you can do it,' he said, reassuringly.

'I hope so,' she sighed, smiling slightly. Still tense in her chair. Rambling. She had to stop rambling.

 _'Will you just shut it with the fucking rambling? Jesus! What are you ten?'_

 _'Rambling on about this and rambling on about that. I don't have time to listen to all this fucking irrelevant information. When I ask if you've had a good day it's a yes no fucking answer. I don't need 3 minutes of crap Meredith. I don't have the fucking time to waste on that, ok?_

 _So if you could just learn to quit it with the rambling that would be really great. And that's not a fucking request.'_

 _'How many times have I told you about rambling?'_

 _'Shut the fuck up rambling, I'm trying to concentrate here'_

 _'Fucking hell, I thought we were past the rambling?!'_

'If you need anything though, you know where I am,'

'Thanks. You must be happy to finally be off the Brown case?'

'Finally,' he laughed, running a hand through his hair. 'I can't tell you, I have never been as happy in my life as I was on Friday night,'

'Never?' She smirked raising an eyebrow.

'Never,' he confirmed, still grinning, 'but don't tell my wife that,'

'My lips are sealed,' she giggled, as he turned back to his desk. Damn. He looked good in That suit. He looked good in any suit, but that navy one with the light blue shirt really brought out his blue eyes and complimented his dark hair. She looked at him a little longer, a small smile still tugging at her lips, then turned her attention back to her computer and logged on.

At 6 o'clock when he stood to leave, he put his jacket on, picked up his case, before letting on to her.

'See you in the morning,'

'See you later,' she replied, 'have a good night.'

'Thanks, my sister's coming round for dinner so no doubt Hallie will be on a high all night about seeing her cousins,' he laughed.

'Good luck with that, a hyperactive 4 year old should be fun at 11 o clock,'

'Thanks for that reminder,' he said sarcastically.

'You're welcome,'

'You have a good night too,' he said, 'and don't stay here too late. Go home and get some rest.'

'Don't worry, I will,' she laughed, rolling her eyes as he waved bye on his way out.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks for you kind reviews guys. We still have a way to go with this one but I'm hoping you're gonna like it!_

Daddy stop being silly' Hallie laughed uncontrollably and Derek finally put her down.

'There you go monkey,' he said, gently dropping her onto the sofa.

'What we having for dinner daddy?'

'Whatever you want'

'Anything?!'

'Anything,'

Hallie gasped putting her hands over her mouth in excitement, 'can we have pizza?!'

'We can indeed have pizza. We don't have any so we'll have to go to the store for one, okay?'

'Okay daddy,'

'Put your shoes on and get your coat.'

'Can we walk daddy?'

'We can, go pick up mommys umbrella from the kitchen just in case it starts raining again,'

'I got it daddy!'

'Lets go princess' he said taking her hand and helping her down the steps and onto their driveway.

They walked to the shop as Hallie told Derek all about her new friend Samantha who had moved in across the road the day before.

'Mommy said she could come for dinner while she was away,'

'Did she now?'

'Yes she told Samantha's mommy that you would cook us dinner,'

'Oh she did did she?' Derek laughed, 'well I'll have to talk to Samantha's mommy about that sweetie and make sure she's okay for it and arrange a day. I might have to stay late at work a couple days this week so it might be nana or grandma who looks after you and Samantha,'

'Grandma! Grandma! Grandma!' Hallie practically screamed

'You want grandma?'

'Yes I want Grandma Shepherd daddy!'

'Okay, I'll ask her'

'I've not seen her in ages,' Hallie frowned,

'I'll call her as soon as we get home, I'm sure she'd love to come round and see you, and meet Samantha. She might even make her burgers for you if you ask real nice,'

'Yay!'

Derek smiled at the happiness on his daughters face, as they approached the store.

'Okay, so what kind of pizza do we want Hal?'

'Hmmmm, I'm not sure,'

'Chicken? Pepperoni?'

'Hmmmm, just cheese daddy,'

'Just cheese it is,' he said, picking a pizza out of the freezer.

'What pizza you gonna get daddy?'

'Daddy's not going to have a pizza sweetie, I think we have some salad at home.'

'Salads boring' Hallie giggled.

'Salads healthy,' he corrected, 'speaking of which- keep this pizza secret between you and me okay? You know what mommy says about pizza'

'On special occasions only' Hallie recited, 'whatever that means.'

Derek laughed,

'What is an occasion daddy?'

'A special time,' he said, walking to the cashier.

'But this is a special time- it's Hallie and daddy night!'

'It is!' He laughed, 'and that's why we have pizza'

'I have pizza daddy, you have salad.'

'Come on,' he said, after paying, leading her out of the shop.

'Daddy,' said Hallie, still clutching Derek's hand which didn't have her pizza in.

'Yes monkey?'

'Why you and mommy gotta work so much?'

'Oh,' said Derek, unexpectedly. 'You know how we live in a really nice house Hal? With your play room and the two spare rooms?'

'Yes daddy,'

'And how mommy and daddy both have a car?'

'Um-hum,' the 4 year old nodded.

'And how we can take you to nice places on vacation, and buy you nice presents for your birthday?'

'Yep,'

'Well, we couldn't do that if mommy and daddy didn't go to work. And I know we're there a lot but that's only because we love you, and eachother so much that we want to give you a really nice house, and cars, and presents and vacations. When you're older and at school, you won't notice that were gone as much, and maybe when you're a little older you can go with mommy next time she goes to France, or England. I'm sure she would take you'

'But Sofia has a nice house and a nice car but she has dinner with both her mommy and daddy every night,'

Derek sighed, 'I know sweetie, I know. And it makes me really sad that I have to spend as much time at work and I miss you lots and lots, and so does mommy. But I promise I will try harder to come home early- and when I can't how about I call you before dinner, okay?'

'Okay,'

'And with me and mommy away so much, you're really lucky you get to see nana and grandpa and grandma so much.' He said, squeezing her hand. 'I bet Sofia doesn't spend all week at home with her nana and grandpa then all the next week with her grandma, does she?'

'No,' she shook her head.

'That makes you real lucky Hal. Your grandma and nana love you very much- grandpa too. And most kids your age doesn't see them everyday. But you get to! Like remember when nana took you to the zoo the other week, and then the day after me you and mommy went out? That's a really fun two days Hal. I bet Sofia hasn't been to the zoo with her nana,'

'I love you daddy,' said Hallie as Derek led her up the drive way,

'I love you too monkey,' he said, kneeling down in front of her before he opened the door. 'I love you so much. And I'm really sorry I have to work a lot,'

'That's okay,' she shrugged, 'I love you anyway,'

'Now, shall we go make you this pizza?' He grinned, as did Hallie at the mention of her dinner.

/ / / / /

'Morning,' she said from her desk. Wait. She was here before him. Was he late? Only by a couple of minutes, surely? She always arrived after him, always.

'Morning,' he replied.

'What took you so long?' She teased,

'I'm only a couple of minutes late arent I?' As she continued to grin, 'had to drop Hallie at her nanas, her moms away,' he gave as explanation.

'She trusted you with the kid alone?' She mocked,

'Meredith Grey I will have you know that I am trusted with her for one week every two months,' he laughed

'Really?' She rolled her eyes.

'Yes, I am. I shouldn't really be,' he laughed, 'I got home late again last night,'

'Was she with her grandparents?'

'Yep,' he sighed. 'I can honestly say I have no clue what I would do without Helens mom and dad. My mom too, of course. But, I have so many nieces and nephews there's more people for her to share her time between. Helens an only child and obviously so is Hallie and they adore having her. They're a godsend'

'It's nice that they're close,' Meredith nodded.

'Yeah,' he agreed, 'I wish I'd been that close to my grandpa.'

'It's cute,' she smiled.

'I see you're booked in conference room 2 at 12 for 4 hours. Four hours?!"

'Urugh, don't' she muttered. 'Thanks to you taking all the good cases again I'm stuck with the boring, tedious rut' she rolled her eyes.

'Hey not so long ago you were complaining about the caseload,' he laughed.

'I would rather that than being bored out of my skull going through tedious contracts,' she sighed. 'I thought being a lawyer would be so much more fun, yet here I am' she said sarcastically.

'Think of the money,' he said, 'that's how you get through the crap cases,'

'They're all crap cases' she laughed. 'You took the good ones!'

'I'm sorry,' he said, his hand on his heart yet his words not so sincere.

'Sure you are,' she said, rolling her eyes and turning back to her computer.

'Hey I am! Meredith, I am sorry,' he said, trying to regain her attention.'

'Fine,'

'Let me buy you lunch from next door by way of apology,'

'Hmmmm,' she said, suddenly interested, 'get me a pizza and we'll call it even,'

'What is it with women and pizza?' He laughed 'Hallie is obsessed!'

'Well I'm with Hallie on that one, pizza is the best,'

'Fine. I'll buy your pizza for lunch. That better now?'

'Very much so,' she nodded, 'thank you Derek,'

'You're welcome Meredith,' he smiled.

He wondered how he had gone 3 years with barely knowing the dirty blond haired girl on the desk closest to his. She was cute, and funny. Very funny. And sweet. And funny. She was a good lawyer too. Still quite new to the firm so naturally on the boring cases, but from what he'd heard about her she was the most efficient in her grade and was gaining an excellent reputation. It was nice to have a friend at work, most of the guys were total jackasses. Thinking they had the right to be rude and arrogant just because they're well paid lawyers. Meredith was sweet. She was completely down to earth and very hard working. In fact from what he'd heard she spent most of the hours in a day at the office.

Having said that though, she didn't really speak to anyone else in the office. She was still very shy. He felt bad, maybe he should have made an effort to make conversation before, no-one else seemed to bother with her. She was nice, once you took her out of her shell and paid her a little attention. He would hate Helen to have no friends at work, not that she was short by any means, most of her friends were from work. But still. He liked Meredith, and she looked like she needed a friend at work, hell, so did he. She could save him from the jerks and maybe they could eat lunch together more often.

'You ready?' He said at 11.

'Derek it's 11 o'clock- don't you think it's a little early for lunch?'

'You have a meeting at 12! We need to get you your pizza,'

'Hmmmm,' she pondered. 'True, and I am starving. I didn't have breakfast,' she said, getting her coat.

'I don't think you're gonna need that,' he laughed, gesturing towards the clear blue sky outside their Seattle office.

'I'll take it just in case,' she said quickly.

'After you,' he said, following her out.

Once they got sat down, Meredith was scanning the menu rather intensely.

'What do you want to drink?'

'Erm, orange soda please'

'God,' Derek laughed, 'this really is like being out with Hallie.'

'You let your four year old drink soda?' She asked, raising an eyebrow.

'Yes. No. Maybe.' He said, 'when her moms not around' he smirked.

'Oh Derek,' she said, rolling her eyes as the waitress came over.

'Hi I'll have an orange soda please, a water, a Caesar salad, and- do you know what you want Mer?'

'Pepperoni pizza please,' she grinned.

'A pepperoni pizza for the lady,' Derek repeated.

'Thank you,' she smiled as she handed Derek her menu, who passed it on to the waitress.

'You're very welcome'


	4. Chapter 4

'Hey, I'm home,' she said tentatively, shutting the door behind her.

She thought she heard him grunt something in reply.

'Hey,' she repeated, smiling, walking into the living room.

'Oh hi,' he snapped, looking up from his phone, just to look straight back down at it, typing angrily.

'You okay?' She said quickly, trying to avoid an answer. 'What do you want for dinner?'

'Whatever,'

'Okay,' she said, more to herself than him, opening the refrigerator. It was empty. He was supposed to get some groceries today. She gazed at the 3 cans of beer, half bottle of milk and 2 eggs which remained in the refrigerator. She quickly checked the bread bin, making sure he was still on his phone, she could make eggs on toast for dinner. That could work. Well, she didn't really have much choice.

'I'm going to take a shower,' she said quickly, hanging up her coat and bag as she left the room.

Hopefully, he would go sort it out with whoever he was texting, then she could eat and go to sleep. If he didn't, he'd want her to make dinner. Which would lead to her saying there was nothing to eat. Which wasn't her fault. It was his fault. But to him, it would be her fault, _again._ Which meant he would get angry, _again._ Which was bad, angry was bad. The bruises on her arm from the night before said that loud and clear. Angry was bad. So she couldn't make him angry.

She took her time in the shower, taking advantage of her time to herself where she wasn't being watched, analysed.

When she came out she threw on some sweats and put her hair in a towel, walking back into the living room and sitting on the couch.

'How was your day?' She said, attempting to make conversation.

'Shit,' he grunted, not looking up from his phone.

'Oh,' she said, not really knowing what to say.

'Oh?' He repeated, raising his eyebrows on her.

'Well, why?' She said nervously, quickly.

'Urugh,' he sighed, his head going back to his phone. 'Steve's causing shit again. Asshole.'

'What you gonna do about it?' She said, not wanting to ask what Steve, had actually done.

'Put him in his fucking place that's what,' he said calmly.

She sat there, wishing she hadn't entered this conversation. If Steve was involved no doubt Denton would be too, and Damian, and Simon, and the rest of Dave's druggie pals. She would change the topic, talk about her day. But she knew better in these situations not to speak unless she was spoken to. So she leant over to the coffee table and picked up her book.

She'd been reading in silence for about 40 minutes, him still on his phone until he slammed his fist on the table, startling her.

'You okay?' She said cautiously.

'Fine,' he grumbled. 'Except I'm fucking starving,'

'Oh' she said. She'd been hoping he'd be on his way out to Steve before dinner, so she wouldn't have to have this conversation. How pathetic was that? She was scared of having a conversation about groceries with her boyfriend. Groceries.

'Jesus Meredith half the time I can't stop you fucking talking. What is with you tonight?'

'Nothing,' she said, shaking her head.

He sighed as he opened the refrigerator.

'No fucking food!' He yelled, turning round. 'Please enlighten me as to why there's no food in my refrigerator, Meredith,'

'Sorry,' she said sheepishly.

'Sorry?' He choked.

'I thought...' She stumbled, playing with her wrists, 'I mean, you said so I thought... You said today you would... I thought.. While I was at work... You said you would... Get them...'

'Well I didn't?' He said indignantly, 'I had more important things to worry about than stupid groceries.'

Meredith nodded, 'yeah... Steve... The Steve thing,' she said, trying to sound understanding.

'You could use some fucking initiative sometimes, you know'

'...I didn't know,' she said innocently, hopefully. 'I would have done...'

'Well you would have done doesn't give us any fucking food does it?' He rolled his eyes.

'Well no but-'

'But nothing!' He said, slamming the cupboard shut. 'How are you a fucking lawyer if you rely on me to do fucking everything? Hey?'

She looked down, what was the point in fighting and making it worse. He was already angry, all she could do was try to look remorseful and hopefully he would calm down.

'Is this what you do at work? Wait for the men to do everything while you just sit on your ass acting oblivious all this "I would have done if I'd have known" shit?'

'I'll go get some now,' she said, taking the towel off her head. 'What do you want?'

'No you won't,' he snarled. 'It's eight Meredith, dinners fucking passed you missed it.'

Shit.

'I could call somewhere get us a take out?' She tried again.

'I said: no, you won't.' As he moved in front of the living room door.

/

'Morning,' she said, sitting at her desk.

'Goooood morning,' he said, spinning round on his chair. He was wearing a dark grey suit today, which suited him, not as much as his navy one. But still, he looked good.

'Again with the happy,' she laughed.

'A guy can't help that he's happy,' he shrugged.

'Well can you at least share some of the happy?' She giggled.

'Why- you in need of some?'

'Oh, no' she stuttered quickly, playing with her wrists. 'I was just kidding, you know. When can you ever be too happy?'

'That is a good question,' he said definitely. 'But I'm guessing you can't be too happy when you have back to back meetings 10-4. Saw you're schedules on the board,'

'Urugh, I know,' she said. 'At least I have a few hours to catch up on all the paperwork once they're done.'

'True,'

'What's your day like?'

'So so,' he said coyly.

'So so?' She asked.

'Meh, it's alright. But it's not brilliant.'

'Better than 6 hours of meetings,'

'Exactly.' He grinned, 'sorry, that was mean.'

'It was,' she said, meeting his eyes seriously, her lips in a definite smile.

'I'll make it up to you,' he said, twisting his chair back round to face his computer.

'You better,' she smiled, trying to ignore the sting in her arm from the fresh bruises she gained last night.

/

'See you later,' he said, walking past her desk.

'Wait,' she said, snapping her head up. 'Is it six already?'

'Yep,' he grinned, 'home time. You are going home right?'

'Right,'

'You don't sound very convincing Mer,' he laughed, 'you know, you're going to overwork yourself,'

'Don't be stupid,' she said, 'anyway, I have paperwork to do,'

'Do it in the morning,' he shrugged.

'Says you,' she smirked, 'you hardly ever go home on time'

'Yeah well, I do now. Was overworking myself,' he winked.

'Right,' she said, rolling her eyes.

'Come onnnnn,' he groaned, 'leave!'

'No, Derek seriously,'

'Go home'

'No'

'Yes'

'No'

'Go, now.'

'Derek,'

'Meredith,' he countered, cocking his head to the side.

'Go home,' she said.

'Not until you do,'

'Derek, no. I have to finish this.'

'Bore,' he said.

'I am not a bore Derek Shepherd' she gasped.

'Really?' He laughed.

'Yes. I just have to finish this. I'll go home soon.'

'No,' he said reaching and tugging the contract she had in her hand, 'you'll go home now.'

'What are you doing?' She snapped, suddenly serious. 'Give it back derek,'

'Jeez,' he said handing it her, 'someone's cranky,' he said, a small smile.

'I'm fine.' She said, chucking the contract on her desk. 'Sorry, just tired' she sighed. 'Sorry, Derek, really.'

'It's okay,' he laughed, 'but if you're tired this is exactly why you should go home.'

'Yeah,' she said, a fake smile. 'Yeah, I'll go soon.' She nodded.

'Promise?'

'Promise.'

'I don't wanna hear from Mike you were the last one outta here again,' he shouted over his shoulder as he left.

It was okay for him. Going home was something to look forward to. Something fun. A place where he would play with his daughter and eat dinner with his wife, where they would all laugh and be happy. For her, home was a place where she dreaded going. Where she didn't know if dinner was going to be made and on the table for her, a bunch of flowers in his hand, or if he'd be sat drinking in front of the tv, or if Steve and Damien would be round, smoking in her living room, or if Steve and Damien had already gone home, leaving him angry, and her as punchbag.

If her home was like Derek's home, she was sure she'd be counting down till 6 o'clock too. But instead, by 5, she was searching her desk, drawers, computer files for work to do, paper work to complete. Because even paperwork was better than going home.


	5. Chapter 5

_Thank you for your reviews, they_ _are very much appreciated._

Good morning,' he said, waking his wife with a soft kiss on her neck.

'Morning,' she murmured as she squinted, opening her eyes to see a tray of toast and jam in front of her.

'Happy anniversary,' he grinned as she sat up, leaning in to kiss her.

'Happy anniversary' she laughed against his lips. 'Thank you', she said as she took the tray off him.

'You're very welcome,' he said, pulling her into his arms as she took a bite of toast, the tray resting on her lap.

'I can't believe it's been seven years,'

'Me neither,' he laughed. 'I love you,'

'I love you too,' she said, turning to kiss him.

'I was thinking, why don't the three of us go out for dinner tonight? We never get to do that.'

'That would be nice,' she agreed, 'Hal will love it,'

'Where do you want to go?'

'Piccolinos?'

'Piccolinos. Very fitting.' He nodded. It was where they'd had their first date almost nine years ago, and now they lived in a semi detached, 5 bedroom house four blocks away, him being a hot shot lawyer and her a very in demand fashion buyer.

'Shall I call and make a reservation this morning?'

'Sure,' he smiled, '7?'

'Sevens good by me,' she grinned, continuing to eat her toast with Derek's arms around her.

/ / / / / / /

'Morning,' she said, sitting at her desk.

'And good morning to you Miss Grey,' he grinned.

'Miss Grey?' She laughed, 'seriously what is wrong with you recently and the happy?!'

'I think you mean what is right with me'

'Cringed. I think I just cringed. No I definitely cringed,' she said

'Mock all you want my friend but all you are is jealous'

'Sure,' she said, rolling her eyes.

'It's mine and Hel's anniversary,' he gave by explanation, 'hence the happy'

'Ah, I see,' she smiled. 'Well happy anniversary.'

'Why thank you,'

'Are you going out tonight?'

'Yep, out for dinner with Hal.'

'That should be fun,' she smiled.

'Yeah, it should' he said, turning back to his desk, before quickly turning back round again.

'I've just realised,' he began, her head popping up from her computer.

'You know all about my family, I know nothing about yours.'

'Oh,' she said, attempting a smile.

'Kids?'

'No, God no,' she frowned.

'No?'

'No.'

'Husband? Well, I'm assuming no husband due to the 'Miss' and lack of ring?'

'No husband,' she shook her head,

'Boyfriend?'

Something in her stomach tightened as she replied, 'yep.'

'Boyfriend.'

'Boyfriend.'

'Called?'

'David.'

'David' he nodded, 'you been together long?'

'Six years,' she nodded

'Wow, and still no ring?'

'No ring,' she shrugged, not wanting to draw attention to her love life.

'Do I need to kick the man up the ass to get him to pop the question?' He laughed.

'Oh, no' she attempted to reply casually, 'he... We... No..'

'Oh,' he paused, 'I just thought any guy would be lucky to have you- why hasn't he stuck a ring on it yet?'

'It's just... No... No.'

'No,' Derek repeated softly, realising the way she was playing with her wrists and avoiding his gaze.

'So,' he said, attempting to change the topic of conversation, 'you're in court this afternoon I believe?'

'Oh, yeah,' she nodded, 'just a small case.'

'I might pop down and watch,'

'Seriously?' She said, her eyebrows raised.

'Seriously.'

'Why?'

'Do I have to have a reason to come support a colleague?'

'Yes because it's weird.'

'It's not weird.'

'Derek when have you ever watched me in court? I've been here what- 3 years and you have never ever watched me in court before.'

'But now we're friends. Plus, I'm way ahead on paper work so can afford to sneak out for a couple of hours, it could be fun.'

'Fun? Derek you do realise I'm going there to work?'

'I think I'm aware of how our profession works,' he laughed.

'Fine, come if you want,' she sighed, 'but it's not even a good case.'

'No?'

'No, it's just a-'

'No no no don't tell me,' he said, pretending to cover his ears, 'I like surprises'

'Not this one you won't. It's boring. Bor-ing, Derek.'

'Whatever,' he said, rolling his eyes, 'what time we going?'

'Leaving here at 1:30, starts at 2.'

'I'll be ready,' he said, turning back to his computer.

/ / / / / /

'And I accept the court most strongly to accept the degree of which Miss Dallender is forced to endure almost constant pain, and her desperation to gain some relief from that suffering. With respect, I also remind the court that the defendant has a son of 3, is a conscientious worker who is keen to keep her job to support her child and maintain her independence. Finally, my client would like to apologise for her earlier outburst in this court and assure you she is full of remorse regarding her conduct leading to these convictions. Taking all these factors into account I respectfully submit that the court can extend the account of leniency to her.'

'Thank you Miss Grey, the bench will now retire to consider sentence.'

Mumbling broke out in the court as the judge headed off, while everyone waited for the verdict. Meredith sat herself next to Derek, and sighed.

'Not looking good,'

'Hey I wouldn't say that,' he said, 'to say she's so obviously in the wrong you're doing rather well.'

'Thanks,' she said, hopelessly.

'What's your prediction?'

'2 months,'

'It's possible.' He agreed, 'she won't get any longer after that speech,' he joked. 'But seriously Mer, you've done a good job here, they might let her off.'

'I hope so' she sighed.

Susan Dallender had approached her not long ago, a woman suffering with Multiple-sclerosis in a wheelchair. She was a single mother to a child of 3, who used medicinal cannabis to relieve her pain. Although she was quite obviously breaking the law, her story was heartbreaking. But Meredith doubted that would be enough to get her off.

'Want to get a drink after this?' He said.

'To drown my sorrows?' She said, cynically.

'Not quite what I had in mind,' he chuckled. 'Maybe if we lose, but celebrate, if we win. Which I think we will. And regardless of the outcome at least it will stop you working late for once.'

'Hey I've been working on that,' she said, 'last night I went home at six thirty!'

'Still thirty minutes after you're supposed to,' he laughed.

'Yeah well, you're jealous I'm dedicated,' she concluded

'Whatever,' he said, rolling his eyes as the judge returned.

'And that's my cue,' Meredith sighed, standing up returning to her position.

'Miss Dallender,' the judge began, 'we listened with a great deal of sympathy towards what your advocate had to say, the pain you experience on a daily basis is without doubt excruciatingly painful, extremely wearing and difficult for any of us to even imagine. You also have the stress and practical difficulties of not only holding down a job but also a small child, which is challenging at the best of times. However, we must take into consideration that you have clearly broken the law in order to cope- and it appears you have every intention of continuing to do so. Normally, a custodial sentence of 2 months would be given to you, however, seeing as this is your first offence, the court has decided that no such sentence should be given.'

Meredith's heart was racing, she'd done it.

'Now,' the judge continued, 'on the condition that you find an alternative pain reliever to cannabis, you are free to go. You will be on probation monitoring for 6 months and should we find you using illegal substances again, you will be sentenced. Let the defendant go,' he urged to the officers.

'Thank you your honour,' said Meredith, before heading to Susan, who was in about as much shock as she was.

After Meredith had met with the probation officer and said her goodbye to Susan, she headed out into the courtroom reception, where Derek was waiting.

'I told you,' he grinned as she stopped to get her phone out of her bag.

'You did,'

'Now- a drink to celebrate?'

'Aren't you driving tonight?' She laughed.

'One drink won't hurt,' he shrugged, 'Joes round the corner?'

'Fine, one drink' she agreed

'How does it feel to actually not be in the office at 5 o'clock? Have you ever actually seen this time of day?'

'Ha ha very funny,'

They found a quiet table in Joe's which was surprisingly busy for five in the evening, and a Derek went to order for them both.

'What do you want?' He said, smiling.

'Tequila,' she said, passing him some money.

'No, no. On me,' he insisted.

'Derek,' she sighed, extending her arm again.

'No,' he said, turning round and going to he bar.

When he came back though, he wasn't alone, tall man, at least taller than him anyway, with ash brown hair was by his side.

'Meredith, this is Mark,' he said, placing her drink down on the table, moving it over to her.

'Hey,' she said, looking up. 'Thanks,' she murmured to Derek.

'Hey,' Mark said, a smug look on his face.

'Don't even think about it,' said Derek rolling his eyes, 'she has a boyfriend,'

'Damn it,' laughed Mark. 'Sorry, Meredith,'

'It's okay,' she found herself smiling. He was nice. They were nice.

'So what you drinking?' Mark continued

'Tequila,'

'Ah, tequila girl' he nodded,

'Yep,'

'What you drinking Shep?'

'Scotch,'

'Let me get you guys another one,'

'You literally just saw me bring these over we don't need another yet,' Derek laughed.

'Derek Shepherd are you seriously passing up a free drink?'

'No way if it's coming from you. I think you're playing a gent in front of Meredith,'

'I am not,'

'You so are. Maybe I should bring her more often,' he laughed, looking over at her.

'Another tequila?' Mark said,

'Sure, thanks,' she said, still nursing the one Derek had got her.

'Drink up Shep, another scotch is coming your way.' Mark said, clapping him on the back before heading back to the bar.

'Ignore Mark,' he said, 'he's an ass'

'He seems nice,'

'He's an ass,' Derek repeated, 'my ass of a brother,'

'Brother?'

'Not technically.' He shook his head, 'my mom took him in when we were younger. So he's like my brother, just as much as my sisters are my sisters anyway,'

'How many sisters do you have?' She said, sipping her drink.

'Four.'

'Wow, big family,' she said, surprised.

'Yeah,' he laughed, 'very big, but it's good you know? We're close,'

'So, is Mark a lawyer too?'

'Oh no,' he laughed, 'surgeon. Plastic surgeon actually, works with my sister Nancy at Seattle Grace,'

'A surgeon? Wow,'

'Don't sound too impressed when he comes back- his ego doesn't need any more boosting'

'Oh and like I couldn't say the same about you?' She laughed, properly laughed. He hadn't heard her laugh like that before. She wasn't sure the last time she had laughed like that. It was only a short laugh, but it was a proper laugh.

'What?!' He mocked

'Oh come on,' she giggled, rolling her eyes, 'you have the biggest ego out of everyone I know,' she said it without even thinking. Of course he didn't have the biggest ego out of everyone she knew. But in that moment, David didn't even exist to her, he was forgotten. And so Derek, had the biggest ego.

'I do not!' He laughed

'Okay, Mr hotshot lawyer,'

'Says you- miss hotshot lawyer'

'Derek you and I both know I am not a hotshot lawyer,'

'You're well on your way- that case today, most people wouldn't have been able to get her off,'

'Whatever,'

'It's true!'

'Derek, stop.'

'Why?! What is wrong with you? You literally can't take a compliment'

'Yes I can,' she said, rolling her eyes.

'Go on then- take it,'

'Fine.' She sighed, 'I did good today,' looking into his eyes.

'You did good today,' he repeated.

'Happy now?' She giggled.

'Yes,' he smiled, as Mark came back placing 3 drinks on the table.

'Right Meredith- down it,' he said, pushing her drink to her.

'Really?'

'Really,' said Mark.

'Fine,' she shrugged, taking her tequila shot, and slamming it back on the table.

'Scotch for you Shep,'

'Thanks,'

'So, what brings you two out anyway, thought you lawyers were in the office 24/7?'

'Well- Meredith is. I've only just managed to persuade her out of it,'

'I am not there 24/7!' Meredith protested.

'Oh, okay so what time did you leave last night?'

'That is so irrelevant,'

'And by that she means 8 o'clock,'

'What is it to you if I stay late anyway?' She raised an eyebrow,

'Nothing, but like I said, you're going to overwork yourself,'

'Whatever, anyway Mark, aren't surgeons on call 24/7 or whatever'

'Not me, I'm too good for that shit. I'm an attending, I pick my hours.'

'I don't know what an attending is but it sounds impressive'

'Meredith,' Derek cut in, 'what did I tell you?'

'Sorry, stopping now,' she laughed, sharing a look with Derek as Mark looked clueless.

'What?'

'Nothing,' she giggled.

'Warned her not to boost your ego,' Derek explained.

'Oh fuck off Shep, you love my ego.'

'You wish I loved your ego,'

Derek was losing track of time completely oblivious as to how long he'd been sat there with Mark and Meredith. It had been a while since he'd been out with Mark, every night he wasn't at work he spent with Hallie and Helen. And Helen didn't like drinking with Mark, so he didn't do it that much anymore.

'Anyway,' said Mark, placing another scotch in front of him how's that Hal of yours Shep?'

'Shit' Hallie. He looked at his watch, 6:45. Shit.

'Shit?' Mark laughed.

'I'm meant to be meeting Hel and Hallie in fifteen minutes.' He said, rushing up and putting on his jacket.

'Woah, woah, woah,' Mark said, 'you can't drive after 4 scotches dude,'

'I have to,'

'No you don't. I would say I'll take you but I've had just as many beers, I'll get you a cab,'

'No Mark I need to go now.'

'Okay, okay, come on let's go get one now, I'll get in it and get it to drop you off first. Wanna come Meredith?'

'Oh, sure,'

'Come on then,' Derek snapped, 'we have to go,'

'Chillax bro,' said Mark, as Meredith stood up quickly, following Derek out.

Derek sent a text to Helen, saying he'd meet her there, and once he arrived he found his wife and daughter already sat down with a drink. Shit.

'Hi, I'm so sorry I'm late,' he said, rushing over and taking the seat opposite Helen.

'Jesus Derek, you smell like a brewery,' she frowned.

'What?'

'You stink,' she snapped.

'Daddy!' Hallie interrupted,

'Hey monkey,' he said, kissing her head, ignoring Helens eyes on him.

'Hello sir, can I get you a drink?' Said the waitress,

'Just a water please,' he said, picking up a menu.

'Do you know what you're having Hal?'

'Pizza!'

'Why doesn't that surprise me,' he chuckled, still ignoring the burning eyes of his wife, hoping he could drags the meal on as long as possible to avoid an argument when he got home.


	6. Chapter 6

_Thanks for the reviews guys._

Going for a drink with Derek after work had become routine, and Mark too, when he wasn't at work. He would have a scotch, she would have a tequila, Mark would have a beer. But it was just one, not after Derek was late to his anniversary dinner. It was still good though. At 6pm everyday, they would leave the office together and walk to Joe's, they would stay for an hour, then leave. Which meant she got home at about 7:15, which wasn't as late as she could push it if she stayed at the office, but going to Joe's was good. It made her feel normal, and beat paperwork for sure, hell, it beat anything really. Spending time with Derek and Mark made her feel normal, even if it was just for an hour, and she didn't have to think about work, or home, she could just talk, and listen, to whatever the guys were talking about. And for the first time since she started her job, she actually looked forward to when her hours ended.

'You ready?' Derek said, getting his jacket.

'Yeah just give me two secs,' she said, finishing e document she was working on. 'I literally have two sentences to write and then I'll be ready,'

'O-Kay,' he said, twisting round in his chair.

'You're going to make yourself dizzy,' she laughed, 'I swear you're five,'

'Shut up and write, I need a drink,'

'Almost done,' she said, typing a few more words before logging off her computer.

'Finally,' he rolled his eyes.

'Hey- it's literally 6:02,'

'Exactly- two minutes ago we could have been on our way to Joe's,'

'Come on then,' she said, leading them out.

When they reached Joe's Mark was already waiting with a scotch and tequila on the table.

'Ah, good man,' said Derek

'Thanks Mark,'

'No problem Grey,'

'How much do I owe you?'

'Don't be daft, today's is on me,' he said, raising his beer to his lips.

'How's it been today I'm the office then?'

'Alright,' Derek shrugged.

'Long,' sighed Meredith, 'I have a court hearing tomorrow but the guy came to me today admitting he'd with held information that could work against us,' she rolled her eyes,

'I don't know why they don't just tell me in the first place, that way I have longer to think of a way to get out of it,'

'My question every time,' nodded Derek. 'It gives you good practice though,'

'True,'

'What'd he do anyway?' Said Mark

'Put a guy in hospital, took his ear off,'

'No way,' said Mark, 'not Denny?!'

'Denny Southerland?'

'Yeah, I built him a new ear couple weeks ago,'

'As if,'

'So you're getting the dude who did it off?'

'Supposedly,' she said, 'but today he told me that he's been sleeping with Denny's girlfriend which he denied profusely when that's what the police claimed was his motive,'

'Have fun with that,' said Derek

'Thanks,' she said, no sincerity in her tone, a sarcastic smile on her face, which Derek mirrored.

'Might come watch if I finish early,'

'Can I come?' Piped up Mark

'Why do you want to come?' Quipped Derek.

'Why do _you_ want to go?' Imitated Mark

'I'm a lawyer, court is what we do,'

'Come if you want,' shrugged Meredith

'Seriously?'

'Sure, why not. It finishes early so we could always just come here after?'

'I like you,' said Mark

'Thank you for clarifying that a month into our friendship,'

'You're welcome'

'What time does it start Mer?' Said Derek, sipping his scotch.

'12. All going well it should finish by 2, it's only the penultimate.'

'Hold up what does that mean?' Said Mark

'It means there's another one after it, so we won't get a verdict tomorrow,' Derek rolled his eyes.

'So it's not like "guilty"?'

'Nope,' sighed Meredith, 'that's in another 2 weeks,'

'Cool,'

'Are you off tomorrow?' Derek asked Mark

'Yeah, and Thursday,'

'Alright for some,'

'Yeah well, I always told you you should have followed the surgeon thing through,'

'Wait' said Meredith, 'there was a surgeon thing?'

'Pre-med' nodded Derek

'But you're like, the best, well one of the best lawyers in the country?'

'Exactly. Wasn't cut out for surgery,'

'You keep telling yourself that,' laughed Mark, 'you were like dad, could tell there was something there for you and neuro,'

'Well there wasn't was there because now I'm a lawyer'

'Whatever,'

'I still can't believe you were almost a surgeon,' Meredith breathed. 'My mom was a surgeon'

Crap. Why did she do that? This was dangerous territory and she knew it. There would be questions, lots of questions, and questions were not good. Questions were bad. Especially about her mother- about this.

'Grey...' Said Mark, trying to familiarise himself with the name.

'Holy shit, not Ellis Grey?!'

'Mm-hm,' she nodded, drinking to avoid talking.

'Your mother is Ellis Grey? As in, the Ellis Grey?'

'Yep,' she sighed,

'Holy shit man' repeated Mark

'Calm down Mark Jesus,'

'Derek you don't understand she's like the you of the surgery world. Actually, scrap that- she's bigger than you. She won the Harper Avery, twice.'

'I don't know what that is but I'll pretend to be impressed,'

'She's kinda a huge deal, right Meredith?'

'Right,'

'What's she doing now? She's out of the medical field isn't she?'

'I'm not really sure,' she stuttered, crap. 'I'm... We're not really that close... We erm... I'm not really sure, honestly I don't... I'm not sure,' she said, fidgeting.

'Mer you okay?' She heard Derek's voice quiet, leaning closer to her obviously sensing her anxiety.

'Yeah, yeah,' she said, looking up at him, 'yeah I'm good, I just... Me and my mom... We're not that... It's complicated... It's... Yeah, complicated.' She said, fumbling with her wrists some more.

'Complicated,' he repeated, concerned but in no way prying.

'Yeah, complicated,'

'Any women on the horizon then?' Derek turned to Mark, changing the topic of conversation, and gently placing an arm around Meredith as he did so, but she instantly flinched, pulling away slightly. Derek didn't respond, but shifted his arm from around her to the back of her chair. Crap. Why did she do that? He was Derek. He wouldn't hurt her. She knew that, but she couldn't help it, and now she just looked weird.

'When do I not have women on the horizon?' Mark laughed

'Disgusting, you disgust me,' Derek taunted.

'You're just jealous,' Mark quipped, 'everyone knows married men don't get any,'

'You can say that again,' Derek sighed,

'Seriously? I was only joking,'

'Seriously,'

'How long?'

'3, maybe 4 weeks?'

'Jesus,' laughed Mark, 'me and Mer have it right, don't we Mer?'

'Oh, yeah,' she attempted to smile.

'You okay?' Derek repeated,

'Yeah,' she smiled, 'fine', she looked down, something in his eyes telling her he didn't believe her.

/ / / / /

'Hey, I'm home,' she said, like she said every day, and much to her surprise, he wasn't there. Which was good. She could cook them some dinner, eat her own, plate his up and hopefully he wouldn't be back before she went to bed.

Just as she was putting some pasta in 2 bowls, there was a loud banging at the door. It wasn't him. He wouldn't knock, he had a key.

'Coming,' she called, reaching for her bag and getting out her keys, as the banging continued.

'Jeez,' she said, fumbling with the lock, 'what?' She said, opening the door to Denton.

'Where is he?'

'Dave?'

'No, Patrick fucking Dempsey,' Denton retorted

'No clue,' she shrugged

'Don't give me that shit,' he said, pushing past her, walking into the living room.

'He's not here,' she said calmly, 'I was expecting him to be, but he's not,' she continued as he went through to the kitchen, opening all the drawers then slamming them shut after he'd routed through them.

Shit. This wasn't good, definitely not good. She lingered by the door, keeping it open, letting Denton route through whatever he wanted.

After he'd been through what felt like every room in the house he came back down the stairs and straight out the door, past Meredith.

'You tell him when he's back that I'm looking for him. And I'm not happy,'

'Okay,' she said, closing the door behind him, locking it immediately.

If Denton was after him, he probably wouldn't be back tonight. He'd be staying somewhere Denton wouldn't find him. Which only meant Denton's anger would boil up and something bigger would happen tomorrow, meaning Dave would be pissed when she got home. Great.

She headed back to the kitchen, wanting to eat her dinner before taking a shower, but when she got there she saw both the dishes on the floor against the wall. The tomato sauce dripping down from the point Denton had thrown them at. She hadn't heard him do it, but now she had no dinner. She sighed as she picked up the broken bowls and put them in the bin, picking up the pan and brush to tidy the floor, and a cloth for the wall. There was nothing else left in the fridge, there had been some chicken, and bread. But he'd obviously eaten it, and not bought anything else.

Once she'd cleaned it, she got in the shower, being quick, wanting to get in bed so the hunger didn't hit her. Before she went to bed, she sent him a quick text, informing him Denton was after him. That way at least she wouldn't be accused of keeping things from him, or being 'on someone else's side', or 'fucking Denton'. She sighed, turning out her light, and trying to sleep peacefully while he wasn't there.

On her way to work in the morning, she stopped at Starbucks to get a coffee and a pastry, she was starving. She hadn't eaten since 12 the day before, and even that was only half a salad from what was left in the fridge.

'Someone's hungry,' Derek laughed, gesturing to the two pastries in Meredith's hand.

'Forgot breakfast,' she lied,

'Most important meal of the day,' Derek frowned

'Yes, yes, I know.' She muttered, sitting down, biting into her cinnamon swirl. 'Joe's do food right?'

'Right,' he nodded,

'Forgot my lunch, I will be starving by 2'

'Food sounds good to me, probably Mark too,'

'Good,' she groaned, still eating.

'You ready for today?'

'Yep,' she said, logging onto her computer.

'Good,' he said flatly.

'You okay?' She said, turning her head to him.

'Yeah, good,' he said, unconvincingly.

'You don't sound it,' she carried on, 'you're not all happy happy,'

'Seriously, I'm fine Mer,' he said, 'but I'll be a lot better when I'm at Joe's with you and Mark and a scotch in my hand' he laughed.

Me too, she thought. Me too.


	7. Chapter 7

_Thanks for the reviews guys, I hope this is the start of the action some of you have been waiting for._

Daddy daddy!' Said Hallie, as Derek came downstairs.

'Good morning monkey,' he grinned,

'Why you up so late?' She said, poking him in the stomach with her finger repeatedly.

'It's only nine Hal,' he laughed, 'that's not late,'

'Yes it is, you normally get up at six,'

'Yes, well today is a Saturday, I'm allowed to be lazy.'

'Me and mommy have things to tell you! Important things, so you need to stop being lazy,' she said, grabbing his hand and leading him into the kitchen, where Helen was sat at the table on her phone.

'Morning mommy,' Derek said, getting himself a coffee before sitting next to her and Hallie.

'Morning,' she said, putting her phone down and picking up her own drink.

'Daddy are you ready?' Said Hallie, 'we have important things don't we Mommy?'

'Yes, very important,' Helen nodded.

'Go on then, what are these important things?' Derek smirked.

'You know how it's my birthday next weekend?'

'I may have remembered,' Derek teased, as Helen hit his arm playfully.

'She's serious,'

'Yes daddy, I'm serious. Anyway, it's my birthday and I was going to have my friends round to play and for dinner wasn't I?'

'You were,'

'But the weather man said it's going to be sunny next weekend,' Hallie said excitedly, 'it's never sunny on my birthday,'

Which was true, despite it being at the end of May, Hallie's birthday was always miserable.

'It's not,' Derek agreed.

'But this year it is, he said Sunday 27th May "clear blue skies and sunshine all day", right mommy?'

'Right, he said it's going to be the hottest day of the year so far.'

'So daddy, please please please can we invite my friends and Nana and Grandpa and Grandma and Uncle Mark and Aunt Nancy and Aunt Kath and Aunt Liz and Au-'

'Okay Hal,' he laughed, 'the family?'

'Yes everyone here for a barbecue with hot dogs and burgers and cakes? Please daddy please!'

'Of course monkey, I can ring them all today and ask,'

'Yay!' She beamed, 'you need to get the food then,'

'I will do. You give me and mommy a list of what you want and we will sort it.'

'Thank you daddy,'

'You're welcome,' said a Derek, as there was a knock at the door. 'I'll get it,' he said, heading to the door in his pyjamas.

'Hey man,' said Mark.

'What are you doing here?'

'Not seen Hal all week so thought I'd come and see her before work, I'm not in until 11,'

'Sure,' said Derek, 'come in. Hal! Look who's here!'

'Uncle Mark!' Said Hallie, running and hugging Mark as he picked her up, walking into the kitchen.

'How are my girls?' Mark said, winking at Hallie.

'Good,' she said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

'Daddy can I tell uncle mark about my birthday?'

'Sure,'

'What about the princess' birthday?' Mark asked, bouncing Hallie in his arms.

'I was gonna have all my friends round to play but the weather man said it's going to be sunny! Sunny on my birthday! So you and grandma and everyone can come round with my friends and daddy's gonna do a barbecue aren't you daddy?'

'I am,' Derek grinned.

'And you can bring a girl' Hallie rolled her eyes, 'if you want to,'

'Oh I can can I?' Mark smirked, 'can I bring Mer?' He said, looking at Derek.

'Mark you are aware she's involved' Derek rolled his eyes, 'and she is not interested in you," he added.

'Every woman is interested in me?' Mark joked.

'Whatever,'

'So I can bring her right? As a friend? She's my only out-of-work pal who isn't you,'

'If she wants I guess,' he shrugged.

'Wait who's Mer?' Said Helen, innocently.

'Meredith,' said Mark, as if that would somehow make it clear.

'Meredith...?'

'Grey,' said Mark, confused.

'From work,' added Derek quickly, 'she comes out with me and Mark sometimes,'

'Yeah,' said Mark, eyeing Derek carefully.

'Do you have a crush Mark?' Helen laughed.

'Nah, she's cool, but not my type.'

'I thought your type was any type?'

'Shep when did your wife become so savage?'

'She's right though,'

/ / / / /

'Did Derek ask you about Hal's birthday?' Said Mark, handing Meredith her drink.

'What about her birthday?' Meredith said inquisitively, turning to Derek.

'She's your guest not mine' Derek shrugged to Mark.

'Fine,' Mark groaned. 'Hal's having a birthday barbecue on Sunday at Sheps, wanna come?'

'Oh,' she said, then paused, 'I'd love to but I'm not sure what I'm doing Sunday. Can I check and get back to you?'

'Sure' said Derek, 'it starts at 1pm. We live on Turner Avenue, number 14'

'You'll have to remind me of that,' she giggled.

'I will,' Derek smiled, as Mark's pager went off.

'Damn, sorry guys, gonna have to dart, it's a 911'

'Are you okay to go?' Derek asked, gesturing towards marks beer.

'Yeah, not even drank half a bottle,' he said, taking his coat.

'Bye Mer,'

'Bye Mark,' she smiled.

'So,' said Derek, very suddenly, 'the mom thing,'

'What?'

'The mom thing,' he repeated, 'it's complicated?'

'Oh... Yeah... Complicated'

'What kind of complicated?'

'Derek,' she groaned.

'What?'

'I don't talk about it,'

'You don't talk about it?' He cocked an eyebrow, 'but we're friends,'

'We are friends, but I just don't talk about my mom okay... I just don't...'

'You two don't talk anymore?'

'No,' she sighed.

'I'm not trying to pry Mer, but you're my friend. If you need to talk we can talk.'

'I don't need to talk,' she sighed, 'I haven't seen my mom in like 7 years.'

'Wow, long time,'

'Yep,' she muttered.

'You fall out?' He said carefully.

'Sort of,'

He waited for her to expand, drinking his scotch.

'I... She.. She wanted me to be a surgeon. Follow in her footsteps or whatever all so she could show off that she had a prodigy daughter and so when I dropped pre-Med and picked up law she went mad... And Dave and... She went mad... And so we haven't really spoke since... Apparently I'm wasting my life in an unsuited profession to me...and apparently.. She can't support that... So...Yeah... We don't talk,'

Something in Derek's heart twisted for the poor girl sat opposite him, as she rambled and played with her wrists. His dad had wanted him to be a surgeon too, but he had completely understood when Derek went his own way into law. And Meredith was a good lawyer, in fact a brilliant one to say she'd only been doing it 5 years, and she most certainly wasn't wasting her life.

'You're not wasting your life,' he smiled.

'I know,' she said weakly.

'Good,'

'It's just awkward when people ask... I shouldn't have told Mark,'

'Ignore him if he asks anymore,'

'Oh yeah, because that's possible,'

'Want me to say something?' He asked, sensing there was more to the story than she let on.

'No, no... No, Derek, no it's fine'

'You know, you say things are fine a lot when they're obviously not,'

'No I dont,'

'Yes you do,' he laughed, 'you shouldn't though, you can tell me if you're not,'

'I will,' she nodded,

'Seriously?'

'Seriously, I will.'

'Good. I'm always here,'

'I know,' she smiled warmly.

'Good,'

/ / / / /

'I think someone's here Hal,'

'I'll go get it!' Shouted the little girl in her favourite pink dress and white sandals, opening the door to her Aunt and Uncle.

'Hi Aunt Nancy, Uncle Peter!'

'Hello Hallie, happy birthday,'

'Thank you uncle Peter,' she said, hugging them both, 'where are Jake and Tom?'

'They're coming, they were walking very slow,' laughed Nancy,

'Okay,' sighed Hallie, 'come in, you're the first people here. Daddy will get you a drink,'

'Will he now?' Said Derek, appearing into the hallway. 'Hey Nance, Pete. Where are the boys?'

'They're following on behind us, had a spat about something,'

They reached the kitchen and Derek made them both drinks and poured soda for the boys. He and Helen had spent the night before filling the kitchen with balloons, banners and bunting, and this morning they'd opened the big french windows which led to their garden. The weather man was right, today was certainly the hottest day of the year so far, Helen had put out big jugs of iced lemonade and crisps on the table, and Derek's barbecue was set up on the patio.

Everyone was there now mostly, just Derek's sister Amelia and Mark left to arrive. Helens parents were there, Nancy, Kath, Liz, the kids and his mom were all there, and five of Hallie's friends.

'Daddy where Aunt Amelia and Uncle Mark?'

'I don't know Hal, but they won't be long, it's only half past,'

'But I'm hungry,'

'I know monkey. I'll start the food now, I'm sure they'll be here soon,'

'Okay,' she smiled, 'I want the biggest burger daddy,'

'It is your birthday, I think you deserve the biggest burger,' he winked, just as the door went.

'I'll go get it!' She screamed,

'Go, it might be Aunt Amelia or Uncle Mark,'

'Going,' she giggled, opening the door to Mark, 'uncle Mark!'

'Hey Hal,' he smiled, a big present in his hands.

'Is that for me?'

'It most certainly is,' he grinned placing it in her arms and kissing her on the cheek.

'Think you Uncle Mark,'

'You're welcome,' he beamed, as Hallie led him outside.

'Shep,' Mark nodded by way of greeting.

'Hey man,' Derek said, turning a burger as Helen passed Mark a can.

'Need any help?'

'Turn the hot dogs,' he said, flinging him some tongues.

'Yes sir,'

'Mer not with you?'

'Said she'd meet me here, was expecting her to be here before I was really,'

'She knows the address right?'

'Yep,'

'Maybe she's just running late,' Derek shrugged, 'you don't think we should have invited Dave do you?'

'Dunno, I mean Hallie doesn't know them so it might be weird.'

'True,'

'Amy not here?'

Derek shook his head, 'Hal's going to be so upset,'

'You can't make her show up man, it's her own choice,'

'I know but, I just wish she would, for Hal you know?'

'Yeah.' Mark said, understandingly. 'For all the kids, but I guess it is what it is.'

'I just wish she'd talk to one of us,'

'Me too,' sighed Mark, as there was another knock at the door.

'Mommy!' Said Hallie in the kitchen,

'Go answer the door monkey, I think that might be aunt Amelia,' Helen grinned, to be honest, she was surprised Amelia had showed up. They hadn't seen her in over a year, and even then she always bailed. Having no brothers or sisters herself, Helen valued the family Derek had given their daughter.

'Your not aunt Amy,' frowned Hallie, confused.

'Oh... No... I'm not... I'm... I'm Meredith,'

'Is that for me?' Said Hallie, her eyes lighting up at the pink gift bag in Merediths hand.

'It is.' She smiled, 'I believe you're five today?'

'Yes I am.' Hallie replied, taking the bag off Meredith, 'do you want some food Meredith? Daddy's barbecuing,'

'That would be real nice,' she smiled, 'I'm friends with your Daddy and Mark,'

'Oh,' said Hallie, stopping as she led Meredith into the kitchen, 'you're the girl uncle Mark's bringing?'

'Oh... Er, I guess,' she shrugged

'Come on Meredith,' Hallie continued, grabbing her hand and leading her into the kitchen.

'Oh,' said Helen, surprised, 'that's not Aunt Amelia, Hal,'

'I know,' the five year old rolled her eyes, 'it's Meredith,'

'Oh, hi Meredith,' Helen smiled slightly, eyeing the sweater she was wearing over a blouse, and jeans.

'Hi,' she smiled, 'I hope it's okay for me to be here, Derek and Mark said it was okay, but I get if its not. This is a... Family.. Thing... So yeah, I get it if it's not,'

'Don't be daft,' said Mrs Shepherd, 'if my sons invited you, they obviously want you here,'

Meredith smiled weakly, glancing at Derek's mom who was sat at the kitchen table with two older people, who she presumed were Helens parents.

'You want some lemonade Meredith?' Said Hallie, shoving a glass in Merediths hand,

'Oh, thank you Hallie,' she said, 'do you know where your daddy and uncle mark are?'

'Yeah, follow me Meredith,' she grinned, leading Meredith outside into their big garden, full of people. Adults and kids.

'Uncle Mark your girlfriend is here,'

'Woah,' Mark laughed, 'she's not my girlfriend Hal.'

'But she's a girl? And your friend?'

'That doesn't mean she's my girlfriend,' he laughed 'she's just my friend who's a girl,'

'Oh,' she said, turning to Meredith, 'so you don't like my uncle Mark?'

'No,' she giggled, 'well, yes, but I don't like him like him,'

'Oh,'

'Oh?'

'So you're just his friend?'

'Yes, and your daddy too,' she said, smiling at Derek.

'Daddy doesn't have any friends who are girls,'

'Well I guess he does now,' she laughed.

'Hallie do you want to go and tell everybody that the foods going to be ready in a minute,'

'Okay,' she grinned, running off.

'Hey Mer,' Derek grinned,

'Hey,' she said, 'she's cute'

'She is,'

'How's the barbecue going?'

'Good,' he said, glancing at Mark, 'have my sous chef in line,'

'Oh good,' she giggled, as Nancy and Liz came up behind her.

'Hallie says the foods nearly ready,' Nancy gestured to Derek, before turning to Meredith and extending her arm, 'Dr. Nancy Neilson,' she said, shaking Merediths hand.

'Oh, er Meredith... Meredith Grey,' she said, shaking the woman's hand.

'Liz Taylor,' Liz smiled.

'Hi,'

'So you are?' Said Nancy, raising her eyebrows.

'Friend. Derek's friend,'

'Oh thanks,' said Mark.

'Marks too,' she corrected herself, laughing.

'Nice to meet you,' said Liz, 'how come we've never seen you before?'

'Oh, er-'

'Why would you ever see my work friend?' Derek interrupted

'Well I don't know Derek,' said Nancy, 'if you wanted to keep her from us why is she at Hallie's birthday?'

'Because we invited her. Hallie said Mark could invite someone, he invited Mer,'

'Alright Derek, I wasn't being pissy, Liz was only asking a question,' Nancy snorted, 'if she's close enough to be at your daughters birthday it's natural to want to know why this is the first time we've met her,'

'Well this is the first appropriate even to invite her to,' Derek shrugged. 'Anyway, leave her alone she's our friend. And the only woman we can stand so don't corrupt her,' to which Meredith giggled. She looked so cute when she giggled.

'Corrupt her? Jesus Derek who do you think we are?' Nancy continued

'My sisters. And I know what you're like, leave Mer alone,'

'Ignore him,' Liz rolled her eyes, 'so you work with Derek?'

'Yes,' Meredith nodded,

'I work with Mark,' Nancy explained,

'Oh, so you're a surgeon?'

'Yes, OB'

'That's so cool,' Meredith smiled, 'what do you do Liz?'

'Nurse,' she smiled, 'we're all Medicaid apart from Derek,'

'Speaking of which,' said Mark, 'you'll never guess who Meredith's mom is,'

Derek instantly saw the way Meredith tensed and looked down at her glass of lemonade and fumbled with her sleeves. Sleeves. Damn she must be sweltering, the heat was insane today. He was in his khaki shorts and short sleeved t shirt, his sunglasses and flip flops on. And she was in jeans, blouse and sweater, her hair in a low pony tail.

'Who?' Said Nany

'Guess,' smirked Mark

'Grey...' Pondered Nancy, 'Grey... Hm... Grey... No way!'

'Yes way. The Ellis Grey,'

'What am I missing?' Said Liz

'She is like the Marilyn Monroe of the surgery world,' Nancy explained, 'but that doesn't do her enough justice, she's the Ellis Grey of the surgery world. She won the Harper Avery, twice,'

'Twice?!'

'Twice,' said Nancy and Mark together.

'Guys, foods ready,' Derek cut in, 'can you get everyone else and ask Hel to come help?'

'One sec Der,' said Nancy, 'so where is she now Meredith? She hasn't written anything in like 4 years and she left Grace, what 8 years ago now?'

'Nine I think,' said Meredith, 'erm I don't really think she's doing much,' she shrugged, 'not 100% sure though.'

'Guys,' Derek repeated, wanting to save her, 'food. Helen. Please.'

'Fine Der,' Nancy rolled her eyes, 'but me and you will continue this later,' she turned to Meredith before walking off with Liz to find Helen.

'Mark will you go get the plates from the kitchen?'

'Sure man,'

After Mark had left, Derek looked up at Meredith, 'you okay?'

'Yeah,' she nodded, 'thanks,'

'It's okay, sorry if they're a bit... Full on,'

'It's okay,' she smiled.

'You want a burger? Hotdog?'

'Burger please,' she said, as Mark came back with plates, followed by Hallie and her friends.

'What does the birthday girl want?' Said Derek, as his daughter came up to them, holding the plate Mark gave her.

'The biggest burger daddy!'

'Okay, well we need Mommy with the burger buns first,' he said, just as Helen came out with them 'and here we go,'

'You want a burger Hal?' Said Helen, putting a bun on her daughters plate.

'Yes please Mommy,'

'There you go,' said Derek, putting a burger on her bun, 'cheese and ketchup is in the kitchen,'

'Thank you daddy, love you' she grinned before walking carefully into the kitchen.

There was suddenly a queue of kids in front of Derek for food, as he played up burgers and sausages, before sneaking one to her.

'Don't tell Nancy you queue jumped,'

'Thank you,' she giggled, 'I won't,'

'Good, you'll get me in trouble,' he winked.

Once he'd served everyone, Derek took himself a burger and went to stand with Meredith and Mark.

'Hey guys,'

'Hey, man, want me to go get you a drink?'

'No it's okay I'll get one,'

'No, no, I'll go,' Mark insisted, 'you've been cooking,' he smirked, walking into the kitchen to get Derek a drink.

'I think that is the first time he's done something genuinely nice,' Derek laughed, 'you okay?'

'Yes, Derek,' she rolled her eyes, 'I'm fine,'

'Just checking,'

'Honestly, I'm fine.' She nodded, 'but thank you for before,' she added quietly.

'No problem,' he smiled, 'you must be boiling?'

'What?'

'You, boiling' he repeated, gesturing to her sweater.

'Oh, no, not really,' she said quickly, 'it's warm but I'm comfortable,'

'Mer Yule wearing a long sleeved sweater and blouse in this heat,' he laughed, 'look- I'm sweating' he said, raiding his armpits to reveal sweat patches, 'and I'm in shorts and a t Shirt,'

'You have just been stood at a barbecue for an hour,' she said, defensively.

'True. Honestly Mer, I'm sure Helen has a vest or something you can borrow?'

'No, Derek,'

'Honestly! Want me to go ask her?'

'No. I'm fine,'

'Meredith,' he sighed.

'Derek.'

'You will pass out soon,'

'Yeah well I can't stay much longer anyway,'

'What?'

'I have to go soon,' she sighed, moving some hair out of her face.

'Mer I don't understand?'

'Derek, I'm not wearing your wife's clothes, it's weird.'

'Okay, fine,' he said, 'but I don't get why you're leaving all pissed when all I tried to do was give you a freaking top,'

'I'm not all pissy, Derek. I have somewhere to be,'

'Fine,' he sighed.

'I appreciate the offer of your wife's vest,' she said, 'but I'm fine.'

'You're obviously not,' he muttered.

'Excuse me?'

'Mer you're pale as a sheet, you're seriously going to pass out.'

'Derek, just leave it' she pleaded.

'Fine, you pass out then,'

'Don't be ridiculous,'

'I'm not,' he said, as Mark came back with his beer.

'Woah, woah, woah. Feels like I'm in the presence of an old married couple.' He laughed, to which he got not much response. 'Guys, what's going on?'

'Nothing,' Meredith shook her head, 'I was just leaving,'

'What? You only just got here!'

'Sorry, I have a thing,'

'Well, have fun at your thing,' Mark smiled.

'Thanks, see you later. Bye Derek,'

'Bye,' he sighed, as Meredith went back into the house.

'What's her thing man?'

Derek shrugged, 'no idea,'

That night in bed, Derek lay awake. Thinking about his strange conversation with Meredith, he racked and racked his brains and just could not understand why she was so defensive over her clothes. All he had done was offer her a vest and she practically bit his head off then left. He also couldn't understand why she was wearing a sweater in such heat. Maybe it was for her thing. Which she hadn't mentioned until then. He sighed, as he felt Helen roll over next to him. Why would she be so adamant on wearing a sweater in summer? Did she have something to hide or something?

Shit. She had something to hide.

She was wearing long sleeves in the middle of summer. She was hiding her arms. Derek's heart was suddenly racing and he sat up. Surely not. When he thought about it, he didn't really know that much about Meredith. I mean, he knew her very well as a person. But her past, even her family he didn't know much, just that she didn't speak to her mom. He didn't know anything about Dave. But the more he thought, the more he realised she never brought him up, he was only ever mentioned when someone else brought him up. And she never expanded on anything about him. Literally all Derek knew was that her boyfriend was called Dave and they'd been together 6 years. That was it, that was all he knew. And now Meredith was hiding her arms.

Holy shit, the more he really thought about it, she never took her jacket off in the office. Which was weird. She always sat with her skirt suit on, and never took her blazer off. He couldn't actually recall a time he had seen her bare arms.

Maybe he was just overthinking it. Maybe it was all in his head. Surely she couldn't be a lawyer and be being abused? But as he sat there next to Helens sleeping body, all he could think about was Meredith. And if she was okay. All he wanted to do was see her, and make sure she was alright. He considered ringing her, but as he glanced at the clock it was 2:42 am. He didn't really think she'd appreciate a call right now. And he wasn't sure what he would say anyway. I mean, how do you even ask someone if they're being abused? He took a drink from the glass of water next to his bed and tried to lie back down again. But his mind was wide awake. And as Helen stirred and draped an arm over him, in that moment, he wished more than anything that she was Meredith.


	8. Chapter 8

_Hi guys, thak you for your reviews, I love reading what you guys think and your ideas as to where this is going. I guess this where it really starts, so I hope you enjoy._

'you must be boiling?' Her heart stopped.

'What?'

'You, boiling'

'Oh, no, not really,' she lied, 'it's warm but I'm comfortable,'

'Mer Youre wearing a long sleeved sweater and blouse in this heat,' he laughed, 'look- I'm sweating' he said, raising his armpits to reveal sweat patches, 'and I'm in shorts and a t Shirt,'

'You have just been stood at a barbecue for an hour,' she couldn't think of what else to say. She was boiling. But she couldn't exactly have gone to Derek's house in a summer dress with bruises all up her left arm could she.

'True. Honestly Mer, I'm sure Helen has a vest or something you can borrow?'

'No, Derek,' why wouldn't he just drop it already.

'Honestly! Want me to go ask her?'

'No. I'm fine,'

'Meredith,' he sighed.

'Derek.'

'You will pass out soon,'

'Yeah well I can't stay much longer anyway,' it was getting far too awkward for her to cope with. Derek was in her case about her sleeves and he was supposed to be saving her from Nancy's mom questions, but instead he was making things worse.

'What?'

'I have to go soon,' which wasn't really a lie. She had intended on staying a bit longer, but she'd told him she'd only gone to get her car serviced, so she couldn't exactly have stayed all day anyway.

'Mer I don't understand?'

'Derek, I'm not wearing your wife's clothes, it's weird.'

'Okay, fine, but I don't get why you're leaving all pissed when all I tried to do was give you a freaking top,'

'I'm not all pissy, Derek. I have somewhere to be,' she didn't want to have this argument with him. She liked Derek. She really really liked Derek and he was the only thing that made her feel normal, and was the only thing that made her feel safe. But she couldn't stay, not now.

'Fine,' he sighed. And she heard the disappointment in his voice.

'I appreciate the offer of your wife's vest, but I'm fine.'

'You're obviously not,' he muttered.

'Excuse me?'

'Mer you're pale as a sheet, you're seriously going to pass out.'

'Derek, just leave it' she pleaded, she couldn't do this. Not now. Not here. Derek couldn't know. Derek made her feel normal and safe she couldn't have Derek looking at her as if she was some freak whose boyfriend chucked her about. She wanted Derek to like her, and treat her normally, he was the only friend she had. And she couldn't lose him.

'Fine, you pass out then,'

'Don't be ridiculous,'

'I'm not,' he said, as Mark came back with his beer.

'Woah, woah, woah. Feels like I'm in the presence of an old married couple.' He laughed, to which he got not much response. 'Guys, what's going on?'

'Nothing,' Meredith shook her head, 'I was just leaving,'

'What? You only just got here!'

'Sorry, I have a thing,' A thing. Good one Meredith.

'Well, have fun at your thing,' Mark smiled.

'Thanks, see you later. Bye Derek,'

'Bye,' she heard him sigh as she walked away.

'Hi Meredith,' smiled Hallie.

'Oh, hi sweetie.'

'You having fun?'

'I am,' she grinned, 'but I'm afraid I have to go home now,'

'Oh, okay. Well thank you for coming Meredith and thank you for my present,'

'You're welcome,' she laughed, 'thank you for inviting me,'

'No problem. Where you gotta go?'

'Hallie,' Meredith heard Helen cut in, 'stop being nosey. Sorry,' she said, turning to Meredith.

'Oh it's okay,' Meredith laughed, 'nowhere exciting, just boring grown up things,'

'Boring grown up things suck,'

'Yes they do,' Meredith agreed, before turning to Helen, 'thank you for having me,'

'Oh it's no bother,' the blond woman smiled. 'It's nice Derek has a friend besides Mark,'

'They're inseparable,' nodded Meredith.

'At least they have a woman now to keep them in line,'

'Yeah,' smiled Meredith awkwardly.

'Meredith are you leaving?' She heard Nancy call as she came into the kitchen.

'Yeah,'

'Damn it,' she sighed, 'I was looking forward to the insight on Ellis Grey,'

'Sorry,' she laughed nervously, 'maybe next time?' Hoping there wouldn't be a next time.

'Definitely. Well it was nice meeting you,'

'You too,' she smiled.

'You must come over again soon, I am so glad Derek actually has a friend other than Mark,'

'Exactly what I said,' laughed Helen.

'We need to hold onto her,' Nancy laughed.

'Oh dear are you leaving?' Said Mrs Shepherd, coming up behind her.

'Yeah, I have a thing to get to. But today was really nice.'

'Aw that's a shame sweetheart. It was lovely to meet you. And even better to know that Derek has a friend other than Mark,'

'Why does everyone keep saying that?' She laughed.

'Because we know Derek and Mark,' Nancy rolled her eyes. 'Anyway, don't let us keep you. Get off to your thing,'

'Yes, my thing,' she nodded, 'well thank you again. Bye guys, bye Hallie!'

'Bye Meredith,'

She turned the lock in the door, expecting him not to be in, his car wasn't outside. Derek was right, she did feel like she was going to pass out in the heat. She wanted a shower and her thing pyjamas. But when she got inside, she heard a glass smash against the wall. Great.

'Hey?' She said cautiously.

'Oh there you are! There you are only an hour too late!'

'Dave?' She frowned as he threw another glass against the wall, it looked like the fifth to her from the pile of shards on the floor.

'Do you have any idea how many times I've tried to call you?'

'I was... Driving...' She mumbled quickly, pulling out her phone to see 18 missed calls. Crap.

'Yeah well, while you were out Denton stole my fucking car. And guess what? Because you decided to go and get yours serviced I was stuck without one.'

'Oh,'

'Oh indeed, Meredith,' he said, walking towards her with another glass in his hand.

'Why did he take it?' To which Dave didn't reply, just kept staring at her. 'The car I mean, why did he take it? Denton, why did he take it?'

'Does it matter why he took it?' He said patronisingly. 'It's gone.'

'It's gone,' she repeated and slowly took a step back as he put the glass down on the table.

'Yes, it's gone and I had no way to fucking get to him because you took the car,'

She gulped as he got close to her face.

'And in my opinion, that was very inconsiderate of you. Wasn't it Meredith?'

She couldn't look him in the eye. She kept her gaze down at the floor, trying not to let him see that she was shaking.

'I said. Wasn't it Meredith?' He said, tightly grabbing her wrist and pushing her arm against the wall.

'Yes,' she breathed.

'And there's no place for being inconsiderate in a relationship, is there? Is there?!'

'No,' she said quietly shaking her head.

'Then I guess we'll just have to beat it out of you won't we? To make sure nothing like this happens again?'

/ / / / /

She went into the office, seeing Derek was already at his desk, she kept her head down and went to her seat.

'Hey,' she said tentatively, not sure if he'd still be pissed at her.

'Hey,' he said warmly. Quietly, but warmly. 'You're late,'

'Only by five minutes,'

'I wanted to see you,' he said, 'say sorry for yesterday,'

'Derek it's fine. I'm the one who should be sorry at you, I snapped, and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry. Really sorry,'

'It's okay,' he said reassuringly. 'Do you want to grab some lunch later?'

'Sure,' she smiled, just happy that he wasn't being awkward with her.

'The place with the pizza?'

'The place with the pizza,' she grinned.

He didn't say anything back, he just continued to smile. It was a weird smile. Not a happy smile, if that's in any way possible. Still a smile, just a weird one.

'You got meetings today?'

'Only one after lunch,' he said. Still smiling. 'You?'

'Nope, meeting free. I have four tomorrow though, then I'm in court with Lisa on Wednesday,'

'Erugh, as if you have Lisa,' he grimaced. 'You should come to court with me,'

'I'm not sure it works that way,' she laughed, 'anyway, if everyone got to choose their mentor I, pretty sure my whole grade would be coming to court with you,'

'You have a point' he laughed, as Mike came into the office.

'Guys I hate to bring this up again but how many times do I have to tell you to stick to your designated parking slot,' he sighed.

'What?' Said Tom a few desks down.

'There's overflow again,'

'Well I'm in my spot,' Tom grumbled.

'Me too,' said Jake.

'Me three,' shrugged Derek, winking at Meredith.

'Awful joke,' she laughed quietly.

'Yes well, if everyone would just stick to the rule please,' said Mike. 'Or we might have to start a vehicle check list or something, like license plates or something,'

'Don't you think that's a little excessive?' Derek frowned.

'See if you think that when our wealthy clients, very wealthy clients Derek have nowhere to park.'

Derek shrugged and turned back to his computer.

'Please just sort it by tomorrow guys,' Mike sighed heading out.

'Lunch work for you at 12:30?'

'12:30 is perfect.' She smiled back at him before turning to her own computer.

The warm weather was still here and Meredith was extremely hot in the office. With 20 people and 20 computers the room felt like a sauna. She had a thin, long sleeved black jumper on and her black suit skirt, her black blazer on too. She took her blazer off and pulled her sleeves right onto her ands, self conscious of not only the bruises on her left arm, but now her right arm too, and both her wrists, from where he'd grabbed them last night. To be fair, last night could have been worse. He could have known where she really was, that would have been really bad, so much worse than thinking she'd just taken the car out. But now he had her car. Because Denton took his, so he took hers. And Denton took his because he'd fucked him over in some drug deal or something, she wasn't really listening. She tried not to listen to what was going on. It was a joke right, a successful lawyer with some drug dealer person whatever he actually was. She didn't actually know the details of what he did, all she knew was that one week he was rich, the next he had Denton on his heels and was asking her for cash. But it was easier just to not ask questions, to not know.

She felt really bad about the day before, for snapping at Derek. She knew he was only being nice, he was oblivious. But that was the whole problem. He was oblivious and she couldn't deal with him asking about her sleeves when he was oblivious. He was her friend and she didn't want him to know. To look at her differently. Because the way he looked at her was amazing. He had sparkly eyes or whatever. When they laughed together he looked at her in a way no-one had ever looked at her before. And she didn't want to screw that up. Even if she was stuck with David forever, she needed lunches with Derek. Just to keep her sane.

'You ready?' He smiled.

'Oh yeah,' she said, looking up and getting her blazer.

'Lets go lets go,'

'You are so weird'

'Well that was just cruel,' he pouted.

'Oh shut up you love me,'

'Whatever,'

'So, what are you going to have?'

'Pepperoni,'

'Pepperoni,' he laughed, 'how did I guess?'

'Hey,' she hit his arm playfully, 'it's my favourite,'

'So I have gathered from you ordering it every single time we go. Why don't you branch out and try something different?'

'Why what are you going to have Mr Cesar salad? Let me guess- a Cesar salad?'

'Well that was just rude,'

'You know it's true,' she giggled.

'Okay fine. Have your pepperoni pizza,'

'Just so you can have your Cesar salad,' she rolled her eyes, as he opened the door of the restaurant to her.

'Damn you saw right through me,' he grinned.

'Table for two?'

'Yes, please,' said Derek as the waitress proceeded to lead them to a table.

'Is this one okay sir?'

'Erm, do you mind if we have that one in the corner?' Pointing to a secluded table away from the busy ones in the main body of the room.

'Derek,' she hissed.

'Of course sir,'

'What?' He turned to Meredith.

'Why are you being awkward?'

'I'm not,' he laughed, 'just want some privacy.'

'Privacy,' she echoed, as the waitress pulled out a chair for her and handed them each a menu as they sat down.

'Can I get you guys a drink while you browse the menu?'

'Diet coke please,' said Meredith.

'Still water for me please,' said Derek, 'we actually know what we're having already,' he laughed, handing her the menus back.

'Oh, okay. What can I get for you?'

'A chicken Cesar salad and a pepperoni pizza please,'

'No problem,'

'Thank you,' smiled Meredith.

'So, Hallie loved the lunch box you got her,'

'She did?' Meredith grinned. 'I didn't really know what to get her, then Mark said she started kindergarten in September so I thought she could use it. And you know, for picnics and stuff, I mean, you said you took her on a picnic not long ago, so I thought a lunchbox would be good, for picnics and... Stuff.'

Derek did nothing but grin at her, with the sparkly eyes.

'What?'

'Just you,' he continued to grin, 'you're cute when you ramble.'

'I was rambling again?'

'You were rambling again,' he nodded, as their waitress came back with their drinks.

'Diet coke?'

'That's me please,'

'And a water,' she said, placing it in front of Derek. 'Can I get you anything else wile you wait for your food?'

'No thank you,' smiled Derek, 'we're good,'

'So,' he continued, once the dark haired waitress had gone to another table.

'How was your thing yesterday?'

'My thing? Oh, yeah, my thing,' she nodded, 'my thing was good,'

'Good,'

'Did Hallie enjoy the rest of her party?'

'Yeah, she did. But stop changing the subject,'

'What?' She laughed nervously. 'I'm not changing the subject.'

'Yes you are,'

'Am not,'

'Yes you are,' he laughed.

'Derek,' she sighed, 'please, can we not?'

'Why?' He said, suddenly looking her right in the eye, pleading in his eyes.

'Because, my thing, is something I don't want to talk about,'

'Why?' He repeated.

'Because.' She said, looking down and pulling her sleeves down to her fingers, which didn't go unnoticed by Derek who was now staring at her hands.

'Meredith,' he said softly, 'that's not an answer,'

'Yes, it is, okay?' She said quickly.

'Was Dave at this thing?'

'That's none of your business,'

'Mer please,' he said, 'look at me. Just look,'

'Derek,' she sighed.

'Your thing doesn't exist does it,'

'Derek seriously,'

'Does it?' He repeated. Softly, yet something about it firm.

'Derek, can we drop it?' She sighed, still not looking up, but she could feel Derek's eyes on her, and she could tell that they weren't sparkling anymore, which was what she'd been scared of all along.

'You left my daughters party after I offered you a shirt.'

'Derek,' she cut him off.

'You left my daughters party after I offered you a shirt,' he repeated. 'A shirt which I offered you because you were overheating in a sweater and jeans and looked like you were going to pass out. And you got pissed at me. Pissed at me for trying to do a nice thing. You never take your blazer off in the office-'

'Dere-'

'I know you took it off today, but that's like the first time ever, okay. And even then you had a freaking sweater on. And you ramble, and you're cute, and you're very very quiet about your personal life. Hell, you could probably tell me a whole host of things about Helen and Hal, yet I couldn't tell you a single thing about Dave. Apart from the fact he's called Dave. And I've never seen your bare arms. Or legs actually. Which isn't that odd... But the bare arm things is odd. It's odd Mer. You wear sweaters all the time. In the three years you've been in that office you've never not worn a sweater and it's weird.'

She felt her stomach turning. This was literally her worst nightmare. Derek was suspicious and she had no way to put him off, because he was right. It was weird. It was weird that she always wore long sleeves even in the height of summer. And that she never talked about him. She was supposed to love him for Christ's sake and she hadn't told anyone anything about him except his name. It was weird, Derek was right.

'And you flinch every time I go near you Mer,' he said softly.

She didn't know what to say, so just continued to stare at her fingers which were still fumbling with her sleeves.

'And I'm not saying that it means what I think it means,' he sighed, 'but you're my friend, Meredith. And I just want to know that you're okay, and I want to know what it does mean.'

She looks up at him sheepishly, expecting him to be all judgey and condescending; but he looked adorable. Concerned, and soft, as safe, with big puppy dog eyes. She wanted to lie to him, do what she'd done with everybody else who'd ever passed comment on her home life and play it off like it was nothing. But she couldn't, not when he was looking at her like that.

She sighed, looking down again.

'Der, you have... You have to promise me something,'

'Anything,' he smiled.

'You... I... Okay...I... You can't tell anyone okay. You can't tell anyone anything and by anyone I mean anyone... Mark... Helen... Whatever... You just can't okay... Stays between us or whatever... Friends,'

'Friends,' he nodded.

She suddeny felt her stomach drop and tears sting her eyes as she opened her mouth but no words came out. What was she supposed to say?

 _Yes, I wear long sleeves to hide my purple arms._

 _Yes, I don't talk about Dave because I hate him. And I'm scared of him. And he hits me when he's mad, and he's mad all the time._

 _Yes, I flinch when you touch me because I'm only ever used to being hurt when I'm touched._

 _Yes, I made up a thing so I could escape your kids party and your questions because I feel totally and utterly helpless. And it's pretty hard to come up with an excuse as to why you'd rather pass out than wear a vest._

She shook her head, not knowing what to say to him. This was Derek. She didn't want Derek to know.

'Mer, please don't cry,' he whispered gently.

'I'm not,' she said, a tear slipping down her cheek which she very quickly wiped away. 'I'm not,'

'You're not,' he nodded.

'Sorry,' she murmured.

'Don't. Don't be sorry, okay?'

His voice was so soft, as was his gaze, which was abruptly torn from hers when their food arrived.

'A pepperoni pizza?' To which Meredith smiled.

'And your Cesar salad sir,'

'Thanks,' Derek nodded.

'This looks good,' Meredith mumbled as the waitress left.

'Mer,' he gently prodded.

She kept looking down. What could she say? She couldn't say it. Like, she physically could not say it. She tried. She opened her mouth, but it wouldn't come out.

'Does...' He took a deep breath, 'does this mean what I think it means'

She nodded, her eyes filling with tears, her mouth wobbling, still looking down, not breathing a word.

'Mer,' he whispered. 'Oh god Mer. I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry.'

She shook her head, 'don't,' she managed, 'don't feel sorry for me please Derek,' she looked up at him, a stream of silent tears flowing down her face.

'Mer,' he whispered again, reaching to wipe away her tears, some make up coming off in the process, revealing a dark purple underneath her foundation.

'Mer, your face,' he whispered.

'Crap,' she cried quietly, reaching in her bag for her compact mirror. 'Crap,' she repeated, seeing the dark patch where Derek's finger had been, getting out her foundation to cover it up.

'Mer, I... I don't know what to say,'

'Me neither,' she admitted quietly. 'But you can't tell anyone Derek,' she pleaded. 'You can't,'

'Hey, hey, shhhh, I won't,' his hand going to gently rest on her forearm. 'Is this... Is this okay?'

'Yeah,' she murmured, 'I don't have any there. They're further up on that arm, they're all over my right,'

'Mer,' he breathed. 'Is it... Is it him?'

She nodded weakly, more tears flying down her face.

'Oh Mer,'

'Don't leave me Derek,'

'What?'

'You, Mark,' she managed between small sobs, 'you're the only thing that make me feel normal,'

'Oh Mer you couldn't get rid of me if you tried,'

'Oh,' she sniffled, surprise in her voice.

'Mer,' he said, his hand gently running over her hair, 'I want to help, okay? That's what friends do, and I'm you're friend. I'm you're friend Mer I'm not going to leave you,'

'Okay,' she nodded, 'okay,' another tear slipping down her cheek.


	9. Chapter 9

_Hi guyssss, here we go I hope you enjoy! Thank you so much for the reviews I love to know what you guys think when you're resding and whether or not you're liking what I'm doing, so please continue to share your thoughts with me._

'Mer,' he said, his hand gently running over her hair, 'I want to help, okay? That's what friends do, and I'm you're friend. I'm you're friend Mer I'm not going to leave you,'

'Okay,' she nodded, 'okay,' another tear slipping down her cheek. His heart broke as he watched her. He had his suspicions but it surprisingly didn't make it any easier to take in. He had been hoping he was wrong, that she had a weird skin condition or something that she didn't want people to see. Not that he was wishing her dermatology problems or anything. But seeing her here, crying over her pizza he had never felt so helpless. He had never seen her so vulnerable. Well, he'd never seen any body so vulnerable. She was so tiny and so quiet, and so well mannered, the thought of someone hurting her made Derek's eyes sting. He didn't really know what to do to help her. Because he was scared that anything he did would make it worse for her.

'Okay,' he nodded, 'Mer I'm sorry for upsetting you,' he whispered.

'It's... It's okay,' she murmured.

'No, it's not Mer,' he said, 'I shouldn't have done it here, like this,'

'Let's face is there's not really a good way to do this Derek,' she half laughed half sobbed, and so he laughed, trying to make her feel better.

'You're right,'

'I often am,'

'There's my girl,' to which she rolled her eyes as she dabbed her nose with her napkin.

'So,' he said quietly.

'So,' she said, taking a very small bit of her pizza.

'Where do we go from here?'

She almost choked on her pizza, 'what?'

'Well what do we do now?'

'No, Derek... No... Nothing... Nothing happens now... You can't... No... You said you wouldn't tell... No, Derek..'

'Okay, okay, breathe for me Mer, breathe,' he murmured, resting his hand gently on hers.

'You can't Derek,' she whispered shaking her head.

'Mer, I want to help,'

'And you not doing anything would be a great help,'

'Mer,' he whispered, 'I know you're scared, I do,' as he caught her eye. 'But I can't let you go through this Mer,'

'Derek there's nothing you can do,'

'You've said yourself on several occasions that I am the best lawyer in the state,' he said, proudly.

'No, Derek,' she said again, exasperated.

'Okay, okay,'

'Please,' she pleaded, 'just leave it,'

'Mer, you just told me that you're a victim of domestic abuse, I can't just leave it,'

'Don't say it like that,' she said.

'Why not? That's what it is Mer,'

'He just gets... Angry, it's okay'

'Meredith he hits you and he scares you. There is nothing okay about that,'

'Please Derek, you can't,' another tear dripping down her cheek.

Derek sighed, 'okay,' squeezing her hand slightly. 'Okay,'

'Thank you,' she whispered, 'I don't think I'm very hungry,'

'Is this actually Meredith Grey? Because Meredith Grey never turns down food'

'Shut up,' she laughed.

'No rush to eat it now Mer, we can leave it and ask them to heat it up again in a while.'

'Have you forgotten that our lunch hour does only last an hour?'

'Clues in the name, duh,'

'Seriously Derek, I don't want it,' she pushed her plate away slightly.

'Mer take your time, I'm not letting you go back to work like this anyway,'

'What?'

'Mer you can't work you're too upset,'

'Oh so what else am I going to do? Go home?'

'Okay... I'm sorry, I didn't think of it like that,' he muttered. 'We could just stay here?'

'No Derek, I'm going back to work,'

'Meredith,' he sighed.

'It's not like I don't do it every other day,'

'But every other day you're not crying into your pizza,'

'No, but I'm crying myself to sleep at night,' she countered, her voice wavering. 'I've been dealing with this my way for 5 years Derek. Don't tell me what to do. Work works for me okay,'

'Okay,' he nodded. As much as he disagreed, she had a point, she knew her situation and how to handle it.

'Promise me one thing, Mer,'

'What?'

'You tell me,' he said quietly.

'What?'

'Talk to me, tell me everything. Please,'

'I can't Derek,'

'Look if you're not going to let me do anything at least let me be there for you Mer,'

'Fine,' she sighed, 'but you have to promise me something too.'

'Anything,'

'No judging,'

'Like I would ever judge you Mer,'

'I'm just saying,'

'Fine. No judging.'

'I... Thanks Derek,'

'Meredith you do not thank me okay. I haven't done anything.'

'You've done more than anyone else,'

'That's because no one knows, I'm telling you, if people knew you'd have an army on your side Mer,'

'Oh, what like everyone else in the office who totally talk to me, my super supportive mother and my loving boyfriend' she replied sarcastically.

'Mer,' he sighed, 'there are plenty of people who care about you,'

'Besides you and Mark?'

'Okay... Fine. But Im sure you have friends who would all be there for you too,'

'Not anymore,'

'No?'

'Well when you can't go out anywhere and can't invite people home your friends kind of lose interest,'

He nodded, suddenly appreciating the magnitude of her situation. It was like another world. You heard about battered wives constantly in the media but Derek had never seen it in reality and it was truly shocking. He didn't want her to go home, to be put in danger. And it wasn't even purely physical, she was clearly socially and psychologically scarred too, and it broke his heart.

'Me and Mark will never lose interest Mer,'

'You say that now,' she sighed cynically.

'Meredith, please, believe in me okay. I'm not going to let you down, you are not in this alone,'

'Sorry, I know... I know you're being nice, it's just a lot to tell somebody... And I'm sorry,'

'Like I said, nothing to be sorry about,' he said, his hand moving gently to her chin. 'Okay?'

'Okay.'

'Do you want to stay here a little longer or head back To work, take your mind off it? I know this, has been intense.'

'Five more minutes,' she sniffed, 'then can we go back?'

'Of course we can,' his hand moving to gently outline her jaw.

Derek couldn't concentrate. He could not concentrate on the files in front of him at all. Not when Meredith was sat 20 feet away, her arms masked by her blazer sleeves. He couldn't help but stare at them, wonder what was underneath them. Just to stop his mind whirring into a frenzy. How could Meredith be being hit? She was a lawyer for Christ's sake. She held her own in a courtroom and defended guilty people, yet she was so scared by her boyfriend to defend her innocent self. He couldn't help but wonder what he was like, Dave. If he was tall, if he was short. He assumed tall so he could tower over Meredith, he also assumed stocky, and dark haired, maybe an odd tattoo on his upper right arm or something. A smoker, drinker, with a deep, gruff voice. How Meredith got involved with him in the first place was still a mystery to him. She was a smart girl surely she wouldn't be stupid enough to get involved with a psycho? Damn it was all so complicated and he just could not concentrate. He found himself staring at her every 2 minutes, as she worked and worked and worked, not looking up from her computer once. Work was her distraction. Now he knew why she spent so much time there, why she worked so many extra hours. All the times he had pushed her to go home, all the times he'd been counting down until 6 so he could see Hallie, damn he felt like an ass. Before, he'd been sat in his meeting and honestly? He had no clue what even happened, he was another world away.

When it reached six o'clock, he didn't want to leave. He didn't want to leave until she did, which he knew would be really late. At eight thirty, they were the only 2 people left in the office, not a word said between them since returning from lunch. He didn't want to upset her anymore.

'Times up guys' said an older, rough looking woman holding a Hoover in her arm.

'Sorry,' muttered Derek, logging off. 'Well go now.'

To which the woman rolled her eyes, walking to plug the Hoover in as another woman came with bin bags in her hands.

'Hi Meredith,' she greeted.

'Oh, hi Joan,' she said, logging off.

'Familiar with the cleaners now?' He cocked an eyebrow.

'When you stay late you get to know people,' she shrugged.

'You ready?' He said, gently pressing a hand to her back.

'Yeah,' she sighed, trying her best to ignore his pity.

'Please, will you text me when you're home?'

'What?'

'I need to know you're safe Mer,'

'No Derek,'

'Meredith please,'

'Derek,' she shook her head, 'it's not that I don't want to okay? It's just, I can't,'

'You can't,' he sighed.

'He checks my phone Der,' she breathed, not being able to look at him, slowing her pace as they walked down the stairs.

'Oh,'

'I would,' she said, suddenly looking him in the eye as they reached reception on the ground floor.

'You would,' he repeated.

'Derek, please, please don't let this ruin our friendship okay? You... You make me normal, okay? You're the only thing that's safe,' she mumbled.

'I won't, Mer,' he said, pulling her into a tight hug, and he felt his neck get slightly wet as a tear fell from her eye, her head resting on his shoulder.

'It's going to be okay,' he whispered, pulling back slightly.

'I hope so.' She said, quickly wiping her eyes.

'I promise,' he said, cupping her face softly.

'I should go,' she said, turning slightly.

'Okay,' he nodded, 'wait? Aren't you parked out back?'

'Oh... No... I'm walking today,'

'Walking today?'

'It's a long story, Derek,'

'Long story?'

'He has my car.'

'Doesn't he have his own car?'

'Yes, well no, well yes he technically does but no not right now...It... was stolen. But it's complicated. So he has my car,'

'Let me take you home,'

'Derek,'

'What?'

'This isn't you doing nothing,' she sighed.

'Mer I promise, I can drop you a few blocks away he won't even know, please.'

'Derek,'

'Please, Meredith.'

'Fine. But this once only.'

/ / / / /

Derek walked into the quiet house, hanging up his jacket. There was absolutely no noise apart from the faint mumble of the tv in the living room where he assumed Helen was. Dropping Meredith off had been really strange. For some reason he expected it to be really dingy, and rough, and scary. But it wasn't, the area was very pleasant and the houses were all really big, with large gardens and trees outside and all sorts, not what he thought it would be like at all. He didn't want to let her go, when it was time for her to get out, he didn't want to let her go. He hadn't thought about anything but her on the way home, and already couldn't wait to get to work in the morning and see her again. Just so he knew she was okay. Well, she obviously wasn't okay. But, at least he knew she was safe.

'Hey,' he said quietly, walking into the living room.

'Oh,' Helen mumbled from the sofa, 'hi.'

'Hal in bed?'

'Well yes, considering its 9:30 and she is only 5 Derek,'

'Sorry,' he breathed.

'Yeah well, she managed to read her whole book today Derek. She wanted to read it to you before she went to bed,'

'Damn,' Derek sighed, 'sorry,'

'It's not me you should be apologising to, Derek.'

'Did she read it to you?'

'Yes. About a thousand times. Your mother too.'

'Shit,'

'Which was lovely having your own mother round when you didn't show,'

'Hel, I'm sorry okay, something came up,'

'Something always comes up Derek,'

'Well that's not true. I got really good at coming home on time,'

'Oh yeah for a couple of months,' she rolled her eyes. 'You've been a lawyer for 14 years Derek, and I think out of those I've spent about 4 with you,'

'Hey,' he quipped, 'that's not fair,'

'Don't raise your voice you'll wake Hal,'

'Helen I'm trying okay? Do you have any idea how much work I have to do, how much I have to work my ass off to keep us in this house?'

'What are you saying about my job?'

'Nothing! I'm saying, I understand that you have to work a lot, but so do I. Have I ever complained about you going to Europe? No.'

'Derek you didn't even send a text message to say you were working late,'

'Well where else would I have been?'

'I don't know,' she shrugged. 'Joe's with Mark and Meredith?'

'Helen do you seriously think I would stay out with Mark and Mer all night without calling?'

'I don't know,'

'I'm done with this,' he sighed, walking into the kitchen to find some left overs on a plate. He put them in the microwave and set himself a place at the table. Once he'd done, he walked back through the living room.

'Night,' he said.

'Night.'

He walked up the stairs and went into Hallie's pink bedroom on the way to his own. He found his little girl sleeping with Mr Ted, her favourite teddy with obviously a very original name. Leaning down he placed a kiss on her forehead.

'Love you monkey,' he whispered, before gently shutting he door behind him.

When Helen came to bed almost an hour later, Derek barely even noticed. His mind was too transfixed on Meredith. He wondered what she was doing right now. She said in the car that she often just went to sleep as soon as she could. So she was probably sleeping, like he should be.

'Der?' He heard Helen whisper.

'Hm?'

'Sorry,'

He sighed as she got in next to him, pressing her body against his. 'Me too.'

'Love you,'

'Love you too,' he said, as he heard her breathing slow.

She said he went through her phone, which meant she couldn't text very many people. Especially since she said she didn't have many friends. It explained why she didn't text Mark to say she'd be late to Hallie's party. All these little things seemed to add up now, and it was weird. He felt like an ass for not noticing sooner, but it seemed Meredith had disguising it down to a fine art. He lay awake all night, not being able to shut his eyes for more than a second without images of a man hitting her, or her crying with a black eye out of his head. He felt like he was going crazy.


	10. Chapter 10

_Hi guys! Thank you for reading and all your reviews. As some of you have guessedDave is involved I'm some dodgy shit... He is a money launderer but works closely with the drug ring who's money he cleans, hence all the gang culture and stealing of his car. We are really close to discovering why Meredith is in this situation and just the kind of things that have happened to her behind loses doors for the last 6 years. I hope you enjoy, and are excited for what will soon be revealed._

 _(quite a long note, I'm sorry.)_

Where have you been?'

'Derek I'm six minutes late,'

'Exactly,'

'Derek it's only been two weeks and you are driving me crazy you need to relax'

'How can I relax when I never know if you're late because of traffic or if Davey boy got angry this morning,'

'Derek,' she hissed.

'Mer, there's no one else here yet,'

'Yes well they will be and you need to shut up,'

'You haven't answered my question.'

'Well it wasn't traffic and he wasn't angry this morning,' she stated, 'he got angry last night and took the car, so I was late because I was walking, okay?'

'He got angry last night?'

'Yes, is that not what I just said,'

'Mer,'

'Derek we'll talk about it later okay.'

'I'm not sure how much longer I can take all of this,'

'Excuse me?'

'Like you said, it's only been two weeks and I'm driving myself crazy, Mer. I'm not sure how much longer I can take it.'

' _You're_ driving yourself crazy?! Are you joking Derek?'

'No,' he said defensively.

'You're not sure how much longer _you_ can take it? Well, if you want to trade places that would be fine with me,' she snapped.

'Mer you know I didn't mean it like that,'

'Derek you seriously need to let this whole thing go. I did fine before, you're not my knight in shining whatever,'

'You weren't fine before,' he said, as their coworkers Jacob and Sam walked into the office closely followed by Tom and Jake.

'Hey Derek,'

'Hey Shep,'

'Hey guys,' he said, before turning back to Meredith. 'We need to talk at lunch,'

'Derek we talk every lunch,'

'Yes well, this ones important,'

'Derek,' she sighed, tilting her head to the side.

'Meredith,' he sighed back, doing the same.

'Stop making fun of me,' she tried to say with a straight face.

'I'm not,' he laughed.

'You are,'

'Meredith Elizabeth Grey I am not making fun of you,'

'The full name?' She giggled. 'Really?'

'Maybe,'

'How do you even know my middle name I swear I never told it you,'

'Maybe you'll find out at lunch,'

'Why what's happening at lunch?' Said Mike, walking into the office.

'Nothing,' Derek shrugged, 'just some Cesar salad and pepperoni pizza,' he winked at Meredith.

'Not today it's not,'

'Why not?' Derek frowned.

'Taylor Manson from JLW headquarters is coming and wants a meeting, and this office is my most impressive, and so you lucky six will all be joining me in conference room 2 from 11 till 2.'

'Great,' sighed Jacob as Tom rolled his eyes.

Meredith had to admit being in an office full of men was quite funny, a,though they didn't bother with her that much they were far less bitchy than the women in her first office. She'd been moved only 3 months into her job when she was the most advanced in her grade and there weren't enough desks for everyone and their senior Liz. So Meredith was moved, and it was funny. They didn't talk to her but their lazy asses made her laugh.

'Is Taylor the one with the BO?' Jake said.

'Jeez I hope not,' laughed Derek.

'No,' sighed Mike. 'Taylor does not have BO, that's Simon.'

'So is Taylor the one with the lisp?'

'Yes he is Tom,' realised Derek.

'Okay no commenting on the lisp,' Mike rolled his eyes. 'You guys are meant to be the Creme de la creme of the Seattle branch do not embarrass me here,'

'You mean Derek's the Creme de la Creme,' snorted Jacob. 'The rest of us are just walmart's own easy pour,'

Meredith giggled as Derek shot her a cocky look.

'Yeah we all know why this office was chosen,' Sam rolled his eyes.

'As I said,' sighed Mike, 'collectively you are the most impressive,'

'In other words Derek's a fucking God,'

'Tom, can we not with the language when we have a headquarter manager coming in soon,'

'Sorry boss,' said Tom, turning to his computer.

'So if you could all meet at 11, that would be great.' Said Mike, 'oh and if you could All go and sort your cars out like I have been asking for weeks _please_ that would be even better,' before turning and leaving the office.

'So,' he said, turning straight back to Meredith. 'Joe's after work?'

'Yes but only one,'

'We only ever have one.'

'Well yes but you're on about all this important talk stuff,'

'Don't worry. I can be concise.' He said winking. 'Quality words over quantity,'

'You are such an ass,' she giggled.

'Well that's just rude.'

'but true,'

'Rude, again,'

'True Derek,'

'Whatever,'

'Annoying that we have to go to this meeting, I have so much paperwork to do,' she sighed.

'We can stay here for a bit before Joe's?'

'I don't know,'

'Or we could come in early in the morning to do it,'

'I'd rather stay later than come in earlier,'

'Oh, okay, well we can stay late tomorrow? I have two full days in court Thursday Friday so will need to get all my paperwork done tomorrow anyway,'

'Sure,'

'I look forward to it. I'll bring snacks,'

'Snacks? Really Derek?' She giggled, raising an eyebrow.

'I like to keep you satisfied,' he winked.

'With food?'

'Of course with food,' he rolled his eyes. 'You eat enough of it for how tiny you are,'

'What can I say I was blessed with a fast metabolism.'

'You should still eat healthy,'

'Oh here we go, health nut Derek on his soap box,'

'What?' He laughed.

'Let me guess poor Hallie doesn't have any candy or chocolate in the house does she?'

'Okay, that's not the point,' he laughed.

'Cruel father,'

'She gets enough from her grandparents she doesn't need anymore from me.'

'Poor kid. I should have filled that lunchbox with candy,'

'Erm, no you shouldn't,'

'Whatever,' she giggled.

He loved when she giggled. She looked so happy and so cute, and her nose crinkled in a really adorable way. Her hair was down today in really loose waves, which he assumed was her natural hair. She wore a grey skirt and jacket with a light blue jumper which really brought out her eyes, and it was so simple yet she looked so beautiful. Wait. He couldn't be thinking about Meredith looking beautiful. He was married. He was married and he was happy. He was married and he was happy and he definitely couldn't be thinking about Meredith looking beautiful. But she did. She looked beautiful without trying. And she belonged to some idiot who treated her like shit. He would never treat her that way. He would never treat Helen that way, he'd never treat anyone that way. But how he could treat Meredith that way was beyond him. She was just so... Meredith. She was cute and she was funny and she was shy and she was clever and she was just amazing.

When it got to 11 and the office cleared out to conference room 2, he saved her a seat.

'Hey, want a coffee?' He said.

'Sure, thanks,'

'No problem.'

He returned with her drink and sat down.

'Are you not having one?'

'No,' he shrugged, 'got some water.'

'I didn't realise, you didn't have to just get me one.'

'It's fine,'

'Derek stop,'

'With what?'

'The sparkly eye thing,'

'The sparkly eye thing?' He cocked an eyebrow.

'Yes the sparkly eye thing which means that you're charming me into letting you buy me a coffee?'

'Well is it working?' He grinned, to which he was interrupted by Mike and Taylor.

'Taylor, this is my team from office 6,'

'Hi,' said the rather plump man. 'I look forward to speaking to you all today.'

'Yeah, we have Tom, Jake, Jacob, Sam, Meredith and of course Derek,'

'Hi Derek,' the man nodded, 'and everyone else.'

'Everyone else,' Derek mumbled to Meredith, winking, to which she rolled her eyes.

The meeting was boring. Very boring. The only thing which made it bearable were Derek's facial expressions and comments, which she had no clue how he got away with being the most prestigious lawyer in the state. But he did. And he kept doing the sparkly eye thing. Which was annoying, because she couldn't resist his sparkly eyes. They were just so sparkly. Which sounded stupid. But when he brought out the sparkly eyes she felt like she was the only person in the world. Which, again, sounded stupid. Especially because he had a wife, and so she most certainly wasn't the only person in his world. But he was just so lovely, he was just so Dereky. He would make light in situations to make her laugh because he knew she needed it and that just made her heart swell. Because no-one had ever done that for her before. Made her happy when she was down, or cheered her up when she needed it. But Derek did. And she liked him, maybe a little more than she should.

When it reached six o clock, she didn't even realise. But Derek was stood over her desk, his jacket on ready to go. He always looked so smart in his suit. Stop Meredith. Don't think like that. He has a wife. He. Has. A. Wife. Still, even with a wife, it didn't make him look any less attractive.

'Ready?' He said with a cheeky grin on his face.

'Yep, just let me log off,'

'Always keeping me waiting,'

'Shut up,'

'How dare you tell a senior colleague to shut up'

'You love it really,' she countered.

'Oh I do do I?' He laughed.

'Of course you do,' she pouted.

'Of course I do,' he repeated, as she stood up and picked up her briefcase.

'Joe's?'

'Joe's,' he nodded. 'After you, ladies first,'

When they got to Joe's Mark was already sat at their usual table, with a stunning red head wearing very sophisticated clothes.

'Who's marks new chick?' She whispered to Derek.

'No idea,' he admitted, just as Mark saw them and waved them over.

'Hi guys!'

'Hey,' smiled Meredith, sitting down.

'This is Addison,' he smiled, 'Addie this is my brother Derek and our friend Meredith,'

'Hi,'

'Hi,' said Derek, 'can I get you a drink? I'm getting myself and Mer one,' his arm around the back of Merediths chair.

'Sure, a white wine thank you,'

'No problem. Mark will you come help carry them?'

'Sure man,'

'Der,' said Meredith, handing him a note.

'On me,' he said, 'put it away,' again, with the sparkly eyes.

'Dude what are you doing here?' Said Derek as he and Mark walked to the bar.

'What do you mean?'

'I really need to talk to Mer, alone.'

'Alone?' Said Mark, lowering his voice. 'Is there something going on between you two?'

'No of course there's not,' he shook his head. 'But I do really need to talk to her, so you and "Addie" being here, not the best timing.'

'Chill man it's cool, well move,'

'Thanks,' he breathed.

'A white wine, tequila, scotch and a beer please,' Derek waved to a bartender.

'So, how are Hel and Hal?'

'Good,' he nodded. 'You know, the usual.'

'The usual being no sex?' Mark smirked.

'Ha ha very funny,' Derek rolled his eyes, 'no, she's off to Milan tomorrow. Something about fashion week or...something, I don't know'

'Hel's going to fashion week?'

'Well I don't know if she's actually going or if it's meetings about it or what,'

'You need to start listening man. Hot chicks at fashion week,'

Derek rolled his eyes.

'So you got Hal?'

'Yep,'

'Want me to have her one night? I'm sure she'd love it.'

'Lifesaver,' laughed Derek, giving the bartender $20. 'Keep the change,'

'Anyway,' said Derek, as they headed back to the table. 'How did Addie come about,'

'From work, she's new. An OB actually, works with Nance,'

'You like her?'

'Maybe,' he shrugged.

'You do,' Derek teased. 'You like her!'

'Okay, so I like her. So you can't embarrass me okay?'

'My lips are sealed,' he smiled, placing their drinks down.

'You girls okay?' Said Mark.

'Yeah, Meredith was just saying she's met Nancy,'

'Oh yeah at Sheps house,'

'She's nice,' nodded Meredith.

'Anyway, me and Addie would like some privacy,' announced Mark. 'So we're just gonna go over there,'

'We are?'

'Yeah,' said Mark shooting her a look and gently taking her arm, 'let's go.'

'He likes her,' laughed Derek.

'She's nice.' Giggled Meredith.

'Good,' he breathed.

'So,' she said, looking into his sparkly eyes. 'What was all this important talk you were going on about?'

Derek took a deep breath and placed his briefcase on the table.

'You're not gonna like it but please just hear me out,' he sighed. 'Please,'

'O-Kay,'

'Mer, I can't just sit here and pretend like nothing's happening to you-'

'Derek'

'Mer please, just hear me out,' to which she nodded unconvincingly.

'Fine,'

'I think I can help you. Like, really help you. You heard them in that meeting today gushing about my 100% success rate in 8 years, that's the 3rd highest in the whole country Mer, and I've had the most cases in that time so technically I have the highest success rate in the whole of America. And I really, really think I could help you if you let me in. Obviously for nothing, but look,' he said, getting out a diagram from his briefcase.

'We can fill in a timeline of events and log every assault with dates and pictures of the recent ones and any that happen before court and can build a really really strong case.'

She looked at his sheets which had timeline dates on them and different headings such as 'Meredith and Dave backstory' and 'Meredith's financial situation' on them, and as mad as she was at him, she was overwhelmed with the effort he had gone to. He'd obviously spent a lot of time thinking it through.

'Mer and I'm not just saying this. I want to help you, more than anything but this case it's good. I'm not just taking it on because you're you or whatever, I genuinely think we could win. If you tell me everything I can help you win and get him sent down,'

'Der,' she sighed. 'I'm grateful, honestly I am and it's so sweet that you want to help me but... You just don't understand Der. I can't.'

'Mer, you can' he said, reaching across the table to her hand. 'Please let me help you.'

'Derek,' she shook her head. 'I can't. Okay? I told you in confidence now can we please drop it?'

'No.'

'Why not?'

'Because you still haven't told me why he got angry last night.'

'Der,' she sighed.

'Der me all you want but I'm not going to stop. I care, Meredith.'

'I know you do Derek, and you have no idea how much it means to me that you care, that you want to help. But you just can't okay?'

'Fine,' he mumbled quietly.

'Der, please, don't be mad at me.' She whispered, squeezing his hand.

'Mer, I'm not mad at you,' he said, looking up. 'I just want to help you.'

'I know you do,' she tried to smile as tears stung her eyes. 'Because you're you. And you're Derek. And you're amazing. But it's complicated Der, really complicated. There's stuff... Bad stuff. And if he finds out I have a lawyer, then it's not just me who's in danger anymore, Derek.'

'What?' He frowned.

'He's involved in stuff Der, like really bad, bad stuff. And if I get him into shit and you help me, then he'll want both of us, Der. Not just me. And I can't do that to you okay. It's just easier this way,'

'I don't care,'

'What?'

'I don't care what he does to me Mer. I care what he does to you.'

'Derek,'

'Think about it.'

'Der-'

'Just think about it.'

'I don't need to.'

'Mer please,'

'Der, can we stop and just enjoy our drinks?'

'Promise you'll think about it.'

She pouted and held out her pinky to him. 'I'll think, but I already know my answer,'

/ / / / /

'Where the fuck have you been?'

'What?' She said, taking her jacket off and hanging her bag up.

'It's 8 o'clock Meredith,'

'Yeah?'

'Yeah? Is that all you've got to say?'

'I'm only late because I walked,'

'Well I'm hungry?'

'Sorry, I'll start dinner.'

'I've been sat here since 5pm fucking starving waiting for you to come home,'

'Sorry, what do you want?'

'Well there's no need now, I ordered take out,'

'Oh, thanks,' she said, surprised.

'Not for you' he snorted, 'and you owe me twenty bucks,'

'What... What for?'

'The dinner that you failed to make me.'

'Oh, sure,' she said, reaching for her purse and handing him a twenty.

'Sorry,' she mumbled. 'So, how was your day?'

'Good,'

'Good.'

'Denton spoke to Macca and got us a bigger turf,'

'Cool,' she breathed, walking through to the kitchen.

She looked in the fridge and pulled out some mince to make spaghetti. As she was cooking, he came into the kitchen, and put a hand on her back as he got a beer. She felt sick inside. His hands gripped her hips as she was stirring her pasta, he pressed a soft kiss to her neck, which she thought was supposed to be gentle but actually was just sickening. His hot breath made her want to cry, and she felt his growing excitement pressing into her butt.

'You know,' he said, kissing her neck again. 'A bigger turf will be amazing for us babe,'

Babe. She wanted to die.

'Dent thinks it will give us another seventy grand a week,' he kissed her again.

'New house maybe, new bags, new clothes, new cars, shit we could be millionaires.'

'That's exciting,' she whispered, trying to sound enthusiastic.

'And the best part is, if it all goes tits up its Dent that's gonna get the shit,'

'Yeah,' she laughed weakly.

'Our money will be clean,'

'Mmm hmm,'

He kissed her neck more violently this time, rocking his hips into her. She wanted to be anywhere else. Sex was not enjoyable at all with him, even when he wasn't being violent. She'd rather be celibate than have to fuck him. Or have him fuck her more like. She honestly can't remember the last time she came. Well, apart from pleasuring herself. He never, ever made her come. And he didn't even care. Not that it surprised her at all.

His phone buzzed.

'Who's that?'

'Who cares?' He said, this time turning her round and kissing her, pressing her into the stove.

His phone continually buzzed, he pulled away, irritated.

'Fuck,' he snarled.

'What's up?' She said, stirring her now boiling spaghetti.

'Fuck,' he grunted louder.

'Is everything okay?'

'Fucking hell,' he seethed. 'We've lost it,'

'What?'

'The fucking turf what else?!'

'Oh,'

'Macca told Dent we had it but Steve's just said he's given it D'Orio, and Dentons in with them on the sly, so he'll still get it.'

'Oh,'

'Will you fucking say something more than "oh"?!'

'Oh... I erm...'

'You don't give a shit that our lively hood is going down the drain, do you Meredith? While you sit at your desk all day playing judge Judy I'm out in the real world trying to keep us in this house. And you don't give a shit!'

'Dave-' she stuttered.

'Don't Dave me,' he said, walking towards her, pressing her against the stove again.

'Sorry, sorr-'

'Shut. Up.' He breathed, yanking her arm and shoving her hand in the pan of boiling water.

'Ow' she winced, trying to hide her pain.

'Oh, I'm sorry,' he said holding it in there. 'Does that hurt?'

She looked down, as he lifted her chin to make her look him in the eye.

'How about now?' He said, slapping her across the face with his other hand. 'If you were in pain before it must be excruciating now. Or have you got a high pain threshold?'

/ / / / /

In the morning, Derek looked around the office it was half past and she wasn't there. She was half an hour late.

'Mike, has Meredith rang in sick?'

'No,'

'Has anyone seen her?' He said, glancing round the office.

'No,' said Tom.

'I swear I saw her car in the lot,' said Sam.

'Seriously?'

'Yeah, the pale blue one right?'

'The jeep?'

'Yeah, swear it's out back.'

'Cheers man, I have to find her,' he said, turning to Mike. 'I'll be quick.'

He ran down the stairs, confused as to where Meredith was. He raced to the parking lot, and there was her car. He walked over, surely she wasn't still inside it?

'Mer?' He said as he got closer, and peered into the passenger window. There she was, just sat behind the wheel.

'Mer?' He repeated, banging this time.

'Oh,' she said, unlocking the doors. 'Derek, hi,' she mumbled.

'Hey,' he breathed, as she looked down.

'What you doing out here?'

'Thinking,'

'Thinking?'

'Thinking,' she sighed, placing her burnt and blistered right hand in his lap. 'I'm in.'


	11. Chapter 11

_Hi guys sorry for the delay I've been so busy the last couple of days! Thank you for all of your reads and reviews._

'Mer,' Derek stumbled. It was the only thing he could say in response to the inflamed, blistered hand in his lap. Her delicate fingers were still red, and her soft skin covered in marks. As happy as he was that she'd agreed, his whole attention was drawn to her hand which was just heartbreaking. He wasn't even sure he wanted to know what happened. He instinctively brushed it softly with his thumb.

'I... Sorry... If that hurts I can stop,'

'It's okay.' She sniffed. 'It hurts, but it's okay.'

'Mer... What even?' He took her hand gently in his. 'Are you okay? That's... That's a stupid question I know.'

'Yeah. I mean no I'm not okay, but yeah I'm okay. I'm not exactly great but I'm okay, Derek.'

'We need to get this checked out.' He breathed.

'I can't Derek.'

'Please,' he said, his eyes pleading at her. 'Please, Mer.'

'Fine.' She sighed. 'But you have to come,'

'Of course, like I would let you go alone anyway. We can go to Grace, Mark can look at it.'

'No.'

'No? Mer, Mark will take care of it for you.'

'Mark can't know Derek.'

'We don't have to tell him.'

'And say what?'

'Nancy, we could ask Nancy to look. Or get one of her residents or interns or something?'

'No, Derek. I don't want anyone else to know. Only you, okay? Can we please just go to Mercy West, go in get it cleaned or whatever and get out?'

'Sure. If that's what you want, then sure.'

'I can't go in there, Derek.' She said, looking up at the office building.

'We don't have to,' he breathed, wanting to squeeze her hand, but not doing for obvious reasons.

'Okay.'

'I'll go in, say you're not feeling well, and that I don't think you should be driving, so I'll take you home. Okay?'

'Okay,' she nodded.

'Shall we go in my car? I don't know if you should be driving with that hand.'

'Sure,' she said.

'Okay, wait here, I'll go and tell them I'm going out.' Gently dropping her hand.

She watched as he made his way back into he building, racing up the stairs. She couldn't believe she was letting him do this, that she was actually going to do this. But she trusted Derek. He was safe. And if she was ever going to get out of this mess, he was her best bet. When he held her hand, it made her feel like it was all going to be okay. The way he was so gentle with her was such a contrast from what she was used to. She'd never let anyone besides Dave touch her as much as Derek did, not that he touched her particularly often, he had a wife.

Derek ran up the stairs, reaching the office out of breath.

'Alright Shep?' Tom laughed.

'Er, yeah.' He sighed. 'where's Mike?'

'Gone to conference room 4.'

'Damn,'

'Damn?'

'Do you have any meetings this morning?'

'Yeah one in fifteen minutes conference room one.' Said Tom, confused.

'Damn,' Derek repeated. 'Sam, what about you? Meetings this morning?'

'One at 9.'

'Damn.'

'Sorry man.'

'Seriously what's up Shep?' Said Tom.

'I'm free this morning Shep.' Said Jacob from his computer. 'What's up?'

'Lifesaver! I'm so sorry to ask Jacob, but Merediths really not well outside and I don't think she should be driving so I'm going to take her home. Please can you cover my meeting with a guy called Gerard Allingan? It's the first one so there's no paperwork to catch up on. As long as you feed me back and tell him I'm so sorry I couldn't make it and give 10% off this first consultation.'

'Sure, but you owe me man.'

'No problem. Thanks Jacob, thanks.'

'No problem. What's up with Mer anyway?'

'Oh, er migraine. Blinding. She threw up in the car and is awfully lightheaded I think she might pass out.'

'Damn.' Said Tom. 'Tell her we hope she's okay.'

'Yeah.' Echoed Sam. 'Get her some food too.'

'Yeah I will.'

'Tell her to call us if she needs anything.' Added Tom.

'Will do, thanks guys.' Said Derek, before rushing back out of the office.

When he reached her car, he went to her side and opened the door.

'Ready?'

'Hmmm,'

'Mer,' he said, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. 'It's going to be fine. I promise. I won't let anything happen.' He smiled weakly at her.

'Okay.' She sighed, taking his hand as she hopped out of the car.

'Did you get out okay?'

'Yeah, Jacobs going to cover my meeting.' He said, leading her to his car, the keys in his hands.

'Good.' She breathed.

'They all said they hope you're better soon.'

'Oh, that's nice.' She said, sitting in the passenger seat.

'And they wanted to help.' He said, looking her in the eye before putting he key in ignition.

'They care, Mer. And they would want to help you too.'

'Derek.' She sighed.

'I know, I know Mer. But... If we're going to do this we need to talk about how it's going to work. It's going to be complicated, really complicated. So we need to have a game plan.'

'A game plan?' She breathed.

'A game plan.' He said, taking her bad hand and stroking it gently. 'Right. Come on then, let's go.'

When they got to Mercy West, Meredith curled into herself, barely saying a word. Which didn't go unnoticed by Derek. She was wearing tight grey suit pants and a purple long sleeved jumper, and was clutching her bag tightly. He wanted to wrap his arm around her and tell her it was going to be okay and place a kiss on her temple. But he couldn't. And he knew he couldn't. And he knew that was he was feeling for her was bad. He knew it was wrong, and that he had a wife. But she was just so...so.. He didn't even know the word for it. He just wanted to comfort her and protect her all the time. And he didn't know what to do about it. But he did know that right now, Meredith needed him. She was so scared, he could tell. And right now all she needed was for him to be there and make light.

'Are you okay?' He whispered, as they approached the reception desk.

'Hmmm.'

'Mer,' he prodded, placing his arm on her lower back.

'What am I going to say?' She said almost too quietly for him to hear.

'I don't know.' He admitted. 'What do you want to say?'

She just shrugged. 'I don't know. What can I say?'

'Let's think,' he said, sitting down, pulling on her good hand to make her sit next to him.

'Make it as true to the real thing as possible.' He said. 'More believable.'

'What? that he held it in there for God knows how long?' She raised her eyebrows. 'Derek no one would leave their hand in there that long.'

'Okay.' He said, thinking. 'How about- you tripped, and put your hands out to stabilise yourself and landed it in the pan. But were in pain from your leg where you'd tripped and so couldn't take your hand out until you'd stabilised. Because when you're in shock you don't move anyway, hence the long time in the hot water.'

'Okay,' she murmured. 'I can remember that.' She said, looking at her hand.

'It's going to be okay.' He nodded, offering his hand to her good one.

'It's going to be okay.' She repeated, looking into his eyes.

'Are you ready?' He whispered, squeezing her hand tightly.

'No. But let's do it anyway.'

'I'm right here,' he reminded.

'I know,' she smiled. 'Thank you.'

'Don't thank me, Mer. Seriously.'

'Okay.' She giggled. 'Your ego doesn't need boosting anymore anyway.'

'Oh, charming.' He said, rolling his eyes and standing up.

'Okay.' She breathed, standing up next to him, her hand still tightly in his. 'Let's go.'

'Let's go.' He echoed, letting her take the lead.

'Hi. I erm, I have some burns on my hand and I was just wondering if I could get them checked out?'

'Name?'

'Meredith Grey.'

'Take a seat.' The short woman said, nodding towards the chairs where her and Derek had just been sat.

'Okay. Thank you.' She mumbled, turning to Derek.

'Okay?' He said, softly, with the sparkly eyes.

'Yeah.' She nodded, walking with him to a chair.

As they waited, Merediths hand stayed locked in Derek's,not much said between them. Just Derek rubbing circles on the top of her hand and murmuring to her that it was going to be okay. Or him whispering to her, asking her if she was okay. And it was kind of perfect. Granted the circumstances were pretty awful and she wished she didn't have a burnt hand that hurt every five seconds, and she wished he didn't have a wife, or that she was in a hospital. But sitting here with Derek, and only Derek, while he comforted her was pretty perfect and in a twisted sort of way she was actually enjoying it. Until it was her turn.

'Meredith Grey?' Read a young looking doctor off a clipboard.

'Yeah.' She mumbled, dragging Derek with her as she stood up.

'Follow me.'

Meredith and Derek followed her into a bay, and he could feel her shaking slightly.

'You're okay.' He whispered. 'I'm right here.'

She smiled weakly at him and nodded as she sat on the bed.

'I'm Dr. Kepner. Burns?'

'Burns,' breathed Meredith, dropping Derek's hand and holding out her other one to Dr. Kepner.

'Ouch.' She replied, putting on some latex gloves. 'May I?'

'Sure.'

After Dr. Kepner had revealed to them the seriousness of the burn, and put Meredith on a fluid drip for an hour, due to the shift in fluids which occurred not long after the burns, put antibiotic cream on the burn, and bandaged up her hand, her and Derek finally made their way out of the hospital. His hand once again in her good one.

'So,' he said from the drivers seat. 'What now?'

'What now?' She repeated.

'Do you want to grab some food or something? Or even a coffee somewhere? To talk this whole thing through?'

'Shouldn't you be going back to work?'

'Yes. But I'm not. I'm not just going to let you go home Mer, not with that.' He gestured to her bandage. 'Won't he notice?'

'Yeah.' She sighed. 'But you should go to work Derek.'

'Meredith, I'm calling right now.' He said, taking out his phone and dialling the office number.

Once he'd hung up on what seemed like an annoyed Mike, after saying some thing about getting a text saying Hallie was ill, Derek put the car into drive.

'So,' he said. 'Where do you want to go?'

'I'm not really feeling anywhere busy.' She admitted.

'How about we go back to my place? I can make you a coffee, we can sit at the table and discuss the whole thing properly?'

'Sure. But what about Hallie?'

'She's at Helen's parents today.' He smiled.

'Oh, okay. Sure, yours sounds good.'

'Okay.' He smiled.

'Okay.' She smiled back.

They parked on to Derek's drive way and Meredith followed him into the house. It was pretty, and it was big. It was probably the same size as her house and in an equally nice neighbourhood, except Derek and Helen belonged there. Worked hard to live there, to buy that house. Her and Dave... Well, they didn't belong in their nice neighbourhood at all. The living room was very tasteful, Grey with white accessories. Although Meredith had been here before, it was like seeing it for the first time. Because this time there weren't about 50 kids running about and a thousand adults lingering everywhere. It was just her, and Derek. In his house. She followed him through to the kitchen which was again, very tasteful. Which was hardly surprising given that Helen was a fashion buyer. Must have the eye or whatever.

'Sugar?'

'Three please.'

'Three?!'

'Yes Derek, three. And have you got any biscuits? I'm kind of hungry.' She pouted, standing next to him and he made the drinks. What he would give to just kiss that pout.

'Biscuits?!' He laughed. 'Meredith I just offered to take you for food somewhere and you said no!'

'Yes, well. Now I've changed my mind.'

'Oh have you now?' He laughed.

'Yes.'

There was an awkward silence for a minute as they realised just how close they were to each other, before Derek broke it and picked up the two mugs.

'There should be some of the biscuits Hallie likes in the cupboard over the toaster.'

'Thanks.' She blushed, getting the biscuits then joining him at the table.

'This is gonna be complicated Mer.' He breathed.

'I know.' She said. 'But for now, can we just not think about the actual lawyer practicality thing and I just tell you the story.'

'You just tell me the story.' He said, very surprised at her not needing to be prodded.

'Okay. So.' She took a deep breath.

'It's just me Mer.' He said. 'No pressure.'

'Just you.' She smiled.

'Just me.' God, he could get lost in her eyes.

'Okay. My mom. I told you about my mom right? And the lawyer, doctor thing?'

'Yeah.' He nodded.

'Okay. So. Me and my mom, were never really close anyway. She was a busy surgeon and a single mother, the two don't exactly mix well.'

'Your dad left?'

'My dad left when I was five. We were on our own. And she lost herself in a job, I mean, I guess she tried or whatever, but she wasn't exactly good at the mom thing.'

'No.'

'No. So, I was used to being on my own a lot. And not really letting people in. And trusting people. I don't really trust people. And at college, I was kind of crazy. Well, not crazy crazy, just a lot of tequila and a lot of boys in a lot of bars.'

'I see.'

'And then I dropped pre med. And my mom couldn't cope with it. Saw it as betrayal or something. And she's been betrayed before, I mean, she was having an affair with this guy who said he'd leave his wife and then he didn't so then she tried to kill herself and I had to call 911 and there was blood everywhere and-'

'Woah, Mer. Slow down,' he said, placing his hand on her forearm.

'So yeah. Betrayal. So, she kind of cut off any connection with me we had left, which was mainly financial, but still, everything. She cut off all my money and chucked what was left at home of my stuff, and everything. Changed her number, everything.'

'That's... Drastic.'

'Yeah.' She laughed cynically. 'And so, in order to cope with being left by a parent once again, I returned to my tequila and my boys. And then one night, I met this guy. And I stayed at his house. And in the morning I checked my phone, and I got a text saying the bill for my contract was due. And it hit me that I'd spent all of my money. Like literally all of it. I didn't have anything left. So, I tried to steal 20 bucks from this guys drawer. And he caught me, and when he asked me I thought if I spun him the sob story he'd let me keep it.'

'Dave?'

'Dave. And he let me keep it, he'll he gave me ten more right there and then. Then he told me he'd look after me now my mom had left. Said he'd treat me right. And I've got to admit the sex was amazing, so I thought: why not. Why not give it a try. He said he was going to look after me, which no-one had ever done before. And for a while he did. He really did. Nice dinners, nice apartment, he had a nice car, paid for me to learn to drive. He really did take care of me. And, I guess I was just so happy to have that, that I never really questioned it. Until one day I did, I asked him how he afforded everything from a bartenders wage. And then he got mad.'

'He got mad?'

'That I questioned him. What he gave me. Said if I didn't want it why did I take it and all this. It was only a black eye. And he swore it wouldn't happen again. But it did. Obviously.'

'That's where it started?'

'That's where it started.' She sighed.

'He said I owed him. For buying me stuff and taking me in. So when I found out about what he did, I had to keep quiet, otherwise I'd get another black eye.'

'Mer.'

'He launders money. Drug money. A lot of drug money. But he's in this gang, I don't know what they're called... Or if they even have a name... Anyway not the point. It's basically a drug gang and I don't know if launderers are classed as part of the "ring", but he's very much part of the ring. He's basically a drug dealer who doesn't deal drugs. Like he gets them customers, h beats up rival sellers, he beats those trying to give up, he gets involved in like every single thing that happens with those guys.'

'Does he use?'

'Drugs? No. No dealer uses drugs. He drinks though. A lot. He says he's so involved because if they have more business then so does he. He launders with this guy called Steve. But they're always fighting. He's always fighting with all of them. But yeah. That's pretty much the basics.'

'I don't want anything to come across wrong here Mer, I'm your friend but you know I need to understand everything really clear.'

'Course,' she nodded.

'And I really appreciate how hard this must be for you.' He said, squeezing her hand.

'Stupid question but why can't you leave? Like, what has he said about it?'

'I know too much. I mean, I don't really know that much. But I know more than I'm supposed to and I could land him and all of his guys in the shit at any minute. He knows I could ruin him, so I guess he's just worked so he can ruin me.'

'In what way?'

'Well, I'm scared of him.' She mused. 'And he has all the money. Like the house and both cars are all in his name. I have to buy the groceries and stuff. And all his friends will back him up, because obviously none of them want to go down either. And then there's the obvious, the hitting. And his friends would probably terrorise me after I left him anyway. Like break into my house and stuff or steal my car. And Dave's already said he'll never let me leave him so I imagine him going all psycho stalker on me. You know like in sleeping with the enemy? Some shit like that.'

'Do you... Sleep with him?'

'Well, he is my boyfriend.'

'No, Mer. I mean do you sleep with him, or does he...' He trailed off.

'No. No, oh god no. No.'

'No?'

'No. Derek he doesn't force me.'

'It doesn't have to be physical Mer. Rape can be mentally forcing someone too.'

'Derek.'

Meredith. Do you sleep with him because you want to or because you know that if you don't he's going to hit you? Or shout at you? Or kick you out again with nothing and no one?'

'Derek!'

'Mer, answer my question.' His eyes softened, as he realised this was obviously a touchy subject. 'It's only me.'

A tear fell down her cheek. 'I never want to.' She breathed. 'Even when he doesn't actually force me.'

'You mean he does physically force you?'

'Sometimes.'

'Mer,' he said, reaching to wipe at her eyes. 'I fucking hate him.'

'Me too.' She laughed.

'Mer this isn't funny he fucking rapes you and traps you into it.'

'I know, I know. I just... It's just funny you hate him and you've never even met him.'

'Meredith I could never meet him and always hate him for what he's done to you.'

'I hate him, Derek.'

'I know.' He said. 'I know. I think we've done enough for today. We've made a start and we can discuss more later. We just need to figure how.'

'We can't do it at work.' She said, adamant. 'People can't know.'

'Mer, they're going to know eventually when we're taking him to court and when my caseload is swamped with you.'

'I know, but not yet.'

'Not yet.'

'The place with the pizza?'

'I don't know,' she sighed. 'Public probably isn't good. Not to be discussing this.'

'True. We could always do it here? After work, instead of Joe's?'

'What will mark say?'

'Forget Mark he's all loved up with Addison.'

'What will Helen say? And Hallie?'

'Hey, Hallie will just be happy I'm in the house,' he laughed, 'and Hel will be fine with it.'

'You can't tell her Derek.'

'I know. But she's my wife Mer.'

'Can we just tell her I'm having a problem and just not tell her what that problem is?'

'Okay.'

'Okay.'

'So here, every night. For one hour. We can do this Mer. I promise you.'

'I hope so.' She breathed.

'Come here.' He said, standing up from The table and pulling her into a tight hug, his nose in her hair. Lavender. She smelled like lavender. And she felt so tiny in his arms, yet she felt like she fit.

'Thank you Derek.' She whispered into his neck.

'You're welcome Mer.' His hand running softly through her hair as he breathed her in.


	12. Chapter 12

_Hi guys. Thank you for your reviews! But please don't be confused! This is 100% a merder story, but I don't really think he would be Derek if he just jumped into bed with her straight away without any inner conflict regarding his loyalty and responsibility to his family. He's trying to resist and all that. But be patient, we will get there. Plus, it's pretty messy and complicated with Mer right now, he wants to do what's best for her._

'Hey.' He smiled as she came into the office a little earlier than usual.

'Hey.' She smiled. 'Can we talk?'

'Of course.' He was worried now. 'Lunch or now or?' He trailed off.

'Now, if that's okay?'

'Of course it is. Private?'

'My car?'

His gut was wrenching. He had a bad feeling about this. She looked worried or something. Either something had happened with Dave and she was hurt, or she was having second thoughts about the case. They'd been to Derek's house for an hour after work everyday for a couple of weeks now, where they'd tried to complete Derek's timeline of events and Meredith had given him as much detail as she could surrounding Dave's aggression, her financial situation, and as much about Dave's drug dealing friends. Derek really thought he was getting somewhere and was building a really strong case for her. He was shocked by the amount of times he attacked her, at least three or four times a week, whether it was a slap across the face, slamming her into a door or throwing something at her. He thought about all the times he'd seen her in the office and never even batted an eyelid, and all this time she had been living in constant fear. It made him feel sick. She was amazing, really amazing. And really funny and smart and sweet, and she was being attacked four times a week by some jerk. It made his stomach turn.

She couldn't drop this now. He was getting too far with it. He nearly had a full enough case to file it through work and really set it into motion. But that would mean telling Mike, and the other guys in the office. And he knew that was something she was nervous about, she was ashamed and embarrassed. Which he didn't understand that much. I mean, obviously it's embarrassing, but she wasn't the one in the wrong here, she was the victim.

They wandered to her car and she let them both in. She looked really pretty today, her hair seemed really light. But he knew she didn't dye it, it must have just happened in the sun. But it was framing her face beautifully and she had a navy sweater on which looked really good on her. To say she wore such understated, covering clothes she always looked beautiful. And he couldn't stop thinking she was beautiful no matter how hard he tried not to. He tried to ignore the sting in his chest every time it reached 7:15 and she left his house. Because they talked about Dave after work, they got to spend lunch just talking. Her over her pizza and him over his salad. And it was his favourite part of the day.

'Look, Der, I know we said when you file the case through work you'd help me find a place to stay.'

'Obviously I will.' He said. She couldn't stay there while he knew she was filing against him for domestic abuse, it was a disaster waiting to happen. He was waiting for it. For her to say she couldn't go through with it.

'I have to leave now.'

'What?' He breathed.

'I can't stay there.' She almost whimpered and he could see tears forming in her eyes, so naturally grabbed her hand.

'Mer shhh,' he said, stroking her palm with his thumb. 'What's happened?' It was very unlike her to bring her situation up without him doing so first. And even more unlike her to cry, when they were discussing it she was almost emotionless, even when describing him hurting her, like she was scared that if she started crying she would never stop.

'I can't... Derek... I can't' she sobbed.

'Shhh, Mer it's okay.' He said, wrapping an arm around her across the handbrake.

She pulled back from him slightly and lifted her shirt to reveal a huge fresh bruise along her left midsection. 'And I have another black eye under my make up.'

'Jesus Mer.' He breathed, tentatively stretching a hand out to touch it. 'Is it sore?'

'Yeah,' she sniffled as he drew his hand away.

'Wait I thought he gave you a black eye on Monday?'

'The other one.'

'Oh my god Mer.'

'If I'm going, I might as well just go now.' She said looking up at him. 'I don't want to stay there Derek.'

'You don't have to,' he said, squeezing her hand. 'Okay? Damn I wanted you to get out as soon as I found out.'

'But I have nowhere to go, Derek. And I don't know what to say. I mean, if I was to stay until you filed it I could leave easily, well not easily but at least I could just not come home from work and he'd have your letter as explanation but if I just leave I can't just leave Derek. And I can't tell him I'm leaving because he hits me because then he'll get angry and I can't take anymore angry. I mean I thought I could but now with you... And I can't... I can't Derek. I don't want this life and I can't stay. But I can't just leave Derek, he knows where I work and-'

'Mer, shhhhh.' He repeated running a hand over her hair and wiping her eyes.

'I'm rambling aren't I?' She half laughed half cried.

'Yes you're rambling.' He laughed. 'But I wouldn't have you any other way.' He said, gently cupping her face in his hands.

'I have no where to go and nothing to say, Derek.' She repeated.

'You can stay with us' he blurted.

'What?' She said, in disbelief. 'Derek I can't stay with you.' She said, wiping her nose.

'Yeah, you can.' He murmured. 'We have a spare room, two even. Mer you can stay.'

'Are you sure?'

'One hundred percent.'

'I don't...' She stumbled. 'Rent Derek. I don't know how I can... I mean... I have money but no account just in my name. I don't know when I can-'

'Mer, you don't have to give me any money. Okay? It's me.'

'It's you.' She smiled softly.

'It's me and you're staying with me and I will keep you safe. Okay? I promise you.'

'You promise?'

'I promise.'

'What am I going to say?' She whimpered.

'You, are going to say nothing. You are going to ditch your car somewhere random and then you are going to come home with me and we are going to tell Mike you're not going to be in for a while.'

'Hell want to know why Der.'

'Well... Maybe it's time. This is about your safety Mer. And Mike is going to want you safe.'

'Okay.'

'Okay.'

'Clothes,' she stammered. 'I need my clothes and things.'

'Mer if you're coming home with me right now we can't get your things. But clothes, we... I... Can buy you clothes and pyjamas... And things... And Helen... Helen has things like hair things and other girly things..'

'Derek,' she laughed. 'You're rambling.'

'I am not!'

'You so are.' She giggled.

'Well if I am it's only because I've spent too much Time with you.'

'Hmmmmm'

'It's true!'

'Whatever.'

'You, Meredith Grey are the rambler around here!' He said, going to tickle her.

'Ow,' she breathed, as his hand went to her side.

'Shit. Shit Mer I am so sorry. Shit. Shit. Mer, I didn't mean to.'

'Der, it's okay.' She smiled.

'No, I don't want to hurt you.'

'Derek you're doing the exact opposite of hurting. You're helping me to heal.'

Silence fell between them as he gazed at her, at her beautiful eyes. And lips, she had such beautiful lips, they looked so soft and delicate and he would do anything to feel them with his own. But he couldn't. And he knew he couldn't. He had a wife. And a child. And no matter what he thought he was feeling for Meredith, he couldn't go there. Not when he had Hallie to think about. But it was so hard, he knew what he was feeling for Meredith and it scared him half to death because he knew it was so wrong. And he just couldn't help it. Seeing her here, smiling and laughing after everything that had happened to her. It was amazing. She was amazing. And as he moved his gaze from her eyes to her lips he knew he had to divert his eyes.

'So,' he tried to breathe, feeling slightly heated. 'Clothes.'

'Clothes.' She nodded, fidgeting with her sleeves.

'Why don't you drive to the mall and I'll come too and well shop and you can just leave your car there and I'll bring you home.'

'Sure,' she nodded. 'Only if you're sure all of this is okay, Derek.'

'Of course it is.' He smiled at her.

'Don't you need to ask Helen or something?'

'No.' He shook his head. 'But even when I do, once I've explained she'll be fine with it.'

'Oh,' she said. 'You're... Going to tell her...'

'Mer, I have to. She's my wife.'

'It's okay... I get it. It's just... Awkward.'

'Mer I don't want you to feel awkward in my home.'

'Derek I'm pretty sure I'm going to feel awkward anywhere as the resident battered wife.'

He laughed. 'I thought my job was to make light?'

'It is.' She smirked. 'I must just be spending too much time with you.'

'Whatever.' He said, rolling his eyes. 'There's no such thing as too much time with me.'

'Okay.' She rolled her eyes in return.

'Hey don't be mean.'

'I'm not.' She laughed.

'Yes you are!'

'Derek I am not.' She giggled. 'It's true.'

'It's not.'

'It is.'

'It's not!'

'Derek, you're in denial. It's kind of cute actually.'

'I don't think I like you anymore.'

'Aw poor baby, are you sulking?' She joked.

'I don't sulk.'

'Oh I think you do.' She laughed.

'Anyway shut up you and let's go to the mall.'

'Okay Derek.' She laughed as she saw him hop out of her car and into the office.

When they reached the mall she parked in the space next to Derek's black Porsche. While she was feeling petrified that Dave could come and find her any minute, demand to know her whereabouts when she didn't come home that night; at the same time, right now, right here with Derek she felt so safe. Which sounded stupid because they were out in a busy mall together but she honestly did. He made her feel so safe and there was no other word for it. But she knew she couldn't think it. He had a wife. Who she was going to be living with. And a child. And Derek was not on the market. Not that she was any good at relationships anyway, she was with Dave for a start. But she just... She liked Derek. She really really liked him. And even though she knew it was wrong she couldn't stop liking him anyway.

'So.' He said as they walked into a shop. 'Go crazy.'

'What?' She laughed.

'You heard me.' He said.

'Derek telling a woman to go crazy in a clothes store is not something you should be doing. How has your wife my taught you this?' She laughed.

'Well, not crazy crazy. But you get what you need Mer. And don't worry about the cost.'

'Derek.' She said, cocking her head to the side.

'Meredith.' He chuckled. 'Buy. Your. Clothes.'

'Okay.' She rolled her eyes, turning to a rail.

She returned to him with four tops in her hand and a hoodie.

'Is that it?'

'For this store yeah.'

'For this store?!' He mocked.

'Derek, do you have any idea how many clothes women need?'

'How many?'

'Well, these and some jeans will be okay for out of work. But I need 2 suits and some work tops Der, pyjamas, underwear, pantie hoes, bras, socks.'

'You women and your clothes.'

'Not my fault.'

'Whatever.' He laughed.

Once theyd bought Meredith the basic necessities her make shift wardrobe needed, they walked around the mall, heading for the exit.

'Want to grab some lunch?' He said.

'Do you think they do somewhere with pepperoni pizza?'

'I think we're in a mall so fast food is probably everywhere.' He laughed.

'True.' She said.

'You know, I really am grateful Derek. And once I've got everything sorted I will pay you back. For this... And for rent and for food and everything. Everything.'

'I don't want you to pay me back.' He said, with the sparkly eyes. 'I just want you to be okay.' His hand moving to her's which were holdin far too many bags.

She couldn't stop staring at his lips. His sparkly eyes were amazing but his lips were just something else. She wanted to taste them more than anything. But she couldn't. Because he had a wife and Derek wasn't the kind of person to cheat on his wife. He was a good man, he was her friend. Who she just happened to like a lot more than just being her friend.

'Come on,' she said, breaking the moment. 'Pepperoni pizza is calling me.'

'Yeah,' he mumbled, and she could have sworn he was still staring at her lips.

When they got home from the mall, well, Derek's home, she felt really good. It was like she'd already left her life behind and she was just here with Derek, living. She'd laughed so much over lunch and she was pretty sure she hadn't stopped smiling the whole way home. Because things were getting better. Derek was helping her get better and she couldn't thank him enough for that.

'Come on,' he said, opening the front door and leading her in.

'Thanks.' She mumbled.

'So, you can just dump the bags for now, Helen will help you sort them all and stuff later.'

'Okay.'

'So I'll give you a quick tour.'

'Okay.' She repeated, seeing a framed photo of Derek and Helen on the window ledge.

'You know the living room and kitchen obviously. It's just the offices and upstairs you haven't seen. So, That's my office,' he said, opening a door to a large room with a desk and computer in it and lots of books. 'I don't really use it that much now. That's Hel's office, and I'll now show you upstairs.'

She followed him up the stairs and felt really out of place. It was almost like she'd forgot that Derek had a home. A life without her. He had a wife. And she had to keep reminding herself of that.

'Okay so, this is a guest room.' He said, opening the door. 'We have three so you can choose which one you want.'

'Three?' She breathed.

'Yeah.'

'Wow.'

'This is Hallies room,' he said, opening the door to his daughters room which was insanely cute and had teddy bears everywhere, all over her bed.

'This is the bathroom. These are the other two guest rooms, and that's mine and Helens room at the end.' He said.

'Toothbrush.' She suddenly blurted.

'I forgot to get a toothbrush.'

'That's okay.' He laughed. 'I'm sure we have some spare. Unopened.' He added.

'Thanks,' she grinned.

'So which room takes your fancy?'

'Any Derek.'

'Meredith. Choose one. It's your room.'

'Fine,' she sighed. She most definitely was not going for the one nearest his and Helens room. She did not want to hear them get sexy at all. She might die from vomiting too much. And the one next to the bathroom was a little smaller than the rest. So the one next to Hallies room seemed like the best bet.

'This one.' She said, wandering into the stylish cream room.

'This room it is.' He grinned, as they heard a car pull up outside.

'Shit!' She breathed. He couldn't have found her already. He couldn't have.

'Relax Mer,' he said, as if reading her mind. 'It's only my mom with Hal.'

'Oh,' she smiled. 'Oh.'

'She goes swimming in a Friday morning but it looks like they're back now.'

'Oh. Do you want me to stay here or?...'

'Of course I don't. You're coming down.' He said. Before he heard his daughter screaming downstairs.

'Daddy daddy!' She giggled as Derek emerged into the living room with Meredith close behind him.

'Hello monkey!'

'What you doin home?'

'It's a long story baby girl.' He grinned.

'Hi Meredith!'

'Oh hi Hallie.'

'Yes, hi Meredith.' Said Mrs Shepherd, a disapproving look on her face.

'Hey mom.' He said, kissing her cheek.

'Daddy I came second in my swimming race today!'

'You did? That's awesome Hal!'

'I know.'

'Hallie why don't you go upstairs and play for a little while me and Meredith talk to grandma for a little while?'

'Okay daddy. But then can we play?'

'Of course we can play.'

'Yay!' She squealed before turning up the stairs.

'So,' said Derek, sitting down and gesturing for Meredith to do so too.

'Don't tell me I've walked in on my son cheating on his wife.' His mom said sternly.

'What? God no mom what do you think I am?!'

'I'm just saying dear, you both emerged from upstairs while you're supposed to be at work.'

'And you think if I was to cheat on my wife I'd do it in my house with my daughter home any minute?'

'Not quite the response I was looking for Derek Christopher.'

'Not the point.' He sighed. 'Mers going to be staying with us for a while.'

'Oh.'

'She... It's a long story... Mer?' He looked to her.

'Oh... I... Okay.' She breathed, giving him a look to say it was okay to tell her.

'Mer's... I've taken on a case at work, mom. A domestic violence case. It's awful. He beats her and he controls her, and he's involved in some really really bad stuff. And he's trapped her so she couldn't escape. I agreed with her to help her find somewhere to stay when the trial started. But last night... He hit her mom he hit her really badly. She's bruised and broken. And I actually really really like her. She makes me laugh, and she's funny and she's pretty and she doesn't deserve to be broken. So I told her that she could stay with me. And here she is.' He said, his hand slipping gently into Merediths.

'Oh my god, dear.' Carolyn breathed. 'I am so, so sorry.'

'It's okay,' Meredith smiled weakly. 'It's okay.' She said, trying not to look down at Dereks hand which fit in her's perfectly.

'I can't even imagine what your going through.'

'I'm hoping... I'm hoping it's going to get better.' She admitted quietly.

'Derek you did the right thing here. She needs a lot of love and care right now and you three are the perfect family to show her that. Compassion and kindness go a long way sweetheart.'

'I know, mom.'

'Well, if there's anything I can do to help, which I doubt. But if there is please do let me know.'

'Thank you.' Breathed Meredith.

'Thanks Ma. We will do.'

'I had no idea.' His mom breathed. 'I mean Helen said the two of you talked for an hour after work every night but I never, ever thought... This. God.'

'It's okay Ma.' Said Derek, stroking the back of Meredith's hand with his finger. 'I'm going to look after her.'

'Good.'

'Daddy?' Said Hallie, poking her head round the door.

'Yes princess?' Said Derek, quickly pulling his hand away from Meredith's which didn't go unnoticed by Carolyn.

'Can we play now?'

'Yes we can play now monkey. Can Meredith and grandma play too?'

'Sure.' She giggled, handing Meredith and Carolyn a doll each.

It got to about five pm, when Meredith heard a car pull into the driveway from her spot on the floor with Hallie in her lap, reading her a book. Helen. Meredith had only ever had pleasant hellos and goodbyes with Dereks wife. Who was very pretty, and seemed nice enough. She was not looking forward to living with her everyday when she barely knew the woman though.

'Derek? Are you home?' She called as she came into the room. 'Oh.' Her gaze instantly fell onto Meredith.

'Hi.' Meredith stumbled nervously.

'Hi mommy!' Hallie grinned, jumping up and running to her mother.

'Hey Hal,' she smiled. 'Hi Meredith.'

'Hi.'

'Hi Carolyn. Hey Der, what you doing home so early?' She said, waking over to him and wrapping an arm around his waist, making Meredith want to close her eyes.

'Long story.' He said. 'Ma, are you okay with these two while I talk to Hel?'

'Of course dear.' She smiled. 'And Helen?'

'Yes?'

'Have an open heart dear.' Smiled Carolyn, as Helen nodded, confused, following Derek.

'Hel, please don't get mad at me okay?'

'Mad? What? What have you done Derek? Are you sleeping with her?'

'What?! No! Where did that come from?'

'I don't know.' She shrugged. 'You said don't get mad which means you're done something bad.'

'Well, I haven't. Maybe I should have asked you but we couldn't not Hel.'

'What?'

'Mers going to be staying with us for a few months.'

'What?'

'Please just hear me out okay? She... She needed somewhere to stay...'

'Then why couldn't she just get an apartment?'

'Helen.' He took a deep breath. 'Her boyfriend hits her. Okay? Well, he does more than just hit but that's the easiest phrase. He hits her and controls her and she has no money of her own. So she couldn't just "find an apartment".'

'Oh shit.'

'I know.' He sighed.

'He hits her?'

'Helen it's awful. That's why she's been here every night. We've been building a case.'

'Oh my god Der.'

'I know.' He breathed. 'I know.'

'Is she okay? Or is that a stupid question?'

'I think... I don't think she's okay. But I think she's okay. If that makes sense?'

'Yeah. God. You just don't think it really happens so you?'

'I know. It hits hard.'

'Does she have clothes and things?'

'Yeah I took her to the mall. But we forgot a toothbrush.'

'We have a spare pack under the sink. God. She can use anything of mine if she needs.'

'Thanks. I'll tell her. I think she's nervous. Thinks she's getting in the way.'

'Well make sure she knows she's not.' His wife said quietly.

'I feel so bad for her' she whispered.

'I know me too.'

They both looked back into the living room where Hallie was once again on Meredith's lap reading the same book to her. Poor Meredith must have heard it a hundred times by now.

'What do you want for dinner?' He asked.

'Whatever.'

'Shall I ask mom to stay?'

'Yeah might make it easier to explain to Hal that Mers staying.'

'Good point. I'll ask Hal what she wants.' Said Helen, leading them back to the living room.

'Hal sweetie what do you want for dinner?'

'Chicky pasta!' She grinned without hesitation.

'Chicky pasta it is.' Helen laughed. 'Carolyn would you like to stay for dinner?'

'Oh that would be lovely dear.' Carolyn nodded.

'Hallie do you think Meredith will like Chicky pasta?'

'Meredith it's the bestest bestest!'

'Is it?' She laughed.

'Yeah you gotta stay for some!'

'Oh... I... Er... Will.'

'How exciting.' Said Derek, sitting on the floor next to Hallie and Meredith. 'Meredith's first ever Chicky pasta.'

He knew he should follow his wife into the kitchen to help her make it, but he couldn't. Not when Meredith was sat there looking so cute and adorable with his daughter in her arms. He honestly didn't know what to do. He loved his wife, he did. But he had an awful, awful feeling that he was falling in love with Meredith.


	13. Chapter 13

_Hi guys, sorry it's been a few days! I've been really busy, but thanks for all your reviews and this chapter is more of a bridge to the next one so please do stick with me, because I'm looking forward to it._

Meredith woke about 6 am everyday. It was hard not to when Derek, Hallie and Helen all got up then, and the shower started going, people going up and downstairs, talking- it was hard to sleep through, basically. So she woke up around 6. Although she didn't have to be up for at least another hour until one of Hallies grandparents arrived to either sit her or take her out, and then Helen would leave. She had gotten used to going downstairs just before seven, after Derek had left, going to the kitchen while Helen gave Hallie breakfast, making some toast for herself, and sometimes sitting with Hallie while Helen went to work early, and waited until Carolyn, Ruth or George arrived. Then she either stayed and joined in whatever they did, or stayed in the house watching tv, reading one of Helens books or doing some chores if she was really bored.

But she couldn't relax. All day by herself in the house she could not relax. She was petrified all the time that Dave would somehow find her, or she'd see Denton staring through a window while she's watching the tv. She wondered what he was doing right now. What his reaction was when she never came home. She dreaded to think what would actually happen if he found her. She watched the clock all day until Derek came home, until anyone came home actually. Just so she wasn't alone. But living with Derek was totally different to just being friends with him. She was never alone with him, ever. Or if she was alone with him she wasn't really alone with him because Helen or Hallie would be wondering back in any minute and so they never really got any time to be Meredith and Derek, just them. And she was grateful to him, she really was, for letting her stay with them and helping her get out, but at the same time she was sad that their friendship had changed. Because although they were physically a lot closer, they never spent any time together anymore. Which was stupid, because she lived with him. But she missed him.

'Hey Hal.' She smiled, walking into the kitchen.

'Hey Helen.'

'Hey Mer.'

'Good morning Meredith.'

'Mer do you mind if I get off?'

'Sure that's fine. We'll be okay won't we Hal?'

'Yeah.' The five year old grinned.

'My moms coming in about fifteen minutes.'

'Okay, no problem.' Meredith smiled as Helen grabbed her coat.

'Bye Hal.'

'Bye mommy.'

'I love you.'

'Love you too.' She said, with Jam around her face.

'Bye.'

'Bye Mer.'

Meredith sat down opposite Hallie with her toast and coffee.

'You know you have Jam on your face?' Meredith giggled.

'I do?' Hallie giggled back.

'You do.' She said, wiping Hallie's mouth with a tissue.

'Thank you.'

'I don't think your Nana would be very happy if she came to kiss you with a sticky mouth.'

Hallie laughed, 'I could give her sticky kisses!'

'You could.' She giggled.

'Meredith?'

'Yeah?'

'Can we do something tomorrow?'

'What?'

'Me and you, when mommy and daddy are at work. Can we do something?'

'Oh,' she mumbled. 'I think your grandma shepherd is coming tomorrow Hal, but if you ask your mommy and daddy we can do something one day.'

'Okay.' She sighed, looking down as the door bell rang.

'I'll go let your nana in.'

'Okay.'

Meredith moved to open the door, shocked to see Carolyn there.

'Oh, Carolyn.' She said, confused.

'Hi dear, well are you going to let me in or leave an old woman standing in the cold at this ungodly hour?'

'Oh, sure, of course.' She said, letting Dereks mom in. 'Helen said Ruth was having Hal today.'

'Oh, she is.' Carolyn smiled.

'I came to see you.'

'Oh.'

'I thought we could go for coffee or something?'

'At seven in the morning?' Meredith laughed.

'Of course not.' Carolyn laughed in return. 'But Derek said you're on your own all day. I thought it might be nice for you to have a little company.'

'Oh. Well, thank you.' She smiled sheepishly, as the doorbell rang again.

'I'll just go and see Hallie.' Said Carolyn and Meredith let Ruth in.

'Grandma!'

'Hello sweetie.'

'Nana!' She beamed as Ruth and Meredith came into the kitchen.

'Hello Hallie!' Said Ruth. 'Hi Carolyn- I've not got the wrong day have I?'

'Oh no, I just thought I'd spend the day with Meredith.'

'Aw, how lovely.' Ruth smiled. Meredith liked Ruth and her husband George, they were the stereotype of a grandma and grandpa.

'What we doing today Nana?'

'Well, I thought we could stay here for a little bit then we could go to the aquarium?'

'The aquarium?!' Hallie gasped.

'Yes.' Ruth laughed. 'Meredith and your grandma can come too?'

'Meredith pleaaaaaaase!'

'Thank you for the offer Ruth.' Smiled Carolyn. 'But I was hoping to chat to Meredith today.'

'Aw.' Sighed Hallie.

'Well do something soon, Hal. I promise.' Meredith smiled weakly.

At ten o'clock, after Meredith, Hallie, Ruth and Carolyn had been sat in Derek and Helen's living room reading and singing and laughing with Hallie, It was time for Ruth and Hallie to go. Ruth reached for Hallies navy blue coat with white polka dots from the hallway.

'Are you sure you two don't want to come?'

'Yes, but thank you dear.' Replied Carolyn. 'Although the four of us should go out for the day some time soon.'

'We should.' Agreed Ruth.

'That would be nice.' Smiled Meredith.

'Come on Hal.' Said Ruth, holding out Hallies thin coat to her.

'Bye Meredith bye grandma.' She grinned, kissing them both on the cheek before leaving.

'So,' said Carolyn softly after a couple of quiet moments had passed.

'Yeah.' Meredith smiled weakly, not really knowing what to say. This was Derek's mom. Derek's mom. Which was weird, because she wasn't with Derek so it wasn't like she needed any form of approval or anything, but she still somehow felt like she wanted approval or something, it was weird.

'I know it seems like a stupid question in the circumstances, but are you alright sweetheart? You seem very quiet?'

'Yeah. Yeah I'm fine. Really. I'm fine, I just suck at this stuff.'

'What stuff?

'You know, the familyish stuff.'

'Familyish stuff?' Carolyn laughed. 'I'm not sure that's even a word dear.'

'Sorry... I... Sorry. I get nervous.'

'Oh dear you have no reason to be nervous.'

'But you're Derek's mom.'

'I am.' The older woman smiled.

'And you probably think I'm cheeky staying here.'

'Oh dear I think nothing of the sort.'

'You don't?'

'Of course not.'

'Oh.'

'Dear you're in a very difficult place right now and I'm just happy my son can help you.'

'Me too.' She sighed softly.

'He's a good man.'

'He is.' Meredith agreed, smiling.

'And you seem to get along with Helen pretty well.'

'Yeah she's really nice.'

'And Hallie seems to have taken to you quite remarkably.'

'Oh, yeah.' She laughed sheepishly.

'Dear you honestly have no need to be nervous.'

'Sorry. It's a mom thing?'

'A mom thing?'

'A mom thing.'

'Derek says you don't get on very well with your mother.'

'I don't.'

'That's a shame.'

'I know. It's complicated. And it sounds stupid.'

'I'm sure it's not stupid dear.'

'She won't talk to me because I'm not a doctor.'

'Oh.'

'She wanted me to be a surgeon like her.'

'And you're a lawyer.'

'Exactly. I'm a lawyer.'

'Derek was almost a surgeon.'

'I know.' Meredith giggled.

'His father was one of the greats at Seattle Grace.'

'Really?'

'Um-hm.'

'That's where my mom worked.'

'He probably died before your mother worked there.'

'Oh. He... He died?'

'Yes. Has Derek not told you?'

'No.' She breathed. 'No. Sorry Mrs Shepherd that's awful.'

'It's Carolyn.' She laughed.

'Sorry, Carolyn.'

'It's fine. It's been a long time.'

'My mom might have known him. I might even have known him. I grew up at that hospital.'

'So she wasn't supportive of your career?'

'No. What did Derek's dad say?'

'Of course he was sad that he couldn't bond with him over surgery, but he wasn't mad or anything. He was happy Derek had a mind of his own and a life that he wanted.'

'Oh. That's good.'

'Derek doesn't talk about it much.'

'No, he never mentioned it.'

'So you were never close you and your mother?'

'No, not exactly... No.'

'What about your dad?'

'Oh. He walked out when I was five.'

'Oh I'm sorry dear.'

'It's okay. I'm used to it. I mean, I'm all dark and twisty but I'm okay.'

'Dark and twisty?'

'Dark and twisty... It's a thing.'

'Well, if you ever need to talk about dark and twisty. I'm always here.' Carolyn smiled.

'Thanks.'

'And you've always got Derek.'

'Yeah.' Meredith nodded awkwardly. Because she didn't really have Derek, not in the way she wanted him anyway.

'You're like a really momish mom.'

'A momish mom?' Carolyn laughed.

'Yeah.' Meredith laughed.

'You sure do like making up words dear.'

'You are though! You bake, you cook really nice, you take care of your grandkids, you knit- you're like the most momish of moms.'

'Well, that's very kind of you dear.'

'Derek never said anything about his dad.'

Carolyn nodded understandingly.

'Is that his dark and twisty?'

'Yes. I guess you could say that is Dereks dark and twisty.'

'Hmmm.'

'He took it the hardest out of all of my children.'

'He did?' Meredith breathed.

'He did.' Carolyn said sadly.

Meredith couldn't describe it but she had this sudden pain in her chest. All this time she had been telling Derek all about her dark and twisty. Her mom, her dad, Dave. But he had his own dark an twisty. He was such a good listener, he always looked at her so understandingly when she talked and he never judged her, he just held her hand and rubbed his thumb over her knuckles and told her everything would be okay. And it was weird, because he knew all her dark and twisty, and she knew none of his. Because he didn't tell her, he told his wife. It make her stomach turn thinking about Helen holding his hand, wiping away his tears or running her hand gently through his curls and he talked about his dad. She wanted that with him and it was ineffably painful to think about him having that with someone else.

'He won't want me sharing too much.' Carolyn smiled.

'Oh no. I won't mention it.'

'He was incredibly close to his father.'

'It's sad that he's gone.'

'It is. But now Derek gets to be a father, and make his own proud.'

'He should be proud.'

'He would be. He always was.'

'Good. Because Derek's amazing. Really amazing.'

'Yes, he is.' Carolyn breathed, a suspicious smile on her face.

That evening, Meredith was sat with Hallie at the kitchen table, playing snakes and ladders while Helen was upstairs packing. She was meant to be leaving for Milan in two days, but when she came home, she told Meredith she'd been asked to go early and was leaving at 1am. So Meredith was sat with Hallie while Helen was frantically pulling clothes out of the wardrobe. It was almost six, which meant Derek would be home soon, and it would soon be time for dinner. But Meredith couldn't cook. Well, she could cook a little. Pasta. Eggs. Pizza. She was very limited but she could cook. She just didn't want to cook for the family, in case it went awfully wrong. Which it probably would.

Her and Carolyn had ended up going out for lunch, and she was explaining the case to her. Derek would be setting things into motion any day now. He'd be sending a letter to Dave and then waiting a response from his lawyers. He'd be taking him to court for repeated Domestic abuse, money laundering, gang violence and blackmail. He said if he took him to trial for as much as he could he would definitely be found guilty of something, and his sentence would be longer. Which she knew. But being the victim herself, Meredith couldn't think like a lawyer. She was too biased. But she trusted Derek. He was the best. And she was confident that he could help her and keep her safe. He'd mentioned witness protection of worst came to the worst. But she was trying not to think about that. She was just grateful Dave hadn't found her yet, or any of his pals. She was just trying to focus on that, rather than the negatives. For now she was safe.

And she liked Carolyn. She was a rally momish mom. And Meredith could tell she was Derek's mom. Derek had the hallmark family childhood, with his siblings in a big house, his mom and dad, playing in the garden and baking cookies and painting and all the other fun stuff kids do. It explained why he was such a good dad, his family were everything to him. And she loved that about him.

'Six! I think you're gonna go up the ladder Meredith!'

'I think I am.' She laughed, moving her counter up the ladder.

'I don't want a two.'

'You don't.'

'He looks like a mean snake.'

'He does.' Meredith giggled. 'I don't like snakes.'

'Nana said we saw a sea snake today at the aquarium.'

'You did?'

'Uh-huh.' The little girl nodded rolling the dice.

'I think it's an Eel.'

'An Eel.' Hallie smiled as she rolled a five, skipping past the snake.

'Hey!' She heard Derek shout, as he came through the front door.

'Daddy!' Hallie giggled turning round as he entered the kitchen.

'Well hello there you two.' He grinned. 'What's going on here?'

'Snakes and ladders.' Hallie grinned. 'Do you want to play?'

'You're already in the middle of your game.'

'We can start again.' Meredith shrugged. 'Right Hal?'

'Yeah!'

'Okay, go on then.' He said, pulling a chair out next to Meredith.

'You have to roll a six to go first.' Meredith nodded.

'I do.'

'Yes.' She grinned, turning to him as he smirked.

'You have a good day?' He asked quietly.

'Yeah.' She breathed, looking into his eyes. Which were sparkling, again.

'Did you?' She said, fighting the urge to move her hand in his.

'Yeah.' He said, still smiling.

'I got a four.' Said Hallie, passing the dice over to Derek.

'Wahey! A six!'

'How did you do that?' Meredith laughed.

'Daddy's good at games Meredith. Mommy says he's ompetitive.'

'Competitive.' Derek laughed.

'Oh are you now mr Shepherd?'

'Maybe.' He smirked, rolling his dice again before moving his dice.

'Five.' Sighed Meredith passing the dice to Hallie.

'Do I have to wait for a six?' She said.

'No it's okay sweetie, just go.' Said Derek.

'Okay.'

'Is Hel home?'

'Yeah. Upstairs. Packing, she has to go tonight.'

'Oh. Wow Hal well done.' He grinned as Hallie moved up a ladder.

'Thank you.' She grinned.

'Did you have fun with nana today?'

'Yeah. We went to the aquarium and saw the sea snakes. What the called Meredith?'

'The eels.' Meredith giggled.

'The eels. And we saw grandma too.'

'You did?'

'Mm-hmm. She came to see Meredith.'

'She did?' He said, turning to face her.

'Yeah. We talked.'

'You talked?'

'Had lunch. I explained the case.'

'Oh. About that. We need to talk later.'

'Okay.'

'Your turn.' He said handing her the dice.

'My turn.' she giggled looking at Hallie as she rolled a five.

'Oh no Meredith you doing down that snake!'

'I am.' Meredith pouted as she went down a row.

'Mean snake!' Hallie laughed.

'It's very mean.' Agreed Derek.

'The meanest.' Nodded Meredith.

'Nana said the sea snakes aren't mean.'

'No?' Said Derek.

'No. But he's not a sea snake.'

'He's not.' Nodded Meredith. 'He's mean.'

'Daddy's mean.' Laughed Hallie.

'Hallie Amelia Shepherd when has daddy ever been mean to you?' Derek gasped pretending to be offended.

'You make me eat vegetables daddy.' She giggled.

'That does not make me mean!'

'It does.' Laughed Meredith.

'You- shush. No corrupting my daughter and feeding her pizza addiction.'

'Me?!' Laughed Meredith.

'Yes you!'

'Don't be mean to Meredith daddy she's my friend!'

'She was mean to me first!' Derek laughed.

'I was not.'

'Was too.' He pouted, his face dangerously close to Meredith's.

'Was not.' Meredith laughed, removing herself before she ended up moving her hands to his hair and her lips to his.

'Oh, hey.' Said Helen, coming in the kitchen, interrupting the laughter.

'Hey.' Smiled Derek.

'Mommy what's for dinner?'

'I don't know. Daddy have you not started dinner?'

'No. I just started playing when I got in.'

'I'll do it then.' Helen sighed, leaving them to their game.

At eight o'clock, Helen was putting Hallie in bed, as she wasn't going to be around for the next nine days. Derek poured two glasses of wine and put them on the kitchen table.

'So,' he said, sitting opposite her.

'So...' She said nervously.

'I sent it. Today.'

'Oh.'

'I know.'

'Oh.' She repeated.

'So, he's going to know most likely by tomorrow.'

'Yeah.' She said quietly, fumbling with her sleeves.

'Hey,' he said quietly, ducking his head down to catch her eye. 'Just me.'

'Just you.' She breathed, looking up.

'I know... I know it's scary and we have to be careful, but I'm going to keep you safe okay?'

'Okay.' She nodded.

'So we're expecting a reply from his lawyers in the next couple of weeks and then the trail will be impending.'

'We?'

'Me and Mike.' He sighed. 'But the others are going to know soon Mer, they've been asking about you like crazy, it has been a month.'

'I know.' She whispered.

'It's going to be okay.'

'Mike says you don't have to pay anything for my fees.'

'What?'

'He's dropped the fees. I explained your situation.'

'Oh. I didn't even think. I will pay you back, Derek. You're the one that's losing out.'

'I'm not. Mikes paying me out of funds.'

'Oh.'

'So no paying anyone back. Okay?'

'Okay.'

'And I called Mike before, he's letting me work from home while Helens away. I can't leave you here alone but obviously you can't come to work if Dave knows the case now.'

'Derek you don't have to do that. Ruth or your mom will be here.'

'Meredith. Stop. I'm not leaving you. Okay?'

'Okay.' She smiled, as he reached for her hand across the table.


	14. Chapter 14

_Hi guys, thank you for reading, please let me know what you think. I hope you like this chapter, there's still loads more to come, this is just the beginning._

Good morning little Miss Hallie.' Said Derek, flipping some pancakes.

'Good morning daddy.'

'You look very pretty today.'

'I'm in my pyjamas.' She giggled.

'Yes well you still look very pretty.' He nodded. 'A natural beauty.'

'I don't even know what that means.'

'It means you're beautiful without trying.'

'Why thank you daddy.'

'Is Meredith awake yet?'

'I don't know.'

'Why don't you go see? Tell her I'm making pancakes for us.'

'You are?!'

'I am.' He grinned. 'Go get her.'

'Okay.' Said Hallie. Turning and running up the stairs.

'Meredith! Meredith!' Said Hallie, bursting into Meredith's room.

'Oh... Morning Hal.' Meredith smiled, rubbing her eyes and trying to sit up.

'Daddy says come downstairs he's making pancakes.'

'He is?' Meredith giggled, as Hallie jumped on her bed and sat next to her.

'So you gotta come down.'

'I will.' She smiled. 'Let me just put a sweater on.'

'Okay.' The little girl smiled as Meredith reached the hoodie Derek bought her and threw it on.

'You ready?' She grinned, grabbing for Meredith's hand.

'Yep.' She said following her down the stairs.

'Ahhh, good morning Meredith.' Derek smiled as he put the last of three plates on the table.

'Good morning.' She smiled, sitting down looking at the chocolate chip pancakes in front of her, taking a sip of orange juice.

'Sleep well?' He asked, sitting opposite her after pushing Hallies chair in.

'Better.' She smiled. 'Not all the way through, but better.'

'Good.' He smiled, knowing she hadn't been sleeping very well the last couple of nights, worried about Dave since he now knew about the trial.

'Yeah.'

'So I was thinking we could do something today.' He smiled at Hallie.

'Yeah?'

'Yeah. All three of us.'

'Yay!'

'That sound like fun?'

'Lotsa fun! Doesn't it Meredith.'

'Yes it does.' Meredith laughed.

'What do we want to do?' Said Derek, eating a pancake.

'I dunno.' Said Hallie with her mouthful. 'Nana and grandpa took me to the park yesterday.'

'so no park?' He asked.

'No park.' His daughter shook her head.

'Okay. Well, do we want to go somewhere else or do we want to stay here and do things?'

'I don't mind daddy.'

'Meredith?'

'Oh, I don't know...'

'Well we could bake a cake? and play games? Or we could drive somewhere and go for an explore? Or we could go swimming? Or we could go watch a movie?'

'Cake daddy!'

'You wanna make a cake?'

'Chocolate!'

'Okay, so well make a chocolate cake.' He smiled. 'Mer, what do you want to do?'

'Explore sounds fun?' She said tentatively.

'Exploring it is. How about we go for an explore somewhere then go for lunch, pick up some stuff for a cake then come home and bake it?'

'That sounds fun daddy.'

'Good. Sound fun to you Meredith?'

'Very fun.' She smiled back.

'Then that's settled.' He grinned. 'And if you're good we might even have pizza for tea.'

'Pizza?!'

'Pizza.'

'I'm gonna be real good daddy.'

'You're always good monkey.'

'I know.' She beamed.

'She takes after you.' Meredith giggled.

'Hey, no mocking please. My ego deserves to be big- have you met me?'

'Get over yourself Derek.' She laughed, rolling her eyes.

'I've finished daddy.'

'You have?'

'Mm-hm.'

'Okay, then how about you go start getting ready and we'll come help you when we've finished. Start brushing your teeth.'

'Okay daddy. Thank you for my pancakes.'

'You're welcome princess.' he said wrapping his arms round her tightly as she walked past him.

'Love you.'

'Love you.'

'She's so sweet.' Meredith smiled once Hallie has left.

'I know.' He laughed.

'What do I need to wear today?'

'Just your jeans and sweater is fine.' He smiled.

'It's dirty.' She winced, gesturing to the stains on her hoodie. She wore it pretty much every day with it being the only one she had while she was here, she was going to wash it yesterday but forgot.

'That's okay. You can wear one of mine.'

'Oh, okay. Thanks.'

'No problem.' He smiled, letting his eyes drift to her lips which had curved into a smile.

'I should go get ready.' She said, putting hers and Hallies dishes in the sink before heading upstairs.

The whole situation was very odd. Very, very, odd. With Helen gone it had just been her Derek and Hallie at home for three days. And it was perfect. They didn't have to get up as early because Derek was working from home, they all say and ate breakfast together, and then one of Hallie's grandparents would arrive and then dinner would just be the three of them again. And it was weirdly perfect. She had really warmed to Hallie, she was a lovely kid who had taken a real shine to Meredith and was instant on looking after her after Helen and Derek told her that Meredith was staying with them to stay safe. And Derek was being all Derky. He was making food and grinning at her all the time, and making her laugh, making Hallie laugh, and just being generally perfect.

But at the same time things really weren't perfect, because when Hallies grandparents came, Meredith knew that Derek was dealing with her domestic abuse case in his office, and nothing about this situation was normal. She was only staying with them because she had nowhere else. And soon Helen would be back anyway. Because Derek was married. He had a wife. And nothing was perfect about that.

'Mer are you decent?' He called after gently knocking on her door.

'Yeah.'

'Here you go.' He said, chucking a grey Bowdoin sweater at her.

'Thanks.' She grinned. 'Where are we going?'

'That my friend is a surprise.' He teased before shutting the door behind him.

'Daddy!' She heard Hallie shout as she pushed the sweater over her head. This was weird, really weird. Except she couldn't help but enjoy it. She really liked spending time with Derek, in a way she'd never liked spending time with anyone else before. She didn't even want to think about what this meant because she knew nothing could happen. He had a child and he had a wife. And he was her lawyer. Nothing could happen. But every time he looked at her all she could think about was her hands in his curls and his hands on her body. She had to stop. It was bad. Really, really bad. She wasn't going to be the other woman. Not the woman a man cheated on his wife with. Especially not Helen, she liked Helen. They weren't exactly the best of friends but Meredith genuinely likes her and knew it was nice of her to welcome her into her home the way she had. But no matter how nice Helen was it didn't stop the way she knew she was beginning to feel about her husband. And it wasn't going away.

'Ready.' She said, coming down the stairs in her black skinny jeans and Derek's hoodie, some white sneakers on, her hair in a lose pony tail.

'Lets go.' Said Derek, grabbing a bottle of water in his hand, and his car keys, following Meredith and Hallie out the front door.

'Where we gonna go daddy?'

'I told you it's a surprise. But it will be fun.'

'Good.'

'Go on, hop in.' He said, opening the door to the back of the car.

'Have you got your seatbelt on?' He said, turning from the drivers seat.

'Yes daddy.'

'Good.'

'It's a shame the weathers not that great.' Sighed Meredith.

'I know. But it shouldn't rain.'

'Good. I hate the rain.'

'Me too.'

'Well, except from when I'm inside. Then I like the rain. Listening to it is very therapeutic.'

'It is?'

'Uh-huh.'

'I've never really noticed.'

'You're not serious?'

'Deadly.' He laughed. 'Who notices the rain?'

'Normal people.'

'I hope by normal people you aren't referring to yourself.' He said raising an eyebrow.

'Derek Shepherd I swear you're gonna get it.' She laughed.

'Is he being mean Meredith?' Hallie popped up from the back seat.

'He is.' Pouted Meredith.

'Daddy stop being mean to Meredith she's my friend.'

'I seem to recall we had this conversation not that long ago.' He said.

'You love us really.' Meredith giggled.

'I do.' He sighed, looking into her eyes.

About 40 minutes later, Derek pulled up where the road stopped, near some trees.

'We're here.' He grinned.

'We are?!'

'Yep.' Derek said, turning round to his excited daughter.

'Lets go.' He said, jumping out and taking Hallie's hand.

Meredith walked on the other side of Hallie, who was inbetween them clutching Derek's hand. The place was beautiful, in the middle of what appeared to be a forest so there were loads of trees, and the air was so fresh. Once they'd been walking a while they came to a clearing, it was a cliff overlooking Seattle. It was breath taking.

'Wow.' Meredith breathed.

'I know.' He breathed in response.

'It's pretty daddy!'

'It really is princess.' He said, wrapping his arms around his daughter who stood in front of him.

'It's amazing.' Said Meredith.

'It is.' He repeated.

'You okay?' She said, hearing slight sadness in his voice.

'Yeah. Yeah I'm fine. It's just breathtaking.'

'You're not okay.' She whispered.

He turned to look at her, his eyes painful. 'I'm fine.'

She raised an eyebrow at him. 'Derek you've told me a thousand times not to say I'm fine when I'm not. You're not fine.'

He diverted his eyes back to the cliff, his hands tightly in Hallie's.

She wanted to wrap her arms around him and ask him what was wrong. She wanted to kiss his temple and run her fingers through his hair while she held him in her arms as they sat under a tree. But she couldn't. And it sucked.

'Hal why don't you go have a play down there?' She said, pointing to a spot under a tree where some rabbits were playing.

'Are they rabbits?!'

'I think so.' She giggled. 'Go see while daddy and I rest our old legs.'

'Can I go daddy?'

'Of course. We'll be right here.'

'Okay.' She grinned running off to the tree.

'Sit?' She said.

He didn't say anything in response, just nodded and plonked himself on the floor, so she followed doing the same.

'I just... I just didn't think it would hurt this much.'

'What?' She said carefully after a moment.

'I haven't been here in... I haven't been here in a really long time.' He sighed.

'Oh.'

'It was my dad's land.'

'Oh. Derek, I'm sorry.' She said, her arm slipping in his slightly.

'Do you... Want to talk about it?'

'I just didn't think it would hurt this much. I haven't been here since he died.'

'Do you want to leave?'

'No. No, I want to stay. I have to get over it at some point. He left this land to me. For my kids, I can't avoid it forever.'

'He left it to you?'

'Yeah. He bought it when he was forty. He was going to build him and my ma a house for when he retired. Their dream house.'

'I see.' She murmured quietly.

'But he died when he was fifty two.'

'Oh. Derek, I'm sorry.'

'It's okay.'

'You... How old?'

'What?'

'How old were you when he died?'

'Twenty.'

'Oh Der.' She breathed.

'It will be 20 years this year. Amy was only 12.' He whispered.

'Amy?'

'My sister.' He explained.

'It was awful. There was just blood. Everywhere.'

'Blood?'

'He was shot.'

'Shot?'

'He... He was a surgeon right? He died wealthy. But my mom, my mom didn't work and they had six kids, so even on a surgeons wage it wasn't like they had loads. But, when they were younger and they'd just had Kath and he was an intern, my mom saved to buy him a watch. And one night, we needed some groceries from the store. So me and Amelia went with him, and when we were in there the convenience store was raided. They took all the money from the till, and the cashier ran out. He pointed the gun and my dad and ordered him to hand all his money over. Not that he has any on him. I think he had twenty, to pay for the groceries. I think we only went for strawberries and ice cream for dessert. And so he gave them the twenty. Then they asked for his watch. And he refused to give it over.'

'So they shot him?'

'They shot him.' Derek sighed.

'And you were... There?'

'Yeah. I was home from college for Nancy's birthday. That's why I went with him. We hadn't spent much time together since I came home. And Amy had missed me too. So we walked to the store for some time.'

'And he was shot.'

'Yeah.' Derek struggled to say and a tear rolled down his cheek.

'Hey.' She said, leaning to wipe it away. 'It's okay.'

'It's not.' He sighed desperately. 'I miss him.'

'Oh Derek of course you do.' She breathed reaching to wipe more tears that were now flowing.

'I just... This reminds me of him, you know? He used to bring me and Mark fishing here and we came camping here.'

'And now he's not here.'

'Now he's not here.' He repeated, turning to look at her, grasping her hand tightly.

'Do you want to hear some more dark and twisty?' She said hopefully.

'What?' He sniffled.

'When I was five, my mom tried to kill herself in front of me. In the kitchen.'

'What?'

'She slit her wrists.'

'With you there?'

'Yep. Told me not to call anyone.'

'But you did?'

'As soon as she'd passed out. You called someone for your dad right?'

'Yeah. I tried to do what I could for him until they arrived but Amy... Amy was crying and there was blood... And I... I was freaked...'

'I'm so sorry Derek.' She mumbled again, squeezing his hand. 'But you coming here is a good thing.'

'Yeah?'

'Of course. It's a step.'

'It's a step.'

'And the first step is the hardest. But now.. Maybe you could bring Hallie up here more. Camp or something? Like you and your dad did. I mean that's what he gave you this land for right?'

'Right.' He smiled weakly.

'You're an amazing dad Derek. You're dad would be proud.'

'Thanks.' He tried to smile, his hand still in hers, his head drifting to her shoulder.

'It's okay. I mean, you always listen to me. I want to listen to you.'

'I like listening to you.' He protested.

'And I like listening to you too. I have dark and twisty Derek, I get it.'

'Amy... Never mind.'

'No, go on.' She urged, squeezing his hand again.

'Amy,' he sighed. 'Amy's a drug addict. Well, she was. She crashed my car once, when she was high. Then she came home and overdosed.'

'Oh my god Derek.'

'She was dead for three minutes. Three whole minutes. I managed to bring her back. But she was dead for three minutes. Then she became a fucking alcoholic. An alcoholic and she doesn't speak to us. At all. Ever. She... We... We never really talked about dad. Me and her. It was so awful, I don't like to talk about it with anyone. Especially not my baby sister who cried in the corner helplessly the whole time I was trying to keep my dad alive. And so, we drifted and I guess she spiralled. I was at college and she was at home. And then when she went to college she became a drunk. She came back for a while. Saying she was clean and sober, but then she started taking painkillers again... Mom tried to reach out to her. They got into a fight. Mom told her not to come back unless she was clean and safe to be around the kids. And we haven't seen or heard from her since.'

'That's tough Derek.'

'I just...' He trailed off.

'What?' She whispered, slowly moving an arm around him.

'If I had stopped it.'

'Stopped what?'

'I don't know. My dad. Amy. Everything.'

'Derek you couldn't have done anything. If you had stepped in you probably wouldn't have been alive to take care of your family after your dad died.'

'What if he didn't die though?'

'Derek don't do this to yourself. Okay? Don't. You're amazing.'

'I'm glad you think so.' He laughed harshly. 'So amazing that I left my sister alone to develop a drug addiction and alcoholism.'

'Derek that wasn't your fault okay? You were at college building this amazing career you have. Everyone handles grief differently. Your mom and Liz were still at home, right?'

'Yeah.'

'And Nancy and Kath were in the city?'

'Yeah.' He nodded.

'Derek Amelia had people. She just handled it very differently to you. She blocked it out with painkillers and alcohol. Just like I did with boys and tequila.'

'Oh.' He sniffled. 'Oh, yeah.'

'Don't blame yourself Derek. When Amelia's ready to come back, she will.'

'I just... Hallie...'

'It wouldn't do Hallie any good to be around a recovering, unhappy alcoholic, Derek. You know that.'

'I know.'

'Give it time. And just let Amelia know she's always welcome. Text her or whatever.'

'She never replies.'

'That's not the point.'

'Thank you.'

'What?'

'For listening.'

'Oh. Oh, that's okay Derek.' She said, he hand failings to the dark curls at the nape of his neck. 'You're my friend.'

'Friend.'

'Yeah, friend.'

'Friend.'

'You can always talk to me.' She whispered, squeezing his hand. 'I understand dark and twisty.'

'You do.' He smiled.

'I do.' She whispered squeezing his hand as Hallie came running over a daisy chain in her hands.

'Look daddy!'

'That's real pretty Hal.' He smiled, wiping away the wet from his cheeks.

'You okay daddy?'

'Yes monkey. The trees up here giving me hay fever.'

'Hay fevers yucky.'

'It is.' Meredith nodded. 'Why don't we walk back and get some lunch somewhere?' She said, sensing it was getting a bit much for Derek.

'Okay.' Said Hallie reaching her hands out to help Meredith up.

'Why thank you love bug.'

'You're welcome. Daddy do you need help too?'

'Go on then monkey.' He said, not letting go of his daughters hand once she'd pulled him up off his fathers land.

They got home at about 2 o'clock. After Derek had taken them for lunch and to get the ingredients to make a fake from the store. Derek had been quiet, he has barely spoken at lunch and now he was silent in the car. Hallie was falling asleep in the back seat, her dark curls framing her face.

'You okay?' Meredith said quietly.

'Yeah.' He nodded.

'You sure?' She said concerned.

'Yeah. It hurt but I think it did me good.'

'Good.' She smiled reaching over to gently squeeze his thigh, then bringing her hand back to her lap.

'I don't know if she'll even be up for baking this cake.' He laughed softly referring to his sleeping five year old.

'Of course she will.' Meredith giggled. 'It's chocolate.'

'It is.' He grinned, pulling up at the house.

'Hal, wake up monkey.' He said gently.

'Hal.' Meredith giggled, reaching her hand back to tickle her. 'It's time to bake a cake.'

'Stop it!' Hallie laughed, yawning as Meredith tickled her stomach.

'Cake time!' Derek smiled.

'Cake time?!'

'Cake time.' Meredith laughed.

Once they were inside, Derek laid all the ingredients on the table, and got out his moms cook book from the cupboard. Meredith tied Hallie's red and white polka dot apron that apparently Mrs Shepherd had bought her, then ran the tap for her to wash her hands.

'Can you remember how to do it Hal?' Said Derek. 'When was the last time you made one with grandma?'

'Can't remember daddy.'

'Well, let's hope we can all figure it out together.' he laughed. 'I have the recipe book here.'

'I'm not sure how much help I'll be.' Meredith giggled. 'I've never made a cake before.'

'You've not?'

'No.'

'Never?'

'No.'

'Never?!' Hallie gasped.

'No, never.' Meredith laughed.

'Right come on then let's get cracking and make Meredith's first cake.'

'Meredith's first cake!' Hallie echoed.

Meredith was pouring out the ingredients into the quantities stated in the book, while Derek helped Hallie pour them all into a big bowl.

'Sugar Meredith please.'

'There you go Hal.' She said, passing her a small bowl.

'Thank you.' The little girl said before pouring it in and stirring.

'What's next?'

'Flour please.'

'Flour it is. There you go.' She said extending her hand.

'Thank you.' Said Hallie, slightly spilling the flour as she poured it.

'Careful Hal.' Derek murmured as some went on his shoe.'

'Sorry daddy.'

'It's okay.' He laughed.

'It looks funny!'

'It does look funny.' Derek agreed. 'It's white like snow.' He said, dipping his hand in the flour next to Meredith and flicking some into Hallies dark hair.

'Daddy!' Hallie laughed. 'That's mean.'

'It's not!'

'It is!' She giggled also grabbing for the flour and flicking more at her dad.

'Come here you little monkey.' He said, flicking more at her, accidentally knocking the bag of flour over, some blowing on Meredith.

'Oi Shepherd!' She said, flicking some at him.

'Daddy! You got Meredith!'

'Did I?' He smirked, flicking more at her.

'Yes you did.' She said, pouring some on his head.

'Go on Meredith!' Hallie laughed as her and Derek continued to flick flour at eachother. The kitchen was soon covered in a white dust and the laughter of all 3 of them filled the room.

'It's all gone.' Meredith giggled, emptying what was left in the packet in her hand, then rubbing it in Dereks face.

'I think Meredith won daddy.' Laughed Hallie, as Meredith and Derek were both covered in flour.

'You do?'

'I do.'

'Thanks Hal.' Laughed Meredith, turning the oven on.

'I'm going to get you back later.' Derek said quietly as Hallie was washing her hands.

'Now what daddy?'

'Now we pour it into the cake tin, then we put it in the oven.

'Okay.'

'Can you do that?'

'Yeah. You help?'

'I'll help.'

Once Hallie had put her cake in the oven, Derek sent her upstairs to get washed and changed into her pyjamas.

'Pizza for tea?' He asked, wiping down the counters.

'Do you even have to ask?' Meredith giggled.

'Stupid question.' He sighed.

'I'll go and help Hal get ready.'

'Okay. Thanks Mer.'

'No problem.' She said, breaking her gaze and turning up the stairs.

'Hallie have you got your pjs on?'

'Yes!'

'Okay, let's try and get this flour out of your hair.' She said, sitting on the end of Hallies bed. She picked up Hallies hairbrush and ran it smoothly over her bark hair.

'I don't really know what to do.' She admitted.

'We might just have to brush as much as we can out, then wash it in the morning. We can't do it tonight because pizza will be here soon and you can't go to sleep with your hair wet.'

'Okay.' The little girl said.

'Tell me if I hurt you okay?' Said Meredith, running the brush through her hair.

'Meredith?'

'Yeah.'

'Can you stay here forever?'

'What?' She laughed.

'Daddy said you're only here until you're safe again. But I want you here forever. You're fun.'

'Oh. Thanks Hallie.' She laughed. 'But I don't think your mommy and daddy would want me here forever.'

'Daddy would.' She protested.

'He would?'

'Yeah he looks at you all happy. I think he thinks you're fun too.'

'I think he's fun.' Laughed Meredith.

'He's the bestest.'

'He is.' Meredith agreed, as the flour was starting to fade from her hair.

'Shall we tie your hair up?'

'Yes please.'

'Want me to braid it?'

'Yes please. Mommy never has time to braid my hair anymore.'

'Your moms just busy with work sweetie.'

'I know. Work sucks. Daddy used to come home from work late too.'

'At least he doesn't anymore.'

'I know. What's your favourite type of pizza Meredith?'

'Oh. Pepperoni. What's yours?'

'Just cheese.'

'You should try pepperoni.'

'Can I try some of yours?'

'Of course you can.' She smiled, putting a hair tie in the end of Hallies braid.

'Lets go downstairs and wait for the pizza with daddy.'

'Okay.'

After they'd eaten their pizzas, it was 7 o'clock, Derek put Hallie to bed while Meredith was clearing the table. She'd had a good day. A really good day and she couldn't stop smiling because it was possibly the best day she'd ever had. This afternoon had been so much fun, and while Derek was upset, it was strangely amazing to comfort him as he cried, his head on her shoulder.

She put the pizza boxes on the bin outside and started washing their plates, cups and cutlery when Derek came back down, his shirt untucked from his jeans, his sleeves rolled up. It was weird, he was literally in a shirt and jeans and he was tired, but he still looked amazing.

'Hey.' He breathed.

'Hey. She go down okay?'

'Yeah. Out like a light. I think the walking This morning took it out of her.'

'Bless her.'

'Thanks for today, you did great with her.'

'She makes it easy.'

'Me too,' he breathed. 'You... I never really talk about my dad.'

'It's okay.' She said softly. 'I get that it's hard.'

'I just... I froze. Thank you for being there.'

'Where else would I be?' She smiled.

'You know you look strangely cute with flour in your hair.' He smirked.

'What? I thought I got it out?!'

'Nope. Still some there.' He continued to smirk, with the sparkly eyes.

'Where?' She pouted, putting the dish she was washing back down.

'Right there.' He said moving a hand through her hair, leaving it there.

'Oh.' She said, staring at his lips. She couldn't stop staring at his lips. He was so close to her and had his hand in her hair and was looking at her lips. She could not stop staring at his. There was a moment of silence between them as their eyes flicked between eachother's lips and eyes, she felt him slowly moving closer towards her and before she had time to think his lips were on hers. His hand running through her hair again, his other going to her waist to pull him closer to him. He felt good. He felt really good. She moved her own hand to his hair, running it through his dark curls as she slipped her tongue into his mouth.

'Mer,' he groaned.

'Derek.' She breathed against his lips, kissing him again, deeper this time.

His hands moved up and down her sides and it made her feel electric. She couldn't believe this was happening. She was kissing Derek. And he was an amazing kisser. He moved his mouth from her's and placed a hot kiss on her jawbone, and then her neck. His hot breath on her skin.

'Derek.' She murmured, tugging on his curls as his lips travelled down her neck to her shoulder.

'Derek.' She repeated, lifting his head back to her face, cupping his cheeks in her hands, kissing him again.

'Oh, Mer.'

'Derek.'

'Wait-' he said, suddenly pulling away. 'Stop.'

Shit. It shouldn't have happened. He had a wife. And they were only friends. And she'd kissed him. Well, technically he kissed her first but she kissed him back, a lot. But they had kissed. And it had been amazing. He was amazing. It was so amazing to be so close to him, for him to touch her like that.

She looked down, as he looked away.

'You should go.' He said quietly.

'What?'

'Go. You should go.' He said, pacing around the kitchens.

'Derek-'

'There.' He said, giving her his card, still not looking at her.

'Grab a hotel or something.'

'Derek... I'm sorry I-'

'Just go.'

'Derek-'

'Please, just go.' He whispered.

'Okay.'

'I can't... I... Just go.'

'Going.' She whispered.


	15. Chapter 15

_hi guys and thank you for your reviews!_

He felt sick. He couldn't believe he had kissed her. He had kissed her while his child was sleeping upstairs and his wife was away working. He had kissed his friend who he had sworn to everyone he was simply helping. He hated that he had kissed her, but he hated more that he had enjoyed it. He had loved holding her so close to him and he had loved kissing her. Her lips were soft, her tongue demanding, her hands gentle in his hair. He had loved everything about it, and that's what he hated more than anything else. He sat in his kitchen, staring at the remainder of the mess they had left, he couldn't bring himself to clean it up. He couldn't like kissing Meredith. She was his friend. His client. He couldn't be kissing her. He had to put this behind them, and he had to make things work again. He had a wife who he loved, and he did love her. He really did. But he just wasn't sure if he was in love with her anymore. The way he felt about Meredith was totally different. He couldn't keep his eyes off her even when she was in jeans and his Bowdoin hoodie, and apart from the last time, he could barely remember any recent time him and Helen had had sex. It was such a mess. He didn't know what to do. But he knew he couldn't be around Meredith, or he'd end up kissing her again.

He seemed to have been awake all night, which he hadn't realised, as he heard Hallie running down the stairs, coming into the kitchen in her pyjamas.

'Daddy!' She squealed.

'Hey princess.'

'Why you in your clothes?' She frowned. 'And why the kitchen so messy.'

'I couldn't sleep monkey.'

'Oh. We having pancakes for breakfast?'

'If that's what you want.' He tried to smile.

'Yes please. I'm gonna go get Meredith.'

'Oh,' Derek's breath caught in his throat as Hallie turned to leave the room. 'Hal come back sweetie.'

'Why? Meredith sleeping?'

'Meredith...' He sighed. 'Meredith's not here anymore.'

'What?' The little girls face dropped.

'She's not gone forever, just for a few days.'

'But why?' She whimpered.

'It's complicated monkey.'

'Were you mean to her?'

'No.' Derek sighed. 'I was really nice to her.'

'Then why she go?'

'It's complicated monkey.' He sighed.

'I wish she was still here.'

'Me too.' He breathed. 'But she'll be back soon.'

'How soon is soon?'

'A few days, maybe a week.'

'Okay. When she comes back can we have a welcome home party?'

'If you want monkey.'

'we could bake her another cake.'

'We could.'

'Can I have cake for breakfast daddy?!'

'That's not very good for you is it?'

'Meredith would say you're being mean.'

'Yeah,' he sighed. 'She probably would.

/ / / / /

She hadn't slept all night. She just lay awake, thinking, remembering. Remembering how it felt to have Derek's arm around her waist, his hand in her hair and his tongue in her mouth. It was amazing. And while she knew it shouldn't have happened she would give anything to relive it.

His hands were so strong yet simultaneously gentle, and his lips were so soft against hers she could feel herself smiling when she had kissed him. She remembered throwing one hand into his hair, running it through his dark curls, and her other arm also going around his neck, resting on his strong shoulders. She could have sworn she had felt his erection, too.

It was so different from kissing Dave. With Dave it was just, wrong. She felt disgusting and like a piece of meat whenever his hands were on her, let alone his lips. With Derek, she felt safe. But also the most alive she had ever felt in her whole life. She wasn't this girl. She wasn't the girl who fell hard for a guy, especially not a married guy. But she just couldn't help it. She'd never been in love before but she was pretty sure this was what it felt like. She was in love with Derek. And she had kissed him. And he had a wife.

She'd taken her bags and called a cab the night before, asking the driver to take her to the cheapest motel or whatever he knew. And so she was here. Penbrookshire house it was called. It was very small and very simple and moderately cheap. She didn't know how long she would even be here, so god knows how much it would come to on Dereks card. She was hoping he'd just need a couple of days to cool off, so they could talk about it before Helen came home. Because she already missed him. Which was stupid. But she already missed him and his stupid jokes and his stupid pancakes. She needed to be around him just so she felt safe again. Not that Dave would find her here, she hoped. He was probably more likely to find her at Dereks house. But at least if he found her there she would have Derek and he would protect her. But right now, she was lay in some sweat pants and his Bowdoin hoodie on an uncomfortable bed, savouring his scent on the grey garment.

/ / / / /

'Hey man.'

'Oh, hi.' Said Derek, Opening the door to Mark.

'Woah, someone kill your cat or something?' He laughed.

'What?'

'You. You look miserable man.'

'Oh.'

'Oh?'

'Come in.' He sighed. 'Hal uncle Mark's here!'

'Uncle Mark!' She grinned, running up to him, throwing her arms around his legs.

'Well hello princess. How are you today?'

'I'm good. But Meredith's gone, so I'm kinda sad.'

'Meredith's gone?' Said Mark, raising an eyebrow.

'Daddy says it's complicated.' She sighed.

'It is?' Said Mark, glancing at Derek, who immediately looked away.

'Yeah.'

'I'm sure she'll be back soon, right Shep?'

'Right.'

'Cause daddy said she had to stay here til she was safe and I gots to keep her safe uncle Mark.'

'Yeah you do. I'm sure she'll be home soon.'

'I miss her.'

'Isn't your mommy back tomorrow?'

'Yeah.' The little girl suddenly smiled.

'So you'll probably miss Meredith a little less once you've seen your mommy.'

'Yeah.' She giggled.

'I've got to talk to your dad for a little, okay?'

'Okay. I've got a new doll I want to play with anyway.'

'Okay.' He laughed, kissing her cheek as she ran upstairs.

'Mers gone?' Mark said.

'Yeah.' Derek breathed. 'Want a drink?'

'Coffee would be nice.'

'Noting stronger?'

'I'm driving dude.'

'Oh. Yeah.'

'Why? What you drinking?'

'Anything.' He said, pulling a beer out of the fridge before pulling out a mug for Marks coffee.

'What happened then? You and Mer have a big row? Did something come up with he case?'

'No.' He sighed, placing Mark's drink in front of him. 'No.'

'Then what?' Said Mark, knowing exactly where this was heading.

'I can't, Mark.' He sighed, his head in his hands.

'Try.'

'I took her to dads land.'

'What?' Mark breathed.

'Dads land. I took Meredith there yesterday. We took Hallie.'

'What? Why would you do that man?'

'She makes me brave.' He shrugged.

'Oh god, here you go being a chick again.' He rolled his eyes.

'I'm not being a chick Mark. I've been with Helen for eleven years, and never once have I wanted to take her to dads land. Meredith... She makes me feel something. I don't know. But, I took her.'

'You took her to dads land.'

'Yeah.' He whispered, tears forming in his eyes. 'And I told her about him, and Amy. And she... She told me things... And Mark... I just...' He trailed off.

'This means things. And I can't deal with these things. I can't. I have a wife and a child and I'm married Mark! I'm fucking married! I can't be kissing her like I want to fuck her on my kitchen counter!'

'Woah, woah. You kissed her?'

'Yeah.' Derek said regretfully.

'Dude.'

'I know. I know.'

'You... You feel things?'

'I... Yeah... I feel things. And I know I shouldn't but she's just... I don't even know.'

'It was only a kiss?'

'It was only a kiss. Well, a few kisses. But yeah. Just kissing.'

'And she ran?'

'No. No. I kind of told her to leave.'

'You told her to leave?' Mark said, raising an eyebrow.

'I can't be around her Mark. Not after that.'

'You don't trust yourself?'

'I don't know.' He sighed. 'I don't know if I trust myself around another woman and that's sick Mark.'

'You can't help it if you love her.'

'I don't. I don't... Love her. I don't. Except I do. I love her. I love her like crazy.'

'About fucking time.' Mark laughed.

'What?'

'Dude you've been in love with her forever.'

'No I haven't.'

'Yes, you have.' He laughed again.

'Mark this isn't funny.'

'Man you need to relax. You kissed her and made her leave its not like you fucked her. You fell for someone, it happens.'

'Mark I am married.'

'Yeah. And Meredith's dealing with an abusive ex boyfriend who could attack her any moment, literally. And you're sat here crying into your salad that you don't know how to tell your wife it's over.'

'Shit.' He breathed. 'I left her. I told her I wouldn't leave her that I would protect her. And then I sent her away, I don't even know where she is, she might not be safe.'

'Dude. If Meredith feels the same way you do then I'm pretty sure she'll be in touch soon. Don't freak.'

'I'm not. And it's not over with Helen. I mean what if this is a phase.'

'A phase? You think Meredith is a phase?'

'Well not a phase. But, maybe I just feel sorry for her because of everything going on with Dave.'

'So you felt absolutely nothing for her before you knew about all this?'

'Well, no.'

'No?'

'I don't know.'

'So you just fell in love with her while she's been here?'

'Again, I don't know.'

'You fell in love with her while sleeping next to your wife every night and you think she's a phase?'

'I don't know Mark! I have no fucking clue what I think. Except that it shouldn't have happened. I'm married.'

'Yeah and totally smitten with someone else.'

'I have to make it work.' He said. 'With Helen. I have to make it work. Me and Mer, were friends and we have to win this case. So we need to get back to being friends.'

'Just friends?'

'Just friends.' He nodded, gulping down his beer while wiping away the single tear from his cheek.


	16. Chapter 16

_Hi guys! Thank you so much for reading and thank you all of you for your reviews! The system was being weird and so I couldn't see them for a couple of days but I have caught up on them all now and thank you all- especially Patsy! I hope you enjoy this bit... I have a feeling most of you will._

Helen landed from Milan two hours earlier than she expected, her flight was delayed but it seemed their plane had caught up. She was excited to see Hallie and give her the new dress she'd managed to pick up for her, and she was excited to hear about all the things she'd done while she'd been gone. Derek should've been at home too, he said he was taking time off while she was away so that Meredith wasn't on her own. While it made her proud that her husband was such a kind, caring man, looking out for his friend the way he was. She couldn't help but be slightly jealous of Meredith. Her and her lawsuit seemed to take up all Derek's attention these days. When he wasn't talking with Meredith, he was talking about Meredith. And she liked Meredith, she really did, she was a sweet woman who seemed very shy and unsure of herself, but it seemed her husband liked her in ways Helen didn't even want to admit to herself.

'Hello Princess!' Helen said excitedly as Hallie opened the front door.

'Mommy!'

'I missed you so much.'

'I missed you too!'

'Is daddy home?'

'Yeah. But you gotta be careful mommy.' The little girl whispered. 'He's real sad.'

'Daddy's sad?'

'Uh-huh.'

'Why what happened sweetie?'

'Meredith's gone.'

'Meredith's gone?'

'Yep. And daddy won't talk about it.'

'He won't?'

'No.'

'Come on sweetie lets go inside and I'll show you the dress I got for you.'

Helen followed Hallie through the hallway and through the living room, into the kitchen where Derek was sat. At the table, doing nothing, just sitting.

'Hey.' She smiled.

'Hi.' He breathed. 'You're early.' He said flatly.

'Oh, yeah. We seemed to have the wind on our side.'

'Hmm.'

'Hallie why don't you go play sweetie and I'll come show you your present when I've just made a drink and sorted my stuff out.'

'Okay mommy.' She said, before running to Derek. 'Don't be sad daddy.' Kissing his cheek and turning into the living room.

'How's she been?'

'Good.' He mustered.

'Good.' She said, sitting opposite him. 'You okay?'

'Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired.' He said, remembering that he had to try. He had to make this work. 'She can be exhausting.' He half laughed.

'She can.'

'How was the trip?' He said, trying to sound interested.

'Good. Quite boring and Miranda was a pain in the ass as usual. But it was good.'

'Good.'

'So. Mers gone?'

'Oh. Yeah.'

'What happened?'

'Oh... Er... I think she got a bit anxious. That he was going to find her. She didn't want to stay in the same place for too long... So she left. But she said she's going to come back soon.'

'It must be so hard for her.'

'Yeah.'

'Why don't we go out for dinner tonight?'

'Sure.'

'Piccolinos?'

'Sure.'

'At least you won't be late this time.' She tried to joke, but got no real reaction. There was something wrong with her husband, really wrong.

Things hadn't been perfect recently, in fact things hand't been perfect for a while now. Her and Derek had been married seven years, which was a long time really, and they'd been together 11. Things were so different to when they first got together, but that was to be expected now they had a child and we're trying to juggle two successful careers which involved long hours. They never really made that much time for eachother, and to be honest, she never really thought about it, which was bad. They never went out to dinner alone, they never spent any time alone, other than when Hallie was in bed and even then all they'd do is watch tv, on different sofas, not really saying much until one suggested going to bed and the other followed. There was rarely sex. And not because she didn't want to particularly. She just didn't particularly want to. If that made sense; It just didn't happen naturally very often. Maybe this was just what real married life was like.

There was a time when she'd been away a week, and it felt like a lifetime and she'd be rushing home to her husband who would welcome her with lots of sex and dinner out. These days, she was lucky if Derek kissed her as she came through the door. But the strangest thing was, she didn't even think she cared. She was past caring, this was their life now.

'Are you okay?'

'Yeah, fine.' Said Derek, pushing some pasta around his plate.

'You seem quiet.'

'Me? Oh, no. Just tired.'

'Work?'

'Yeah.' He sighed.

'Have you just got Meredith's case or have you a few others going on as well?'

'A couple of other small ones. In at court next week Monday, Tuesday.'

'I really hope this Meredith thing goes her way.'

'Yeah me too.' He sighed. 'Me too. Anyway, so why was Miranda being annoying?'

'Oh. God, she was name dropping like there was no tomorrow, all because she was asked to be part of the buying team at Dash- you know the store owned by the Kardashians? Well, she literally has been to two meetings and met Kim, Khloé and Jonathan and she's going on like she's met the queen of England and her dog.'

'The Kardashians?' He grimaced. 'Tacky.'

'Exactly. Like okay we get it you're mixing with some big names but Kim Kardashian is not exactly a name you want to attach yourself to if you want to be taken seriously.'

'Has she even done a buy for them yet?'

'No. Literally just meetings. Ha, she said she thinks next time she goes they're going to be filming the show.'

'Really?' Derek laughed.

'Yeah. I kind of hope they are because then everyone will see the reality of the bull she's spinning. I bet she's sat at a table not saying a word as their head buyer and Kim dominate the conversation.'

'Probably.'

'Hopefully that might shut her up.'

'How old even is she again?'

'Older than me. Like 45?'

'45 and going on about the Kardashians.'

'I know. Tacky right.'

'Right. What time did your mom say we had to pick Hal up tomorrow?'

'She said her and dad were going to take her out for some lunch so probably afternoon.'

'Cool.'

'Cool?'

'Cool.' Derek frowned. 'What?'

'You never say cool!'

'Yes I do?' He laughed.

'Whatever. You just can't deal with t coolness.'

'Okay who are you and what have you done with my husband?'

'Shut up.' He joked. 'You know I'm cool.'

'Whatever.'

'Want a dessert or shall I just get the cheque?'

'Cheque.'

'Okay. Excuse me?' He said to the dark haired waitress passing their table. 'Can we have the cheque.'

'Of course sir.'

'Thank you.' Said Derek, taking out his wallet.

'Shit.'

'What?'

'Nothing... I..' Derek trailed off.

'What's up?'

'I gave Mer my card to get a hotel or whatever, and the only other one I have on me is my American Express one but it's still not sorted.'

'Still? I rang the bank about it before I left for Italy.'

'Still.' He sighed.

'It's okay. I can get it.'

'You sure?'

'Yeah,' she laughed. 'Derek were married, we share money anyway.'

'I know but it's not very gentleman like to make a lady pay on a date is it?'

'Oh,' she smiled coyly. 'So this is a date is it?'

'Mm-hm.' He smirked.

When they got home they headed straight upstairs, which hadn't happened in months. Actually, maybe even years. Derek couldn't get his hands off her, and she honestly couldn't remember the last time they had been like this. The last few times they'd had sex it had been relatively boring, I mean it was okay but it wasn't exactly their best, and she couldn't remember the last time Derek had chased her up the stairs.

At first Derek had remained strangely quiet over dinner, but then after a while he seemed to become more animated, especially on the car ride home. And now they were about to have sex, which made a change. But the fact it made a change kept playing on Helens mind- having conversation and sex with your husband shouldn't exactly be a rarity.

'God.' He groaned, pulling her to him as they stumbled into the bedroom.

'Der.' She breathed as he backed her onto the bed, his lips on her neck.

'Clothes. Too many clothes.' He said, pulling his shirt over his head before reaching for her own, then laying her down, kissing her hard.

'God, Der.' She said, grasping at his hair as he reached behind her to unhook her bra.

'Hmmm.'

'Derek.' She breathed as she felt his hands on her breasts.

'Mmmmm'

'Der Oh god.' She managed as he ducked his head down to her nipple.

'Hmmmm.' He groaned.

'Derek... Need you.' She panted as he moved one of his hands down to remove her pants.

'Yeah.' He groaned, pushing his boxers down as she grabbed his erection.

'God.'

'Yes.' She moaned as he slipped into her.

'God.' He breathed, his eyes shutting as he thrusted into her.

'Oh god... Derek... Yes!'

'Oh...' He groaned, pushing into her deeper. 'Oh god.'

'Derek!'

'Oh Meredith'

Silence hit as they both froze. His eyes suddenly opened but he didn't look at her. He didn't even move, he didn't move off her but he didn't touch her, he didn't even try and correct himself.

'Derek.' She sighed.

'Hel...' He whispered, still not moving. 'I... Shit.' Still not looking at her.

'I think it's time.' She sighed again, pushing him off her.

'What?' He said, confused.

'This isn't working.'

'What?' He repeated again, confused. 'You're... You're not mad?'

'Derek you just yelled another woman's name in bed of course I'm mad. But, I'm not really surprised. This isn't working.'

'It's not.' He sighed. 'I wanted to try.'

'Try?'

'Make it work... Make it better.'

'But all the time you're with me you're wishing I was her.' She breathed, understandingly.

'Yeah.' He barely even whispered, a tear dripping down his cheek. 'I'm sorry Hel.'

'It's not your fault.' She shrugged. 'Well, maybe. No, not really. We both failed I guess. We never make any time for each other anymore... It was only natural you'd move on.'

'I'm sorry.' He whispered again.

'I just guess I wish it hadn't been with someone living in the house.'

'I'm sorry.'

'Stop saying you're sorry Derek.'

'I just yelled another woman's name Helen how can I not say sorry?' He suddenly snapped.

'I... I don't know.' She sighed. 'Do you love her?'

'I don't know.' He shrugged.

'Derek.' She rolled her eyes. 'Do you love her? You don't have to pretend you don't. I mean... I don't think I love you anymore.'

'You don't?'

'Well I love you. I think I'll always love you. But I don't know... I'm not really in love with you anymore.'

'That's... That's exactly how I feel.' He said, tears forming in his eyes, as she reached to squeeze his hand. 'I love you I do and I really care about you but I just don't love you in the same way I...' He trailed off.

'You love Meredith.' She finished his sentence, and he nodded, more tears falling.

'Have you slept with her?'

'No. God no.' He shook his head violently. 'We kissed... But I-'

'You kissed?'

'Yeah... But that's why she's gone... I kicked her out told her she had to leave.'

'Oh Derek.'

'I'm sorry.'

'It's okay... I think. I think it's okay.'

'Please don't hate me.'

'I don't hate you Derek.'

'So what happens now?'

'Honestly? I don't know.' She sighed.

'Me neither.' He said quietly.

'So we're broken up?'

'Were broken up.'

'But that's... Divorce, Derek. That's big.'

'I know.' He sighed.

'But we... There's no way back right? We don't love eachother anymore? At least not in the right way.'

'No.' He agreed.

'So, divorce.'

'We can get one of the guys at work to do it,' he mustered. 'It will be quicker and cheaper.'

'Okay.'

'Hal.' He suddenly said, crying again. 'What are we going to tell Hal?'

'Oh god. I don't know.'

'I can't... I don't even know...' He whimpered.

'Derek.' She said squeezing his hand again. 'She's a smart kid she'll be fine. It's not like we hate eachother and are putting her in the middle.'

'My fault.. It's my fault.'

'Derek it's not. You know that. Things haven't been good for a while. A good while before Meredith came along.'

'Meredith.' He breathed.

'Have you spoken to her?'

'Not since she left.'

'What do we do?'

'What do you mean?'

'Well, if she moves back in it will be... Awkward. At least until I find somewhere to stay.'

'Hel you don't have to leave. This is your house too.'

'Oh yeah I'll just stay here in a guest room while you and Meredith fuck in our bed?' She rolled her eyes.

'Hel.' He protested, hurt.

'Sorry. I know it's not like that.'

'I just... I'll go.'

'Derek where are you going to go? Pay for you and Meredith to live in a hotel forever while still paying this mortgage?'

'I don't know.' He sighed. 'Maybe we could sell it and each buy our own place.'

'What about Hal?'

'What?'

'Where would she live.'

'God.' He whispered. 'This is awful.'

'I know.' She sighed. 'Lets... It's late. Let's just sleep on it and talk in the morning.'

'Yeah.' He breathed, laying down and pulling her into his arms loosely. 'I'm sorry Hel.'

'Me too Derek.' She said, shutting her eyes.


	17. Chapter 17

_Hi guys thank you for reading and thank you for your reviews!_

Derek woke up to an empty bed. He'd been awake most of the night and couldn't remember falling asleep, except he must have done because now he was waking up. In an empty bed. Last night had honestly been his worst nightmare. He couldn't describe the guilt and shame he felt when he had said her name. He couldn't imagine what Helen must have felt like, he wanted to kick himself in the head about a thousand times. And even Helens reaction didn't help much. She was understanding, but he still said it. He said Meredith's name while having sex with his wife for the first time in forever, he was picturing his friend underneath him, imagining it was her making the soft moans as he massaged her breasts and kissed her lips. He had basically betrayed his wife and he felt sick.

But at the same time, without it happening, he'd probably still be in a marriage he didn't want anymore. A marriage neither of them wanted, but neither of them had ended. Maybe he was lucky it happened, it had given them an out. Her reaction wasn't what he was expecting at all. He was expecting her to throw him out, yell at him. But when he thought about it, Helen had been just as absent as he was, and it was clear neither of them were really in it anymore. It was just all so complicated. Out of everyone why did he have to fall in love with the woman who's case he was taking on, who was living in his house, who had a crazy ex boyfriend who would probably beat him black and blue if he found out he was seeing Mer, who had no money of her own, who didn't want to go out in public too much in case she was seen. Why did he have to fall in love with Meredith. But in his mind, that was easy: because she was Meredith.

He sighed and rolled out of bed, throwing on a t shirt and some pyjama pants, looking for his light grey Bowdoin hoodie, when he realised she had it. He made his easy to the bathroom and brushed his teeth before heading down stairs.

'Hey.' He breathed, going into the kitchen where Helen was sat, fully dressed drinking a coffee.

'Hey.'

'You up early?'

'Yeah.' She sighed. 'Didn't sleep well.'

'Me neither.'

'I'm going to go pick up Hal in a half hour.'

'Okay.'

'I think we should tell her.'

'What?'

'I think she needs to know.'

'Helen she's five.'

'We can't not tell her Derek!'

'It's complicated. Why do we have to do it now? We only decided last night.'

'It's only going to get harder, Derek. We need to tell her. And your mom. And my mom.'

'Why?'

'Derek.' She sighed. 'We want this over with easily right?'

'Yeah.' He sighed.

'Then we tell them all, civilly. You go to work on Monday and give it one of the guys. We work through it and everyone co operates. It should be done soon.'

'It's just all so fast.'

'I know. But it's like ripping Off a band aid. It's going to really hurt for a little while but before you know it, it will be okay again.'

'Yeah.'

'Yeah.'

He sighed and went to get some muesli out of the cupboard, pouring it into a bowl.

'I'm going to tell my mom when I pick Hal up.'

'Okay.'

'I've been thinking. One of us could buy the house off the other that way, the other will have money to buy a new place, but we'll still have this house so hopefully Hal won't be as confused.'

'Yeah.' He breathed. 'Were going to share her right?'

'Of course, Derek. I'm not going to take her away from you, she loves her daddy.'

'Good.' He breathed. 'We can do it. We can co-parent.'

'Just... Derek if you love Meredith... please don't... Just don't parade a string of girls past my daughter.'

'What? Hel? What do you think I am?'

'I know Derek.' She sighed. 'I just had to say it.'

'Well the same goes for you too.'

'Sure.'

'I mean it. And none of them will ever be her daddy.'

'No.'

'I mean it Hel, I'm not just going to be one of those dads she sees every other weekend while your new guy plays dad every night.'

'Derek.' She sighed. 'I never said that.'

'Yeah, well. I'm just saying.'

'Derek please let's just remain calm about all of this.'

'Yeah.' He sighed. 'I'm sorry. If anyone should be mad it's you.'

'Let's just leave it for now.' She sighed. 'It's a lot.'

'Yeah, but it has to be said I guess.'

'I think I'll just go an pick up Hal now.'

'Okay.'

'I'll see you later. I don't know how long I'll be.'

'Okay. Take your time, it's not like I'm going anywhere.' He half laughed.

'Okay.'

Derek sighed as she walked out the room, sitting down with his cereal. He didn't know how he had got here he really didn't. 11 years ago when he had met a cute blonde at he gym he never thought he'd be here in a house with her, with a child, and he never thought he'd be getting divorced. His family were against divorce. His mom was a strong Catholic, as was his dad. And none of them tolerated divorce. And now he was getting divorced, from the woman all those years ago he had sworn he would love forever. He finished his breakfast and picked up his phone.

'Derek?'

'Ma.' He breathed.

'Derek are you alright dear?'

'Yeah. No.'

'Derek you're sending mixed signals here.'

'I don't know if I'm alright Ma. I mean I'm not alright, but I am. I am alright.'

'You're not making much sense dear.'

'Were getting a divorce.' He blurted.

'What?'

'Me and Helen. We're getting a divorce.'

'Oh, dear.' Carolyn breathed.

'I'm sorry mom.' He half sobbed.

'Now dear, you know how I feel about it... But... You're my son you don't need to be sorry.'

'But I am. I am sorry Ma. Because it's all my fault.'

'Derek Christopher Shepherd, it takes two people to maintain a marriage.'

'But Ma...' He trailed off.

'It's Meredith isn't it?'

'What? No.' He said defensively.

'Derek dear it doesn't take a genius to tell that you're in love with the girl.'

'No ma-'

'It's alright dear. I see the way she looks at you. You've not ended this marriage for nothing.'

'What?'

'Meredith. She thinks the world if you.'

'Oh. She does?'

'Don't act like you haven't noticed.'

'Well... I haven't I mean... I think the world of her but I didn't know she...'

'What's happened there Derek?'

'What?'

'You and Meredith. You're leaving your wife for her, you better not have cheated.'

'I'm not.. I'm not leaving Helen for Meredith.'

'You're not?'

'Well yes but no. I think... Even without Meredith, it was going to happen eventually.'

'It was?'

'Yeah. We weren't happy mom. Neither of us.'

'That's no good.'

'I know.' He sighed. 'And I haven't slept with her- Meredith. I haven't.'

'I believe you dear.'

'We kissed but I stopped it.'

'There you go then. Derek, you put a stop to it out of respect for your wife. You did the right thing.'

'Yeah but then I sent Meredith away.'

'You what?'

'I couldn't have her around mom, not after that. So I gave her my card and told her to grab a hotel.'

'Oh Derek.'

'If she stayed... I love her mom. I love her but it's complicated.'

'It is.'

'I'm her lawyer. It's too complicated.'

'Nothing is too complicated if you love eachother.'

'I haven't even spoken to her.' He breathed.

'Then I suggest you get on the phone to her right now and tell her to come home.'

'I can't Ma. Well I can call her but... We're telling Hallie later, and it's not fair for Helen for Mer to be here, and I'm not even sure if Meredith wants to be together. I don't even know if I want to be together yet, not so soon. I just... I don't know.'

'Talk to her dear.'

'I will, I promise.'

'Then hang up on me and give her a call.'

'Okay.'

'And Derek?'

'Yeah.'

'If you need anything, with Hallie or... Anything- just call me.'

'I will do Ma.'

'Good. Bye dear, I love you.'

'I love you too Ma.' He said before hanging up and scrolling to Meredith's name immediately in his phone.

He dialled the number, bracing himself for when she answered.

'Pick up, pick up, pick up.' He whispered to himself, as it continued to ring out.

'Meredith answer.' He said, now pacing in the kitchen.

'Damn it.' He said, hanging up on her automated voice mail message, before calling again. Still no answer. She was probably pissed at him. He decided to take a shower and try again later.

After he'd showered, he heard the front door open as he was getting dressed. He threw his sweater on and headed downstairs, not looking forward to this conversation at all. He walked into the living room to see Hallie sitting on the sofa, Helen on the other soda, her mascara under her eyes slightly, she'd been crying. His stomach turned.

'Hey monkey.' He said, ruffling Hallies hair before sitting next to her.

'Hey daddy.' She giggled.

'Did you have fun at nanas?'

'Yeah. We baked cookies last night!'

'You did?'

'Yeah. They're in the kitchen you can have one?'

'I can?'

'Yes but only one.'

'Okay.' Derek laughed. 'Only one.'

'Hal, sweetie.' Helen breathed. 'Yes mommy?'

'Mommy and daddy have to talk to you okay?'

'Okay... I'm nots in trouble am I daddy?' She said, suddenly turning to Derek.

'No, monkey. You're not in trouble.' He insisted. 'And we want you to know that we love you very much. Okay?'

'Okay.' She said confused.

'We... You know how me you and daddy all live together?'

'Yeah.'

'And me and daddy are married?'

'Yeah...'

'Well.' Helen took a deep breath. 'Me and daddy aren't going to be married much longer.'

'What?'

'Me, you and daddy won't all be living together all the time.' She breathed.

'Why not?'

'Because monkey,' cut in Derek. 'Being married is very hard and full of grown up stuff. And to be married you have to love eachother very much to get through the hard stuff.'

'Do you not love eachother no more?'

'We do.' Derek said weakly. 'We love eachother but we don't love eachother in the right way. It's complicated monkey.'

'So... You ain't gonna be married no more?'

'No.' Helen shook her head.

'Will I still gets to see you daddy?'

'Of course you will monkey. It's complicated and we have a lot to sort out but don't you worry you're going to see us both all the time.'

'Okay.' She said sadly.

'Okay?' Said Derek, pulling her in for a hug.

'I love you daddy.'

'I love you too princess.'

'And I love you mommy.' She said, running to hug Helen too.

'Are you two gonna be fighting? Georgia's mom and dad don't live together neither and she says they shout all the time.'

'No monkey.' Derek smiled. 'We won't be fighting.'

'Cause you still love eachother a little bit?'

'Yeah.' Helen smiled weakly, tears forming in her eyes.

'How about I get some pizzas for dinner?' Said Derek.

'Yeah.' Smiled Helen, do you want to go with daddy to buy some pizzas for dinner later?'

'Okay.' The little girl beamed. 'Can we watch a movie first?'

'Sure we can.' said Derek. 'Which movie do you want to watch?' As Hallie settled herself next to Helen.

'Nemo!'

'Nemo it is.' He said, putting the DVD in the machine, sitting back on the sofa. He checked his phone to see if Meredith had called, she hadn't. He had two missed calls from Nancy but he locked his phone, putting it face down on the couch arm, deciding he would enjoy the time with Helen and Hallie before things changed even more drastically.

When the movie finished, Hallie gave Derek one of his cookies and told him she wanted a pepperoni pizza from the store but didn't want to go with him because apparently she wanted to put her pyjamas on and make a den in the living room with Helen.

'Okay,' he sighed. 'I'm going to the store. What pizza would you like Hel?'

'Hawaiian please.'

'Sure. Wine?'

'Please.' She laughed 'A bottle of red?'

'Can do. Pepperoni for you Hal?'

'Yes please daddy.'

'Okay.' He said, picking up his phone and walking out the house. He was half way to the store when his phone began ringing, thinking it might be Meredith, he glanced at it, trying to keep his eyes on the road. Only Nancy. When he let it ring out, after the screen changed he was the number 23 next to her name. Nancy had tried to call him 23 times? He turned on his hands free and dialled her number.

'About fucking time you asshole!'

'What?' He groaned. 'Nancy a lots been going on okay?'

'Yes you're right it fucking has.'

'Nance? Are you alright you sound pissed?'

'Yes Derek because I'm pissed at you for not answering your phone!'

'Woah... Is everything okay?'

'No Derek everything is not fucking okay?'

'Nance you need to calm down.' He said, stopping at some red lights.

'Don't tell me to calm down Derek!'

'Nance would you just stop for a moment and tell me what's actually going on?'

'It's Meredith!' She hissed.

'What?'

'You need to get your ass here right now.'

'What? Where... Meredith?'

'The hospital Derek!'

'The hospital?' He said, stunned, as cars beeped him for not moving with the change in lights.


	18. Chapter 18

_Hi guys! Sorry about chapter 17 not posting.. I don't know what happened there... This site is being very weird. Oh well, thank you all for reading and reviewing!_

Derek couldn't breathe as he ran from his car to the hospital door, all Nancy had told him was that he needed to be there. She hadn't said what was wrong with her, she hadn't said what had happened, she just said that he needed to be here. So he was here. Any thoughts about pizza were gone, and all he could think about was Meredith. He knew he shouldn't have left her alone. He knew it. And his gut was beginning to wrench. His hands were shaking as he pushed past people to reception.

'Hi, Derek Shepherd.' He said, interrupting a woman.

'Excuse me Derek Shepherd can't you see there's a line?' A rather bossy, short woman said from behind the counter.

'This is emergency.' He expressed. 'Meredith Grey. Meredith Grey where is she?'

'Mr Shepherd, if you could please wait until I have spoken to Mr Noon, I can help you locate Meredith Grey.'

'Fine.' Said Derek, storming off and getting his phone out.

'Nance?' He said, wandering around the hospital trying to find her.

'Are you here yet?'

'Yes! Where abouts are you?'

'Third floor ward B bed 8.'

'Third floor?' He breathed.

'Just get here Derek.'

'Yeah.' He said, shoving the phone in his pocket. Ward B bed 8. He ran up the stairs, scanning the beds as he arrived on floor 3.

He walked down the bay, which he realised was trauma, until he realised that bed 8 was the only bed with the curtains drawn completely shut around it. Shit. He pulled the curtain slightly, ducking his head through.

He went to speak but he had no words.

'Hey.' Said Nancy from her seat next to the bed.

'What... What's going on?' He whispered, tears stinging his eyes as he saw Meredith laying in bed, most of her face purple, a cut on the side of her head and above her left eye, he right eye covered up by... Something.

'She was brought in.' Nancy explained. 'Keep calm Derek.'

'How can I keep calm when she looks like she's been in a fucking road accident?!'

'Derek... Please... Calm.' She said, gesturing for him to sit next to her.

'I'm sitting next to Mer.' He said, taking the chair and placing it on the other side of the bed, the side on which her eye was covered. He looked at her for a moment, and gently traced the outline of her face with his fingers, before sitting down and lacing his fingers in her slim ones, which also looked bruised.

'Derek,' Nancy breathed. 'I get that she's hurt but she's okay, she's stable. But I need to tell you what happened- for the case.'

'Fuck the case Nancy what is wrong with her?!' He demanded, his voice wavering.

'Derek please keep your voice down.' She hissed. 'It's... Okay so... Her right eye seems to have been hit incredibly hard. We did a scan, and there are some fractures in her socket so whatever hit her must have been pretty forceful.'

'Fractures?'

'Derek... There might be a loss of sight.'

'What?' He whimpered.

'Not fully, maybe just partially. Maybe none at all. But... She needs reconstructive surgery.'

'She might lose her sight?' He breathed.

'It's only a maybe, Derek.'

'What else?' He said.

'What?'

'You said you had to tell me what happened. What happened?'

'Derek,' she sighed. 'The person who brought her in, a new neighbour apparently called Mrs Perry, said she heard arguing. She heard arguing and then heard the door slam and someone drive off.'

'Drive?'

'She couldn't see Derek.'

'She was driving?'

'I think she was running away. From what Mrs Perry said Meredith didn't get very far- a corner store near their house. That's how she found her, after the arguing her kid started crying at all the noise, so she went to get him some candy and that's where she found Mer. She didn't know who she was so I'm assuming she moved in after Mer had left.'

'She has...' Derek's eyes were fixed on Meredith's neck which had several red, burning lines on it. 'She's got marks Nance.'

'Dr Hunt suspects they're from strangling.' She said quietly.

'Strangling?'

'She was unconscious when they found her, but she should wake up soon'

'How long has she been here?!'

'Since 10 am. If you would have answered your damn phone.'

'10 am?'

'Yes. 10 am.'

'How... How did you find her?'

'Didn't I just tell you?'

'No, I mean you, Nancy. How did you find her?'

'Hunt paged me about something completely unrelated and she was his patient. I recognised her, and obviously everyone here knows her mother.'

'And I didn't answer.'

'You didn't answer.'

'When's the surgery?'

'As soon as she wakes up they want consent and then as soon as possible.'

'And when do they think she's going to wake up?'

'Within the next hour hopefully. Dr. Edwards is going to be in the surgery too, to ensure the surgery doesn't cause any brain damage.'

'Brain damage?' He whimpered.

'It's unlikely, Derek. But just in case.'

'Brain damage.' He repeated.

'Derek, I'll get Dr. Edwards to talk to you when Owen talks to Mer, okay?'

'Okay.' He whispered, glancing back at Meredith.

'Me and Helen are getting a divorce.' He sighed after a few moments of silence had past, Dereks hand gently rubbing through Meredith's slightly bloody hair.

'What?' Nancy gasped quietly.

'We decided last night.'

'Derek... That's drastic...'

'I know.'

'I'm sorry. Have you told mom?'

'Yeah. But no one else. So please don't tell the sisters.'

'I won't. But you will soon right?'

'Yeah.' He sighed, continuing to run his finger through her soft waves.

'I'm going to fucking kill him.'

'What?'

'I'm going to kill him.'

'Derek don't be stupid.'

'Have you seen what he's done to her?!'

'Yes, Derek. It's awful. But you can't... You're her lawyer and you're a professional you can't get emotionally involved Derek.'

'Bit late for that.' He laughed cynically.

'I know she's your friend but-'

'I'm in love with her Nancy.' He admitted.

'What?'

'I'm in love with her.' He said, more tears building in his eyes as he looked at her injured frame.

'You... You've been sleeping with her?'

'No. God no.' He shook his head, tears falling. 'But I love her.' He said, and couldn't help but smile. 'I love her and now she's...' He trailed off his smile fading. 'This is my fault.'

'What?'

'It's my fault.'

'What? Derek don't be ridiculous.'

'It's my fault. I left her Nancy I left her. And he found her and now she's lying in a hospital bed not knowing if she'll ever see again and it's all my fault.'

'Derek it is not your fault.'

'Yes it is.' He breathed, now crying. 'I told her I would keep her safe. I told her I would protect her. And then I threw her out Nancy with nowhere to go.'

'Derek you don't know what happened you need to calm down.'

'I can't-'

'Derek.' Nancy interrupted, nodding towards the bed where Meredith's eye was beginning to flutter open.

'Hey.' Derek said quickly, shifting so that she could see him. 'Hey, it's me. You're alright.'

'Derek...' She breathed.

'I'll just be outside.' Said Nancy. 'Give you a few minutes.'

'Okay.' Derek nodded, moving to the seat Nancy left vacant.

'Hey.' He said again. It was all he could seem to say.

'Derek...' She whispered weakly, reaching for his hand.

'I'm sorry.' He cried. 'I'm so sorry.' As he intertwined their fingers.

'Not your fault.' She whispered.

'It is.'

'Derek...' She whispered again a tear falling from her eye. 'Scared.'

'Don't be scared.' He said, trying his best to sound reassuring, moving some hair behind her ear.

'Can't see.'

'Mer, they're going to come in and talk to you okay? They want to operate on your eye.'

'I'm scared Derek.'

'Don't be scared. It's going to be fine. Okay? I'll be right here.'

'No.' She whimpered. 'Dave.'

'Oh.'

'Scared, Derek.'

'I'm going to kill him.'

'Please Derek don't.' She tried to protest.

'I'm going to fucking take him down for this you know that right?'

'He's gone.'

'What?'

'Gone.'

'Gone?'

'He said he was catching a flight.'

'If he thinks I won't find him he can think again.'

'Derek.' She whimpered again, another tear falling.

'Don't worry.' He said, reaching to wipe it away with his thumb as a tear of his own fell down his face. 'I'm never leaving you ever again. He won't hurt you.'

'He'll come back.'

'Let him come back. I'll take him to court and get him put away for a very long time.'

'No, Derek. He'll come back later. When I've moved out and we think he's gone and the case is dropped.'

'I'm never going to drop it.'

'Derek.'

'I'm not.'

'You can't keep it open forever.'

'I'm never dropping it because I'm never letting him get away with what he's done to you.'

'Der.' She breathed.

'I need... I need to talk to you, okay? And it's big. But they need to talk to you first about your eye. Okay? We'll talk after you've had your operation, but I'll be here waiting. The entire time, I won't move.'

'Okay.' She whimpered.

'Okay.' He said, dropping her hand to get Dr Hunt.

Derek sat in the hospital waiting room for what felt like an eternity, but had only been 3 hours, Dr. Hunt had said that the surgery was estimated to take 4. Dr. Edwards had explained to him. That her eye socket being fractured had lead to a displacement of the optic nerve hence why Meredith couldn't see in her right eye. The surgery aimed to realign the nerve so that she would regain her sight however. Depending on how server the fractures, they may not be fully reparable hence a potential partial loss of sight.

'Do you want a coffee?'

'No thanks.'

'Derek, please.' Sighed Nancy. 'Let me get you a coffee'

'Fine.'

'What about food?'

'Not hungry.'

'I don't care if you're hungry Derek you still have to eat.'

'Shit. Dinner.'

'What?' Said Nancy, As Derek scrambled to get his phone out of his pocket, seeing 6 missed calls and 4 texts off Helen. He'd been gone 4 hours.

'I need to call Hel, let her know where I am. I was supposed to be buying dinner.'

'I'll call her. You stay here.'

'Okay. Tell her I'm sorry.'

'I will, Derek.'

'Thanks Nance.'

'Its oaky.'

'You don't have to stay with me.'

'Derek, I'm not going to leave my brother when he looks like he's about to breakdown.'

'I'm not about to breakdown.' He protested.

'So you're telling me if they come out there and say it was unsuccessful you're not going to breakdown?'

'Nancy, please.' He pleaded. 'Don't say that.'

'Sorry.' She said. 'I'm just... Not leaving you okay. Not like this.'

'Thanks.'

'You're my brother.' She smiled, hugging him.

He sat as she left to call Helen, and get him coffee and a sandwich apparently, as she came back holding the two.

'There you go.'

'Thanks.' He said, taking them but not moving.

'Eat, Derek.'

'I don't want to eat I want Meredith to be okay.'

'She's going to be okay.'

'I hope-' Derek began as he saw Dr. Edwards enter the room, and immediately stood up.

'I'm pleased to say that the surgery was successful.' She said, 'Dr Hunt successfully reconstructed the socket and I was able to realign the nerve. We have just put her through for another scan to confirm the results, but we hope she'll have regained full sight in a few hours.'

'Oh my god.' Derek breathed, tears falling from his face. 'Thank you.'

'It's okay, Mr. Shepherd.'

'Thank you.' He repeated, turning to Nancy and throwing his arms around her.

'She's okay Derek.'

'I know.' He breathed, not being able to stop the smile on his face. 'Well she's not okay. She was punched so hard her socked was fractured. But she's okay.'

'She's okay.' Nancy repeated, smiling.

'When can I see her?' He turned back to Dr. Edwards.

'Hopefully she'll be back in about twenty minutes.'

'Okay. Thanks.' He smiled. 'Oh, wait. When she's had her scan and everything, I need...' He said, looking for his ID in his pocket. 'I need a copy of her medical records. I'm her lawyer and we're dealing with a domestic abuse case here, I need the records as evidence.'

'Oh.'

'I'll send a formal letter through when in the next couple of days, but just so you know.'

'Yeah... Of course.' Said Dr. Edwards.

'Thank you.' He breathed.

'No problem. Now, myself and Dr Hunt will come to explain the results of surgery to Meredith once she's woken up.'

'Okay. Thanks.' Derek mumbled.

'Derek you can stop saying thank you.' Nancy laughed slightly.

'Okay. But thank you.' He insured to Dr. Edwards.'

'Just doing my job sir.'

Derek nodded and turned back to Nancy.

'Will she be back in the same bed?'

'No, she'll be on a post op floor. Come on, we'll find out.'

'Okay.' Said Derek, following her into the elevator.

Once they were on a higher floor, Nancy walked over to a station.

'Dr. Neilson, where have you been hiding?'

'Addison?' Said Derek.

'Oh, hi Derek, are you okay?'

'Meredith's been in surgery.' Nancy explained.

'Oh, I hope she's okay.'

'Yeah. She is. We just wanted to find where she is.'

'Oh, I'll check for you.' She said, going behind he desk and scanning the computer for Meredith's name.

'She's going to be put in the left wing bay C bed 5.'

'Thanks.'

'No problem.' Smiled Addison. 'Tell her I send my love.'

'Course.' Said Nancy, leading Derek to Meredith's bed.


	19. Chapter 19

_Hi guys! Thank you for reading and for your reviews, I think you'll like this bit._

Derek stood quickly as they brought Meredith back, his heart was pounding, which seemed stupid. Because his heart was pounding the whole time she'd been gone, surely he should be calmer now she was here, with him. But he just felt so bad and he hated seeing her so hurt, even if the surgery was successful. He couldn't stop thinking about the marks on her neck, thinking about his hands around her, it made him feel sick. But now he was going to keep her safe.

'Hey,' he said, sitting next to her, taking her hand in his, even though she still wasn't awake.

Hi 'I'm sorry. This was my fault and... I'm sorry. I'm sorry I left you. I shouldn't have kicked you out. I just needed time to think. Because with you, there, I don't know if I could have stopped myself. And no matter what's going on with... Us... I wouldn't cheat on my wife. I wouldn't. But I still shouldn't have kicked you out. I'm sorry. How did he even find you anyway? He's a dick. I hate him. And I'm going to try and not get angry, because I know angry is the last thing you need right now. I'm sorry.' He said, stroking the top of her hand with his thumb.

'I'm so sorry.' He sat there for anopther half an hour, just talking to her, watching her lay peacefully.

He didn't know what time it was, and he didn't care. He looked like a mess too, but he didn't care. He didn't really care about much in that moment, he just cared about being with Meredith. He didn't even really know what he was going to say to her, he was divorcing Helen and it was big. And she already had enough big right now. He didn't even know if she'd want to be with him, she was going through it with Dave and she'd only ever been with a man who had hurt her. She might not be ready, and he got that. But she had kissed him. She had kissed him back and played with his hair and said his name, so surely she must have felt something close to what he did. If she didn't, and it was a mistake, he'd be crushed. He couldn't bear the thought of simply being her lawyer anymore. Hell, he couldn't bear the thought of simply being her friend. He loved her. And if she wanted to wait, he got it. But he loved her and he just wanted to take care of her.

He gently pushed some hair behind her ear, and her eye began to flutter open, her face crease as she awoke.

'Hey you,' he whispered. 'How you doing?'

'Hey.' She mumbled, and her face represented what Derek thought was her best attempt at a smile.

'Don't move if it hurts.'

'I won't.'

'You feeling okay?'

'Yeah.'

'Good. How's your eye?'

'Good, I think. It's dark.'

'Shall I take the bandage off?'

'I don't know. Can you?'

'I'll go ask a nurse.'

'Okay.' She mumbled.

He came back a couple of moments later.

'She said its fine, either she can take it off, or I can if I'm careful. I thought you'd prefer me.'

'Yes, please.'

'Okay. Tell me if it hurts?'

'I will.'

'Okay.' He said, gently pulling at the tape at the side of her face, which was bruised.

'Hurt?'

'A little. But keep going.'

'Okay.'

'There we go.' He said, pulling it entirely off, revealing her almost literally black eye with a few surgical scars.

'How is it?'

'Well I can see so that's a good thing.'

'You can?' He smiled.

'Yep. It's a little fuzzy.'

'They said it might be at first.'

'Okay.'

'It will get better.'

'Yeah.'

'Do you want some water? Food?'

'Waters good.'

'Okay.' He said, pouring her a cup and handing it her.

'You got it?'

'Yeah.' She breathed, sitting up a little.

'You need a pillow?'

'Just need this one moving.'

'I'll do it.'

'Thanks.' She said, sitting up properly, sipping her water.

'I'm sorry.' He repeated, sitting next to her bed.

'Derek.'

'I am.'

'Not your fault.'

'I pushed you away.'

'With good reason.'

'Still... I shouldn't have done it.'

'It's okay.'

'It's not.'

'Derek. I would roll my eyes at you right now but it's proving rather difficult.'

'Fine. I'll stop.' He laughed.

'But I am... Sorry.'

'Derek!'

'Stopping... Stopping..'

'Good.' She smiled.

'I'm so glad you're okay.' He said, reaching for her hand once she'd put her water down. 'I was so scared.'

'Me too.'

'I meant what I said before. I will kill him. Not literally. But I will. How did he find you?'

'He'd already found me.' She sighed. 'Steve had seen me out with you apparently, got his brother to follow me, they knew I was at yours all along.'

'Jesus.'

'So it's not your fault.'

'How... How did they know you'd gone?'

'They had Denton watching me in a car down the street practically all the time. He saw me leave with bags and call a cab, followed me.'

'Crap.'

'He burst into my room in the middle of the night. Fuck knows how he knew my room. But he did, and dragged me into the car, back home.'

'Shit. What... What happened?'

'With Dave?'

'Yeah.'

'Derek.' She sighed.

'Mer I need to know.'

'I know... It's not... He hit me, obviously. Pinned me to the wall. Had sex-'

'Had sex?' He raised an eyebrow.

'You get the idea.' She whispered. 'It was awful... He kept asking... Never mind.'

'Mer, tell me.' He whispered, his eyes pleading.

'He kept asking if he was better than you.'

'What?' He said disgusted.

'He thinks we've been sleeping together which we obviously haven't. So I told him, and then he told me not to take the piss out of him, punched me in the eye, harder than he ever has before...'

'I think it's harder than anyone's ever punched anyone before. What about... Your neck?'

'Oh... That was when I first saw him.'

'Oh Mer.'

'It's okay Derek.'

'It's not okay.' He said, reaching to wipe away the tear that was falling from her left eye.

'I know.'

'But I know what you mean. You're not okay. But you're okay.'

'Yeah.' She giggled.

'Have they checked you out... You know... From the sex?'

'I don't know.'

'I'll ask Nancy.'

'No Derek, it's embarrassing.'

'Meredith listen to me it's Nancy, okay? I trust her and it will only take five minutes... Did it hurt?'

'Well yes but-'

'Meredith. You're getting checked out.'

'I'm scared.'

'You have nothing to be scared of.'

'It's embarrassing.'

'Do you want me to be there?'

'No. No... That would be worse.'

'Meredith.' He sighed.

'Fine. I'll let Nancy. But only Nancy. And only five minutes.'

'Thank you. It might all be fine.'

'Yeah.'

'As if he was watching you he's such a stalker.'

'I know.'

'Psycho.'

'You can't be saying that in court.'

'I'll be saying a fucking lot in court.'

'If we even find him.'

'Oh I'll find him.'

'I bet you will.' She giggled.

'Mer... About the other night...'

'Derek don't-' she said, her expression suddenly changing.

'Helen and I are getting a divorce.'

'What?' She breathed.

'A divorce.'

'What? Why?'

'It was time.'

'Oh. Derek, I'm so sorry.'

'Yeah.'

'So...'

'Yeah.'

'Yeah.'

There was an awkward silence between them for a moment as neither of them looked at eachother. Meredith didn't really know what to say, she was going to apologise to Derek for the kiss when she saw him, but now he was getting divorced, and she didn't know what that meant. He was getting divorced, he was divorcing Helen. Which meant he wasn't happy. Maybe he had kissed her because he liked her like she liked him. Or maybe he had kissed her because he was unhappy in his marriage and wasn't getting any action.

'I think I love you.' He finally said, looking up at her.

'What?' She breathed, unable to believe what she was hearing.

'I think that I'm in love with you.' He repeated, more confidently this time.

'Derek-'

'And I know, that you're probably not ready for this. And I don't even know if you like me.' He laughed. 'But I love you. And if you'll let me, I'll love you how you've deserved to be loved all your life.'

'Derek,' she whispered. 'You're getting divorced...'

'I am.'

'And you...'

'And I love you.'

'Derek... That's-'

'It's not because of you. Well it kind of is. But it isn't. Not really. We aren't happy.'

'You aren't happy.'

'But you make me happy.'

'You... I...'

'I know, it's a lot. I know that. But I can't not tell you. I want to take care of you, properly. I love you. And now I've said it I can't stop saying it. So there, I love you. I love you Meredith Grey.'

'Isn't rambling my job?' She giggled.

'You've rubbed off on me too much.'

'You say that like its a bad thing.'

'Never.' He smirked.

'I'm scared, Derek.'

'I know.'

'I'm scared. But I love you. I think, I mean I've never been in love but I feel things or whatever.'

'You do?'

'I do.' She said quietly.

'Well I feel things or whatever for you too.'

'So what does this mean?'

'I guess we feel them together.' He laughed.

'Okay.' She laughed, reaching for his hand. 'I don't really know what I'm doing though, with these feelings...'

'That's okay.' He smiled. 'We can take it slow.'

'Slow.'

'Slow.' He nodded.

'How slow is slow?'

'However slow you want it to be.'

'Okay.' She smiled, squeezing her hand and not being able to stop herself smiling. 'Kiss?'

'Kiss.' He laughed leaning into her, careful of her bruised face and gently pressed his lips against hers, and he could tell as she kissed him back, that she was smiling just as much as he was.


	20. Chapter 20

_Hi guys! Sorry for the delay in upload, I have been so busy this week! Thank you for reading and thank you for reviewing._

'Hey Shep.' Said Mike, as Derek walked into his office.

'Hey.'

'How are things?'

'Shit.' Derek breathed.

'How's Meredith?'

'Awful.'

'Jesus.' He said, pausing. 'Make sure to send her all our love.'

'I will.'

'We've had contact from David Whiston's lawyers.'

'We have?'

'Yeah. It came addressed to you, but I had a feeling.'

'Who's he got?'

'Kenton.'

'What did they say?' said Derek, pulling out the chair opposite Mike's desk and taking a seat.

'Well, they want a solicitors meeting prior to the trial, but we got the call from court today that they have a trial date for us pending Kenton's response. Apparently the police have investigated since you contacted them, the same day you sent Dave the letter, they've posed charges to him for money laundering, drug dealing, GBH.'

'We have a date?'

'September eighth.'

'September eighth.' Derek repeated. 'we're not delaying it. That's to months away as it is.'

'Well,' sighed Mike. 'It will depend on Kenton's cop-operation. And I doubt they'll co-operate, given everything they've got to figure out in order to defend him.'

'I don't give a shit what they want Mike.'

'Derek.'

'No! I don't care.' He seethed.

'Derek, I understand she's your friend and its close to home for all of us, but we have to be professional. You of all lawyers understand that.'

'Mike if you knew all the things he's done to her-'

'Derek.'

'I cant be calm mike. I know you want me to be calm but I cant be fucking calm.'

'Maybe you just need some time to cool off. Come back next week Derek.'

'Mike the court date is in seven weeks I don't have time to throw one away.'

'Derek. You and Meredith have been working on this case for what- five weeks now?'

'That's not the point.'

'So you're telling me you don't have all the evidence you need already? That you really cant spare a week- even a few days even if its not a week?'

'Mike we have all the evidence for domestic violence, well, we will have everything when we get a copy of these medical records. And the police haven't even charged him on that!'

'That's because they haven't met Meredith.'

'Well, I'm not being funny but since these investigations started he put her into hospital and fucked up her eye. Not one police officer came to see her, not one is aware of this situation- not very good investigating if you ask me.'

'Derek, the police are our friends not our enemies we have to try and work with them please don't be hostile about this.'

'I'm not being hostile.' He snapped.

'Derek.'

'I'm not!'

'Fine, fine. You're not.'

'He's just a fucking asshole.' He hissed.

'Derek for God's sake come on get a grip man.'

'What?!'

'I get that hes an ass but you are her lawyer. Be professional. You cant go in there screaming that hes an ass.'

'Wish I fucking could.'

'I know. And that's the whole problem. If you want to help her you have to get your game face on Derek. Be the best lawyer in Seattle like we all know you are.'

'I know,' Derek sighed. 'It just gets me so angry.'

'I know, I understand.'

'where's the letter?'

'From Kenton's?'

'Yeah.'

'Your desk.'

'and they've only charged him for GBH, laundering and dealing?'

'Yeah.'

'Fuckssake.'

'I know.'

'Mer says he's never even dealt drugs.'

'I know.'

'And I'm ringing them right this minute about the domestic abuse it's a fucking joke.'

'Just don't get too heated, Derek.'

'Yeah, professional, I know I know.'

Derek sighed and walked back to his desk in the office. Everyone sent their love to Meredith, which was nice. But Derek was not over the police's lack of charges for Domestic abuse. He emailed himself the pictures he'd taken of Meredith's face and neck and printed them before chucking them in a file. He would go to the police himself and not leave until they went and arrested him there and then. Dave was getting sent down for this, and Derek didn't care how he did it but he was going to send him down. He was also going to question Detective Coleman who had led the investigations, apparently, he wanted to know where these drug deal charges came from. He'd left Meredith at the hospital with Mark for a while, she could come home in a couple of days, and he still hadn't figured out what he was going to do. He needed today to start really preparing the case to every last detail, he had seven weeks to make sure he knew everything there was to know about Dave and his dodgey dealings. Which meant contacting and contacting people until he found as much as he could.

Then he had to talk to Helen. He'd spent the last two days with Meredith, literally sat by her bedside not moving apart from going to the toilet or getting one of them food or drink. Mark had picked him up a suit from home and he had got changed in the hospital rest rooms on the way out. He hadn't even arranged anything with Helen about Meredith coming to stay with them when she was discharged. He didn't even know if her coming home would be best. He needed to clear his head.

He walked out of the office with his briefcase in his hand, jumped in a cab to the police station. He knew he was slightly over stepping the lawyer line, but he didn't care. This was Meredith, and he would do anything for her.

'Hi. I'm looking for Detective Coleman? Its urgent.'

'One second sir.' Said a short, black woman from behind the desk. 'Name?'

'Derek Shepherd.'

'Derek Shepherd.' She repeated, writing his name on a slip of paper. 'sit.'

Derek did as he was told as the woman seemed to wander off somewhere, coming back minutes later with a tall, slim, blonde woman.

'Detective Coleman.' She said, extending her hand to him, as he stood up.

'Derek Shepherd.' He replied, shaking her hand. 'I believe you're the investigator on the David Whiston case?'

'I am.'

'I need to speak with you rather urgently, regarding his charges.'

'May I ask why, Mr. Shepherd?'

'I was the one who originally contacted you about him.'

'Oh. I see…. Do you want to come through?' she said, gesturing for Derek to follow her. He entered a room and sat opposite her, placing his briefcase on the table.

'You're from Johnson Lawyer's right?'

'Indeed.'

'So you're _that_ Derek Shepherd?'

'Yes. And I don't understand how, when I contacted you about a domestic abuse case, you failed to charge him with domestic abuse?'

'We haven't witnessed any.'

'You haven't?' Derek smirked. 'Well I have.' He said, pulling the pictures of Meredith out of his briefcase. 'And if you'd have investigated thoroughly, you would have too.'

'What's this?'

'Meredith Grey, the woman in the letter. His long term girlfriend. Punched so hard in the eye her socket was literally fractured and there was a high possibility she wouldn't see again, her face and arms covered in bruises and strangle marks consuming her neck. All because we contacted you.'

'I see.'

'That man has been abusing her for five years, I have evidence of the last two months worth roughly from images, and there's proof of a couple of scars from earlier incidents. There are witnesses in the forms of neighbours, who have heard shouting and arguing.'

'Well, Mr Shepherd, we did investigate that when we went round, however, no neighbour had any recollection of any raised voices.'

'I have a witness who brought Meredith to the hospital.' He protested. 'and it wouldn't surprise me if the man bribed them into denying it, he has a very violent and aggressive reputation.'

'I see.' She nodded.

'You have to charge him. Because otherwise an innocent woman who has been abused and abused until she's black and blue is being denied a fair trial. There's nothing to lose by charging him. If he's innocent then that will be proven, but the American constitution of civil rights provides everyone of its citizens to a fair trial, and by not charging David Whiston, you are denying Meredith Grey that human right.'

'I see. I understand, Mr Shepherd. Can you leave those photographs with us? And the name of this neighbour?'

'of course. Suzanne Burkes.'

'Where is Meredith now? We might need to speak to her before we arrest him, but I assure you that is just a formality. And hopefully we should have charges pressed by the end of the day.'

'Thank you. But you should probably know that he did tell Meredith he was going to catch a flight somewhere to avoid punishment.'

'I see. Well, due to the high profile nature of his drug dealing charges, we have been keeping tabs on MR. Whiston and have no alert of him boarding a plane nor a boat, and so will try our very best to find him.'

'Good. I appreciate the work you have done to trace the abuser of my client.'

'Its my job, Mr. Shepherd.'

'I'm very aware.'

'Good. Now, if you could tell us where Meredith is we should be with her in a couple of hours.'

'Seattle Grace hospital, if you ask at reception they can specifically take you to her.'

'Okay. Thank you for your upholding of justice, Mr Shepherd.'

'You too Detective Coleman.' He said, shaking her hand.

'I should see you in court?'

'Yeah. See you then.' He breathed, walking out, hoping that he had done enough to get the charges pressed. In all honesty, he didn't see how he couldn't have had. He should have been charged in the first place, and with the pictures and witness as concrete evidence there was no reason not to charge him, ready to face trial alongside his other offences in court.

Detective Coleman said she would be with Meredith in a couple of hours, which meant he had some time to find Helen and discuss what would happen next. She would probably be at work right now, it was only 2 O'clock, but he didn't care, he had to sort this now. So that when he went back to Meredith, he could tell her he'd sorted it, and that it would be okay. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been to Helen's office. He called it an office, but it was more like a 'creative work space' or whatever. He knew her fashion buddies got annoyed whenever he called it an office. It was only three blocks from the station, so he walked, even though it was lightly raining.

He reached the cheque building, walking into the white reception area with mirrored walls.

'Hi, I'm here to see Helen Shepherd.'

'Do you have an appointment?' said a camp, blonde man in skinny jeans and a rather strange hat.

'Oh, er, no. I'm her husband.'

'Ohhhhh,' said the man. 'The one who said someone else's name during sex?'

'That would be me.' Derek mumbled, as another receptionist turned to stare, Helen obviously hadn't held back on the gossip.

'Top floor.' Said the man, 'stairs are to your left, elevator's to your right.'

'Thanks.' Said Derek, walking to the escalator.

When he reached the top, he realised he still didn't know what he wanted to do about this whole situation. Nancy had contacted Helen about Meredith, so apparently she knew about everything that had happened, which saved him a lot of explaining.

'Hi Derek,'

'Hi Janet,' he said, walking out of the elevator, to one of Helen's oldest colleagues.

'I've not seen you in a while.'

'I know, long time no see.'

'I believe you're the most famous lawyer in Seattle now.'

'Well,' Derek laughed. 'One of.'

'Im sorry to hear about you and Helen.'

'Oh, me too.' He said quietly. 'it appears everybody knows.'

'Don't worry about what people are saying lovie. They don't really know anything.'

'The receptionist seemed to know an awful lot.'

'Harry? Oh, don't worry about him. He's prone to bitching. They all are behind that desk. Small minded busy bodies.'

'Yeah.' Derek half laughed.

'Helen should be over there.' Janet said, pointing in the right hand back corner of the room, where Derek sure enough saw Helen.

'Hi…' she said, surprised.

'Hi.'

'You okay?'

'Yeah. Sorry for showing up like this. Its just…. We need to talk.'

'We do. How's Meredith?'

'Not great.' He said, following her to a private room, which apparently was actually allowed to be called an office. 'I mean, shes okay, but obviously, not great.'

'I cant believe it.'

'I know.'

'Its so awful.'

'I know. I just… what do we do now Hel?'

'What do you mean?'

'She has nowhere to go and is being discharged in 2 days.'

'Oh.'

'I know.'

'She can come home… if that's what you want?' she said sheepishly.

'it's not. Its really not. I mean, we haven't figured out what me and you are doing yet, and then there's Hallie who I don't want to scare of confuse-'

'scare?'

'Meredith's face isn't exactly pretty right now.' He laughed. 'well it is, pretty.' He quickly corrected himself. 'but you know what I mean.'

'yeah.' Helen said awkwardly.

'but what other options do we have?'

'I don't know.' Helen breathed. I could see if Hallie and I could stay with my mom and dad for a while?'

'No I don't want you to do that, and neither would Mer.'

'I don't know Derek,' Helen sighed. 'What about your mom?'

'Shit, yeah.'

'You and Mer could always stay with her for a while? Obviously if she's okay with that.'

'shit I hadn't even thought of that. Yeah. Ill call her.'

'Do.'

'Has she got Hallie today? Sorry, my heads all over the place.

'No, my mom and dad have.'

'Fuck I need to see Hallie.'

'Why don't you come home for dinner? I know you want to be at the hospital but you need a break Derek.'

'I'll see. The police are coming to see Mer so I don't know if shell be upset.'

'Okay, just text me.'

'I will. If not I'll come see her tomorrow.'

'Okay, like I said, just let me know Derek its not a problem.'

'why are you being so nice to me?'

'What?'

'I was an ass, and you're being so nice. Not just to me. But Mer too.'

'Derek you screwed up, it happens. We both let that marriage fail so im not exactly mad at you. And I like Meredith. She's in a bad situation and I want to help her, I know she'd do the same for me.'

'Yeah, she would. She likes you.'

'Well I'd hope so seeing as I let her stay in my house free of charge for over a month.' Helen laughed.

'True.'

'Its going to be okay, Derek. We'll figure this out.'

'Yeah.'

'So what are the police going to see Mer about?'

'Don't even ask, I'm so pissed. I'll let you know once its all sorted.'

'Okay.'

'Thanks Hel.' Derek stood to hug her before leaving the room. 'Tell Hallie I love her.'

'I will.' Said Helen as Derek got in the elevator.

He decided to walk back to work, so he could call his mom and ask if he and Meredith could stay for a while. He was sure she'd say yes, she'd been supportive of his divorce despite it being against all of her own morals. He dialled her number, walking through the rain back to the hospital.

'Ma?'

'Hello dear.'

'How are you doing?'

'Good thank you, I'm going to Kathleen's for dinner tonight.'

'Nice, give her my love won't you.'

'of course I will. Anyway, you never call for no reason, what's wrong?'

'Ma.. I understand if you say no but I need to ask a huge favour.'

'What?'

'Meredith's discharged from hospital in two days, but obviously its slightly awkward to take her home, and its confusing for Hal so-'

'Are you trying to tell me you spoke to Meredith?'

'What?'

'Well first you ring me telling me you're in love with the girl and next thing I know you're about to ask if the two of you can stay with me.'

'Wha.. how did you know?'

'I'm your mother, Derek. Anyway, I'm presuming you're talk went well then?'

'Well yeah…. I'm.. I'm in love with her ma. Its early and its awkward, because she's lay in a hospital bed all day and I can't touch her much, and I can only kiss her carefully because of all her bruises and she's asleep a lot, but yeah… I'm in love with her.'

'And I'm presuming that she's in love with you?'

'Well yeah but ma… we aren't officially together or anything yet. We haven't really talked specifically about it or figured it out.'

'Understandably dear, she's been through a lot recently.'

'Exactly.'

'Of course you can both stay as long as you need.'

'Thanks Ma, really.'

'No problem Derek. How's Meredith doing? Must be better if she's being discharged?'

'Yeah, they said she's actually healed a lot better and quicker than they were anticipating. She could have been blind in that eye ma.'

'I know, Nancy said.'

'I could kill him.'

'Derek. You know better than that, come on.'

'I know. I just can't wait to bury him in court.'

'I have no doubt you will do.'

'I just want to get justice for her.'

'You will, dear.'

'I hope so.' He breathed. 'Anyway, I'm going to have to go now ma. I'm at the hospital and you know how they are about phones.'

'Okay dear, well you give my love to Meredith, and Nancy, Mark and Addison if theyre there.'

'Course. Thanks Ma.'

'Love you.'

'Love you too. Enjoy Kath's tonight.'

'I will do.' His mom replied.

'Bye.'

'Bye.' She said before hanging up, as Derek entered the hospital, heading for Meredith's bed.

'Hey.' He smiled, surprised to see that Mark wasn't sat beside her.

'Hey.' She grinned at him, as he walked towards her and reached for her hand.

'where's Mark?' he said, before ducking his head down to gently kiss her.

'Got a 911 about ten minutes ago.' She said, before he kissed her again, sitting down.

'How you doing?' he said, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb.

'Good.' She smiled.

'You look good.'

'I wouldn't go that far.' She giggled.

'You look happy. The prettiest girls are the happiest girls.'

'Cheesy, Derek.'

'Shut up.'

'I love the cheesy, you know I do.' She giggled again.

'Whatever. You have a funny way of showing it.' He mocked before leaning to kiss her again. 'Anyway, I have both good and bad news. Which do you want first?'

'Good.'

'okay so when you're discharged, mom said we could stay at hers for a while. You know, until me and Helen figure everything out.'

'Oh. Is she sure? I don't want to intrude.'

'You're not intruding.' He laughed.

'Does she know?'

'About us?'

'Yeah.'

'Oh.' She said quietly.

'Don't worry,' he said, gently lifting her chin. 'she's okay with it.'

'yeah.' She said, avoiding his gaze.

'Mer honestly it will be fine.'

'I just… I'm not your wife Derek I'm your slutty friend who likes tequila and has a bad track record with boys.'

'No. You're the woman I'm in love with and she understands that.' He said firmly.

'Oh.'

'Mer, please don't worry. I want to make you happy okay. We will figure everything out. Once all this shit is put behind us, me and you, we're going to be so happy, Mer.' He began to smile.

'I know.' She whispered, trying to smile too.

'I know it doesn't really seem great right now. But we will get there. Okay? I promise.'

'Okay.' She said, her eyes stinging with tears.

'Hey, don't cry.' He said, gently running his thumb on her cheek before any tears fell. 'I love you.'

'I love you too.' She whispered almost desperately, squeezing his hand. 'and I want this. I do. I just….. reality sucks Derek. We have so much crap going on. I sort of wish we could just stay here in this hospital bubble.'

'I don't.' he said. 'I can't hold you properly.' He laughed.

'True.'

'I can't wait to hold you.' He whispered.

'Cheesy, Derek.' She giggled.

'I know, I know. Whatever. You know you love it.'

'I do.' She grinned. 'Anyway, what's the bad news?'

'Urugh, basically the police investigating Dave need to come speak to you because they never actually charged him with domestic abuse.'

'What?'

'But don't worry. I went to see them today. They're looking into it, hence why they're coming here and they hope to have charged him by the end of the day. Because now we have a court date.'

'we do?'

'Eighth September.'

'Eighth September.'

'yeah.' He whispered, squeezing her hand. 'Detective Coleman said she'd be here about four I think.'

'okay.' She nodded.

'You okay?'

'Yeah.'

'I don't think they'll let me be here so ill go get a coffee and come back with one for you when they arrive, yeah?'

'yeah.'

'its going to be okay.' He reminded her. 'I promise.'

'Okay. Thank you.'

'How many times have I told you to stop thanking me?' he laughed. 'I love you.'

'I love you too.' She smiled.

'It's so strange to say that when I haven't even held you properly.'

'What is it with you and the holding?'

'Nothing!' he laughed. 'I mean… we haven't slept together, I had a wife, we haven't been on any dates and here we are, in love with each other.'

'Its weird right?'

'Very.'

'Good job I like weird.' She giggled.

'Me too.' He laughed, looking into her eyes, which despite being severely injured only a few days ago still looked beautiful. She looked beautiful. She looked hurt, but still beautiful.

Derek made himself scarce when Detective Coleman arrived, but Meredith said it went okay. They said they had all the evidence they needed to charge him, and that the police themselves were rejecting the meeting proposed by his lawyers to delay the trial. Which was good, it meant all of this would be over for them soon. In just seven weeks, hopefully all the craziness would have died down. Dave would be put away and he and Meredith could really focus on making things work, on being happy. He wanted her to be happy more than anything, and he was actually excited for September ninth because he could really begin to make her happy. Of course he was going to love her as best he could, leading up to the trial, but he knew she would never be able to fully relax until the whole thing was sorted. And things with helen were reasonably good. This situation could be a whole lot worse if she was bitter, but she was so calm and understanding, it actually made him feel really bad for not trying harder at his marriage in the first place. But on the flip side, if so, he wouldn't have Mer.

He got a call from Mike that night to say Detective Coleman had called, asking for him, to tell him that Dave had been charged with domestic violence and so the case was once again fully open, and Derek honestly couldn't wait to get stuck into it with full force in order to generate the best argument possible for her. He knew it would be hard, especially because she was still so physically fragile, all he wanted to do was take care of her, especially when they would be out of the hospital. But he also knew that the best possible way he could help her right now was by throwing himself into this case, and giving her peace of mind. Now things were looking up for them he was determined to make this trial go his way and win it for her.


	21. Chapter 21

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Meredith tried to calm her nerves. Any minute Dr. Hunt would come and discharge her, and she would be heading home with Derek to Carolyn's house and to say she felt sick about it was an understatement. She liked Carolyn, she liked Carolyn a lot, actually, but she wasn't sure she believed Derek when he said his mother was okay about his whole divorce thing, he and Helen were the perfect couple who came from nice families, had good jobs, a nice house, nice cars, a beautiful little girl, and she was just a failure who liked to get drunk and had no real money of her own. She wasn't really good enough for Derek, and she didn't think his mom would be happy at her son leaving Helen for a mess like her. It would be awkward, seeing her again, knowing she knew her and Derek had kissed. It made her cringe. And while she was grateful for her kindness, Meredith really wasn't looking forward to seeing her.

Derek had gotten the rest of her things from the house and had gone to the hotel to get the things she'd left there, including his credit card. He was supposed to be here now, with a change of clothes for her. He knew she was supposed to be going at 12, and he wasn't here. He wasn't here, and she was really nervous, so him not being there really wasn't helping. He was the only thing which calmed her down, made her feel safe, okay. She was also beginning to get really, really, nervous about the case. The only person she'd ever talked to about her mom or Dave, was Derek. And so standing up in front of a judge and full court was extremely daunting. But Derek would be there, he would be there and he would be on her side, and he would fight for her, she knew he would. She knew she had to do it, and hopefully Dave would be gone for good. For her at least. She was so happy Derek had made her do this. So glad he'd had that awkward conversation with her, which she had hated at the time. Because now, Dave was arrested, and under custody, following his latest charge two days ago, her and Derek were….. whatever they were, and things were finally beginning to look up for her. They were far from perfect, but they were looking up. And that was all thanks to Derek.

'Hey.' He smiled, interrupting her thoughts.

'Oh hey,' she smiled. 'I missed you.'

'Sorry, traffic was really bad. I dropped our stuff off at moms, so we can literally just go and everything will be there and she said she's going to make lunch.'

'Oh. She doesn't have to do that.'

'I know, she offered.'

'Derek are you sure she's okay about all this?'

'Mer, I told you its fine.'

'But its not really fine is it, I mean, you're taking me to your moms house because you cant go to your own house because you kissed someone who isn't your wife and now youre getting a divorce and-'

'Mer, calm down.' He said softly, sitting next to her bed. 'Mom likes you. And besides, I'm the child who's caused her the lease trouble over the years, she can put us up for a while.'

'I'm just.. I'm not good with moms, okay?'

'Mer, just because you didn't get on with your mom, doesn't mean anything. I've already told you, my mom likes you.'

'Yeah but that was before we…. You know….' She trailed off.

'Mer, honestly, trust me. Okay?'

'Okay.'

'Don't worry. Just be you.'

'Okay.' She said quietly, leaning to kiss him, as Dr. Hunt approached them.

'Good morning,'

'Morning.' Said Meredith.

'We just need to do one final test before we can let you go, and you'll have to come back to us every couple of weeks just so we can track the progress of your eye.'

'Okay.'

'But hopefully, we'll have you all good to go in about fifteen minutes.'

'Okay.'

'Right, now,' he said, getting a board of letters on and placing it at the end of the bed. 'Can you read the top line for me?'

'Sure.' She said, beginning to read out the letters.

Dr Hunt had agreed to Derek's request to speak in court regarding Meredith's injuries, as had Nancy. As even though no damage was done to Meredith, it was quite clear the sex they had had wasn't very pleasant nor painless for her. Which would be awkward. But Meredith had to just keep telling herself that it didn't matter. The trial would be a few days of intense awkwardness, but then afterwards, it would all be over and she would be with Derek and it would all be fine.

'Right. Well, it looks like you're okay to go.' Dr. Hunt smiled.

'I am?'

'Yep.'

'Okay.' She grinned, glancing at Derek who squeezed her hand.

'So, I can pull the curtain if you'd like to change and leave your gown on the bed. Are you okay to come back a week today at 1pm to have a check up?'

'Yeah, that should be fine. Right?'

she checked with Derek.

'Yeah.' He smiled.

'Yeah, that's fine.' She turned back to Dr. Hunt.

'Okay, well then we'll see you then and be sure to call if there are any problems at all.'

'Thank you, we will.' Said Meredith.

'See you later.'

'Bye.' She said, as he left, pulling the curtain around them.

'You're coming home.' Derek smiled at her.

'I am. Well not home. But home.'

'Home.' He repeated. 'do you need help getting off the bed?'

'I should be okay.' She said, swinging her legs to the side of the bed before standing up. 'I feel dirty though. A shower would be nice in here.'

'You can have one when we get to moms.' He said, handing her some panties and jeans.

'Thanks.' She said, putting them on.

'No problem.' He said, passing her a bra as she slipped the gown off and gave it him to fold.

'You know you could always just stay like that.' He smirked.

'Oh yeah,' she giggled. 'Bruises- sexy.'

'Shut up.' He laughed. 'you know it doesn't matter to me.'

'how can they not matter they're awful Derek.' She said, a little more seriously, as she put the sweater on he'd brought for her.

'Because you're you. And a few bruises from some jerk doesn't change that. Anyway, they'll fade.'

'Yeah.' She said quietly, sitting on the bed to fasten her shoes.

'Are you sure you're okay? I mean I know your eyes doing well, but you need to take it slow, or your head will get all spinny.'

'I'm okay.'

'Let me tie your shoes.'

'Okay.' She said, as he knelt in front of her, tying the laces of her converse. She lowered her hand to gently run through his dark curls. 'Sorry I'm antsy today.'

'It's okay,' he said softly, looking up at her. 'you can be nervous.'

'Okay.' She said, still running her fingers through his hair as he tied her other shoe.

'Ready to go?' he said, slowly standing up.

'Yeah.' She said, as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

'Okay.' He said, wrapping his own around her and leaning down to kiss her, 'lets go.'

She gripped his hand as they walked out of the hospital and to his car. Her bruises had faded from the dark purple that they were to a slightly lighter purple-y green colour. And while she'd been happy about that, now she was walking past people who were beginning to stare, she wished Derek had brought her some make up. Not that she could put it on the eye that had been operated on anyway. It was much better in the car, when it was just her and Derek, and no-one looking at her like she was a freak show. The whole ride home he had been trying to make jokes, make her laugh, and as her hand rested on his thigh, things felt good. Things always felt good when it was just her and Derek, it was like they had their own little bubble or something. And when she was in it things felt amazing.

'Hello dear.' Caroyln said, opening the door to her and Derek, her hand buried tightly in his.

'Hey mom.'

'Hello Meredith.'

'Hi.. Carolyn… hi.'

'Don't look so nervous dear, do come on in.' she said, allowing for Meredith and Derek to follow her in.

'Now, your things are all in your room. Would you like a drink before we eat?'

'Yes please, I'll have a water. Is it alright is Mer has a shower mom?'

'Of course it is. Do you want to show her where it is?'

'Yeah.'

'No problem, lunch will be about twenty minutes. Is that okay?'

'Perfect ma.' He said, kissing her cheek before turning to Meredith, 'its upstairs.'

'okay.' She said, following him upstairs.

'Honestly Mer, you don't need to be this nervous.' He said, tucking a piece of hair lightly behind her ear.

'I know… its just a lot… I mean your mom… this means things…'

'Means things?'

'I want her to like me, Derek. If we're….. you know… I want her to like me.'

'I've already told you she does.'

'Yeah but not a a girlfirendy thing person.'

'girlfriendy thing person?' He laughed.

'You know what I mean.' She pouted, as he wrapped his arms around her.

'I do.' He laughed softly as she buried her head in his neck. 'And I'm sure she will like you as a girlfriendy thing person. I mean, I love you. And you love me right?'

'Yeah.' She murmured.

'So I think that's a good start.' He laughed.

'yeah.' She said quietly.

'You okay?' he said, running a hand along her back.

'yeah. I just love you, okay. Like I really love you.'

'I love you too.' He laughed, pulling slightly away from her to look at her. 'And its early to be saying that but I do. Okay? You have nothing to worry about. I love you and will do everything in my power to keep you happy and keep you safe.'

'Thank you.' She whispered, leaning to kiss him.

'How many times- nothing to thank me for.' He said, his lips capturing hers again. 'Now, shower's just in here,' he said, leading her to the bathroom. 'There's a towel in there and I'll go lay some fresh clothes on the bed for you.'

'okay. Thanks.'

'No problem. Love you.'

'Love you too.' She said, kissing him softly before he squeezed her sides and left her to shower.

Derek headed back downstairs where his mom was preparing lunch in the kitchen.

'You really do need to tell her to relax Derek.'

'I have, ma. Shes just nervous.'

'Nervous?'

'Thinks you wont like her anymoe, you know now me and her are whatever we are.'

'Oh, dear.'

'I know. I've told her you like her.'

'If she makes you happy then that's all I care about. Helen was a lovely woman, but she was never the one for you Derek.'

'I don't know.' He sighed.

'Well, I for one have never seen you look the way at her the way you do Meredith. Even before you and Meredith started this thing or whatever.'

'Really?'

'um-hm.'

'It's different, ma.'

'I can tell.'

'I just cant explain it shes just…. Mer.'

'The best loves are the ineffable ones dear. I know its complicated for you two right now, but if you love each other I'm sure youll make it through.'

'yeah. I hope so.'

'You will, dear.'

'What's for lunch?'

'I wasn't sure what she liked so I've done some sandwiches, a bowl of salad, a bowl of pasta and a plate of fries.'

'Ma, Mer likes her food but I'm pretty sure that's enough for ten people.' He laughed.

'Don't be daft, Derek.'

'Seriously, ma. This is a lot of food.'

'the poor girl's been subjected to hospital food for what- five, six days now? And youre denying her a feast of real food?'

'Well, when you put it like that.'

'Get the cutlery out will you dear? And get Meredith a drink.'

'Sure.' He said, laying out some knives and forks, and getting a glass of diet coke out for Meredith.

'We have a trial date.'

'You do?'

'September eighth, but its estimated to last a week or two.'

'wow.'

'yeah.'

'Explain to me how it will work.' His mom said, putting a plate of sandwiches on the table.

'Well, he'll stand trial for money laundering, drug dealing, GBH and then domestic abuse. His attorney will defend him on all of those charges, I'll only officially stand for the domestic violence, but Meredith is a witness for money laundering too, and we can use her lack of financial stability as evidence for both. But then I need to talk to Mer, but I also want to push for rape.'

'What?' She gasped quietly.

'Its awful mom.' He said. 'I doubt she'll be comfortable doing it, but he deserves to be punished.'

'He…'

'Yeah. So even though he hasn't been officially charged with it, the domestic abuse gives us a good lead to it.'

'So he could potentially get sent down for that too?'

'Yep. The state will oppose him on the drug dealing, laundering and GBH, but I'm going to extend my services to them and co-operate as much as possible in order for us to win.'

'it must be so stressful for her.'

'Yeah, it is.'

'Do you think he'll find her here?'

'No. He's in custody. But he has a lot of friends who are looking for her. I don't think they'll find her here though. I'm planning on moving my car somewhere else and borrowing Mark's for a while, so they don't recognise it.'

'That's a good idea.'

'But I don't know whats best for her in terms of during the day. I don't want to leave her here with you, just in case- I mean I don't want anything to happen to you if they do find her. But I don't want to take her to work with me, because he knows where she works, but then what else can she do without being alone?'

'Don't you worry about me, dear.' Said Carolyn. 'She can stay here with me it's fine.'

'But what about when you go out?'

'Cant she come with me?'

'I don't know.' He sighed.

'Derek give it a few days until you go back. We'll make sure she's safe don't you worry. Now, do you need anymore water?'

'Yeah, but it's fine, I can get it.' He said walking to the sink as Meredith came in, wearing light blue skinny jeans and a green sweater, her hair wet on her shoulders.

'Ah, Meredith, do you feel better now dear?' said Carolyn, gesturing for Meredith to sit opposite her at the table.

'yes, thank you.' She said, as Derek sat next to her and put his arm on the back of her chair.

'Help yourselves, I wasn't sure what you would like so I just made a bit of everything.'

'Thank you…. You didn't have to… that was really nice… thank you.'

'Its alright.' Carolyn laughed. 'Don't be so nervous dear its only me.'

'Want some fries?' said Derek, handing her the plate.

'yes please.' She giggled.

'let me guess you don't want any salad?'

'no. I'm good with sandwiches and fries.'

'I thought you would be.' He smirked, moving his hand from behind her to her thigh.

'What is that supposed to mean?' she pouted.

'Nothing.' He laughed.

'don't be mean to me.'

'I'm not being mean to you! I just know you, that's all.'

'Yeah, you know how unhealthy I am.' She rolled her eyes.

'exactly.' He said, leaning to place a kiss on her head.

'shut up and let me eat.' She said, shoving some fries into her mouth.

'oh my god, these are so good Mrs Shepherd.'

'Its Carolyn. But thank you. Derek used to like my fries when he was little and became health obsessed.'

'Its good to look after your body!' Derek protested.

'It is.' Nodded Carolyn. 'But looking at Meredith theres nothing on her so I think she can afford to pass on the salad.' She said, winking at Meredith.

'Thank you Carolyn. I knew there was a reason I liked you.'

'What because she supports your junk food obsession?'

'I's not an obsession Derek.'

'Every single time I've been out to eat with you you've eaten a Pepperoni pizza.'

'So?'

'Ugh, never mind.' He laughed. 'anyway, I'm going to take you out somewhere soon and all I ask is that you try something different.'

'Why? We've had this conversation. You stick to your salad and I'll stick to my pizza.'

'How about we both try something different?'

'Hmmmmm, maybe.' She grinned.

'Where do you want to go?'

'Anywhere.'

'It's up to you.'

'I don't mind.'

'Mer,' he laughed.

'I don't mind. I'd go anywhere with you.' She said, before pausing and scrunching up her nose. 'Wait. Forget I said that, it was disgustingly cheesy.'

'If you think I'm forgetting that one then you think wrong.' He laughed, as she playfully hit him on the arm.

'Where's good to eat around here mom?' he said, turning back to Carolyn, and Meredith realised they'd literally been talking as if she wasn't even in the room. So much for making a good impression.

'Toni's Italian is down the street if you like pizza Meredith.' Carolyn suggested.

'That sounds good.' She smiled.

'We just agreed you weren't going to eat pizza!' laughed Derek, squeezing her thigh lightly.

'fine. I'm sure they have pasta there, don't they Carolyn?'

'I believe they do dear.'

'There we go.' She said, raising her eyebrow.

'Fine.' He laughed, unable to stop himself smiling at her.

After they had finished eating, Derek helped his mom do the dishes and then Meredith and Derek went upstairs to unpack their things. They only had a bag each, Meredith didn't have a lot as it was, and Derek had only brought enough for a short space of time, he could just wash his clothes. They were staying in Derek's childhood room, which had since had a double bed put in. It was still decorated relatively similarly. The walls were still a navy blue, and his chest of drawers was still there, as was his bookshelf. Meredith noticed a picture of Derek and who she presumed was his dad framed on the wall, Derek must have been about 16 in the photo. They were on his dad's land, and looked to be fishing. Derek in a black and red coat, his dad in a blue one. He still had his piercing blue eyes and dark curls but he was a lot skinnier and paler than he was now.

'Is this your dad?' She said, carefully tracing the outlines of the frame.

'Yeah.' He said, coming up behind her.

'He looks nice.' She said quietly.

'Yeah.'

'You been fishing?'

'Yeah, with Mark. He took the picture.'

'Did you catch anything?'

'I did actually. But dad caught a bigger one.'

'That's cute.' She smiled. 'How old were you?'

'Eighteen, it was just before I left for college.'

'Eighteen?' She scrunched up her nose.

'Yeah.' He laughed. 'I was pretty small.'

'You were...' She whispered. 'You look different. In some ways the same but still, different.'

'Yeah. I was kind of a geek in high school?'

'A geek?' She giggled, turning to wrap her arms around his neck.

'Hey no mocking.' He said, putting his arms around her waist.

'Were you a science geek? Or a band geek?'

'Both.' He laughed. 'Mainly a band geek. But, a science geek too.'

'Did you have the uniform and everything?' She giggled again.

'Yes.' He rolled his eyes.

'You're so cute.' She said, reaching on her tip toes to kiss him lightly.

'Oh yeah? And what were you like in high school Mrs mockery?' He smirked.

'Hey I am not mocking!' She laughed. 'I said you were cute!'

'Hmmm, whatever.'

'Anyway, you wouldn't have noticed me in high school. Well, you would. But, not in a good way.'

'No?' He said softly, gently moving his arms up and down her still tender sides.

'I had pink hair. Had the whole angry teenager thing going on.'

'Pink hair?!'

'Pink hair.'

'Really?'

'Yes, Derek.' She giggled, turning her hair to the side.

'I bet that was quite a look.'

'Hey!' She said, lightly hitting him. 'I bet your band uniform was too.'

'Okay.' He laughed. 'We're even.'

'Good.' She pouted, before leaning up to kiss him again, this time not leaning back as he kept her held close to him, her head on his chest.

'You angry because of your mom?' He whispered into her hair.

'Yeah.' She whispered in response.

'I'm sorry.' He said, squeezing her.

'It's okay.'

'Okay.'

'Can we stay like this for a while?'

'If you want to? Or we can sit on my bed and cuddle?'

'Cuddle?' She giggled.

'That's what this is.' He laughed.

'I don't think I've ever cuddled before.'

'Well that's just sad.'

'It is?'

'Definitely. There's nothing like a good cuddle.'

'I think I like it.' She whispered, squeezing her arms around him.

'Want to lay down?'

'Okay.' She said, looking up at him before he brushed her lips gently with his own.

'I love you.' He whispered.

'Me too.' She grinned, pressing her lips to his. 'Now, I want to cuddle.' She pouted.

'Okay,' he laughed, laying down on the bed and pulling her into his arms. 'We can cuddle.'

'Good.' She breathed, her eyes closing lightly as her head nestled on his chest and he kissed the top of her head.


	22. Chapter 22

_Hi guys! Thank you for reading and thank you for reviewing! Please review if you can I love knowing what you guys think._

Things were really beginning to look great right now. He and Meredith had spent their first night at his moms house, he had held her close all night, his face buried in her hair, his arms around her waist, her hands clutching his. He had just laid there for a while after she fell asleep, unable to believe how happy he was. Which was weird, because they didn't really have that much to be happy about right now, but alone with Meredith, in bed, he was happy. Really happy. When he was with her it was like everything else just went away, and he felt so at peace with her. He knew this whole relationship thing would be big for her, but he was pretty sure it was going to be great. They weren't even officially boyfriend and girlfriend yet he could already picture waking up like this every day for the rest of his life. Meredith was curled tightly into him, her flowery scented hair surrounding him, her soft snoring filling the room. She had one of his Bowdoin shirts on and some boxer shorts, her legs half outside of the blankets, and he was pretty sure she had never looked so beautiful, despite her purple coloured face.

'Morning.' He whispered into her hair as he felt her begin to squint her eyes open.

'Morning.' She replied, burning her face into his chest.

'You sleep well?' He said, gently running a hand along her back.

'Yeah.' She said quietly. 'The best in a long time.'

'Me too.' He whispered, kissing the top of her head.

'Really?'

'Yeah.'

'You feel... Safe.'

'Safe.'

'When I'm with you I feel safe.'

'I love you.' He said, kissing her hair again, running his fingers along her arms.

'I love you too.' She said, finally looking up, sleepily.

'You're going to say I'm cheesy again,' he began, laughing. 'But I honestly can't believe how good it feels to hold you, properly.'

'You're right. That is cheesy.' She laughed, leaning up to kiss him. 'But I know what you mean.' She said against his lips.

'You do?'

'Yeah.' She kissed him again, moving to straddle him gently. 'I've wanted to touch you properly for ever.'

'I like this.' He smiled, rubbing his hands up and down her sides.

'Me too.' She grinned, capturing his lips with her own.

'Mer.' He mumbled, moving a hand to her hair.

'Derek.' She giggled, as she continued to kiss him.

'I'm so happy right now.' He whispered.

'Me too.' She said, leaning her forehead against his.

'I just... I know things are bad. But with us... I love this.'

'I love this too.'

'Good.' He said, pulling her down off him so she was next to him, pulling her into his arms.

'What do you want to do today?' He said, her head on his chest, arm wrapped around him as he rubbed circles on her back, placing light kisses to her shoulder.

'I don't mind.' She said, finding his free hand with hers and intertwining their fingers. 'I like being this close.' She whispered randomly after a few moments of silence.

'Me too.'

'I never... With Dave.. We never.. I never... This close.'

'No?'

'Not like this.'

'Oh.'

'I like it. With you, I like it.'

'Good.'

'So... Are we... Like... Together now?'

'If you want to be.' He said, kissing her shoulder again.

'What happens if we're not? What are we then?'

'Dating I guess. That's the step before being together properly.'

'Is it bad to skip dating? I've never done this before.'

'I can tell.' He laughed.

'You can?' She suddenly said looking up at him.

'Not in a bad way, Mer.' He leaned to kiss her softly. 'You're just cute.'

'Cute?' She raised an eyebrow.

'Cute.' He nodded. 'So, what do you want to do? I don't mind either way, I'm not going to pressure you.'

'Would it be really bad if you got a new girlfriend a week after splitting from your wife?'

'Probably. But it's really bad to yell someone else's name during sex, so I think we've already covered that.' He laughed.

'What?'

'Did I not tell you?'

'No.' She said, expectantly.

'Okay... So...' He laughed, repositioning and pulling her so she was firmly in his arms.

'I may or may not have said your name while me and Helen were having sex.'

'What?' She gasped. 'You didn't!'

'I did.'

'Derek!' She slapped his arm.

'What?'

'That's awful!'

'I know.' He laughed.

'Poor Helen.'

'I couldn't help it.' He said cupping her bruised cheek softly in his hand.

'That's really bad Derek.' She giggled, leaning closer to him.

'I told you I couldn't help it.'

'Were you thinking about me?'

'Maybe.' He smirked.

'You were!' She laughed. 'When even was this anyway?'

'The night we decided it was over.'

'So we'd kissed.'

'We'd kissed.'

'I thought you threw me out because you hated me, that night.'

'God no.' He said, kissing her neck. 'I threw you out because I couldn't trust myself around you.' His breath hot on her skin.

'Because you wanted to have sex with me.' She laughed, her fingers playing in his hair.

'I wanted you. And I couldn't have you.'

'That's how I felt too.' She whispered. 'Living in your house with you're wife and daughter, I wanted you so bad.'

'Mmmm.' He said, moving his kisses to her jawline, 'me too.'

'I loved you.' She said. 'Which I know is really bad. But I fell in love with you.'

'I fell in love with you too.' He smiled, leaning to kiss her deeply.

'Mmmm, Derek.' She mumbled.

'I love you.'

'I love you too.'

'Mmmm.' He groaned, once again moving his kisses to her neck, which still had marks on it.

'And I think I want... To be together.' She said slowly.

'You do?' He whispered, kissing her gently on the neck.

'Yeah... I mean if you...'

'I do.' He breathed, looking up at her.

'It's just dating would seem weird seeing as we'd be sleeping together every night.' She giggled. 'And isn't that to see if you like someone?'

'Dating?'

'Yeah.'

'Yeah.'

'But I already know I like you. And I like this.' She said, gesturing to their closeness. 'And I'm scared of where it's going and I've never done it properly before but I know I want it. I know I want you.'

'I want you too.' He smiled.

'So we're together?'

'Were together.' He repeated, Kissing her. 'But we can still take it slow.'

'Yeah.'

'As slow as you want Mer, seriously.'

'Okay.' She smiled.

'Do you want some food?' He offered, kissing her again.

'I thought you would never ask.' She giggled. 'I'm starving.'

'Come on then.' He laughed, standing up and picking her up of the bed. 'Lets go get some breakfast.'

'Put me down!' She squealed as he carried her down the stairs.

'No.'

'Derek put me down!' Se laughed, hitting him.

'No.'

'Your mom...'

'My mom has Hallie today.' He said, 'she'll already have left.'

'Oh.' She said, slightly tensing in his arms as they reached the kitchen. 'Why what time is it?'

'I think about ten.'

'Ten?'

'Yeah.'

'We slept in late.'

'It's okay. We needed a good nights sleep.'

'Yeah.' She said quietly.

'Want me to put you down now?'

'No.' She said, tightening her grip around his neck, nuzzling him.

'No?! Meredith you've just been shrieking at me to let you go!' He laughed.

'I wasn't shrieking.' She said quietly.

'I know, I was only joking.' He said, trying to hold her closer if that was possible. 'You okay?' He whispered into her hair, concerned at her suddenly mood change.

'Yeah.' She whispered.

'Mer.' He prodded gently.

'Hallie.' She breathed.

'Oh.'

'We still have to figure this all out.' She sighed. 'I keep forgetting.'

'I know.' He said, kissing her cheek. 'It's like we're in a bubble.'

'Right?!'

'Yeah.'

'It's like we have our own bubble and I keep forgetting that it's going to be popped.'

'It's okay. Once we've figured it out I'm pretty sure things will be just as good outside of the bubble as they are in.'

'Doubt it.' She pouted.

'It will be okay, Mer.'

'Yeah.'

'Now, what do you want for breakfast? Pancakes?'

'Yeah. You make good pancakes.'

'I know.'

'You and your ego.' She giggled, turning to kiss him. She rested her head against his. 'Thank you.' She murmured softly, kissing his temple. 'You can put me down now.'

'Okay.' He said, gently releasing her onto the ground.

'Chocolate or blueberry?'

'Is that even a question?' She raised her eyebrow.

'Chocolate.' He answered for her.

'Um-hm.' She grinned.

'Want a drink?'

'Yeah, but I'll get them.' She said. 'What do you want?'

'Orange please.'

'Okay.' She said, getting two glasses out and pouring them both a glass as he started making pancakes. 'There you go.' She said, hanging it him.

'Thanks.' He said, taking a sip before putting it down on the counter, feeling her arms snake around his waist and her head pressed against his back.

After they'd eaten breakfast, Derek showered and they got changed. They agreed they'd go to the Italian Carolyn had suggested that night, and Meredith was paranoid about being their 'first date'.

'It's hardly a first date.' He laughed. 'We've eaten together millions of times.'

'Yes but not when you're my boyfriendy person.'

'True. But it won't really be much different?'

'It won't?'

'Well, I might kiss you and hold your hand and things but yeah, pretty much the same.'

'Oh.'

'That's good right?'

'Yeah. So what do I have to wear?'

'Just jeans and a sweater like you normally do.' He shrugged.

'Seriously?'

'Seriously. It's what you like to wear right?'

'Right...'

'Then wear that.'

'Is that okay for a first date?'

'I don't know.'

'You don't know, Derek?!'

'Does it really matter?'

'Yes! I want to do this right.'

'Meredith there's no right way to do this. We just be us.'

'So I can wear jeans on our first date?'

'Of course. I love you in your jeans.'

'You do?' She looked at him hopefully.

'Yeah.' He smiled. 'So wear whatever you want.'

'Okay.'

'Do you mind if we just nip to the office before we go? I need to check up on a few things. But I won't be long.'

'Sure. Do you want me to come in or?' She trailed off.

'Well I know you'd be more comfortable waiting outside but I don't want to leave you in a car alone.'

'It's okay. I can come in, I just don't really want to talk to people.'

'That's okay. We can avoid.'

'Good.'

'Want to watch some tv? we probably need to leave at about 4.'

'Okay. Can I have your hoodie?'

'Sure. Which one?'

'Grey.'

'There you go.' He said, throwing it to her as he slipped a t shirt on.

They watched tv, cuddled together on the sofa until literally five to four. They just had some trashy reality show on, that Meredith got really engrossed in, while Derek was too consumed with touching her to care. He kept running his fingers through her hair, and placing soft kisses where he thought they'd hurt the least. Until it was time for them to change and head out.

When they got to the office, Derek could tell Meredith was nervous. She'd put make up on to cover the bruises as best she could, and she's actually done a really good job. The only really noticeble thing was her eye and the scars, the rest didn't look too bad.

'Met you honestly look fine.' He said, squeezing her hand as they walked up the stairs.

'You sure?'

'Yes. Your eye is the only noticeable thing.'

'Good.'

'It's going to be fine. I'll be half an hour tops.'

'Okay.' She said quietly.

'Then you can eat whatever you want.' He said, squeezing her sides as they neared their floor.

'Apart from a pepperoni pizza.'

'Well yes apart from that.'

'And you can't have a salad. Please have something unhealthy.'

'I might, seeing as it's a special occasion.'

'Date?'

'Um-hm. Our first date.'

'I'm excited.' She whispered as they approached the office door.

'Me too.' He grinned. 'Now don't be nervous about this, okay? Everyone knows what's going on so they're going to be sensitive and we can just avoid as much as possible, okay?'

'Okay.' She breathed, clutching his hand tightly as he pushed open the door.

'Hey Shep!'

'Hey Tom.'

'Hey Mer.'

'Hey.'

'Where are the others?' Said Derek.

'Jacobs in court, Sam's in court the rest in meetings.'

'Anything interesting?'

'Sam's is his big fraud case, Jacobs is that murder.'

'Oh god.'

'I know, heavy.'

'Do we know how they're going?'

'Jacobs is going well from what I know, haven't heard about Sam's.'

'He'll be right.' Said Derek, heading for his desk, Meredith following. She pulled up a chair next to him, noting the picture of Hallie and Helen on his desk.

'I should have an email from detective Coleman.' He said, scanning his screen. 'Oh, there we go.' He said, opening it.

'Good?'

'Yeah. Shit apparently they've taken Denton into custody too. Charging him with assault.'

'Really?'

'Yeah, on a guy called Mark Zantene. Which is good because we can talk about how he assaulted you too.'

'Yeah.'

'Shit they've also got him for dealing.'

'Really?'

'Yeah. But apparently... Shit... Denton's told the police Dave's never dealt.'

'That is true.'

'I know but... Oh well.'

'It's okay, Der. We've got enough on him.'

'I know. And Denton being arrested is good.'

'Yeah.'

'Hopefully we can take the whole ring down on the back of this trial.'

'You think we could actually do that?'

'If these two get sent down then yeah.'

'That would be good.'

'If these two go I think we'd get them all. You know some of their names and what they look like so they're traceable.'

'Yeah.' She said, leaning her head on his shoulder and he turned to kiss her quickly.

'One sec, I need to make a call.' He said, picking the phone up, dialling a number which was on the computer screen, as she lazily put her hand in his, her head still on his shoulder.

'Hello? Is that Anne Thompson? This is Derek Shepherd from Johnson lawyers Washington.' He began, when Mike walked in the room.

'Excuse me one moment.' He said, putting the phone to his chest.

'Hey.'

'Hi. When you're done with that call will you come to my office?'

'Sure.'

'Thanks.'

'Hi Mrs Thompson, sorry about that.' He continued. Once he'd done, he kissed Meredith again quickly, and headed to mikes office after seeing Meredith jump into his chair after he left.

'Hey.' He said, shutting the door behind him and sitting opposite Mike.

'What the fuck are you playing at?'

'What?!' Said Derek, genuinely confused.

'Meredith, Derek! What the fuck are you playing at?'

'What?'

'Are you trying to tell me I didn't just see you kiss her in the office?'

'Well... Yeah but...'

'But nothing Derek! Jesus, I thought I made it clear last week you had to be professional with this case, yet somehow between then and now you're kissing in the office?'

'It's complicated.' He sighed.

'Complicated?'

'Helen and I are getting a divorce.'

'Oh, don't tell me this is going where I think it's going.'

'Me and Helen are getting a divorce and now I'm in a relationship with Meredith.' Derek said indignantly.

'Relationship? Derek! She's been living with you!'

'Mike I know it's not ideal-'

'Not ideal? No Derek, it's not possible that's what it is.'

'What?'

'You can't be with Meredith and be on this case.'

'What? Why?'

'You know why.'

'Mike-'

'Derek you are unofficially the best lawyer in the USA and officially the best in this state. Act like it.'

'I am! Me and Meredith have nothing to do with the case!'

'Derek you two have everything to do with the case. It's about her ex boyfriend beating her- you're telling me you can be professional about that when there are feelings or fucking or whatever's happening here?!'

'Don't be ridiculous Mike.'

'I'm not Derek. Conflict of interest.' He said very matter of fact. 'You can't do it. The company has a clause.'

'Are you kidding me?! You're going to hold a fucking clause against me?'

'It's the rules, Derek.'

'You can't be serious.'

'I'm deadly serious. You are no longer on this case.'

'What?!'

'It's going to go to either Jacob or Tom.'

'You have got to be shitting me.'

'Derek, it's for the best.'

'Me and Mer have worked on this for weeks!'

'All the files will be passed on'

'No. No. Meredith doesn't talk about this stuff. She didn't even want them to know she's not going to open up to them.'

'Maybe if they fuck her she will.' Mike said slyly, under his breath.

'You know what fuck you!' Derek hissed, standing up. 'It's not like that.' He snarled before slamming the door.

'Come on Mer, let's go.' He said, putting his head through the office door.

'Okay.' She said, standing up and walking over to him. 'Bye Tom.'

'Bye Mer.'

'You okay?' She said concerned, noting Dereks flushed face, and failure to grab for her hand as they began walking.

'No.'

'Why... What's up?'

'Mikes being an ass.'

'What? Why?'

'Clause or something.' He said, walking quickly down the stairs.

'Clause?' She said, confused.

'Conflict of interest clause.'

'Oh.' She said, realising.

'It's on the second page half way down my fucking contract.'

'Yeah I know the one.' She said, getting into the car with him.

'I just... All that work! Mer!'

'I know.' She breathed, reaching for his hands. 'I know.'

'I wanted to defend you.'

'I wanted you to defend me too.' She sighed, and he could hear tears about to break in her voice.

'Oh Mer.' He said, pulling her into his arms. 'I'm sorry.'

'It's not your fault. Do we know who it's going to instead?'

'Tom or Jacob.'

'I can't.' She whimpered quietly into his neck. 'I can't. Only you.'

'I know, I know.' He tried to comfort her, rubbing circles on her back. 'I know.'

'What are we going to do?'

'I don't know.' He sighed.

'This is a great way to start our date.' She sighed.

'I know. But I'll think of something, Mer. I will.'

'Okay.' She sniffled a few tears rolling down her cheeks.

'I promise.' He said, kissing the top of her head. 'Do you still want to get food?'

'Yeah. But then can we go home, and lay in bed?'

'Cuddle?' He chuckled.

'Yes. I didn't want to say it. It sounds lame.'

'Excuse me, first you call me cheesy and now lame?'

'I never said you were lame.' She half laughed. 'I said asking to cuddle was lame.'

'Whatever. Same difference.' He laughed, feeling her laugh slightly against him too. 'But you know you can always ask me to cuddle.'

'I like it. I think it's because it's new. I'm a bit obsessed.'

'Hopefully it will wear off soon.'

'Oi!' She said, pulling back and hitting him lightly.

'I'm joking Mer.' He said, leaning to kiss her.

'I'm all for the cuddling. More cuddling I say.'

'And the kissing.' She laughed. 'I like the kissing.'

'Me too.' He said, brushing her lips softly.

'Come on, food.' She giggled.

'Yeah. Let's go.' He sighed, trying to be happy for her while his insides were raging. He couldn't defend Meredith, he had to give her case away.


	23. Chapter 23

_Hi guys! So sorry for the delay in update but as usual thank you so much for reading and thank you for your reviews. Ps sorry if there are any typos and stuff- I didn't want to delay any longer so haven't properly proof read it._

So,' said Carolyn as Derek placed some pancakes in front of Meredith just as she sat down at the kitchen table. 'How was your night?'

'Good thanks Carolyn.' Smiled Meredith immediately starting her breakfast.

'Good.' Carolyn smiled. 'What did you have to eat? I'm assuming Derek didn't let you have your pizza?'

'No.' She pouted, turning to Derek who sat beside her with a bowl of muesli. 'I had salmon pasta, it was really nice.'

'The one with lemon sauce?'

'Yes and courgettes.'

'I had that last time I was there, it was lovely.'

'Yeah it was really good.' Nodded Meredith.

'What about you Derek?'

'He actually had a pizza.' Giggled Meredith before Derek had chance to answer.

'I don't think you've ever had a pizza your whole adult life, Derek.' Carolyn laughed.

'I know, she's a bad influence.'

'Derek are you joking it only had vegetables on it!'

'Yes and god knows how much cheese.'

'Shut up.' Meredith laughed. 'It's not like you're fat anyway.'

'That's not the point, it's about your health.'

'You go to the gym often enough Derek.' Assured Carolyn. 'You honestly don't need to be worrying about a silly pizza.'

'I can't even remember the last time I went to the gym.'

'Don't fret dear.' Carolyn rolled her eyes.

'You're fine the way you are.' Meredith said, squeezing his thigh under the table.

'Why thank you.' He smirked.

'You really like yourself don't you?' She giggled, raising an eyebrow.

'Just hiding my pain.'

'Whatever.' She said, turning back to her pancakes.

'So what are you two up to today then? Are you in work yet, Derek?'

'I don't know.' Sighed Derek, and Carolyn noted the way Meredith moved to gently stroke his forearm.

'Why what's up?'

'They've taken him off my case.' Meredith said quietly.

'What?'

'They're transferring it to a different lawyer in the company.'

'Derek I don't understand?' Carolyn said expectantly to her son.

'I can't defend Meredith if we're in a relationship.' He said simply.

'Oh, dear. Why not?'

'Conflict of interest.'

'Oh.'

'I should have known.' He sighed. 'I knew the clause existed I just didn't even think about it. That's the annoying thing. If I'd have fucking remembered we could have hidden it until the trial was done.'

'Language, Derek Christopher.'

'Sorry.'

'That's okay. So you're going to have a different lawyer now Meredith?'

'Yeah.' She muttered. 'We don't know who though yet.'

'Hopefully someone good.'

'Yeah.' Meredith tried to smile.

'I'm the best one though mom.'

'Derek I know you have an ego but-'

'No, mom. I know I am the best lawyer at that whole company, I'm the best lawyer in the state and these guys that we're dealing with, they're insane mom. They're clever and dangerous, and intimidating. And Meredith... Meredith obviously doesn't like to talk about it and she down plays it all because she's scared and embarrassed ... And I want her to be defended right. I want someone to push for her how I would push for her. And they won't, because they don't know her, not like I know her and they don't know how much this has impacted her life. They don't care because all they're doing it for is the pay cheque at the end they're not doing it because they care about her and want to see his face behind bars. And he has to go down, I won't rest until he's down.'

'Oh Derek dear, I know you care a great deal about Meredith and want what's best for her, but I'm sure you can still help. And I'm sure whoever it is will push for her. Just because they aren't involved doesn't mean they won't try their best.'

'But their best isn't my best.' He snapped.

'Derek. Are you telling me before this case you only ever fought for your pay cheque? You never strived for justice for an innocent person? You told your father that was the whole reason you became a lawyer.'

'Well yeah, but-'

'But nothing dear. There's nothing you can do about it. I'm sure if it's someone you work with they will try their best for Meredith just like you would, and you could still help with it all, just not actually defend her on the day.'

'I know but-'

'Derek. You can't do both. Would you rather be Meredith's lawyer or her boyfriend? The answer seems quite simple to me.'

'Well yes if I had to choose I'd obviously pick Meredith.' He muttered. 'I just don't see why I have to. It doesn't exactly cloud my judgement. Anyone who knew what I knew would hate him, whether they're involved with Meredith or not.'

'I'm afraid this is a battle you've already lost Derek, it's in your contract.'

'I know.' He sighed. 'I just hate it.'

'And I'm sure Meredith does too.'

'I do.' She nodded. 'You know there's no-one I'd rather have fighting for me than you.' She said quietly, kissing his cheek.

'I know.' He whispered softly, but still not looking at her.

'We'll figure something.' She said.

'Yeah.'

'Anyway.' Said Carolyn, trying to change the subject. 'Hallie was asking about you both yesterday.'

'She was?' Derek breathed, looking up from his cereal.

'Um-hm.'

'What was she saying?'

'Asked if Meredith was safe now.' She smiled. 'Helen told her that Meredith had a problem and so you went to go and make sure she was safe.'

'God I miss her.'

'She misses you too.'

'What did you do with her?'

'We went to the park with a picnic.'

'Did she have fun?'

'She did.'

'I need to see her I just...'

'What dear?'

'I don't know where to start.' He sighed. 'I mean, this whole divorce thing is going to be confusing enough as it is for her, how do I explain that I'm now with Meredith? But then if I don't tell her I'm with Meredith yet, she's going to get used to me being alone and then it's going to be harder to tell her I'm with Meredith, and probably confuse her even more. Plus, how can I not tell her when I'm living here with Meredith and with her all the time.'

'I know it seems hard dear, but you'll figure it out.'

'I don't know Ma.' He said sadly.

'We'll figure it out, Derek.' Meredith said quietly.

'See.' Said Carolyn. 'You have a wonderful woman here who understands and is going to try and help you make it work.'

'I know.'

'We'll talk about it or whatever.' Meredith said. 'We'll figure it out.'

'On that note,' said Carolyn, standing up with her plate. 'I'm going to Nancy's to look after the boys for the day. I'll leave you two to it.'

'Have a good day.' Smiled Meredith.

'Thank you, you too sweetheart.'

'Thanks.'

'Derek dear, do cheer up.' She said, kissing his cheek before leaving the room.

'I know it's complicated...' Meredith said quietly. 'And I know she's not my daughter so it's not really my business... But we can figure it out, Derek.'

'I just... I haven't even thought about it. I've tried to block it out.'

'You're going to have to face it.' She said, moving to run a hand through his hair, and resting it on the nape of his neck.

'I know. I just don't know what to do for the best.'

'Well let's make a list.'

'Okay.'

'Of all the pros and cons of all the different options, to help organise your thoughts.'

'Okay.'

'Has your mom got a pen and paper?'

'Yeah. There should be some in that drawer there.'

'Okay.' She said, getting up to look through the drawer before sitting back down next to him. 'Do you want to write or shall I?'

'You.'

'Okay.' She said, drawing a table on the piece of paper. 'Pros and cons of...?'

'Not telling Hallie about us.'

'Okay.' She said, writing in the headings. 'Positives?'

'She won't feel like I've traded in her mom. She won't feel like I'm going to pay her any less attention. She won't grow up hating me for leaving her mom for someone else.' He said as Meredith bullet pointed what he was saying.

'Anything else?'

'I don't know.' He sighed.

'Well, I don't know if it's on your list but... Never mind...'

'No, go on.'

'Well... I don't know, but telling your kid in your girlfriend after we literally decided to be together yesterday... It's not exactly slow...'

'Okay. So, puts more pressure on us.' He said, gesturing for her to write.

'Anything else?'

'Not that I can think of. Oh wait, questions. She'll ask a lot of questions.'

'Questions.' Meredith repeated, writing it down.

'Not even just now, like in the future. She'll probably ask if we were sleeping together the whole time.'

'Just tell her the truth when she's old enough.'

'What that I yelled your name during sex with her mom?' He laughed.

'Okay, well I'd leave that bit out until... Okay- forever.'

'I'll trust you.' He smirked.

'Okay so negatives of not telling her about us.' She said, poising her pen.

'Harder for me to have her. Like practically how are we going to not tell her when we're staying together and with eachother all the time.'

'Yep.' She said, writing it down.

'I can't kiss you or touch you if she's around.'

'Derek.' She rolled her eyes.

'It's a genuine negative!'

'Alright.' She said, writing it down begrudgingly.

'It will probably confuse her, because she'll be used to me being alone and then I'll have to tell her were together in the future, and by then it might be harder.'

'Okay.'

'I'd have to lie to her.' He continued.

'What else?'

'I don't know.' He sighed. 'Do the next one and I'll come back to it.'

'Okay.' She said, drawing out another table. 'Positives of telling her about us.'

'I won't have to lie to her. She can get to know you as my girlfriend. We won't have to hide anything, like we can both be around if we want, if it's just me and Hal it's cool, but you won't have to avoid being here just because she is. It might be easier to explain to her, especially in the long run, you know- the confusion.'

'Less confusion.' Meredith muttered, keeping up with him.

'Negatives?'

'Negatives, go.'

'She'll think I'm trying to replace Helen. She might feel put in the middle. She might not feel comfortable with it, with us. What if something happens to you again, and they know we have Hallie?'

'If we tell her or we don't, if they knew where I was staying, they'll already know about Hallie.' She breathed. 'And Dave already thought we were sleeping together, so I don't think it's going to make a difference. If they were going to do something to Hallie, her knowing about us won't make a difference now.'

'Shit this is a mess.'

'I know.'

'Okay, anything else you can think of?'

'For negatives?'

'Yeah.'

'Don't think so.'

'Okay.'

'Okay, so,' she said, picking up the piece of paper. 'We have four positives of not telling her, four negatives of not telling her, four positives of telling her, and three and a half negatives of telling her.'

'Three and a half?'

'The Dave getting her thing.'

'Oh. Scrap that one. Like you said, it won't make a difference if we tell her or not, if he's after me he'll be after Hallie either way.'

'Okay. So three negatives of telling her.'

'They're all pretty even.'

'Yep. I think it's going to be hard either way.'

'You said telling her had 3 negatives?'

'Yep. But you don't have to decide now, Derek. And you don't have to decide from some stupid list, it's only to help you think.' She said, handing it to him.

'I know. It helped. Thanks.' He smiled at her.

'That's okay.' She shrugged. 'What else can we do to make it easier?'

'Get some air? I think I need to walk.'

'Can we just not do it around here? Take the car and then walk round somewhere else? I just... In case they're watching.'

'Sure. But don't worry, if you're with me, I won't let anything happen to you.'

'Okay.'

'I'm just going to put some sweats on.'

'Okay, me too. Shall we take some water?'

'Yeah, I'll get it.'

'Okay.' She said, standing up to walk upstairs, leaning to kiss him before she left the room. 'We'll figure it out.' She nodded.

'Yeah.' He sighed as she went to change.

/ / / / /

'How are you feeling? She said, her head on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around her.

'Good.' He said, much to her surprise.

'Good.' She breathed, curling into him. 'It really is nice up here.'

'Yeah, it is.' He said, wrapping his arm tighter around her.

'Would you ever build on it?'

'I don't know. Maybe.'

'Do you think your mom would want you to?'

'She does. She's always told me I should build my family a house up here, that's what dad would want.'

'That would be nice.'

'Yeah.' He said, running his hand up and down her side soothingly.

'I like your mom a lot.'

'Yeah?'

'Yeah.'

'Good.'

'She's not like my mom.'

'So you have literally no contact with her at all?'

'No.'

'Would you want to?'

'I don't know. Probably not.'

'No?'

'I don't know. Maybe.' She said, pressing a kiss to his throat.

'If you want to when this while trial has died down, I'll help you.'

'Okay. But I don't know.'

'I know. I'm just saying, I'd help you.'

'Thank you.' She said, leaning to press another kiss to his neck this time, by his ear.

'That tickles.' He murmured, gesturing to her hot breath on his cold skin.

'It is cold today to say it's summer.' She giggled.

'Well we are in Seattle, do we even really get a summer?'

'True.' She said, this time moving to kiss him softly on the lips.

'I feel good with you.' He murmured against her lips. 'This whole things a mess, but when I'm with you, I feel good.' He squeezed her slightly.

'Me too.' She said, moving her hand to play with his hair.

'I've been thinking.'

'Yeah?'

'I'm going to tell her.'

'What?'

'Hallie, I'm going to hell her, about us.'

'Derek are you sure?'

'Yeah.'

'Because we can sleep on it. We can sleep on it and talk about it again, and talk with your mom and review the list and give you more time to figure it out.'

'No, I'm going to tell her.'

'Are you sure?'

'Yeah.'

'Okay.'

'Will you come with me?'

'...if you're sure that's a good idea?'

'Yeah, I want you there.'

'Okay. If you want me there I'll be there.'

'Thank you.' He said, brushing his lips over her's.

'That's okay.' She smiled as he tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. 'But... Derek you should know that I... I never wanted kids... I don't... I can't be her fake mom or whatever... I... Me and kids.. I just... I love you and Hallies a beautiful kid but you should know... That I'm not good... At the kids thing...'

'Mer,' he whispered, cradling her now, so she was sat in front of him in between his legs, her head against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her midsection. 'I'm not asking you to be her step mom. We haven't been together five minutes. I don't want to put any pressure on you. Hallie already has a mom. You're my girlfriend, and as long as you know I come with Hallie occasionally and you treat her well then that's all I'm asking.'

'I know you love Hallie.' She breathed. 'You're an amazing dad.'

'Thanks.' He laughed. 'But seriously, don't worry. I know this probably isn't as slow as you'd want it.'

'It's okay. As long as I don't... I don't know.. Not too much...'

'It won't be too much I promise.'

'Thank you.'

'And if it is, you tell me and I slow it down.'

'Okay.'

'Okay.' He said, leaning to kiss her cheek.

'When you going to do it?'

'I don't know. I kind of just want to get it over with.'

'Do you... Want to go on the way home?' She said hesitantly.

'I'll see if Helen's in with her.'

'Okay.' She said, nuzzling him.

He got his phone out and dialled the home number. Hopefully, Helen, Ruth or George should be

at home with Hallie.

'It rang out.' He sighed. 'No-ones home.'

'Ring Helen at work, see if we can go tonight.'

'Yeah.' He mumbled.

'Hi Hel its me. Yeah... I'm good, thanks. Look, is it okay if me and Mer come round tonight before or after dinner? I want to talk to Hal. Yeah... I was going to tell her about me and Meredith if that's alright with you. Yeah... Yeah... No I'm sure... Thanks Hel. Thanks, see you later.'

'What she say?'

'We should go round about five.'

'Okay.' She said, intertwining her fingers with his. 'Do you wanna walk back down?'

'Can we just say here for a bit?' He said into her hair.

'Of course.'

/ / / / /

'Daddy, daddy!' Hallie squealed as she opened the door to Derek and Meredith.

'Hello monkey.'

'Hi Meredith!' Hallie beamed from Dereks arms.

'Hey Hallie.' Smiled Meredith. She'd really tried to cover her bruises up on her face, and apart from her obvious eye scars, she'd done a really good job.

'Is you safe now?'

'Yeah, I am.'

'Good.' The little girl grinned.

'Can we come in now?' Derek laughed.

'Yes silly.' Hallie said, tugging on his hand and leading him into the living room, Meredith following closely behind.

'Hey.' Said Helen from the kitchen.

'Hey.' Said Derek, Hallie sitting on his lap.

'Hi.' said Meredith nervously.

'Hey Mer, you okay?'

'Yeah. Good thank you.'

'How's the eye?'

'A lot better. I have to go back to the hospital in a couple of days but it's not causing me much trouble apart from being a little sore.'

'That's good.'

'Yeah.' She smiled, relieved at how nice Helen was being. She wasn't really sure how Helen could be so nice to her, she'd pretty much stolen her husband and Helen was being nothing but kind.

'Sit down Meredith.' Giggled Hallie, patting the seat next to her and Derek.

'Okay.' She laughed, sitting next to them.

'You had a good day?' Said Derek.

'Um-hm' nodded Hallie.

'Yeah? What'd you do?'

'Grandpa took me to his lotment.'

'His allotment? Did he?'

'Um-hm.'

'Do you want to show daddy what you got?' Said Helen.

'Yeah- it's real good daddy!'

'Is it?' He laughed as she disappeared into the kitchen, glancing at Meredith who looked really nervous.

'Hey, it's okay.' He said quietly, reaching to put a hand on her thigh.

'Yeah.' She smiled weakly.

'I love you, okay?' He leaned to kiss her quickly, pulling away just in time before Hallie and Helen reappeared with a bowl of strawberries.

'Look daddy!'

'Wow they look nice.'

'These are for you.' She said, handing it to him.

'Why thank you, princess.'

'Taste one.'

'Okay.' He said, eating one. 'They are very nice. Did you pick them yourself?'

'I did.'

'Can Meredith try one?'

'Yeah, if course she can daddy.' His daughter laughed.

'What do you think Mer?' Derek asked, as Meredith ate one too.

'They are really yummy.' She smiled.

'Grandpa said they're in season.'

'They are.' Derek laughed.

'When you coming home daddy? Meredith's safe now.' Hallie suddenly said.

'Oh.' Said Derek, noting how Meredith tensed. 'Well, tats what I'm here to talk to you about, monkey.'

'You coming home right daddy?'

'Well. You know how me and mummy talked to you, about not being married anymore?'

'Uh-huh.'

'Well, when you aren't married, you don't live together anymore. And, right now, you and mommy are staying here while I stay with grandma.'

'Okay.'

'Because we can't all stay here at the minute.'

'But why not daddy?'

'Because, you know when I said in order to be married to someone you had to really really love them?'

'Uh-huh. And you don't love mommy in the right way anymore?'

'Right. But, I do love Meredith.'

'You do?'

'I do.' Derek said, putting his hand back on Meredith's thigh. 'So, at the minute, me and Meredith are staying with grandma, because we have a really big thing at work coming up, and once that's finished, and Meredith's safe for good, then we can look at what we're going to do with the house, maybe I will get another house and you can live half with mommy and half with me and Meredith or something. Whatever we work out.'

'Okay.' Hallie giggled. 'You got a girlfriend daddy?' She teased.

'Yes I do.' Derek laughed.

'Daddy and Meredith sitting in a tree!'

'Hallie Amelia Shepherd are you laughing at me?'

'Maybe.' She said as Derek tickled her stomach. 'Daddy stop!'

'Stop laughing at me!'

'Okay okay!' She giggled, hitting him.

'Okay.' He said, grinning at her and stopping his hands.

'Do you and Meredith want to stay for dinner, Derek?' Said Helen, coming back out from the kitchen.

/ / / / /

'Well that went a lot better than expected.' Derek said, wrapping his arms around Meredith as they walked back to Mark's car.

'I know.' She breathed.

'Hallie took it really well.'

'I think she just found it funny her daddy's got a girlfriend.' She laughed.

'Don't you start.' He said, bumping her hip before walking round to the drivers seat.

Once they reached home, Carolyn was sat in the living room, watching tv with a glass of wine. She was delighted to hear how well Hallie had taken the news, she had been talking to Meredith all the way through dinner, and although Meredith did feel really bad for Helen, Helen handled it all really well. Meredith still couldn't believe how nice she was being, she was being nicer to Meredith now, than when she first met her. And Meredith was really grateful. She decided she really really liked Helen. Not that she didn't before, but now she's officially decided, she really really liked Derek's wife, which was quite odd. She was the first woman to actually be nice to her, just like Derek was the first guy. After they'd say downstairs with Carolyn for a few hours, cuddled on the couch together, with Derek absently running his fingers through her hair and kissing her softly on her neck, cheek and lips over and over again as they watched the tv. It was nice, it was really nice. And she couldn't quite believe just how safe she felt right now, how happy she felt to be snuggled next to Derek and she couldn't believe how much she felt for him. Today had been a really hard day for him, he had been really scared of telling his daughter that he was committed to her, and scared of hurting his family. But even though he'd been feeling awful, he'd still comforted her and told her it would be okay, made her laugh. He was amazing, and she loved him. She actually loved him. She had never felt this way in her life. And she never thought she would. She'd never thought she'd commit to someone and actually be happy, but here she was, curled on a sofa with a guy from her office only a day after properly getting together and she felt like she'd been in love with him her whole life. She was so happy and she couldn't explain it. She looked up at him and saw him looking back at her softly, with the sparkly eyes.

'Hey.' She smiled quietly.

'Hey.' He said, ducking his head to kiss her softly as she moved a hand to cup his face. 'You okay?'

'Yeah. Really good.' She said, resting her forehead against his, trying to curl closer into him if that was possible.

'Good.' He said, kissing the corner of her mouth. 'Want to go upstairs?'

'Yeah.' She nodded, shifting slightly to stand up.

'Mer and I are going to head up now, Ma.'

'Okay dear.' Smiled Carolyn. 'See you in the morning.'

'Night Carolyn.'

'Good night dear.'

Derek lead Meredith out of the room and up the stairs, stopping when they reached his room and he pulled her into him, snaking his arms around her waist, leaning to kiss her.

'Mmm Derek...' She sighed, kissing him back, wrapping her arms around his neck.

'Mer,' he groaned, kissing her harder, deeper this time.

'Mmm,' she moaned.

'Quiet.' He laughed against her lips, 'my mom.' His hands traveling down to her ass before kissing her again. She was only wearing jeans and a his Bowdoin hoodie, her hair

In waves hanging loosely around her face, but he could feel himself getting extremely turned on.

'Uh, Derek.' She sighed as he pushed her against his bedroom door, his erection pressing into her.

'Oh, Meredith.' He said, continuing to kiss her as he moved his hands to cup her face, before opening the door and the both of them stumbling in, still all over eachother.

'Close it.' She whispered against his lips, and he went to shut the door before returning to her, gently backing her onto the bed.

'Mmm.' She moaned as he laid on top of her, his hands roaming her still clothed body as he kissed her neck over and over again.

'Clothes.' He whispered.

'Mmm.'

'Too many clothes.' He said, reaching for the hem of her hoodie.

'Yeah.' She said breathlessly, reaching to pull his over his head, pulling him back to kiss him, running her hands up and down his naked chest, his fingers playing under her shirt.

'Off.' He breathed, pulling the hoodie, revealing her simple cotton white bra. 'Mmm,' he groaned appreciatively, 'you're so beautiful.' Before kissing her again, this time reaching for the back of her bra. He unclasped it, and as he did so, suddenly felt her tense up in his arms.

'Hey,' he murmured into her ear. 'It's only me.'

'I know.' She smiled, running a hand through his hair, but he knew it was fake.

'You don't have to do this if you don't want to.' He whispered, gently taking her earlobe between his teeth.

'I do want to.' She said quietly, as he run his hand along her stomach, resting at her jeans. 'I just... I do want to...'

'It's okay if you don't.'

'I do.' She said, frustrated with herself, 'I just... I don't know if I'm ready...'

'That's okay.' He said, softly kissing her neck. 'I'm not going to make you do anything you're not ready for.'

'But you want to.' She pouted, reaching for his Jean clad hard on.

'I do, but if you're not ready, then I don't want to push you.'

'I do want to. You know that right?'

'Yeah.' He said, reaching to outline her face with his fingers. 'And I will wait for you until you're ready. I know this isn't normally a good experience for you. But when you are ready, all I will do is love you, okay?'

'Okay.' She said, tears stinging her eyes, she could not believe how amazing he was being. He was obviously horny, and she had agreed to be his girlfriend, and she did want to have sex with him. Especially after feeling the size of him.

'I will be gentle.' He said, moving to pull her into a cuddle.

'I love you.' She whispered, reaching for his hand.

'I love you too.' He smiled, pulling her closer to him, his hand moving along her bare back, giving her goosebumps.

'You know,' she said into his neck. 'I can't actually remember the last time I came.'

'What? Seriously?' He said, trying not to sound to shocked.

'Yeah.' She sighed.

'Wow.'

'I know.'

'He never...'

'No. Just him.'

'Jesus.'

'I know.' She sighed. 'I think it was pretty early on in our relationship, the last time I came. And I think I've only ever come like fifteen times with him, ever. The first few times was amazing... But after that...'

'Fucking hell.'

'I know.'

'Well, don't worry about that.' He said leaning to kiss her. 'All I want to do is make you feel good.'

'I know I've just said it, but I do love you.' She said. Moving her hand to move lazily through his hair.

'I love you.' He said, squeezing her into him. 'I want you to always feel comfortable with me. So if anything ever happens that you're not comfortable with, you tell me okay?'

'Okay.' She nodded, kissing him gently, before resting her head on his naked chest.

'Cuddle for a while?'

'Yeah.'

'Want to take your jeans off?'

'Oh, naked cuddling?' She laughed.

'Well you can put your pyjamas on if you want.' He laughed.

'I... I don't know...'

'It's okay.'

'I just, my scars and bruises, Der.' She said, wrapping an arm around herself, beginning to feel self conscious.

'These?' He said, gently tapping his fingers over the multiple bruises on her midsection from Dave the other day.

'Well yeah, and there's more.' She said, before she was silenced by the soft feel of his lips on her side, placing butterfly kisses over every single bruise.

'Oh, Der...' She trailed off.

'I love you. And they don't matter to me.' He said between soft kisses and licks, before coming back up to kiss her. 'They show how strong you are.'

'Take my jeans off.' She murmured quietly. 'Naked cuddling sounds good.

'Naked cuddling.' He said, unbuttoning her jeans. 'Panties?'

'Panties.' She nodded.

'Okay.'

'Let me take yours off.'

'Okay.' He said as she sat up, undoing his jeans.

'Boxers?'

'Yeah, I'll leave mine on if you're leaving yours on.'

'Okay.'

'Don't want to pressure you.'

'You're not.' She assured him, throwing his jeans off the bed after tugging them off him.

'Come here.' He said, getting under he covers and pulling her into him, as she placed a kiss to his naked chest, tangling her legs in his.


	24. Chapter 24

_Hi guys thank you so much for reading and thank you to those of you who leave kind reviews!_

So he started shouting at you as to why you'd contacted a lawyer?'

'Yeah. Denton shoved me on the sofa and Dave literally just started yelling in my face.'

'And you said...?'

'I tried not to say anything. Usually if I keep quiet he'll hit me then it will all blow over, he'll go out to get drunk or something.'

'And he just carried on shouting at you?'

'Yeah, and he spat in my face, snarling at me and everything.'

'What was he saying to you?'

'Just stuff like, how dare I disrespect him, how dare I shop him in after everything he's done for me, all I get is what I've deserved, stuff like that.'

'And you just took it?'

'The first lot of shouting, yeah. Just kept saying I was sorry.'

'Because you were scared?'

'Right. I mean it was him and Denton, I didn't really stand a chance.'

'Then what happened?'

'We had sex.' She said quickly.

'You had sex?'

'Yeah.'

'Did you want to?'

'No.'

'Did you tell him that?'

'Yeah. He... We... He told me that it was the only way he would forgive me. But I said I didn't want to.'

'And what did he say?'

'It was either sleep with him or face his fist.'

'What did you say?'

'I'd rather face his fists.'

'So what happened?'

'He just came on to me, saying if I didn't sleep with him I didn't know what was good for me.'

'Was it pleasurable for you?'

'No.'

'Was it for him?'

'I'm assuming so. He came.'

'Did he hurt you?'

'Yeah. I got checked out and I mean there's no permanent damage or anything but I'm a little sore down there.'

'I see.'

'So when exactly did he hit you in the eye?'

'Well, during the sex he kept asking me if he was better than Derek. Kept goading me about him. Like 'I bet Derek can't fill you like this', 'does Derek fuck you this good?' Stuff like that, over and over again. So when he's finished I pushed him off me and tried to walk out. He asked where I was going, I said to Derek, he pinned me against the wall and punched me. So I shouted back, for like the fist time ever, telling him I was sick of it. That's when he grabbed my throat.'

'How did you get him off?'

'Kicked him in the balls.'

'Was Denton still there?'

'No, he'd left by now.'

'So you just ran out?'

'Yeah.'

'And into a car, knowing you couldn't see?'

'Yeah. I was shaking. I could see out of my left eye, and to be honest, I was so worked up I didn't notice that I couldn't see I thought I was just crying too much.'

'And what do you remember about the crash?'

'Nothing. I just remember waking up in the hospital. I literally don't remember any of it. Like I said, I think I was too worked up and scared to take anything in.'

'I see. And Derek has pictures of the injuries in their early stages?'

'Yeah. The bruises on my side are mainly from when Denton dragged me into the car and into the house.'

'Right. I've got a copy of your medical records, from the surgery.'

'Yeah, the ones Derek got.' She corrected him.

'Yeah. No-one except you was hurt in the crash?'

'No.'

'So you have no charges for that?'

'No.'

'Good.'

'But Derek said, if Dave isn't found guilty they could try and charge me for irresponsible driving in which case I need to plead self defence, which will automatically reopen a case against Dave.'

'Okay. And have you seen any of Dave's friends recently?'

'No. I've been at Derek's with his mom for about 2 and a half weeks now and nothing at all. But it wouldn't surprise me if they're watching. They were watching the whole time I was at Derek's and only got me when I had left.'

'Right.'

'But Derek said we can either get an injunction on them, like a restraining order, or wait until the trail and give the judge their names and use them as evidence of a ring and they'll probably get brought in the second week or stand trial independently if there's suspicion.'

'Yeah. We'll do that. Use them as evidence. What do you want to do about witnesses?'

'Well, Mrs Burkes, obviously. And Derek said Dr. Owen hunt who did my surgery would be a strong one too.'

'That's good, I'll contact him.'

'Yeah.'

'Yeah. Well, I think I pretty much have all of the evidence in the files from Derek. We just need to keep going over and over the stories behind them, make sure you know exactly what you're saying and that there are no loopholes in any of the wording.'

'Okay.'

'But we'll leave it for today. I know it's not pleasant to recall.'

'Yeah.'

'Well, I'll contact Owen Hunt this afternoon and try and do some research on these guys of Dave's.' He said eyeing the list of names Meredith had given him for the ring.

'Derek's already done a lot.'

'He has?'

'Yeah. Is it not in the file?'

'No.'

'Oh. Well he's done loads, I'll get him to send it you.'

'Okay. Thanks.'

'Thanks Jacob.'

'No problem. See you later Mer.'

'Bye.' She said, leaving the conference room and heading down the hall into the main office.

'Hey.' She said, sitting next to Derek.

'Hey.' He breathed, turning from his computer, which had images of an abattoir on it.

'What is that?' She said, confused.

'That,' He said. 'Is where I think they're storing the drugs.'

'What? Seriously?!' She gasped.

'Uh-huh. And they supply a prison with meat.'

'Wait... You're saying what?' She trailed off.

'These guys,' he said, pointing to the screen. 'supply Washington State youth offenders primary holding institute.'

'A young prison?'

'Under 21s.'

'Right.'

'And the kids prepare the food, something about a rehabilitation programme or something, I looked it up.'

'Right.'

'I think they're smuggling it into the prison via the abattoir's meat.'

'What?!'

'You said Dave's friends with Simon Slater, right?'

'Yeah, he deals, why?'

'Well, the owners are Gemma and Mick Hunter.'

'Right...'

'Gemma Hunter formerly known as Gemma Slater.'

'You think they're related?'

'She has a record for possession of Heroin, and to say their abattoir doesn't earn a lot, yet he's registered to own a Mercedes and her an Audi, it's not hard to put two and two together.'

'Why how much does it earn?'

'About 5% over breaking even.'

'Shit. How do you know?'

'Researched their contracts, plus there was an article about them a few years ago nearing bankruptcy.'

'Shit. So what, you think she's a relation of Steves and they deal to them, and then they also deal through the prison?'

'Yep.'

'So... the ring just got bigger...'

'The ring just got bigger.' He nodded. 'I think they're storing some of it there too.'

'What the drugs?'

'Uh-huh.'

'But not all of it?'

'Like you'd store all of your drugs in one place.' Derek said sarcastically.

'True. Shit.'

'I know.'

'What you doing to do?'

'I'm going to go and have a look.'

'What?! Derek are you crazy?'

'No, I'm going to have a snoop around.'

'You do realise if you're right about this then you're in danger?'

'Yeah.'

'I am not letting you go.'

'Meredith.' He sighed, cocking his head.

'No, Derek. Do not tilt your head at me and do not give me dreamy, sparkly eyes. You are not going.'

'Meredith, I am going.'

'Derek.' She pleaded.

'I'll be careful, I promise. I'll go undercover.'

'Undercover? Derek if words got out about Dave which I'm pretty sure it has, they're probably going to know who you are, and kill you. Literally.'

'Relax. I can take care of myself.'

'Derek, no.'

'Meredith, yes.'

'Can't you just tell Coleman or something and let them go?'

'I will tell her, once my suspicions have been confirmed.'

'You're not a cop Derek, stop trying to play detective.'

'I'm not! I'm just interested.'

'Please don't go.' She said, reaching to hold both his hands. 'Please.' She begged.

'Fine. I'll ring detective Coleman.' He sighed.

'Thank you.' She said, suddenly smiling again, leaning to kiss him.

'Hmmmm.' He frowned. 'Anyway, how was the meet with Jacob?'

'Alright.'

'You okay talking about it?' He said, moving to run his hand on her forearm.

'Yeah.' She breathed. 'Our practice helped though.'

'Good.' He said, moving his hand to hold her's gently.

'I wish it was you though.'

'Me too.'

'He said he had none of the background work on Steve and people.'

'Oh. I'll send it over.'

'Thanks.'

'It just sucks that everything I do I have to send over to Jacob.'

'I know.'

'I mean, I like him but-'

'This was your case.'

'This was my case.'

'He's good though.'

'Yeah.'

'He won that murder trial last week, the Taylor one.'

'Yeah.'

'But I know it sucks.'

'Yeah.'

'Have you been given any new cases yet?'

'Yeah.' He said, nodding to two case files on his desk.

'Anything good?' She said, letting go of his hand to reach for them.

'Don't know, I haven't looked.'

'Derek.' She sighed. 'I appreciate all the work you're doing for me but you have to keep your job.'

'I know. I was going to look at it.'

'Hmmmm.'

'I was.'

'Okay.' She rolled her eyes, opening a file. 'Oooo, fraud.'

'Great.' He sighed.

'Hey, this actually looks interesting Der.'

'Oh yeah, fraud.'

'And identity theft.'

'Seriously?'

'Yeah. It's like catch me if you can, but real life.'

'Give me that.' He said, reaching for the file and scanning through it. 'This does look good.'

'See.'

'Hmmm. I'll ring them tomorrow.'

'Let's look at the other one. Oh, shit Derek you have a murder case.'

'Seriously?'

'Yeah.'

'Fuck. Give me that.' He said, taking the file out of her hand.

'Shit.'

'What?'

'It's the Samuel Jackson shooting.'

'Seriously?'

'Yeah. They want me to defend him.'

'What...? The shooter?'

'Yeah.'

'Shit.'

'Yeah.' Breathed Derek, staring at the file in front of him. A week ago, a teenager, Samuel Jackson had been shot in DC four times and the police had his uncle, Dominic Travis in custody for it. Derek had only been watching it on the news three days ago, there had been literally one other suspect, and it was pretty much confirmed that evidence showed Travis had done it. In Dereks career he'd defended guilty people, but only twice guilty people with no remorse- and both times he said he'd never do it again. The first one was just an assault, pretty early on in his career, the second was a fraud case, quite big. A woman stole £20,000 from the bank she worked in. But this was different. This was a shooting. And it was almost a dead cert that this guy had done it, to his own nephew. There was only one other suspect, and the police had charged Travis straight off the bat.

'I'm not doing it.' He said firmly, shoving the file on the desk.

'Der..'

'I'm not doing it.' He snapped. 'Where's Mike?'

'I don't know. Der, I think you need to calm down.'

'Meredith I don't need to calm down I need to talk to Mike and give him this case back.'

'Okay, okay.'

'Back in a minute.' He said, darting from his chair to Mike's office.

'What the fuck is this?' He said, charging in and slamming the file on Mike's desk.

'Oh, the Travis case?' He said calmly.

'Yes the fucking Travis case.'

'I'm not understanding?'

'I'm not doing it.'

'What?'

'I'm not doing it. Give me something else.'

'Derek they specifically requested you.'

'I don't care.'

'Derek have you seen how much they're willing to pay you per meeting and court attendance?'

'Yes. And I don't want it.'

'You've got to be kidding me?'

'I'm not doing it Mike.'

'Come on Derek. Even if he goes down we'll still make a fortune off him.'

'No, get someone else to do it.'

'He's already said if he can't have you he's not using the company he's going to Grotton's lawyers in DC.'

'Then let him go there.'

'Derek seriously. Come on man.'

'No. I'm not defending a guilty gunman.'

'You do realise that you don't really get much say in this matter?'

'I don't care. I'm not doing it.'

'Look, if this is about you wanting to be on your girlfriends case then-'

'This has absolutely nothing to do with Meredith. My dad was shot in front of me in a convenience store and the men were never tracked down, I'm not helping Travis get away with what he's done.'

'Derek the likelihood of him actually being found innocent even with you as a lawyer is 99% impossible.'

'Exactly.'

'So? What's your problem?'

'I'm not being involved.'

'Derek if they take their custom elsewhere because of your refusal you know there will be repercussions for you, don't you?'

'Fine.'

'Derek, is there nothing I can do to persuade you?'

'No.'

'Derek.' He sighed.

'No.'

'Fine. But you can ring him and you can tell him. And when I get my ass kicked by Nick at HQ I am sending him straight to you.'

'Fine.' Derek shrugged, before walking out, returning to the office, his blood boiling.

'What's up?' Said Meredith immediately as he re-entered.

'Mikes an ass.'

'Why?'

'I'm not doing that case.'

'Okay.' She said quietly. 'You okay?'

'Yeah. I'm just not doing it he can fuck off.'

'Okay.' She said, watching him as he angrily grabbed for the phone and dialled a number rather quickly.

'Hi, can I speak to Dominic Travis please? Oh, hi. It's Derek Shepherd from Johnson lawyers, just to let you know that I personally am unable to take your case on. There are other attorneys who would be more than willing, however not myself, if you'd be interested in someone else from our company Mike Casey can put you in touch with someone. ...Yes I saw. ...No, no I don't want any more money. ...Mr Travis I'm sorry but I simply can not defend you in court.' Derek said down the phone, Meredith noting how he was becoming quite heated.

'No, I don't want any more money. No matter how much money you'll pay my mind won't be changed, good bye Mr Travis, hope you get sent down.' He quipped, before hanging up.

'Jeez, intense Der.'

'Meredith he's a murderer!'

'I know... I just... Are you okay?' She said, cautious of the guys in the office beginning to stare.

'Yeah. I'm fine.'

'Okay. Well... How about you ring Coleman and then we'll get out of here, okay?'

'Okay.'

'Okay.'

/ / / / /

'Hello you two. How was your day?'

'Good.' Smiled Meredith, while Derek ignored the question and slumped straight onto the couch.

'How was yours?'

'Very well thank you dear, I met Brenda for a spot of lunch then popped in to see Kathleen.'

'That sounds lovely.' Meredith smiled, sitting next to Derek.

'Is lasagne okay for dinner?'

'That would be great, thanks.'

'Good, it's one of the very few unhealthy things Derek will eat.' Carolyn smiled, to which Derek didn't respond, staring absently at the television.

'So, how did your meeting with Jacob go?'

'Well I think. He's still got another case for the next couple of weeks so he's trying to juggle, but I think once his other one is done we'll be great.'

'That's good.'

'Yeah.'

'It's coming around quite quickly.'

'I know, less than two months now.'

'How are you feeling about it?'

'Quite nervous. But at the same time I can't wait for this whole thing to be done and over with.'

'I bet.'

'It's so strange, I never thought I would get out.'

'And now here you are.' Carolyn smiled.

'Yeah.'

'Have they said anything about you going back to work after the trial?'

'No. But I'm assuming I'll be back a week or two after its finished.'

'That's good.'

'Yeah, back to normal.'

'It must be strange only going there as a client while Derek is working.'

'Yeah, it is.'

'Oh well, not long now dear.'

'No.' Meredith smiled.

'Dinner should be ready in about fifteen minutes, I'm just going to go and check on it.'

'Okay.' Meredith smiled. 'Thanks Carolyn.'

'No problem dear, you don't have to keep saying thank you, you're part of our family now.'

Meredith was about to say thanks again, but stopped herself and just smiled as Carolyn walked into the kitchen.

'Hey.' He breathed, turning to Derek who's eyes were absently focused on the tv.

'Yeah?' He said, turning to her.

'You okay?' She said, moving to curl into him.

'Yeah.' He said, moving to put an arm around her.

'Derek.'

'What?'

'What's wrong?'

'Nothing.' He protested.

'Hey.' She said, poking him. 'Tell me.'

'Meredith, nothing is wrong.'

'It obviously is.'

'Fine.'

'Thank you.'

'My dad,' He said quietly, wrapping his arm tighter around her.

'Oh.' She breathed softly into his neck.

'That case, I can't.'

'The shooting.' She said understandingly.

'Yeah.' He said, his voice thick.

'I'm sorry.' She said, kissing his neck.

'It's okay. I just can't do it.'

'You tell Mike that?'

'Yeah. He said it's unlikely I'd be able to get him off anyway.'

'That's not the point.'

'Exactly. But he wouldn't listen.'

'You tell him you weren't doing it?'

'Yeah. He said my refusal will have consequences or whatever.'

'They can't make you defend someone you don't want to.'

'I know.' He said, moving to pull her onto his lap. 'I know.'

'What you gonna do?'

'Nothing, I rang him before and told him I couldn't defend him, gave Mike the file back.'

'Okay.' She said, cupping his cheek in her hand. 'You need to talk about your dad?'

'No, I'm okay.'

'Okay.'

'This is good.' He smiled, leaning to kiss her softly.

'Good.' She smiled, moving to rest her head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

'It will be good when this is over and we can move out of here.'

'Yeah.'

'I mean, I'm grateful to my mom, but it will be nice just to have a place for us.'

'Yeah.'

'I know we don't know how much money you'll get back yet, but no matter what happens we'll sort something.' He said into her hair.

'Yeah.' She sighed softly.

'My moms having Hallie tomorrow, j was wondering if you fancied me and you spending the day with them?'

'Oh, sure.'

'You don't have to Mer, if it's too much.'

'No, I've spent loads of days with your mom and Hallie when I was at your place.'

'You sure?'

'Yeah. I just... How do we... Be around her?'

'Just be us.'

'Okay.' She said quietly. 'I mean... She's only ever seen you with Helen I don't want to... You know... I don't know... Awkward.'

'If we're just us around her she'll get used to it. She loves you anyway, so I'm sure she won't bat an eyelid.'

'Derek we've never exactly cuddled around your daughter.'

'So? Mer, it's fine.'

'I know I just... I like Helen. And I like Hallie and I don't want to upset anyone or anything, I'm not a husband stealer.'

'No, you're not.' He laughed, lifting her chin to meet his eyes. 'You're you. And they both like you. Honestly, Helen and I weren't good, she knew that, you didn't exactly steal me.'

'Hmmmm.'

'Mer, I yelled your name in sex and you became my girlfriend less than a week after we split, and Helen has nothing but nice things to say about you. Honestly.'

'I would hate me if I was her.'

'But she doesn't.' He laughed. 'She likes you, and if she didn't she wouldn't be happy you being around Hallie and stuff.'

'True.'

'Pretty sure if Helen didn't like you, we'd know about it. I mean, you've heard the way she goes on about Miranda from work.'

'True.' She laughed.

'She offered for us to go back home after your eye, Mer.'

'I know, and I know how kind she's been but that's exactly why I don't want to make anyone feel awkward when all they've done is be nice.'

'You're not making anyone feel awkward, okay? I love you. And I have a feeling you're going to be around for a while so Hallie needs to get used to the cuddling.' He laughed, bouncing her slightly in his lap.

'Okay.'

'Okay?'

'Okay.' She eventually smiled, kissing him, and resting a hand in his hair.

'You're so pretty.' He grinned.

'Shut up.' She rolled her eyes.

'You are.' He said, squeezing her.

'What do you want?' She said suspiciously.

'Nothing!' He laughed.

'Whatever.' She said, kissing him again softly as he ran his hands up and down her sides, when Carolyn shouted them for dinner.

'I feel like a kid.' He laughed and she stood up. 'When your mom shouts you for dinner.'

'My mom never made dinner.'

'Really?'

'Yeah, she couldn't cook.'

'Then what did you eat?' He said, as they entered the kitchen.

'Grilled cheese. Or the nanny made dinner.'

'Grilled cheese? For dinner?'

'Yeah.' She said sitting down. 'This looks lovely, Carolyn.'

'Thank you dear. What would you two like to drink?'

'I'll get them Ma,' said Derek. 'Coke Mer?'

'Yes please.'


	25. Chapter 25

_Hi guys! I'm really quite nervous about this chapter... But I've done my best and I hope you like it. Thank you to you all for reading and thank you to those of you who review!_

'Yay Meredith!' Squealed Hallie as Meredith walked back to sit down.

'Thank you lovebug.' Grinned Meredith.

'Come on Hal.' Said Derek, picking up the lightest bowling ball on the rack. 'Your go.' Handing the ball to her. 'Right put these fingers in, that's it. Now, do you want to use the ramp?'

'No.' She shook her head. 'I can do it.'

'Okay monkey, swing your arm back.. that's it and let it go.' He said, standing next to he five year old as her ball went down the alley.

'Well done princess!' Derek said, when she hit a couple over. 'You get another go.'

'Okay.' She said, as they waited for her ball to come back.

'Shall we try the ramp this time?' Said Derek. 'I think it will help.'

'Hmmmm. Okay.'

'Okay?'

'Yeah.'

'Right, here's your ball.' He said handing it to her, before getting the ball ramp and aligning it in line with the centric pin. 'Now, put your ball on here and let it go.'

'Okay.' She said, reaching up.

'There we go!' Said Derek, as all but two pins fell down. 'Well done!'

'Thank you daddy.' Hallie giggled before running back to Meredith.

'Well done Hal.' She smiled as the little girl climbed on her lap.

'Thank you Meredith.'

'You're very welcome.' She said, gently running her fingers through her dark curls, that reminded her of Derek's.

'Daddy's go now.'

'Daddy's go.' Meredith nodded.

'Mommy says he's ompetitive.'

'I remember.' Meredith laughed. 'Do you think he's going to win?'

'I don't know.' She sighed. 'You should win and make him sad.' She giggled.

'That's mean.' Meredith laughed.

'It would be real funny.'

'It would. Oooo look, daddy did good.' She said as Derek knocked Nearly all the pins over.

'Yay daddy!'

'I thought you wanted me to win?' Meredith teased, squeezing Hallie slightly.

'I do!' She giggled. 'We gots to pretend to be happy for him.'

'Okay.'

'Daddy you did good.'

'Thank you princess.' Derek said, sitting down next to them on the bench. 'You going to let Meredith up for her go?'

'Yes daddy.' She said, shifting from Meredith's lap to Derek's as Meredith went to bowl.

'Meredith got a strike!'

'She did.' Laughed Derek, when Meredith came back.

'Yay Meredith!' Said Hallie, grabbing Meredith's hand before she could sit down.

'Thank you.' Meredith giggled.

'You help me this time stead of daddy.'

'Oh, okay.' Smiled Meredith, completely shocked that Hallie wanted her to help her rather than Derek. She had watched Derek with Hallie so many times over the last couple of weeks in complete and total awe at how amazing he was with her, and how much she loved him. He was her daddy. And he was amazing. And honestly, spending time with the two of them hadn't been as awkward as Meredith first thought. In fact, it hadn't been awkward at all. Hallie seemed to really like her and she never felt like she was tagging along. She felt really included, and not like she was taking Helens place or whatever. It wasn't like she was Hallies step mom, it really was like she was just Derek's girlfriend. No-one expected anything of her in terms of taking responsibility for Hallie, she could just spend time with her and Derek and have fun.

'There you go.' She said, putting the ramp in front of Hallie.

'Thank you.' The little girl replied as she let her ball go down.

'Well done lovebug!' Said Meredith, leaning to place a kiss on Hallies head when she got all but two down again.

'Daddy did you see?!' Said Hallie turning round to Derek.

'I did see! Well done monkey!'

'Lets get your ball.' Said Meredith, picking it up. 'Right, now go again.'

'Okay.'

'There you go!'

'Yay! Almost all of them!' Beamed Hallie as one of the two fell over.

'Very impressive.' Grinned Meredith.

'My go, my go.' Said Derek, walking over to them and moving Hallies ramp to the side.

'Go daddy!' Said Hallie, once again holding Meredith's hand as they walked back to sit on the bench.

'Oh, he got a strike.' His daughter pouted as Derek came back.

'How about that?' Derek smirked.

'Daddy you supposed to be losing.'

'What?' Derek laughed confused.

'Meredith's supposed to win.' She said by explanation.

'She is?'

'We thought it would be funny to beat mr competitive.' Meredith laughed.

'Oh you did, did you?'

'Uh-huh.' Hallie nodded.

'Well then, it's on.' Derek laughed, sitting next to them as Meredith rolled her eyes.

After Derek beat them both at both games, they headed off for a pizza, as requested by Hallie. Derek had stopped using Mark's car, and was now using Peter's, Nancy's husbands, especially as now they were having Hallie more, they didn't want to be identifiable by car, just in case.

'Your pizza good Hal?'

'Mm-hm.' She nodded, with sauce all around her mouth.

'Good.' Derek smiled. 'What are you doing tomorrow with Nana?'

'I don't know. I think we gonna paint.'

'You're going to paint?'

'That's what grandpa said.'

'Very nice. Make sure you try not to make a mess at nana and grandpas house though.'

'I won't.'

'Good girl.' He said, as his daughter finished the last piece.

'Meredith I like your hair it's pretty.'

'Why thank you Hallie.'

'You're welcome. I want it too.'

'Oh, no you don't. Your hair is beautiful the way it is sweetie.'

'It's black.' The little girl frowned.

'It's not, it's just dark brown.' Meredith smiled.

'I don't like it.'

'You don't?'

'I love it.'

'You do?'

'Yeah. It's dark and curly, just like your daddy's.'

'But yours is prettier.'

'It's not really. It's wavy, a bit like yours. And it's just lighter.'

'Mommy has yellow hair.'

'Blonde.' Meredith laughed. 'Your hair will probably changed when you get a bit older. Mine used to be like your mommy's when I was little, but it got darker.'

'I want mine to go like yours.'

'Don't be silly. You're perfect the way you are.' Meredith smiled. 'I love your hair.'

'Hmmmm.'

'Daddy, don't you love Hallies hair?'

'I do.' He smirked. 'It's like mine.'

'Daddy.' Hallie giggled.

'What? It is!'

'It is.' Meredith agreed. 'And your daddy's the bestest isn't he?'

'He is.' Hallie said tentatively.

'So he has to have the best hair, right?'

'Right.' The little girl eventually smiled.

'I love your daddy's hair.' Meredith said, reaching to run a hand through it. 'Just like I love yours.'

'You love daddy lots Meredith?'

'Oh,' she said, pausing slightly. 'Yeah, I do. Just like you.'

'That's good.' She smiled.

'Do you want some ice cream Hal?' Said Derek, putting a hand gently on Meredith's thigh underneath the table.

'Yes please.' Hallie grinned.

'What flavour?'

'Chocolate.'

'Okay. Strawberry for you?' He turned to Meredith.

'Yes please.'

'And coffee for me.'

'Not nice daddy.' Hallie frowned.

'Excuse me, it's very nice.'

'It's not, Derek.' Meredith laughed. 'It's awful.'

'It's very nice.'

'Whatever.'

'It's yucky.' Hallie chimed in.

'It is.' Meredith agreed.

'You two, are very mean.' Derek pouted.

'Shut up, you love us.' Meredith laughed, leaning to kiss him quickly.

/ / / / /

Meredith woke up early the next morning, even earlier than Derek. Last night had been really nice, they had taken Hallie bowling and then for some food, and then dropped her off back with Helen. Hallie was absolutely adorable, and Meredith had a real soft spot for her, she didn't even seem to care that Meredith was with Derek. She seemed to like it, Derek seemed happier in himself than when he was with Helen, and that only meant good things for his daughter. When they'd come home, they'd just gone straight to bed and kissed and cuddled for what felt like hours. She couldn't quite believe that this was real life. She was lay in bed with an amazing man who cared for her, and protected her, and made her laugh, and was so smart, and such a great dad, and she really really loved him. She loved being with him all the time, and she couldn't imagine not leaving Dave now. But had it not been for Derek, she knew she would never have been able to get out. But she had. And here she was.

'Morning.' She whispered, as she saw his eyes fluttering open.

'Morning.' He mumbled, squinting as she cuddled closer to him.

'You sleep well?' She said, pressing a kiss to his lips.

'Yeah.' He breathed. 'You?' His arms tightening around her.

'Yeah.' She smiled. 'Hallie was really good last night.'

'Yeah.' He grinned. 'She's good.'

'I know.'

'She likes you.'

'I hope so.'

'She does.'

'I think she does.'

'I can tell she does.'

'Good.' She breathed softly, her head on his chest as she reached for his hand.

'You okay?' He said into her hair.

'Yeah. I just... Really love you.'

'I love you too.' He said, running a hand along her back.

'Mmm.' She grinned, rolling on top of him. 'Hi.' She giggled as he brushed her hair out of her face.

'Your eye looks a lot better.'

'Yeah, it's feeling good.'

'What did Hunt say yesterday?'

'That I should only need to go a couple more times, and then only go back if it causes any problems later on.'

'That's good.' He grinned, ducking to kiss her.

'You taste good.' She murmured.

'You too.' He said, before deepening the kiss, wrapping his hands around her sides. 'You feel good.'

'You too.' She grinned, starting to move her hips over him.

'Mer...' He whispered as his hands moved to her pyjama covered thighs.

'Mmm.' She groaned, feeling him harden beneath her.

'Mer...' He mumbled as she kissed him again, still moving her hips. 'Mer,' he said, pulling away slightly, his hands moving to her ass. 'Stop.'

'Stop?' She suddenly said, blushing.

'Yeah.' He laughed. 'You'll get me too excited.' Referring to his erection.

'Oh.' She giggled, pressing kisses on his neck. 'Maybe I want to.'

As she took his earlobe between her teeth. She felt better now, after what happened with Dave, she wasn't sore, and honestly, she could have had sex with Derek a couple of days ago. But having sex with Derek wasn't something she wanted to do just because she could, Derek hadn't instigated any kind of sexual activity or foreplay since she told him she hadn't been ready. He'd followed her lead on how fast or slow she wanted to take things, and it just made her even more certain that she wanted to do this. She'd never really had meaningful sex before, before Dave she'd just slept with randomers, and even when she was first with Dave, she didn't feel about him the way she felt about Derek. And then it just got bad, really bad. And she didn't enjoy sex at all, which was a shame because she used to love sex. She would have it with random guys all the time and loved it. Sex was much easier than a relationship for Meredith, but now she was in a relationship, and was about to have sex. And she wasn't sure what to expect, but she had a feeling that with Derek it was going to be amazing.

'Oh? You do?' He laughed.

'Um-hm.' She said, licking along his jawline and returning to his lips, sucking on his bottom one gently.

'Fuck, Mer.' He groaned as his erection pressed into her stomach.

'Fuck.' She breathed, rolling her hips against him.

'God...' He said, reaching for the hem of her shirt, pulling it above her head, as she wasn't wearing her bra, her naked chest rubbing against his as she returned to kissing him.

'Pants...' She breathed, reaching to pull off Derek's boxers.

'Pants.' He agreed, pulling down her pyjama shorts, his hands resting on her bare ass.

'Derek...' She groaned into his mouth, reaching for his erection.

'Wait...'

'What?' She said breathlessly.

'Slow.'

'Slow?'

'I want to make you feel good.' He whispered running his hand from her ass right to the top of her neck, making her hairs stand on edge.

'You do...' She said, reaching for him again.

'No... Mer... Slow.' He said again, reaching for her hands. 'I love you.'

'I know... I love you too.'

'So slow.'

'Slow?'

'Meredith, you've been treated like crap for years. I want to make you feel good. I want to make love to you.'

'Oh.'

'You're amazing.' He smiled, rolling her over so he was on top of her.

'I... Not Derek.'

'You are.' He grinned ducking to kiss her, smoothing his hand down her body, past her abdomen. 'I don't want to fuck you.'

'You don't?'

'No.' He said, capturing her lips again. 'I want to make love to you.'

'Derek.' She sighed. 'You say that... But...'

'What do you mean?' He said, moving to kiss her neck.

'You... I never... I don't know how...'

'What?'

'I don't.. It's never been like that.'

'Exactly. It's going to be different with us. Because I love you.' He said, cupping her cheek in his hand. 'I promise you'll like it.' He smirked.

'I know... I just... I don't know how...'

'You don't have to do anything.' He smiled, trailing kisses down to her the top of her breasts. 'I just want to make you feel good.' His mouth moving to lick around her nipple.

'Der...' She trailed off as her hands went to his hair and he began to suck.

'Hmm?' He groaned around her nipple.

'Feels... Feels good.' She sighed, as his hand moved to massage her other breast.

'Good.' He said before continuing to suck.

It had been years since her breasts had seen Any genuine attention, sure Dave had grabbed them a few times but it hadn't exactly been gentle, it had been rough for his own needs not hers.

'Derek... God...' She sighed as he moved to her other nipple. It felt good, it felt really good, and he'd literally only been kissing her breasts, she couldn't believe how good it felt, but she figured it made sense given how out of practice she was.

'Derek...' She moaned, as he continued to rock his hips into her's his erection brushing against her folds. 'Derek...'

'Shhh...' He said, moving back to kiss her lips. 'Not too loud.. My mom.'

'Mmmm.' She moaned as she tried to slip her tongue into his mouth.

'You're so beautiful.' He whispered.

'... Oh... Thank you...' She blushed.

'Why do you get so shy?' He whispered, reaching his hands down to her ass, pushing her hips future into to his.

'I don't... I don't know...' She said, looping her arms round his neck.

'You shouldn't be shy, you're beautiful.'

'Thanks.'

'You haven't been told enough...' He said trailing kisses down between her breasts down to her belly button, moving to spread her thighs gently.

'Der...' She gasped, moving to run her hands through his hair, as his head rested in between her legs.

'Mmmmm...' He sighed, licking and nipping at the inside of her thighs, moving a finger to her now wet folds.

'God...' She gasped as he pushed a finger inside her. 'Derek please...' She whimpered as she thrusted against his finger.

'God...' He sighed, pushing another finger inside of her, moving back up to kiss her softly.

'Derek...' She whimpered.

'You want another one?' He asked, kissing her again.

'Yes... God... Yes...'

'Okay...' He said slipping a third finger inside her, resulting I. Her thrusting harder against his hand, and whimpering into his neck.

'Oh... Derek... God... Derek please...'

'That feel good?' He said moving down back to her breasts.

'Yeah... Ohhhh... God Derek...'

'Come...' He whispered softly into her ear.

'Derek...' She whimpered.

'I love you...' He breathed into her ear, kissing along her jawline, feeling her legs beginning to shake.

'Oh.. God derek...' She moaned.

'That's it..' He encouraged. 'God.. Mer...' He said, feeling her orgasming around his fingers.

'Oh...' She whimpered into his mouth.

'Love you.' He whispered, capturing her lips.

'Love you.' She said, reaching to trace his face with her fingers.

'You're really hard.' She giggled. 'We should take care of that.'

'But this is about you.' He said, stroking her sides.

'It's... It's our first time Derek, it's about us. Not just me.'

'I can last longer.' He protested.

'No. We can.. It can be about me another time.. You.. I want you...' She said, once again looping her arms around his neck.

'Okay.' He said, positioning himself in between her legs.

'I need you...' She breathed. 'I've never needed anyone...'

'Really?' He laughed. 'I know you're horny Mer but-'

'No... I mean... I need you as in I need you inside me. Now. But I just... I need you. All the time... You... I've never been this happy.. I... I need you.'

'Oh.' He said, tears stinging his eyes. All he'd wanted to do all this time was to make things better for her, to make her happy. And here she was, underneath him, telling him she needed him. Not just sexually, but she needed him to be happy. And it made his heart swell.

'I Love you so much.' He breathed, kissing her. 'All I want to do is make you happy.'

'You do.' She grinned, kissing him deeply as he gently slipped into her. 'Uh... Oh.. God.. Der...' She whimpered.

'Mmmm.' He groaned, thrusting gently in and out of her, slowly.

'Oh...' She sighed, her arms still around his neck.

'Mmmm...' He groaned, leaning to kiss her again. 'You feel so good.'

'You... You... Too...' She whimpered. 'Big...'

'Uh..' He breathed, thrusting into her.

'Deeper Der... Please...'

'Deeper...' He nodded.

'Faster...'

'Faster...' He nodded, thrusting faster and slightly harder into her, still being mindful as to not hurt her.

'That okay?' He managed between gasps.

'Amazing... Fuck... Amazing...' She panted. 'Derek... Oh... Derek...'

'Meredith...'

'Oh my god... Oh my... God.. Yes...'

'Meredith...'

'I love you...' She said breathlessly, holding his face in her hands, looking into his eyes. 'I love you...'

'I love you too.' He said, leaning forward to kiss her lips. 'I love you so much.'

'Love... Love you...' She panted as his thrusts increased in speed.

'Oh... God.. Mer...'

'Close Derek...' She whimpered. 'So... Close...'

'Close?' He asked, maintaining eye contact, moving his hand down to gently massage her clit.

'Oh my god... Oh my god...' She shouted. 'Derek... Oh god.. Oh god..'

'Mmm, that's it...'

'Oh! Love... Love you...' She panted as he felt her clenching around him.

'Come Der..' She said desperately, as he spiller into her a thrust later.

'Oh my... Fuck... Oh my god!' He gasped, falling on top of her.

'Derek...' She panted.

'I love you.' He said, looking up to kiss her again.

'That was ama.. Amazing...'

'It was.' He agreed as she buried her hand in his hair.

'Love you.' She breathed, leaning to kiss his head.

'You feel good?' He said, reaching for her hand.

'Amazing...'

'Good.'

'Thank you...'

'Don't say thank you. You deserved it.'

/ / / / /

'Hey.' Said Helen as she opened the door.

'Hey.' Said Derek.

'Hi.'

'Hi Meredith.' Said Helen as Meredith and Derek followed her into the house. Meredith didn't know what it was, but ever since they'd had sex this morning, Meredith couldn't stop touching Derek. All the time, she just couldn't keep her hands off him, all she wanted to do was cuddle and kiss him all the time. Literally, all the time. She was kind of sad she had to sit through dinner at a table next to Derek, and not being able to touch him. Especially as they were around Helen, she didn't want to rub their relationship in her nose. But this morning made them so much closer, and Meredith loved it. She couldn't explain it, but she loved it.

'Daddy!' Hallie grinned as they walked into the living room.

'Hello monkey.' He said, picking her up in his arms.

'Hey man.' He smiled at Mark.

'Hey.' Mark smiled. 'Hey Grey.'

'Hey.' Smiled Meredith.

'Hi Meredith!' Hallie grinned, jumping out of Derek's arms and straight into Meredith's.

'Hey Addison.' Smiled Derek, as he walked into the kitchen to join them sat at the table.

'Hey.' She smiled.

'What do you want to drink Derek?' Asked Helen at the fridge.

'I'll have a water please.'

'What will Mer want?'

'Diet Coke if there's any?'

'Sure.' Helen smiled as Hallie led Meredith into the kitchen.

'Hallie sweetie what do you want to drink?'

'Juice please mommy.'

'Okay.'

'Want me to grab some drinks?' Meredith offered as Hallie sat in between Derek and Mark at the table.

'Oh, thanks.' Helen smiled. 'They're your's and Derek's.'

'Thanks.' Meredith said, sitting next to Derek and placing their drinks down as Helen sorted dinner.

'Let me help you Hel.' Said Mark, standing up to help Helen plate up dinner.

'Have you had a good day then monkey?' Derek asked Hallie.

'Yeah.' Said Hallie. 'Oh! Mommy where's my picture?'

'It's right here sweetie.' Helen said, gesturing to a painting on the refrigerate while she put Mark and Addison's dinner on the table.

'There you go.' Said Mark, passing the painting to her.

'Look! It's for you and Meredith.' The little girl beamed, handing Derek a painting of three people all holding hands with the sun shining behind them.

'Oh, thank toy princess.' Derek said, showing the painting to Meredith.

'It's you and Meredith and me in the middle.' She explained.

'It's beautiful, thank you Hallie. Did you do that with nana?'

'Yeah.'

'Oh...' Said Meredith, a lump in her throat as she looked at the painting. 'Thank you Hallie.'

'You like it?'

'I love it.' Meredith smiled.

'It can go on grandmas fridge.' Derek grinned, kissing Hallie's cheek.

'There we go.' Said Helen, sitting down having put everyone's dinner on the table.

'Thanks Hel.' Derek smiled.

'It looks really good.' Meredith agreed.

'Thanks Hel.' Mark echoed.

'Yeah, thanks Helen.' Addison smiled.

'So you my uncle marks girlfriend?' Hallie turned to Addison, as Derek put a hand on Meredith's thigh under the table, which was becoming a bit of a habit now.

'I am.' Addison smiled.

'Like Meredith is daddy's girlfriend?'

'Yeah.' Smiled Addison.

'So you love him lots?'

'I do.' She laughed.

'Good.' Hallie smiled tucking into her chicken.

'You okay?' Derek murmured into Derek's ear.

'Yeah.' She grinned, turning to him.

'Good.' He whispered, kissing her quickly.

'I love you.' She said against his lips.

'Love you too.' He grinned back, squeezing her thigh before turning back to his food.

'Next month.' Said Helen, in response to something Mark or Addison had said, and Meredith realised she'd been completely zoned out while focused on Derek.

'I was going to ask you,' Helen turned to Derek. 'If you and Mer could Have Hallie?'

'Oh.' Said Derek. 'We'd love to, but it will depend when it is... You know, the trial.'

'Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. Well, I didn't forget but you know what I mean.'

'we can have her.' Mark offered.

'Oh, Mark I don't want to put you out.'

'It's fine. Between us and Carolyn I'm sure we can make it work.'

'Thanks.' Helen smiled as the phone rang. 'I'll just get that.' She said, disappearing into the living room. 'It's Mike for you.' She said, walking back in and passing the phone to Derek who in turn stood up and left the room.

'Mer.' He said, coming back in, can I borrow you for a second?'

'Oh, yeah. Sure.' Said Meredith, fidgeting with her napkin before standing up.

'Yeah, one second Mike.' Said Derek, moving to cover the phone with his hand. 'We have... Er... One second.' He said, going back to Mike on the phone. 'Mike can I call you back as soon as I've spoken to Mer?' Before hanging up.

'What? Is everything okay?' Said Meredith, immediately moving towards him, touching him gently.

'Yeah... Er...'

'Der you don't look so good.' She said, urging him to sit down on the sofa, sitting next to him, her arm immediately wrapping around him. 'Is this about that shooting case?'

'No. No, no... I.. Mer,' he said turning to her. 'Please, please don't freak.'

'What?' She frowned, confused.

'This... There's someone at the office... Asking for you.'

'What?' She said, suddenly going pale.

'No, no, it's not Denton or anyone...' He said, moving to hold her in his arms. 'It's... She says she's your sister.'

'What?'

'Lexie.'

'What?'

'Apparently you have the same dad. Thatcher Grey.'

'What?'

'I don't... She's asking for you.'

'What? How did she find where I worked? How did...'

'I don't know.'

'What? Why didn't Mike call me... I...'

'Apparently he tried both our cells, but mines on silent, I don't know about yours.'

'I... I haven't checked it... My sister?!'

'Apparently.'

'What shall I tell him?'

'I don't... I don't know... I can't Derek.' She began to whimper.

'Hey, shhhh...' He said into her hair. 'It's okay. We don't have to deal with her right now.'

'Okay.' She sniffled.

'He said she's demanding you, so shall I tell him to give her my mobile number and get her to leave her's?'

'I...'

'My number not yours Mer, and we won't contact her until you're ready. If you're ever ready.'

'Okay.' She murmured into his chest. 'Okay.'

'Okay, let me call him.' Derek said reaching for the phone before sitting back as Meredith curled into him one again and he repetitively stroked her arm.

'Hey, Mike. Yeah, well, this wasn't really expected. Can you leave her my cell number? And take hers? But do not give her Meredith's... Okay... Tell her we're dealing with something quite big right now but we'll be in touch... Okay... Okay... Yes, Mike... Yeah... I'll be in tomorrow... Okay... Bye...'

'Derek.' She whimpered grabbing his t shirt in her fingers. 'I can't do family.'

'You don't have to.' He soothed. 'You don't have to.'

'I can't.'

'You're really good with my family.' He whispered into her hair, kissing the top of her head.

'No... Derek... No. Not my family.'

'Okay. Not your family.' He said understandingly. 'Don't worry about it okay? We won't even contact her until you want to. We don't even know what she wants.'

'Don't... I can't do it Derek..'

'You don't have to.'

'If I do... Which.. I don't want to... But if I do... You... I need you.'

'I'm no going anywhere.' He said, squeezing her sides. 'Okay?'

'Okay.' She sniffled. '... Can we... Never mind.'

'What?' He prodded.

'It doesn't matter.' She sniffled, wrapping her arms completely around him.

'Mer... Do you want to go home?'

'No, Derek.'

'Mer, we can if you want.'

'You came to see Hallie.'

'Yeah, and I've seen her. And we saw her yesterday. She'll be going to bed straight after dinner.'

'No.' She protested.

'Mer, if you want to go home and talk or whatever, we can do.'

'No, don't want to talk.'

'Cuddle?'

'... Yeah... If.. Only if we can.'

'Yeah. Do you want any more food?'

'No. Just you.'

'Okay.' He murmured. 'Let me go get our painting and say bye.'

'Okay.' She sniffled. 'Tell them I'm sorry.'

'I will, but no-one will mind, Mer.' He said, kissing her and brushing some hair out of her face.

'Okay.'

'Love you.' He said kissing her again, resting his forehead against hers. 'In twenty minutes we'll be in bed, alone, cuddling.'

'Yeah.' She tried to smile.

'Yeah. Don't worry about your sister. Or your dad.'

'Okay.'

'Just us.'

'Just us.' She nodded, leaning to kiss him deeply before he left to go back into the kitchen.


	26. Chapter 26

_Hi guys! Sorry it's been a few days, but here we are. The trial is soon approaching so this is kind of the quiet before the storm... Thank you so much for reading and thank you for your reviews._

'Do you want to call her?'

'No.'

'Meredith.'

'Derek.'

'Don't Derek me!' He laughed.

'You Meredithed me first.'

'Meredithed?'

'Yes. When you tilt your head to the side and look at me with the eyes and say my name like that.'

'with the eyes?'

'Derek, not the point.'

'No, the point is: do you want to call her?'

'No.'

'Meredith.'

'I've said no, Derek.''

'Yeah and you keep spacing out staring at your cell. Do you want to call her?'

'No.'

'Do you want me to call her?'

'No.'

'Meredith.'

'I don't want anybody to call her.'

'Fine, no-one will call her.'

'I've never even heard of her before, shes probably not even my sister.'

'Meredith.'

'Stop saying that!'

'Sorry. Its just.. how would she know about you and why would she want to find you if she wasn't your sister.'

'I don't know.' She shrugged. 'Anyway, what if it's someone involved with Dave.'

'It's possible. But I highly doubt someone involved with Dave would go to his attorney's office and leave her details.'

'Why do you talk so much sense?' she pouted, turning to face him in his arms.

'Well, what can I say?' he smirked.

'So modest.' She giggled, leaning to kiss him.

'You sure you don't want to call her?' he said, rubbing her arm lightly.

'Yeah.'

'Want to talk about it?'

'About what?'

'Your sister.'

'I just said I know nothing about her so what is there to talk about?'

'Well, I wonder why she's decided to contact you.'

'I don't know.'

'She seemed pretty insistent according to Mike.'

'Yeah.' She sighed.

'I know you don't talk to your dad… just like you don't talk to your mom, but your sister might be nice.'

'Derek she's the spawn of Thatcher, there's not much hope.'

'I could say that about you.' He joked.

'Hey!' she said, swatting his arm.

'I'm joking, Mer. But, you've turned out pretty well, you never know, Lexie might have too.' He said, leaning to kiss her softly.

'Yeah, well, I grew up without Thatcher, didn't I.'

'Mer.'

'What?'

'You've been freaked out the last two weeks ever since you found out about her.'

'Yeah, well. I just have a lot going on right now.'

'Hey, I know that.' He said softly. 'And you know I'm here for you, whatever you want.'

'I know.' She smiled.

'So, honestly- what's up?'

'I don't know.' She sighed. 'I feel like this is supposed to be my happy ever after part and all that's going on is chaos. We have the trial in just over two weeks, now apparently I have a sister…. I don't know. It's too much. There's too much. I have you. And I never thought I'd have someone like you. Or that I'd be in a relationship like this. And I've never been ready for it and I'm trying, I'm really trying, I love you and I'm trying, and I want this. I want you. I want us, and I want happy but how can I focus on being happy when I have a psychopathic ex boyfriend to face in court in a couple weeks and a new sister wanting to see me which probably leads to something to do with Thatcher, and I'm not ready for that Derek. All I want is me and you, and Hallie, and happy things but there's so many unhappy things going on.'

'Woah, woah, slow down, Mer.' He said, shifting her in his lap. 'I know things suck right now. But just think in a month, we'll be rid of Dave-'

'Only if he gets sent down.'

'We'll be rid of him Mer. Because if he doesn't I will put you in a witness protection programme myself and we'll move anywhere you want to go and he won't hurt you as long as I'm living.'

'Derek.' She giggled.

'I mean it. I'm going to make this better for you Mer, one way or another I'm going to sort it, even if I have to fucking kill him myself. He wont touch you ever again and we wont be living in fear. And then, after the trials done, you could maybe contact Lexie, see what she wants, if you're interested, fine. If you're not, you're not, and we don't have anything else to do with her, okay?'

'Okay.' She sighed against his chest.

'I love you, Mer.''

'I know. I love you too.'

Derek ran his hands gently through her hair, holding her on the sofa, the television on, some housewife programme or something she'd insisted on watching, while his mom was at Mark's for dinner. She'd been tense all day. In fact, she'd been tense ever since they'd got the call from Mike, and he sensed there was more going on with her dad than Meredith let on. He'd tried asking her about it but he got a similar response each time: that she didn't want to talk about it, but he knew it was bugging her and maybe just speaking to this Lexie once the trial was over, might ease her mind.

Things were good with them at the minute. They were really good. He loved her more than he thought possible having just come out of a marriage, but she was just Mer. She liked eating junk food, and she liked watching tv all night with his mom while they cuddled on the couch, she was giggly and happy most of the time they were alone, she just wore jeans and a sweater everyday, and she was just her. And he loved her. And he couldn't stop. He was constantly touching her, kissing her, telling her he loved her and he couldn't remember the last time he felt like this. Even his touchy feely phase with Helen at the beginning of their relationship wasn't like this. He couldn't take his eyes, or hands, off Meredith at all. And their sex was amazing. She was still a little nervous, but every time she was getting more and more confident and it was getting better and better and he struggled to think just how amazing it would be when she was completely carefree. It would probably be after the trial, he figured she'd be more confident in everything once that was over with. She was worrying about it, a lot. He'd met with Jacob every day this week to go over stuff, and he was happy at where the case was, she was just nervous. She was nervous to face him, and Derek understood that. Its nerve-wracking confronting anyone you don't like, let alone a scumbag who's beaten you for years, manipulated and controlled you. Jacob had given Derek the run down on the questions he was planning to ask her in court, and Derek had practiced them with her, over and over, but she didn't seem to be calming down about it much.

The good news, was that the list of names she'd given him about Dave's friends had been passed on by Jacob to detective Coleman and they'd cracked down on most of them revealing the huge drug ring, which was bigger than even Meredith anticipated. And there was a separate trial being held in regard to the drug ring as a whole, in which Dave was being forced to stand again, so even if he wasn't found guilty the first time, he'd hopefully be the second time. However, the downside, was that with a second drug trial, Dave's first trial would be very much focused on Meredith and his domestic abuse and assault charges. Meaning all eyes would be on Meredith. But he knew she could do it.

'Only me!' said Carolyn, walking in to find Meredith cuddled on Derek's lap, her hands scrunching Derek's sweater, eyes fixated on the television, as Derek was gently running a hand along her arm, his face buried in her hair, his other arm wrapped protectively around her.

'Hey.' Smiled Derek.

'Hey.' Said Meredith, turning from the television.

'How's Aunt Sandra?'

'oh, she's good thank you dear.' Said Carolyn, settling herself in the arm chair opposite the television.

'Good.' Derek breathed, his arms unmoving from around Meredith.

'Anyway, how are you two?'

'Good.' Smiled Derek.

'Oh good.'

'Did she say anything about Uncle Bill?'

'Oh, well you know your Aunt Sandra- stubborn as anything. She's adamant he's not coming back.'

'Really?'

'It's what she says.'

'Do you think she means it?'

'Oh, I don't know. Shes stubborn as hell but she loves that man like mad, no matter what she says.''

'I know.' Derek laughed. 'I think we all know a bit too well.'

'They've always figured it out in the end, so I'm sure it'll sort itself out.''

'Yeah.' Derek nodded, pressing a kiss to Meredith's head, whom had gone back to watching the tv.

'Did you get a text from Helen?' his mom asked.

'Not sure.' He admitted, 'My phone died and I haven't plugged it in.'

'She said half five if possible tomorrow.'

'Right, thanks.'

'It should be nice.'

'Yeah, it should.' Derek agreed.

'How do you think Mark's going to cope with your daughter for a week?'

'I'd rather not think about it, ma.' He laughed.

'She'll love staying at Uncle Markie's.'

'She will.' He sighed.

'And it's not like we aren't all around, dear.'

'I know.'

'But you know you have nothing to worry about, him and Addison will have it all under control anyway.'

'Yeah, they will. Well, I think more Addison than Mark.'

'True.' Carolyn laughed.

'It's a shame Helen's away for her birthday.'

'It is, I think Hallie was looking forward to cake.'

'Well there should be cake tomorrow if it's a birthday dinner. Or there better be,' he laughed. 'Mer's favourite thing about birthdays is cake.' He said, squeezing her gently but getting no reaction.

'I'm sure there will be, and you know what Hallie's like, she'll probably have insisted on that chick pasta you have.'

'Chicky.' Derek laughed. 'Yeah, for some reason she always managed to persuade me it would be special for my birthday dinner.'

'She has her ways that one.' Carolyn chuckled.

'she does.' Derek smiled.

'What time is it dear?'

'Eight thirty.' Said Derek, glancing at his watch.

'I said I'd call your sister tonight, do you think it's too late?'

'Which one?' Derek laughed.

'Liz.'

'No, call her.'

'Okay, excuse me a moment.' His mom said, before leaving for the kitchen.

'Mom, its your house.' Derek laughed. 'You don't have to be excused.'

'It's yours and Meredith's home for as long as you need it to be, Derek, don't be daft.'

'I'm not!' Derek protested as his mother walked out the door.

'Hey,' he gently whispered to Meredith. 'you're quiet.'

'Sorry.' She whispered, glancing at him.

'You don't need to be sorry.' He laughed, placing a kiss on her cheek. 'I'm just worried about you.'

'I'm fine.'

'You don't seem it.' He said, moving some hair behind her ear.

'I'm just tired, Derek.'

'I know.' He sighed, 'but this will all be over soon.'

'Yeah.'

'I love you.' He said, kissing her softly. Because no matter how many times he said it, he didn't feel like he'd said it enough, Meredith had had a lifetime of feeling unloved, she had a lot of 'I love yous' to catch up on.

'I love you.' She murmured, kissing him in return. 'You know I love you.'

'I do.' He smiled. 'But I really, really love you.' He said, tickling her slightly.

'Derek stop.' She giggled.

'But I do!' he said, tickling her harder.

'Stop!' she laughed as he pinned her on the couch, hovering over her as he tickled her.

'No, you're cute when you laugh.' He teased, kissing her nose.

'Derek, seriously stop!' she giggled breathlessly, kicking him.

'Stop kicking me!' he shouted, getting a cushion off the couch and hitting her lightly with it.

'You're gonna get it.' He said, sitting up and picking a cushion up herself, hitting him as hard as she could, but before she knew it, he'd grabbed her arm and pulled her to him once again, pressing his lips to hers and he hands dropped the cushion and flew naturally to his hair. He could tell she was smiling as she kissed him, and her arm was tightly around his neck while her other played with his curls, she felt amazing.

'your're an idiot.' She giggled, slightly pulling away.

'Well that's just mean. I told you I really, really loved you and that's what I get.'

'No-that was for tickling me.' She pouted.

'Whatever.' He laughed, ducking to kiss her again, harder this time.

'Der,' she breathed as he pushed her onto her back on the sofa.

'hmmm…' he groaned, falling on top of her, his hands touching her sides.

'love you.' She breathed into his mouth. 'so much.'

'I love you.' He replied, pinning her hands above her head and moving to kiss her neck.

'Upstairs,'

'What?'

'We should go upstairs.' She breathed as his hands grazed her breasts. 'Your mom.'

'Yeah.' He said, kissing her neck again before standing of the couch, and picking her up.

'Derek.' She giggled, looping her arms around his neck.

'upstairs madam?'

'Don't be stupid.' She giggled, leaning to kiss him as he held her in his strong arms.

'sorry.' He laughed against her lips.

'Don't be.'

'You're the one who wanted me to stop!'

'I know. But I don't really.'

'Oh, you don't?' he asked, beginning to carry her out of the room and into the hallway.

'No, you're cheesy but I love you.' She said, resting her face in the crook of his neck as he effortlessly carried her up the stairs.

She was happier again now, and Derek knew that she just had too much playing on her mind. He couldn't wait for the next month to be over, all the work was done for the trial now, it was just a waiting game, but it would soon all be over. And he couldn't wait for it. Then he and Meredith could move out of his moms and he could get a place, and she could get a place. Or maybe they could get a place together. But no matter where they were, if they could have lots of sex without having to worry about his mom hearing them like a couple of teenagers, he would be happy. He couldn't wait to go to work with her every day, eat lunch with her every day, come home with her every night and just be with her all the time in their own life. Hallie loved her so that transition would be easy, and Derek really couldn't wait to introduce her to the rest of his family as his girlfriend. She deserved that, she deserved to be showed off, and to have a big family who loved her.

The trial was only 13 days away, and for Derek, his new life with Meredith was in touching distance and he couldn't wait to reach it.


	27. Chapter 27

_Hi guys! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in ages, I've had loads going on with exam results, work, and a close family member passed away last week. But hopefully I'll update again soon. Thank you all for reading and thank you for all of your reviews they make my day knowing what you think._

No, I told you to reschedule it.'

'Derek, they can't.'

'Mike seriously, I'm not doing this.' He said, agitated.

'No, you're not. You're having your meeting with the Luke Price tomorrow at 3pm.'

'Mike, I'm not doing it.'

'Derek, I'm your boss.'

'Yes. And I'm your best employee.' He smiled sarcastically. 'You don't scare me, not like you're gonna sack me is it.'

'Derek.' He sighed.

'I don't understand why you took the booking anyway after I specifically said no.'

'Derek, they're you're client.'

'Yes, and I'm not always going to be available. They know that.'

'Derek.'

'What? What, Mike? You seriously thought I wasn't going to go?'

'Derek.'

'No, Mike. You seriously thought I wasn't going to go?'

'I hoped you'd have more sense than that.'

'Mike, seriously.'

'Derek it's not a good idea and you know that.'

'Excuse me?'

'Derek, you being there is just going to cause trouble, and our best lawyer being... Involved... Isn't exactly the best for the business.'

'Are you serious?'

'Come on, Derek.'

'Mike, I don't think you understand.' He laughed harshly. 'Meredith is my girlfriend. I love her. And tomorrow is her worst nightmare. You seriously think I won't be there to support her?'

'This isn't about Meredith.'

'Of course it's about Meredith.' Derek said, exasperated. 'Mike, you know what's been going on with her, how can you actively encourage me not to support her? She's your employee for christ's sake! A bit of compassion Would be nice.'

'Derek, you know I didn't mean it like that.' Mike snapped.

'Then how did you mean it, Mike? Tell me.'

'Derek.' He sighed.

'No, I'm going and I told you that as soon as we got the date. I'm not doing my deposition and if he turns up then I won't be here.'

'I just think you being there will cause a scene.'

'I don't care.' Derek laughed harshly, making his point clear. 'I'm not going for me, I'm going for Meredith. She needs me and I will be there. This has nothing to do with work, Mike, or the company. It's to do with Meredith.'

'Derek.' Mike sighed again as Derek slammed the door on the way out of his office.

The trial was tomorrow. Derek couldn't believe how quickly it had come around. And he had to credit Jacob, he'd actually done a really good job. Once his other case had finished he'd been solely focused on Meredith, and had every detail memorised, he and Derek had both practiced statements with her, and Derek had even role played their opposing attorney with them, trying to prepare Meredith for any of their questions or statements. But Derek had faith in her, she'd been nervous; really really nervous. She'd clung to him every night, zoned out occasionally, and sometimes he'd even heard her practicing what she was going to say in the shower. But he had every faith in both her an Jacob that things would go their way, and he had promised her that he would be there for her.

He continued walking straight from Mike's office, down the stairs and out to the parking lot. He had promised Meredith they would have a relaxing night, where she wouldn't be stressing, and could get a proper nights sleep before the morning. He didn't want her to be stressed, other wise she would be awake all night and work herself up.

He unlocked his car, about to open it, when he realised scratches all over the m door. He looked closer and saw it had left key marks. He checked the back doors and the same was there, and on the boot, and the other side. Someone had keyed his car. He took his phone and photographed it, before getting in and driving back to Carolyn's.

'Hey, I'm back.' He said, trying to sound as happy as possible as he walked through the hallway and into the kitchen where Meredith appeared to be helping Carolyn with dinner.

'Hey.' She giggled, turning around.

'Hello, dear.' Smiled Carolyn.

'And what do we have here?' He said, placing his car keys on the table before moving to kiss Meredith.

'Oh, Meredith's just helping me with dinner.'

'What? And she hasn't burnt the house down yet?' Derek laughed, pulling Meredith close to him.

'Hey!' She pouted, hitting him lightly.

'What?'

'I'm doing good!'

'She is.' Chipped in Carolyn.

'What are you cooking then?' Derek said, moving to kiss Meredith's cheek.

'Chicken. And potatoes.'

'And some veg too.' Said Carolyn.

'Very nice.' Smiled Derek, squeezing Meredith lightly.

'You'll be regretting this when you enjoy it.' Meredith said, turning to face him and looping her arms around his neck.

'Will I?'

'Yes. You will.'

'Okay then, I'm sorry.' He smirked, leaning to kiss her softly.

'How was your day?' She asked, her hand tugging gently on the curls at the nape of his neck.

'Okay.' He murmured.

'You sure?' She said, ducking her head down closer to his, as he looked down.

'Yeah,' He nodded. 'Mikes just an ass.'

'I know.' She sighed.

'He never used to be.'

'I know.'

'I don't know, we'll see.'

'Yeah.' She breathed. 'You're stressed out anyway, let's see how he is when things have calmed down.'

'Yeah.'

'Yeah.' She smiled, leaning to kiss him.

'Anyway,' he said, looking up at her. 'How was your day?'

'Good.' She smiled. 'Me and your mom took Hallie grocery shopping then we made cupcakes.'

'Very nice. Are there any left?'

'Like you would eat a cake.' She rolled her eyes.

'Everything in moderation.' He teased, squeezing her.

'Now, are you two going to help finish dinner or just stand there gazing into one another's eyes?' Said Carolyn.

'I'll help.' Giggled Meredith. 'You're a distraction.' She turned to Derek.

'That's rather rude.'

'You are!'

'Fine. I'll go shower.' He said, kissing her again before heading upstairs.

After dinner, Derek ate a cupcake much to Meredith's surprise, before they took to the sofa, watching Carolyn's favourite soap operas. Meredith was sat in Dereks lap, her arms wrapped around his waist, her head gently resting on his chest while he held her close, continually kissing her hair and neck.

'Who the hells that?' Said Derek, as there was a knock at the door. 'No-one usually visits you at this time, ma.' As Carolyn got up to answer the door.

'Well, we'll see won't we?' She replied, before opening the door to Mark.

'Oh, hello son!' Said Carolyn, wrapping her arms around him.

'Hey, ma.' Grinned Mark before continuing into the living room. 'Hey Shep, Mer.'

'Hey man.' Said Derek.

'Hey.' Smiled Meredith.

'Dude what the fuck's happened to your car?'

'Oh.' Said Derek, tightening his grip on Meredith. 'Kids, I think. Playing around.'

'Oh yeah, playing around on a Merc in a lawyers car park.' Mark rolled his eyes, sitting in the arm chair in the corner of the room.

Derek shot him a look, trying to shift the topic of conversation. 'I don't know,' he tried to brush it off. 'It's nothing.'

'What's happened to your car?' Said Meredith.

'Nothing, just a couple of marks.'

'More like keyed all fucking over.' Corrected Mark.

'Mark.' Said Derek.

'What? It's a mess, Shep.'

'Someone's keyed your car?' Said Meredith, her eyes wide.

'Well yeah, but-'

'Oh my god.' She whimpered. 'He's Keyed your car.'

'He hasn't keyed my car.' Said Derek calmly, reaching to pull her back into his lap. 'He's being held in custody.'

'Well yeah, but it's him isn't it.' Said Meredith. 'It's someone he's got to do it.'

'You don't know that.'

'Derek, it's him. I'm telling you. He's trying to scare us for tomorrow.'

'Meredith he's not going to scare me by keying my car.'

'It's not about the fucking car Derek. It's about him telling us it doesn't matter if he's in jail or not, he has people and they know where we are.'

'Oh Mer, please, please, don't worry about this.'

'How can I not worry Derek? He's not just after me anymore, he's after you. And then God knows who else. This is such a mess. You'd be better off just not being involved, it's just going to hang over us, all the time, Derek. You don't deserve that.'

'Meredith, slow down.' He said, cupping her face in his hands. 'Don't let him freak you. You were having a really good day today. And no matter what happens tomorrow, or the day after that, or the day after that, I will still be here and I will still love you. He won't scare me away. Okay? So do not let him freak you. Tomorrow he's likely to be sent to jail for a long time, and his skanky friends are on trial in a few weeks too. We can move somewhere he won't find you, if we have to. Do not let him continue to get to you. You got out, you can live now.'

'I just...' She whimpered, tears stinging her eyes.

'Mer,' he whispered, gently pulling her closer to him, cradling her in his arms. 'It's going to be okay.'

'I don't know.' She sniffled, wiping at her eyes.

'I know it feels impossible right now.'

'Yeah.'

'But it will get better, I promise you.'

'Yeah.' She sniffled again, her hand finding his and gripping it tightly.

'Yeah.' He repeated, leaning to kiss the top of her head.

'We're all in your corner, dear.' Smiled Carolyn. 'Us Shepherd's are a force to be reckoned with.'

'Yeah.' Meredith tried to smile. 'Thanks.'

'Me and Shep'll kill him.' Said Mark, winking.

'Thanks.' She laughed.

'No problem. So, what times kick off tomorrow?'

'10.' Said Derek, running a hand along Meredith's arm soothingly.

'So do I need to get there early or what? I don't know how this court shit works.'

'What?' Said Derek. 'You're coming?'

'Course I am.' Said Mark. 'You're coming too right?' He turned to Carolyn.

'Of course.' She smiled. 'Meredith needs support at this time.'

'See, I can be supportive.' Mark taunted.

'Whatever.' Said Derek.

'So, what time do I have to be there?'

'Nine forty five.' Nodded Derek.

'Cool. Do I just meet you guys there, or...' He trailed off.

'Yeah.'

'Okay.'

'If you can't find us just go and ask at the desk for the case.'

'Okay.'

'Thanks for coming, Mark.' Smiled Meredith.

'Any time, Grey.'

'Meredith have you heard anymore from your sister?' asked Carolyn.

'Oh, no.' Meredith replied, and Derek felt her stiffen again slightly, and so rubbed her back gently.

'We're going to wait until after the trial to deal with that one.' Explained Derek.


	28. Chapter 28

_Hi guys I'm sorry it's been so long since I updated! Thank you so much as always for reading and thank you to those of you who review it is very much appreciated._

'Breathe'

'I am breathing!'

'Meredith, breathe.' Said Derek, gently placing a piece of hair behind her ear.

'Derek, I am breathing.' She replied sarcastically.

'Mer.' He said gently, tilting his head to the side. 'You're allowed to freak out you know, today is big.'

'I know.' She said quietly, ducking her head down.

'But you need to breathe.' He laughed softly.

'Okay.'

'You're going to be fine.'

'I'm going to puke.' She corrected.

'Hey,' he murmured, lifting her chin. 'I'm going to be right there. And if it gets too much or you need a Minute, ask for some water. It's allowed.'

'I know court rules, Derek.' She rolled her eyes.

'Hey I know you do,' he said, grabbing her arm lightly. 'This isn't about court rules. This is about me making sure you're okay.'

'I'm about to go and stand in front of a guy who's hit me for five years and hates my guts, of course I'm not okay.' She snapped.

'I know. I know you're not okay. Sorry... That was stupid... A stupid thing to say.'

'No. No, I'm sorry.' She said, shaking her head. 'It wasn't stupid. You're just trying to be there for me, it was nice. I'm sorry.'

'It's okay.' He said, pulling her to him. 'I'm going to be right there.' He reminded her again.

'I know.' She whispered, and he could almost hear the tears stinging her eyes and she buried her face in the crook of his neck. They seemed to stay there with him gently rubbing her back, his face nuzzled in her hair, and her holding on to him for dear life, forever. But it couldn't have been more than a couple of moments, because Jacob cut them off.

'Hi... Guys, I hate to ruin a moment, but Mer, we're ready.' He said, briefcase in hand.

'Okay.' She whispered, slightly pulling away from Derek.

'I love you.' He said, cupping her face in his hand. 'I love you so much. And you can do this. You can do this Mer.'

'I love you too.' She said, her voice wavering as she leaned into his touch. 'Promise...' She trailed off.

'What?' He asked softly.

'Nothing.' She shook her head, quickly wiping at her eyes.

'No, Mer, what?'

'Promise...' She began, before meeting his eyes. 'Promise you won't leave me?'

The look of genuine fear and desperation in her eyes made Derek's heart break. This girl, who he loved more than he had ever loved any woman before, was so inexperienced in being loved, at being wanted and looked after, it made him want to cry. It also made him want to murder the douchebag in the courtroom who had made her feel this way, along with her mother.

'Mer,' he whispered, moving his forehead to rest against hers and his arms move around her back. 'lll never leave you. I promise. I love you.' He said, before gently brushing his lips along hers. 'I love you so, so much,' he grinned. 'And when this is over. It's going to be me, and you, forever, okay?' He said, leaning to Kiss her again. 'We can even go on vacation when this is done if you'd like? Somewhere hot and sunny where our only worry is what cocktail to have next.'

'Yeah' she giggled slightly, combined with a slight sniffle.

'You like that?' He smiled, to which she nodded.

'I love you. And you can do this. And I'll be right there. And I love you.'

'I love you too.' She smiled weakly, leaning to kiss him firmly, before putting her hand tightly in his and walking over towards Jacob.

X X X

Derek took his spot in the courtroom, on the left hand side, third row back, opposite to that of Jacob on the right but directly facing the podium at which Meredith would stand. She could do this. She had to do this. He believed that she could do this. He'd practiced with her time and time again, and so had Jacob, and he had no doubt in his mind that she could do this. But he also knew that Dave would be here any minute, in the room. And that unsettled him. He couldn't even begin to imagine how Meredith must feel having to face him again, confrontation. Because from what he knew, she hardly ever confronted him, she just took whatever abuse he gave her lying down and didn't fight her corner. But today she would fight her corner, Jacob would fight her corner, and he would be in her corner. He glanced over his shoulder when he realised mark entering the room.

'Dude I thought I was gonna meet you at the front?'

'Sorry man.' He said as Mark sat down. 'Mer was nervous.'

'She okay?'

'I think so.' He sighed.

'Good. So is he here?'

'Any minute.'

'What does he look like?'

'I'm not really sure.'

'You not seen him?'

'No, just what she's told me but it's not very specific. Just dark haired.'

'Try not to kill him'

'I can't promise anything.'

'You shitting it?'

'Like a brick.'

'She'll be fine.'

'I hope so.'

'He's gonna go down.'

'I hope so.'

'He will.'

'He fucking better.' Derek said through gritted teeth until he saw Jacob and Meredith entering trough the right hand court door, and a bleach blonde haired woman, cut in a bob, a tight fitting skirt suit followed by whom he presumed was her client, Dave.

He didn't look how Derek expected. He wasn't sure what he expected. He looked... Rough... And aggressive and just plain nasty. It didn't make any sense for Meredith to be with someone like that. But he guessed that was the whole point. She shouldn't have been with someone like that.

He watched her, looking down. She was probably playing with her wrists, it was what she did when she was nervous. All he wanted was to be sat next to her, in Jacob's seat, while they waited for the judge, holding her hand and placing kisses on her head, and telling her that she could do this. Because she could do this. He knew she could.

X X X

'Mr Whiston,' proceeded Jacob. 'Would you care to explain the events of the night of the 18th of July to me?'

'She, came round.' He rasped, gesturing to Meredith. 'She came round all angry and raging-'

'Raging about what?'

'I don't know.' He shrugged. 'Think her lover boy kicked her out.'

'Lover boy?' Quizzed Jacob.

'Yes. I'm sure you're familiar, her initial lawyer, from your company. Sat third row on the left.' He finished, smugly, as people turned to stare at Derek, except Meredith, still focused on her wrists.

'So you're claiming that miss Grey came to your house angry at you, due to an argument with Mr Shepherd?'

'Yeah. She was pissed.'

'What would an altercation with Mr Shepherd have to do with you?'

'Ask her.'

'Oh believe me, I intend to.' Smiled Jacob. 'So, if she was angry at Mr Shepherd, how did Miss Grey acquire such injuries?'

'Injuries?'

'Yes.' said Jacob, getting the photos Derek took of Meredith out of his briefcase and handing them to the judge.

'Well, they didn't come from me.'

'They didn't? Then how do you explain miss grey crashing her car at the end of your block due to an eye socket fracture?'

'Oh. Well, we had a slight altercation regarding her eye. She pushed me, started yelling, it was the only way I could shut her up. That i admit. But those bruises and... Neck marks, the didn't come from me.'

'Then where did they come from? If the injuries had occurred prior to her arrival, let's say, from Mr Shepherd- how did she get to your house safety but then not to the end of your street upon leaving?'

To which Dave simply shrugged.

'Where did they come from Mr Whiston?'

'I don't know.'

'Miss Grey was also forced into sexual inter course by yourself Mr Whiston.'

'She was not.' He huffed.

'Really? The oncologist examination says otherwise.'

'Wasn't from me. Probably her boyfriend, hence the anger.' He taunted.

'Funny, because the examination showed your sperm inside Miss Grey, not Mr Shepherd's. Care to explain?'

'Well we've had sex, numerous times. Always consensual, unsurprising one of my swimmers is still in there.'

'But you just insinuated to the court that miss grey is having sexual relations with Mr Shepherd... If that were true your sperm would almost impossibly be still present.'

'Almost.' Dave smiled smugly.

'So are you saying you and Miss Grey did or did not have sex the night of the accident?'

'Yes.'

'Yes?'

'Yes.'

'Yet miss grey claims she did not want to, and the medical examination concludes it was painful for her?'

'Well, then she's a liar.' He shrugged. 'She came pissed at Derek, we slept together then we argued.'

'But why, Mr Whiston, would miss Grey Coke to your house for sex if she was angry following an altercation with Mr Shepherd?'

'Probably needed to fuck it out.'

'Order.' Said the judge. 'Language, Mr Whiston.'

'Sorry. But she probably did.'

Derek felt his blood boiling in the stalls, he could kill him. He could actually kill him. He was so smug, and calm and blatantly just called Meredith a liar. He could actually kill him.

'Does Miss Grey have a history of wanting sexual intercourse following disputes, Mr Whiston?'

'Could say that.'

'I'm afraid I need that in clearer terms.'

'Yeah.'

'So it was a regular thing in your relationship to have sex after an argument, at the wishes of miss Grey?'

'Yes.'

'Then how do you explain the oncologist examination?'

'Like I said, not from me. Probably him.'

'Mr Shepherd?'

'Yeah.' He shrugged.

'Funny, because Miss Grey denies having sexual intercourse with Mr Shepherd before the night in question.'

'Does she now?'

'Yes.'

'Makes sense.' Dave shrugged again. 'He's married. Why would she admit it?'

X X X

Meredith felt sick. She'd answered Jacobs questions and it had gone fine. She answered everything just as her and Derek had practiced and she felt okay. But now, now Dave was answering questions from his attorney and she was next. She wasn't even listening to what he was saying. She'd heard his lawyer ask him one question and immediately froze. The woman was what Derek would call a pretty assassin. She was beautiful, she was. But Meredith was shit scared, and she felt like she was going to vomit.

'Miss Grey.' The short blonde woman said indignantly, and Meredith realised she must have been in her own world.

'Yeah?' She lifted her head, standing slowly.

'To the podium, when you're ready.' The woman added sarcastically.

'Oh... Right... Yeah... Sure.. Podium... Yeah...' She muttered under her breath playing with her wrists and standing in the witness stand.

'Meredith, right?' The blonde woman sniggered.

'Oh, Erm, yeah.' She replied nervously.

'Is it alright if I call you Meredith?'

'Oh, er, yeah.'

Derek hated her already. Arrogant.

'Meredith, tell me how you and Mr Whiston's relationship began.'

'Oh, er, sure.'

Derek shook his head. He knew where this was going and what game the blonde woman was playing.

'He Erm... We slept together randomly-'

'An example of you using sexual relations in times of distress?'

'Oh.' Said Meredith taken a back- was she trying to call her a whore?

'Not really. I went out a lot with my friends, and we Erm, met, in a bar. Slept together and then, I er, we kinda got together.'

'Kinda got together?'

'Yeah.'

'Can you elaborate please?'

'Well, we talked and I was kinda going through a hard time, and he helped me.'

'I think what miss Grey is trying to say, is that her family had both emotionally and financially abandoned her, and Mr Whiston here was compassionate enough to help. Am I correct?'

'Well, yes, but-'

'No buts miss Grey. That is how your relationship began.'

'Yeah...'

'Objection.' Said Jacob, standing. 'Correct this is how the relationship began, but not how it continued. Miss Grey being financially dependant on Mr Whiston lead to his manipulation of her and left her vulnerable to him. Hence why she stayed in this toxic relationship, he claimed she owed him.'

'That's enough.' Sighed the judge to Jacob, before turning to the blonde woman. 'Continue.'

'Miss Grey, you're trying to tell the court that this man who helped you at the lowest point in your life- has repeatedly physically and sexually abused you? And that he was the one who attacked you on the 18th of July?'

'Yes.' She said weakly. 'He... He was nice at first, and then... It changed... And I was trapped.' She stammered nervously. 'And he isn't the man who helped me at the lowest point in my life.' She said with a lot more confidence. 'Just to correct you.'

'Oh?' Said the blonde woman, raising an eyebrow. 'You're referring to the married man you're seeing?'

'Derek... Derek's separated and getting a divorce.'

'But he wasn't separated when you'd started your relationship?'

'We didn't start a relationship until after he and his wife had decided things were over.'

'That's funny. Because you were living with him at his home for quite a while, alongside his wife and child.'

'That was for protection purposes. I had nowhere to go. I'm financially dependant on Dave and I couldn't get out... Due to his abuse and Derek said I could stay with him. We weren't romantically involved at all.'

'But you became it under the same roof as his wife and child?'

'No... And I don't see what that has to do with this?'

'It's just interesting.'

'Interesting?'

'The things you accuse mr Whiston of, yet he seems a very decent man who treated you with compassion. Compared to a jumped up lawyer who cheated on his wife.'

'He didn't cheat.' Meredith breathed. 'Not really. And Derek... Derek is nothing like Dave... And I still don't understand what this has got to do with anything.'

To which the blonde woman shrugged.

'Derek is a good man,' she stammered. 'The best. And Dave... Dave made my life a living hell for five years, I didn't know if I'd be coming home to my food cooked on the table, or a black eye, or a houseful of his friends drunk, or him getting his dick out and pinning me against a wall as soon as I walk in, or if he'd even be there! Or if he'd be off in a gang war or whatever they're even called!' She began, determination in her eyes. 'Don't you dare compare him to Derek or insinuate that he is a better, innocent man. The proof is there he's a drug money launderer and you know he's involved in violence on a regular basis- yet you believe it's possible for him to simultaneously be a loving, caring, family man and boyfriend? Because he's not. And you know he's not. Every single mark and bruise on my body in the last five years has come from him. And before Derek I can't remember the last time I enjoyed sex or had a choice whether to participate in it or not. He scares me. And that's almost even more scary to admit. Because that's what he wants. He wanted to scare me into not asking questions, and not running my mouth, and not leaving him after everything I knew. And I'm still scared. But I'm out now, and its scarier living out of it, not knowing what he could do next, not knowing who he could hurt. Derek has a child, as you mentioned previously. She's five. And I know Dave well enough to know that that little girl isn't safe. He is vicious and spiteful, and would go to the extreme of hurting a little girl to get revenge because he's sick. He's actually sick. And Derek has shown me more love in a few weeks than Dave has in five years, and he doesn't deserve for his little girl to be hurt in return.'

X X X

'You did amazing.' Derek breathed as soon as he had pulled Meredith into his arms.

'Thanks.' She breathed into his neck, her arms immediately gripping around his waist.

'I love you so much.' He whispered, kissing the top of her head.

'I love you.'

'You honestly did so amazing.' He said squeezing her.

'I hope so.'

'You did.'

'Yeah.' She mumbled.

'I hate him.'

'I know.'

'Mer, I actually hate him.'

'I know.'

'The way he spoke about you... I.. I almost... I hate him.'

'I know.'

'But you did so amazing.'

'Thanks.' She giggled. 'You can stop saying that now.'

'What if I don't want to?' He laughed, leaning back slightly to look her in the eye.

'Then you're weird.'

'No, I'm not. You did amazing.' He repeated, kissing her softly, his lips lingering over hers.

'Thank you.' She said against his lips before he captured hers again.

'I'm so proud of you.' He said, a hand going to her hair and stroking it gently.

'Thanks.'

'I love you so, so much.'

'I love you.' She smiled, kissing him again.

'He's definitely going down for the laundering and gang violence.'

'You think?'

'Yep. And I also think he's going to go down for domestic violence and rape.'

'You think?' She said hopefully.

'Don't want to get our hopes up, but if I was his lawyer right now, I'd be thinking I was fucking screwed after today's court.'

'Really?' She breathed.

'Really.'

'Jacob... Jacob seemed happy.'

'So he should be. I think we've got this Mer.'

'Oh.' She grinned, before snaking her arms around his neck and pulling her closer to him and brushing her lips against his. 'Thank you.' She said, resting her forehead against his own. 'For everything.'

'I love you.'

'I love you too.'


	29. Chapter 29

_Hi guys! I'm back with another update for you, hopefully making up for my slow updates recently. Have you all seen Bridget Jones' Baby? Thank you all for reading and reviewing. Please do leave a review and let me know what you think._

This was it. This was the last day of the trial. Meredith had been to court almost every day for almost 2 weeks, either taking the stand against Dave or Denton, or if not, sat in the stalls with Derek, watching them be questioned about their drug dealing ring. Dr Hunt had stood for her the previous day, and Jacob had presented some of the preserved blood from her eye injury, with traces of Dave's DNA, in addition to a matching sample of blood found on one of his sweaters Detective Coleman had retrieved from the house. She had a strong case. A really strong case. And being sat with Derek third row on the left, watching and hearing the court question Dave made her realise that. She was a lawyer, she knew what a good case looked like, and now she was a few steps away, she could see it clearly. Derek was right, she had a strong case and there was an extremely high likelihood that Dave would be prosecuted with most, if not all of his charges.

All her part was done. She'd given all her evidence, answered all her questions, and now she could relax. Well, not relax. But she could sit with Derek knowing she was safe and she was done. His hand was tightly in hers, his other around the back of her chair. He was amazing. He'd been so amazing every single day throughout the trial, he'd just been amazing period. After every court session he hugged her and told he loved her, then kissed her and told hr he was proud of her, then took her home and after dinner, held her in bed until she fell asleep. Or he gave her orgasms. Lots of orgasms. And told her he loved her. He did that a lot. But he was just so amazing, and while the trial was possibly one of the most horrible and stressful things she had ever been through, Derek made it amazing at the same time. It was the first time someone had really been there when she was going through something. He was the first person who tried to make something better for her. And she loved him. She loved him in a really, really crazy way, that she was pretty sure was not possible before she met Derek. She was turning into that girl she swore she never was, swooning over a guy. But he wasn't just a guy, he was Derek. And she loved him. She he loved her. And she was almost certain he was the first person to ever love her. So yeah, she loved him a lot.

Her thoughts were soon interrupted by the judge who loudly announced: 'Court adjourned. We will reconvene for the verdict at three.'

'You okay?' she head Derek say quietly.

'Yeah, I'm good.'

'Good.'

'Good.' She giggled, leaning to kiss him gently.

'You seem very happy.' He grinned, confused.

'I just love you.' She shrugged.

'I love you too.' She said softly, capturing her lips again.

'You want to get a coffee?'

'I'm starving.' She pouted. 'Pizza?'

'Pizza.' He laughed. 'The usual place?'

'sounds perfect.' She grinned, following him out of the court room, where they bumped into Jacob before reaching the door.

'Hey.'

'Hey.' Smiled Meredith.

'I need you back here at 2:30, is that okay?'

'That's fine.'

'I don't want to get your hopes up, Mer, but this is honestly looking good for us.'

'Yeah.' She smiled. 'I'm feeling good.'

'Good, well, I'll catch you guys later, I have a couple people to talk to.' He said, gesturing to Dave's attorney on the other side of the corridor.

'Okay. See you later.' Said Meredith, leaning into Derek as he wrapped his arm around her back and placed a kiss on the top of her head before leading her out of the door.

They reached their usual restaurant, just near the office, when Derek heard someone shouting him.

'Mr Shepherd! Mr Shepherd!'

Not letting go of Meredith's hand, Derek turned to see a man with a microphone following him, accompanied by two men with cameras. Shit. The press. The Dave case had received slight publicity in Seattle, well, his relationship with Meredith had received slight press, his drug ring had received huge press, especially with a second trial for them looming.

'Not right now.' Derek said politely, but firmly, turning Meredith back around towards the restaurant door.

'Mr Shepherd is it true you're sleeping with Miss Grey and that's why you aren't on the biggest case in Seattle?'

'Ignore them.' Derek murmured to Meredith, opening the door for her.

'Okay.' She breathed.

'Mr Shepherd is it true you were accused of raping her in court? Mr Shepherd!' the man continued to shout, but Derek ignored them completely, following Meredith inside.

'Hi, table for two?' said the waitress curiously, peering behind Derek to see the men still outside.

'yes, please,' answered Derek. 'somewhere not near the window would be good.'

'certainly.' The young girl said, grabbing two menus and leading them to the secluded corner of the restaurant. 'you're not famous are you? I don't recognise you….'

'Oh, no.' laughed Meredith.

'No,' chuckled Derek, 'but I'm surprised you don't recognise us, we're here all the time.'

'I'm new.' The girl grinned. 'What are the paps after then? Is someone famous coming?'

'No,' said Derek, pulling out Meredith's char when they reached their table. 'They're here for us, but we definitely aren't famous.'

'Oh…' the girl said confused. 'I'll be back in a few minutes for your drinks order.'

'Thanks.' Smiled Derek. 'she's cute.' To which Meredith raised an eyebrow.

'Not that type of cute.' He rolled his eyes.

'Good.' She giggled.

'You are definitely really happy today.'

'I am. It must have been those seven orgasms last night.'

'seven?! I thought it was six?!'

'seven. Definitely seven.'

'seven.' He smirked. 'If you're lucky, you might get seven more tonight.'

'Oh really?'

'Yes really.'

'And what if I'm not lucky?'

'Then you'll still get seven orgasms tonight.'

'So things are looking pretty good for me right now.'

'They are.'

'although, eight would be nice.' She giggled, moving her foot to gently stroke his calf.

'Would it now?'

'Definitely. Eight. Definitely eight.'

'Yes dear.' He smirked, opening his menu as their waitress came back.

'What can I get you guys to drink?'

'I'll have a diet coke, please.' Said Meredith.

'A water for me.' Said Derek. 'I think we're ready to order food too.'

'No problem,' the girl replied.

'Pepperoni pizza please.' Said Meredith, closing her menu.

'And a ceasar salad for me.' Grinned Derek, handing her his menu.

'You know, I love that you're happy Mer, I really do, but I don't.. I know things are looking good, but just remember there's a possibility things wont go our way when we get back in there.'

'I know.' She smiled sadly.

'And that's not me trying to be negative.'

'I know Derek.' She said reaching for his hand. 'You don't want me to be disappointed.'

'I love you.' He smiled.

'I love you too.' She smiled. 'And I feel okay, like actually okay. Because even if he doesn't go down, I love you. And you love me right?'

'I literally just told you.' He laughed.

'Then no matter what happens, I've got you, and I've never had someone who actually loves me and it's perfect. You're perfect, Derek, and no matter what happens I feel safe because I know I have you. And I've never felt this happy. Which is weird because you'd think I'd be miserable. But I'm not, anymore. You're amazing and I love you, and we're going to get through this right?'

'Of course we are.'

'Good. Then I'm good.'

'If you're good, then I'm good.'

'And no matter what happens tonight I'm getting eight orgasms.' She winked.

'You are.' He laughed. 'Glad to see you have your priorities right.'

'Are you suggesting orgasms should not be a priority?'

'I didn't say that…'

'Good. Because then I would definitely reconsider giving you any later.'

'You wouldn't dare.'

'hmmm, I don't know. I guess Ill have to re-prioritise.' She giggled.

'You're evil.'

'You love me.'

'I do.' He grinned. And she actually believed him. Someone loved her. And that someone was Derek. The most perfect person in the world.

X X X

'I still cant believe it,' she said breathlessly, shaking.

'You did it! You did it Mer!' said Derek pulling her into his arms as soon as they left the court doors.

'Its…. Hes… we actually won…'

'You won!' he beamed, lifting her in his arms slightly, her slightly salty lips from her tears of relief as he kissed her, before twirling her round in a small circle.

'I cant believe it.' She breathed, resting her forehead against his.

'Me neither.' He whispered, leaning to kiss her gently before wiping her eyes with his thumb.

'I cant believe it.' She said again. 'I feel… I don't know how I feel…' she laughed.

'Happy I hope!' he said, leaning to kiss her again and she looped her arms around his neck.

'Of course I am.' She said against his lips. 'I just…. It's just so big and it's over. Like it's actually over, Derek.'

'It's over.' He nodded.

'It's over.'

'It's over.'

'It's over.' She giggled breathlessly.

'How many times are you going to say that?' he laughed, kissing her again. He couldn't seem to stop kissing her. Because this was amazing.

'I don't know.' She giggled, as Jacob walked over to them.

'Jacob!' Meredith squealed, running out of Derek's arms to jump into Jacob's.

'We did it!' he laughed.

'We did it! Thank you. Thank you! Thank you!' she said, kissing his cheek.

'Any time.' He grinned. 'I'm made up for you.'

'Thanks,' she grinned, moving back to stand in front of Derek, who's arms automatically snaked around her waist as he placed a kiss to her neck.

'Gone down for absolutely everything, so I think it's safe to say he's never seeing the outside of a jail cell.' Said Jacob as Meredith gripped Derek's hand. Derek. Her boyfriend. Who she was in love with and had promised her eight orgasms tonight. Who she was going to spend the rest of her life with. Because Dave was gone.

'I don't want to put a dampener on it,' sighed Jacob. 'But this victory for us regarding both Dave and Denton may lead to some action from the rest of the ring.'

'You think?' said Derek, pulling Meredith closer to him, if that was at all possible.

'Dave will want revenge.' He stated simply.

'And they're facing a court hearing in less than a month, and after seeing two of their own go down, don't you think they'll be shitting themselves?'

'It's hard to know with these kind of people. But, even if they try something, it will only work against them even more in court and then they're more likely to go down. So you'll be free from all of them this time next month.'

'Unless they don't all go down.' Meredith added quietly.

'We're not worrying about that right now.' Derek cut in. 'Today was huge. Today was good.'

'It was.' Meredith smiled, turning to him.

'I'll leave you guys, I have some paper work to finish before I can leave court, so I'll see you both at work.'

'Bye Jacob.' Said Meredith. 'And thank you, again.'

'You're welcome.' Said Jacob, as Derek stepped towards him.

'Thanks man.' He said, shaking his hand.

'No worries.' Jacob replied, clapping Derek on the back. 'Now, go have sex or whatever it is you two like to do in your mom's house.' He smirked.

'Ew get out.' Laughed Derek as Jacob walked off.

'Lets go.' He grinned to Meredith.

'We can just go?'

'We can just go. We're done.'

'We're done.' She breathed, pressing her lips to his. 'sorry. I can't seem to stop kissing you.'

'I don't want you to stop kissing me.' He murmured, his face inches from hers.

'Lets go.' She whispered, cupping his face in her hand.

'Let's go.' He said, taking her hand and leading her to the car.

'I cant believe it.' She said, putting her belt on.

'Me neither. Well I can. But its still crazy.' He grinned, leaning over the gear to kiss her.

'I love you.' She beamed.

'I love you too.' He said, holding her hand and squeezing it before reversing out of his parking space and driving back to Carolyn's.

The journey to his mom's consisted of lots of hand squeezes, and lots of 'I love yous' and lots of kissing at red lights. But Meredith wouldn't have it any other way. She didn't think she'd ever felt this good before in her entire life. She was elated. She was free of Dave and completely with Derek. And It was amazing. And she had never been more grateful Derek had offered her a vest at his daughter's birthday party.

When they pulled up, they both jumped out of the car and Derek pulled her into his arms on the driveway before they went inside.

'Hey,' he said, ducking his lips down to hers.

'Hey.' She whispered against his lips.

'I love you.'

'I love you too.' She giggled, before kissing him again, deeper this time, and his hands made their way down her back, dangerously close to her ass.

'Im so proud of you.'

'Thank you… I think' she giggled, pulling his lips to hers again, her hand in his curls.

'You're welcome.' He said between kisses. 'We have to go inside, but I just love you, so much.'

'I love you too. Really love you Derek.'

'Good.' He grinned, grabbing her hand and opening the front door to his mom's house.

It seemed quiet. Oddly quiet. She had thought Carolyn would be at the front door to greet them wanting to know the great news. But nothing. She didn't even seem to be home at a- until derek opened the kitchen door to reveal Carolyn, Mark, Addison, Helen, Hallie, Ruth, George, Nancy, Peter, their boys, Jacob and his wife Susan all with drinks in their hands around a table of food, under a banner which appeared to have been made by Hallie which read 'YAY MEREDITH!'

'Oh my god…' she laughed nervously behind Derek.

'Surprise.' He grinned, kissing her.

'YAY Meredith!' squealed Hallie running over to her and Derek.

'Hey Hallie.' She giggled as the five year old wrapped her arms around Meredith's legs.

'Did ya win?'

'We won.' Meredith laughed.

'Yay! You win too daddy?' she said, reaching for Derek to pick her up.

'I guess you could say that.' Derek chuckled, bouncing his daughter in his arms.

'Congratulations dear.' Said Carolyn, moving to hug Meredith, followed by Helen, Mark, Addison and pretty much everyone else.

'Did you make that banner all by yourself?' said Derek, carrying Hallie over to it.

'I did Daddy.' She said proudly. 'And we made a cake.' She said, pointing to a cake which also read 'YAY MEREDI- TH!' on it in pink icing.

'You did? Oh, wow, you did.' He said, kissing her head.

'You like it?'

'I love it. Have you shown Meredith?'

'Not yet.' She frowned, before turning in her dad's arms. 'Meredith come look!' she shouted, holding her arm out.

'look at what?' Meredith smiled, taking Hallies hand and standing next to Derek, putting her arm around his back and her head on his shoulder.

'Me and grandma made you a cake. Do you like it?'

'I love it.' Meredith grinned as Hallie leaned to kiss her cheek.

X X X

Meredith was sat on Derek's lap in the living room, while everyone was drinking and talking around them. This was her party, she was pretty sure she was supposed to be talking to people rather than sat on her boyfriends knee playing with his hair and whispering and kissing him every two seconds. Because no-one had thrown her a party before. She never had a birthday party when she was little, and she never had a birthday party once she'd grown up either. But Derek's family had thrown her a party. And it was perfect. And no one even seemed to care that she was sat with Derek. It was like they got it or something. She was just so happy and she couldn't be more in love with him if she tried. Hallie had been sat with them for a while, but apparently they were 'boring and disgusting' so she had gone back to playing with her cousins.

'You know I love your mom and everyone else,' Meredith whispered.

'Yeah…?'

'But do you know when they're leaving?' she breathed into his ear, nipping his lobe slightly.

'Meredith,' he laughed.

'What?' she giggled, kissing his neck.

'Thinking about orgasms?' he smirked.

'Maybe…..'

'I love you.' He laughed, kissing her.

'Love you too,' she said against his lips, kissing him again. Several times.

'Lets go.' He said, pushing her off his lap.

'Go?'

'you want sex don't you? Cant do that here.'

'okay- first: shhhhh! And second, we cant have sex upstairs while everyone's here.'

'I know that.' He laughed.

'Then where are we going?'

'Come on.'

'What?'

'You'll see.' He said, tugging on her hand. 'Bye mom,' he said approaching Carolyn. 'Me and Mer are going to head off now, but thanks for organising this.'

'Thanks Carolyn.'

'Oh, you're welcome dear.' She replied, pulling Meredith into a hug. 'Thank you for making my son so happy.'

'Oh, er, he makes me happy too.' She blushed.

'It's so beautiful so see you both so in love,' she continued, touching Derek's face, tears filling in her eyes.

'Okay, that's our cue to go.' He laughed, kissing his mom's cheek and heading to say bye to everyone else, before picking up two bags from the hall.

'What are they?' Meredith gasped.

'That would ruin it wouldn't it?' he smirked.

'Der,' she breathed at the realisation that her things were in there. He'd packed her things. He was taking her somewhere. He was surprising her. And taking her somewhere.

'What?' he laughed.

'You…. You didn't have to. And I… you didn't have to and I love you.'

'I love you too. And I know I didn't have to. I wanted to.' He shrugged. 'Now, are we ever going to get to this fancy hotel and have sex all night or not?'

'Yes' she giggled, leaning to kiss him before following him out of the house and into the car.


	30. Chapter 30

_Hi guys! Thank you so much to all of you for reading, and thank you to those of you who left kind reviews on my last chapter- it is really appreciated!_ _I hope you enjoy this chapter, and please do leave me a review if you can!_

Derek woke to the soft smell of lavender surrounding him, her limbs tangled with his, her hair sprawled out on his chest. He opened his eyes gently to see her peaceful, sleeping frame, her chest slightly rising and falling as the sound of her snore carried through the room. He couldn't remember the last time they had woken up like this. In fact, he didn't think they had ever woken up like this. Definitely close to it. But he didn't think he had ever seen her so peaceful, so worry free. All the way through the trial, he had always woken to her already being awake. Either lay staring at the ceiling, or sat up, picking her fingernails nervously. But now, she was lay peacefully in his arms and it was perfect.

The night before had been perfect too. Well, and the early hours of this morning too. He couldn't quite remember when they retired from their final round of sex, but he was pretty sure it was about 3 am, maybe later. It had varied from hard fucking to the gentlest, most intimate sex he had ever had. It had been amazing. She was amazing. And he had given her her eight orgasms as promised, maybe even nine; after a while he lost count. But he could remember getting off a good few times himself.

She had been different. At the party, in the room, she had been different. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but she was definitely different. A good different. Not that she needed to change, because she didn't. But the shy side of her seemed to have vanished. She was still nervous and vulnerable about the whole relationship thing, which he one hundred percent got. But she seemed a lot more relaxed in herself, with him. More confident. Happy. Yet she was still exactly the same. The exact same person he fell in love with.

She began to stir and bury her head into his chest, her snore fading away.

'Morning.' He whispered.

'morning.' She giggled.

'you sleep well?'

'amazing.' She murmured, not moving.

'me too.'

'hmmmm.' She breathed, reaching for his hand.

'you okay?'

'yeah.' She mumbled, holding his hand with hers, while her free hand began to run lightly up and down his arm.

'do you want me to call for some breakfast?'

'in a minute.'

'okay.'

'stay like this.'

'okay.' He smiled, pressing a kiss to her head.

'I love you.'

'I love you too.'

'I mean it though.'

'so do I.' he laughed, his hand moving up and down her bare back.

'love you.' She repeated, kissing his chest.

'you too. You sure you're okay?'

'yeah.' She smiled, turning to look up at him.

'good.' He grinned, leaning down to kiss her softly.

'I just… I'm bad at saying how I feel, we all know that,' she giggled slightly. 'But I'm really happy Derek.'

'I know.'

'and last night was amazing.'

'it was.' He agreed, moving to pull her closer to him.

'Really amazing.'

'I know.' He laughed.

'For an old man you've still got it.' She mocked.

'old man? I will pretend you didn't say that, Meredith Grey.' He said, flipping her over and pinning her down to tickle her.

'Stop!' she laughed. 'Derek stop!'

'Not until you take that back.' He said, continuing to tickle her, unable to take his eyes off her face, which was beaming, carefree.

'Derek!' she giggled, trying to swat at him.

'oh, physical abuse as well as verbal now?' he smirked, until he realised what he'd said. 'shit, sorry Mer, I didn't mean that.' He said, suddenly stopping his hands.

'It's okay.' She smiled, sensing his guilt. 'you were joking.' She said, moving to hold his face in her hands softly.

'Wasn't very funny.'

'Derek, its okay.' She emphasised. 'seriously.'

'okay.' He sighed, rolling over so he was in his arms once again.

'can you get me some food now?'

'go on then.' He said, moving an arm over to pick up the hotel phone, and the room service menu on his bedside table.

'this is expensive, Derek.' She said, her eyes skimming over the price list.

'yeah, it's a treat.'

'but its like, really expensive.'

'I know.' He nodded. 'it's okay, it's been a special night. Have what you want, Mer.'

'anything I want?'

'Anything you want. It's not like I haven't got enough, Mer.'

'I know. But its still really expensive.'

'It's an expensive hotel, its bound to be expensive room service. I knew that before bringing you here. So pick whatever you want.'

'Okay.' She said, resting back against his chest.

'What do you want to do today?' he murmured, pulling the sheets up over her naked body, as a feeling of cold crept over him.

'don't mind.' She breathed, her eyes still intent on the menu. 'what time do we have to leave?'

'2.'

'okay.'

'know what you want?'

'pancakes, please.' She grinned, turning over so she was now on top of him. 'with chocolate sauce. Lots of chocolate sauce. And whipped cream. Lots of whipped cream.'

'I'm guessing its for more than just the pancakes?' he smirked, ducking his dead down to kiss the top of her breast, his hot breath sending shivers up her spine.

'maybe.' She said, lifting his face to kiss him deeply as his hands immediately snaked around her back. 'but only if I can have some French toast too.' She breathed against his lips.

'pancakes and French toast?'

'Yep.' She said, moving to straddle him, brushing her lips over his once again. 'and don't forget the chocolate sauce.'

'I wont.' He said hurriedly before pulling her lips to his once again, kissing her harder.

'order it.' She giggled, pulling away. 'I'm hungry.'

Derek picked up the phone and dialled room service while he gazed at Meredith, who remained in front of him, naked, her golden hair in its soft waves on her shoulders. She was beautiful. She still had some scars and scratches on her midsection, and her eye was still slightly bruised, but she was really beautiful. She was so tiny and loveable, he wondered how anyone could ever lay a finger on her, or want to upset her. She was perfect. Actually perfect.

X X X

'Daddy!' squealed Hallie, as Helen opened the front door to him and Meredith.

'Hello monkey.' He grinned, picking her up immediately.

'I missed you.'

'You only saw me yesterday at Meredith's party.' He laughed.

'Still missed you.' She pouted.

'I'm here now.' He smiled, leaning to kiss her cheek.

'but then you'll go again.' She said sadly, and Derek glanced up at Helen, who had a knowing look on her face.

'Hal why don't you go help Uncle Mark in the kitchen?' said Helen, as Hallie slowly released from Derek's arms and wandered into the kitchen where Mark and Addison were setting the table for dinner. 'Sorry, she's been missing you a lot recently.'

'I know.' Derek sighed.

'It's not your fault, Derek.' Helen was quick to add. 'You've had a lot going on.'

'Yeah.' He nodded.

'We can sort something out now though, now the trials done, if you're ready?'

'Yeah.' He nodded again, and Meredith slipped her hand tightly into his.

'We don't have to do it right now, but she's your daughter too, Derek. She loves you.'

'I know.'

'We'll figure it out.'

'We will,' added Meredith.

'I know,' he said, squeezing her hand. 'It's just complicated with us being at moms.'

'You're not going to be there forever.' Said Helen. 'we still need to figure what we're doing with the house, and the divorce.'

'Yeah, I know. We will.'

'There's no rush,' started Helen. 'but I think it would be easier on Hal the sooner we get it sorted.'

'Yeah, I agree. She needs stability.'

'Yeah.'

'I've missed her so much.' He breathed. 'and I know, I know I've seen her but its just not the same. I cant remember the last time I woke up to her bouncing on the bed, jumping on me, or the last time I tucked her in at night.'

'I know.'

'Can she stay with us tonight? At mom's?' He suddenly looked up hopefully. 'Mom wont mind.'

'Sure.' Smiled Helen. 'Take her home with you after dinner.'

'Thanks.' Derek smiled, before turning round to Meredith. 'That's okay right?'

'Of course its okay.' She smiled, kissing him carefully.

'okay.' He smiled. 'we need to sort out a place.'

'I know.' She nodded. 'But let's think about that tomorrow.'

'Yeah.' He smiled, moving a piece of hair from her face.

'Mommmy, Daddy, Meredith dinner's ready!' announced Hallie, walking into the living room.

'It is?' said Helen.

'Yeah. Uncle Mark said so.'

'Uncle Mark did, did he?' said Helen, raising an eyebrow.

'And he said if you don't come, he's going to eat it all himself!'

'Well, that's not very nice.' Said Derek.

'I know, so you got to come now daddy!' his daughter said, seriously, pulling on his hand. 'You too Meredith,' she said, extending her other hand to reach Meredith's.

'Let's go before uncle mark eats it all then, shall we?' Derek replied, slipping his arm around Meredith, until his free hand found the small of her back.

'Hey man.' Said Mark, as Hallie lead them into the kitchen-diner. 'Mer.'

'Hey,' said Derek, sitting opposite his brother, Meredith sitting next to him.

'Hey Mark, Addison.' She smiled.

'Hey.' Replied Addison.

'You two have a good night?' Mark smirked.

'Very, thank you.' Said Derek, shifting a hand to Meredith's thigh.

'How many?' Mark jumped right in, and Derek laughed.

'None of that talk at my dinner table, ass.' Said Helen, handing out dinner.

'But you just said ass!' Mark protested, handing a plate to Addison.

'But it's my dinner table.'

'That's not fair. You're no fun.'

'Not with a five year old present, I'm not.' Helen laughed.

'How many?' Mark mouthed.

'Mark Jeremy!' Helen snapped.

'Me? Or her?' asked Derek.

'Derek Christopher!'

'Sorry mom,' laughed Mark.

'Right now, I am mom.' Helen laughed, nodding to Hallie.

'come onnnnnnn,' groaned Mark. 'she doesn't understand and I want to know!'

'There is no hope for you at all.' Helen rolled her eyes, sitting down with her own dinner.

'Nine.' Meredith giggled. 'For me, nine.'

'Nine?! Fucking hell, Shep.' Said Mark, to which Derek smirked.

'So we're not counting this morning then?' Derek turned to Meredith.

'This morning?!' echoed Mark.

'What happened this morning daddy?' Hallie asked innocently.

'oh….er….nothing…' coughed Derek, clearing his throat, while Mark smirked.

'then what ya talking about?'

'nothing monkey.' He replied, happy when she looked back down at her dinner.

'And what did Meredith have nine times last night?' she said, trying to her spaghetti on her fork as Derek nearly choked.

'smiles, sweetie.' Jumped in Helen, as the whole table was silenced.

'Daddy made you smile nine times?' the little girl grinned.

'uh-huh.' Nodded Meredith, trying her best sincere smile, not looking at Mark who was about to burst into laughter.

'was he being funny?' she giggled.

'yeah, yeah, very funny.' Said Meredith breathlessly, feeling the other adults eyes on her.

'that's nice daddy. You make Meredith smile because yesterday was her happy day.' She said, shoving her forkful of spaghetti into her mouth.

'yeah.' Said Derek clearing his throat again. 'it was.'

'so what did you do with your mommy today, Hallie?' said Addison, earning a 'thank you' mouthed from Helen, to which she simply nodded.

After dinner, Derek asked Hallie if she wanted to have a sleepover with him and Meredith at his moms, to which she had eagerly grinned and quite literally squealed with excitement at. Helen was upstairs with her, packing her an over night bag, leaving Derek and Meredith with Addison and Mark.

'so you have the little terror tonight then?'

'I'll pretend you did not just call my child a terror.'

'Oh come on, you know she's my favourite niece.'

'I'll be sure to tell the others that.' Derek laughed, pulling Meredith closer to him.

'Oh god, no, don't tell Liz. I'll never hear the end of it.' Groaned Mark.

'Everyone already knows Hallie's your favourite.'

'Whatever.'

'She is cute,' nodded Addison.

'She is.' Agreed Derek, moving his hand to run through Meredith's hair.

'But now you've got the kid, no smiling tonight.'

'Fuck off Mark.' Derek groaned.

'what did he do that was so funny Meredith?' he continued to joke.

'Wouldn't you like to know.' Meredith said, moving her hand to Derek's thigh.

'Actually, I don't. I've already heard the horror stories from ma, I don't need any more details.'

'What?' breathed Meredith.

'Ma?' Derek almost choked.

'Well, she does live with you. Or should I say, you live with her.'

'She's talked to you about us having sex?' Derek said, his eyes wide.

'The woman does have ears, you know Shep.'

'But… but we're quiet… quiet.. when she's at home.'

'obviously not.' Mark chuckled.

'oh my god,' Meredith groaned.

'who knew? Shep's the new manwhore of the family.'

'I'm hardly a manwhore, ass. I'm only sleeping with my girlfriend.'

'Yeah, loud, dirty sex that's keeping your poor mother awake.'

'What?' gasped Meredith.

'Okay, that was an exaggeration. You're not keeping her up. Or, well, she didn't say that. But she did say you have a lot of loud dirty sex.'

'This is the worst conversation I think I've ever had in my life.' Sighed Derek.

'I would say subject change, but I'm enjoying watching you squirm too much.'

'Subject change.' Said Derek firmly.

'Definitely subject change.' Agreed Meredith.

'I agree.' Said Addison. 'You've tortured them enough.'

'whatever,' said Mark, rolling his eyes.

'Have you told Derek about yesterday?' Addison asked Mark carefully.

'Oh, no.' his mood suddenly changing.

'I think you should.' Addison encouraged.

'What's up?' said Derek, concerned when Mark didn't respond.

'I got a phone call.'

'Oh,' said Derek, innocently, waiting for Mark to elaborate.

'A dead end phone call.'

'Oh.' Said Derek, in a completely different tone of voice. And Meredith felt his leg tensing under her hand.

'yeah.'

'unknown number?'

'no. I thought it would be protected, but I called it back and it was a public phone service machine.'

'oh.'

'yeah.' Mark replied, before a silence came across the two.

'Der?' whispered Meredith softly after a couple of minutes, wrapping an arm around him.

'mmm?' he murmured, not breaking his unfocused gaze to turn and look at her.

'you okay?' her fingers moving to run lazily through his curls.

'hmmmm,' he nodded, as she placed a light kiss to his cheek.

The four of them sat in silence for a couple more minutes, Meredith hanging off Derek, Addison hanging off Mark. Something was wrong. Something was really wrong. But Meredith had no clue what is was. She planned to find out as soon as her and Derek got Hallie into bed. Because whatever it was, was making Derek really sad. And she didn't want him to be sad.

It reminded Meredith that Derek had his own problems. She had hers in the form of Dave, and Derek had stood by her side every step of the way. And she didn't know much about Derek's problems, but she did know that she'd be by his side, just like he was by hers. Derek was amazing, and whatever it was, she didn't like. Because she'd never seen Derek this quiet.

'I'm all ready!' announced Hallie, walking into the kitchen, her hot pink backpack on her back.

'oh, good girl sweetie.' Said Derek absently.

'what… is everything okay?' asked Helen, confused yet sensitively, after following Hallie into the room.

'Mark just told Derek about the call yesterday.'

'oh,' Helen said understandingly.

'yeah.' Nodded Derek. 'Anyway,' he continued after a moment, plastering what Meredith knew was a fake smile on his face. 'lets get going to grandmas monkey. You got your toothbrush?'

'Yup.' His five year old nodded.

'Okay then, lets go.' He said, standing up.

'See you later guys,' smiled Addison, as Meredith stood up too.

'bye.' Said Derek.

'see you man.' Said Mark quietly.

'See you. Call me if she calls again?'

'Course. I just…. Yesterday… you were so happy…. Didn't want to ruin it.'

'Yeah, no I get it. You were right not to tell me.'

'Bye Derek, Meredith.' Said Helen, pulling them each in for a hug. 'Thanks for having her.'

'Shes my daughter too, Hel. You don't ned to thank me.'

'I know.'

'What time shall I bring her round tomorrow.'

'It doesn't matter. Just let me know.'

'No problem. Let's go princess.' He said, picking Hallie up in his arms.

'Remember- no smiling tonight guys.' Mark called after them.

X X X

'she's all tucked in.' breathed Derek, coming back into the living room.

'Oh good.' Smiled Carolyn, as Derek resumed his position next to Meredith on the sofa, pulling her into his arms.

Meredith still didn't know what was up with him. But he had been extremely affectionate with her ever since they had left the house. Always touching her and kissing her, and pulling her closer. In fact he was just generally more affectionate. HE was the same with Hallie, whenever she was in reach he had her in his arms and was planting kisses on the top of her head. Comfort. She had learnt the last couple of weeks that Derek was affectionate as a way of providing comfort. To her, he did at least. And it seemed he craved affection himself when he needed comfort. So she gave him what he needed. She placed soft kisses to his bicep which rested around her neck lazily, his hands meeting at her stomach, where his thumbs traced small, delicate circles, his nose buried in her hair, his lips meeting the top of her head continuously.

'what's wrong?' she whispered quietly, hoping Carolyn wouldn't hear them for the television.

'nothing.' He whispered back.

'Derek.'

'I… I cant.' He admitted quietly, now kissing her neck. 'not here, not now.'

'okay.' She breathed, moving her hands over them and giving them a tight squeeze.

'when we're alone.' He explained.

'okay.' She repeated. She didn't want to push him. This wasn't like Derek. Derek was the one who always wanted to talk, make things better.

'It is lovely how well the five of you get on.' Carolyn smiled.

'What?' said Derek, moving his face away from Meredith's hair to turn to his mom.

'You, Helen, Mark and Addison.'

'Oh, yeah.' He agreed.

'Helen especially.'

'Yeah.'

'It would be so easy for her to disconnect from you, or be hostile.'

'I know. But she's Hel.' He smiled weakly.

'I've always liked her.' Carolyn smiled fondly.

'Me too.' Breathed Derek.

'And I like Addison too. She's good for Mark.'

'She is.' He agreed.

'He seems a lot happier.'

'He does.'

'Do you think she'll be the one?'

'Er… yeah.. possibly.' He replied. And Meredith could tell his head was not in the conversation at all. His thoughts were all over the place.

She stifled a loud yawn, and turned her head into Derek's chest.

'Oh, are you tired, dear?' asked Carolyn, tilting her head to the side.

'yeah.' Meredith breathed, clutching Derek's shirt in her fist loosely.

'Derek, take the poor girl to bed dear.'

'You want bed, Mer?' he asked gently. 'It's still really early.'

'And the poor girls exhausted from all the stress shes been under the last couple of months Derek. Take her to bed.' Laughed Carolyn.

'okay,' he breathed, shifting off the sofa and pulling Meredith up with him.

When they reached their bedroom, Meredith took off her jeans and bra, leaving her baggy tank top and panties on, and slipping under the covers, patting Derek's side as he stood looking out of the window.

'Oh,' he sad, turning around and pulling his jeans off, slipping in beside her in his boxers and t shirt.

'Talk.' She ordered.

'What?' he breathed.

'Talk.'

'I thought you were tired?'

'Talk, Derek.'

'I… I…'

'What's wrong?' she whispered gently before leaning to kiss him softly, then wrapping herself in his arms.

'It's Amy.'

'What is?' she prodded gently, squeezing his hands.

'The calls.' He murmured.

'Oh,' she said, turning to him. 'Your sister Amy?'

'hmmm.' He nodded.

'she calls you? I thought you hadn't heard from her?'

'We haven't. she calls but doesn't say anything.'

'How do you know it's her?' she said, kissing his hand.

'She does it when shes in a "bad place"'

'A bad place?'

'Apparently hearing our voices makes her feel better.'

'Oh.'

'It's… last time she was in a hard place she was on the drugs, badly. Really badly.'

'Oh Derek.' She breathed softly.

'Fuck knows whats wrong this time. But no doubt we're going to find out soon enough.'

'What do you mean?'

'They're a cry for help, the phone calls. She wants us to help her. Which means she'll turn up soon. Because none of us can help her if we cant find her.'

'She wants you to find her?'

'I don't know how the fuck she thinks that's going to happen.'

'You seem angry?' she said gently, not wanting to upset him, but wanting to understand.

'I don't know.' He sighed, exasperated.

'Its okay.' She said, moving to kiss him.

'She's my little sister, and I want her to be okay, I want her safe, I do. But, my mom, I just don't want all the drama Amy brings with her. It's one problem after another, and I… I'm the man of the family, I have to sort it, but she's… she's beyond me. And I don't want to fail her again.'

'Oh, Derek,' Meredith breathed, running her fingers through his hair. 'You cant fail her. You're amazing.'

'Huh, I don't think so.' He laughed cynically.

'You are.' She insisted, kissing his neck.

'hmmm.' He sighed, doubtfully.

'You are, Derek.' She repeated, kissing his neck again, running her hand over his abs.

'I'm not.' He said, tears in his eyes.

'Yes you are.' She continued, this time, moving her kisses to his jaw, before reaching his lips and brushing them with her own gently. 'so amazing.' She breathed between kisses, running her hands up and down his sides. 'I love you.'

'I love you too.' He whispered, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear.

'It's going to be okay.'

'hmmmm.'

'Derek?'

'Yeah?'

'Will me making you smile make you feel better?' she purred against his lips, her hand moving back to his hair.

'oh, maybe.' He smiled slightly as she kissed him again, rocking her hips into him slightly.

'I love you.' She repeated. 'Don't be sad. I know it's a mess. But I love you.'

'I know.' He breathed. 'I just….'

'Just what?'

'Nothing. I love you too.'

'good.' She giggled against his lips, kissing him harder as her hand moved down to his boxers. 'Now we have to be quiet.' She whispered, stroking him.

'Actually quiet.' He laughed. 'Not your version of quiet.'

'Derek!' she gasped, tightening her grip on him. 'I am not that loud.'

'Oh you are, he breathed, grinning. 'You're a moaner, and a screamer.'

'so are you!' she protested.

'Whatever.' He grinned, leaning up to kiss her.


	31. Chapter 31

_Hi guys! Thank you so much for reading and thank you to everyone who reviewed my last chapter (or any chapter!). I seem to have not heard from a lot of my previously regular reviewers in a while and it would be really nice to know if you guys are still with me? Please let me know if you are! I hope you enjoy and hopefully I'll be updating again in a couple of days!_

'How you feeling about going back to work tomorrow?' he murmured into her hair.

'Okay.' She said softly, leaning into his chest behind her.

He was warm. It wasn't warm outside, but here in Derek's arms she couldn't feel the cold at all. They were sat in front of a tree, her between his legs, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist, her hands resting over his on her stomach, his hot breath on her neck. The last two weeks had been good. Really good. He had taken two weeks off work and they had spent most of it with Hallie and his mom, going on day trips, baking, movie days, anything really. And they'd spent lots of evenings with Mark and Addison, sometimes Helen too if one of Hallie's grandparents were having her for the night, and Meredith loved it.

The five of them had actually become the most unlikely of friends, a proper circle. And while she loved having Derek all to herself, it was fun to be around other people and actually socialise and have friends. She and Derek had friends, like, as a couple. Her and Dave never had friends. Well, she had friends. She had Izzie and Cristina. But then that ended pretty quickly into their relationship, and Dave's friends were…. Well, Dave's friends. They were druggies, bad guys. Not the kind of people who cook you and your boyfriend chicken dinner, despite being to the mother of his child. She liked this new life she had been building with Derek the last couple of weeks. And nothing had gone wrong. They'd had nothing from any of Dave's acquaintances, and half of her was waiting for the other shoe to drop, while the other half just wanted to live in the moment of Derek placing soft and tender kisses on her neck, whispering how much he loved her into her ear while they sat underneath a tree on his dad's land.

'How are you feeling about going back?' she asked him.

'I don't know.' He sighed.

'You don't?'

'No. I just…. Mike's been an ass recently… with your case… then the shooting case… I don't know.'

'You're still on the fraud case right?'

'Yeah.' He breathed, kissing her neck again.

'Is it good?'

'I don't know.' He said absently. 'Recently I've just been… floating.'

'Floating?'

'Your case… us… Mike being an ass… I've not really been paying much attention to anything. Been too irritated.'

'irritated?'

'I don't know.' He said again.

'If you're not happy there… you don't have to stay Derek. You're the best lawyer in the state- heck, youre actually the best in the country, another firm would take you in a heartbeat.'

'I know.' He sighed, _again_.

'You don't have to know right now.' She reminded him, turning to kiss him softly. 'Go back and see how it is. If you're not happy, we'll figure something out.'

'okay.'

'okay.' She giggled, kissing him deeply as his warm hands slipped under her shirt and onto her back.

'you're cold.' He murmured.

'a little.' She breathed against his lips.

'we can go.' He offered, running his hands up her bare skin.

'I'm okay, Derek.'

'You're cold.'

'Yeah, but I'm okay for a while. You'll just have to be my personal heater.'

'Now that, I can do.' He laughed.

'What time's mom making dinner for?'

'six.'

'and what time is it now?'

'four thirty. We sound like teenagers.'

'We do,' she giggled, leaning to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. 'Have you decided what you're going to do about the house yet?'

'I've been thinking.' He said, taking her hand in his and entwining their fingers.

'hmm?' she murmured.

'I want to sell it.' He nodded, kissing her neck.

'You do?'

'Yeah, Hel might even buy it off me.'

'can she afford to?'

'she should be unless she's spent up since I left.'

'You sure you don't want it?'

'one hundred percent. That was my life with Helen.'

'yeah.' She sighed.

'We have memories in that house, me and her, all three of us. I don't want them with us.'

'You don't?'

'No, I mean, that was my life then. And you are my life now. It would be wrong to replace it, but it would also be unfair to make our memories in the bed where I slept with my ex wife.'

'We wouldn't have to keep the same bed, Der.' She giggled.

'No, but you know what I mean.'

'I do.' She said softly. 'Are you sure? Because if you want to keep it I don't mind, I mean, I have my house now. Well, mine and Dave's house. But, mine… now.'

'I know.' He said, kissing her neck again. 'I'm sure I don't want to keep it. Do you want to keep yours?'

'No. Definitely not.' She shook her head, as he squeezed her sides gently.

'Have you been in touch with the real-estate agent?'

'I have their number. But no… not yet. I still have some things there.'

'Do you want to go and get them?'

'Not really. But I need my stuff.'

'You do. Do you want me to get it?'

'It's okay.' She smiled, 'you wouldn't know where half of it is, but thank you. Will you come with me when I go?'

'Of course I will. You don't need to ask.'

'I'm going to do it soon. So it's done, and then we can sell it.'

'We can.' He breathed, stunned by the pronoun she used. 'I'm going to ask Jacob to start the divorce when we go back tomorrow.'

'That's good.'

'Yeah, with us both being co operative, it should be done in a few weeks.'

'Hopefully my house will have sold by then.'

'Does it need any maintenance?'

'Probably.' She laughed cynically. 'But I don't care, Der,' she whispered. 'I just want it gone.'

'I understand.' He whispered back, kissing her neck just below her ear.

'I don't care what it sells for, as long as I can afford another place, I don't care.''

'About that,' he breathed, turning her back away from his chest so she was facing him. 'I want to sell the house, because… I want to build one.'

'build one?'

'A house. Here. On this land.' He said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, before gently cupping her cheek in his soft hand.

'Here,' she echoed, unsure if this meant what she thought it did.

'For us.'

'For us.' She said, a slight smile forming on her lips.

'If you want to….' He asked tentatively.

'I do want to.' She whispered immediately, trying to blink back the tears that she could feel forming in her eyes. She couldn't cry over a boy. Even if they were happy tears, and it was because her boyfriend was the best boyfriend on the whole planet. She wouldn't.

'I know it's fast.' He said, wrapping his arms tightly around her and suddenly looking down, and she could tell he was nervous. She didn't think she'd ever seen him nervous before. 'I know it's fast. Really fast, and it's okay if you don't want to. It's really okay. It's just that now is the perfect opportunity, otherwise I'd have to get another place and then sell that before building. But it's okay, it's okay if you don't want to.'

'Derek why are you rambling?' she giggled slightly, lifting his chin, their faces millimetres apart.

'I don't know.' He laughed breathlessly, his eyes hopeful.

'I do want to.' She repeated softly, leaning forward to kiss him, her delicate fingers playing in his hair. 'I do want to.'

'You do?'

'Derek, I love you.' She admitted quietly, resting her forehead against his, her hands now playing with the curls at the nape of his neck. 'And I want to be with you. Why would I not want to live with you.'

'Because… you know…. Its quick. Even if we didn't have Dave… it's quick.'

'But I did have Dave. And if it taught me anything, it's that you are something special, Derek.' She breathed honestly. 'I love you. And I want this. I don't know how I'm supposed to do it, or when the right time to build a house with someone is,' she giggled. 'But I want to, with you.'

'I love you.'

'I love you too.' She said, holding his face in her hands still. 'I don't… I wo'nt be able to pay half though… not yet….'

'What's mine is yours. No arguments. We're in this together.'

'Okay.' She grinned, kissing him again. 'You couldn't be any more different from him.'

'Well, I'd hope not.'

'It's… it was bad, Derek-'

'He was a fucking ass hole,' Derek almost spat, his arms snacking protectively around her waist.

'I know, I know. But, if… if I hadn't been with him, I probably wouldn't be with you.'

'hmmmm.' He nodded.

'Every cloud, Der.'

'You're meant to be dark and twisty and now you're suddenly optimistic.'

'Shut up.' She laughed, rolling her eyes.

'I love you.' He said, leaning forward to kiss her throat.

'I love you too.' She said, hugging her closer to him. 'And I'm excited for our house.'

'Our house.' He grinned.

'Our house.'

X X X

'Shep!' yelled Tom, as Derek and Meredith entered the office.

'Hey.' Derek smiled, his hand in Meredith's.

'Hey Mer.' Tom grinned.

'Hey guys.' She smiled, walking over to her desk.

'Feel like we haven't seen you in ages.'

'I know.' Said Derek. 'I don't think I've ever had two weeks off apart from when we had Hallie.'

'I don't think I've ever had two weeks off at all.' Laughed Tom. 'Straight back to it?'

'Yep.' Sighed Derek, sitting and logging on to his computer.

'Have you got anything good?'

'That fraud case.' He nodded. 'And, there are quite a few demanding cases coming up, but I'm not sure if I'm going to take them on.'

'You're not?'

'No,' Derek sighed.

'You're crazy, Shep. You get the cases we all dream of.'

'More like nightmares.' He laughed. 'Remember the Browns?'

'Yeah- but come on, you were raking it in.'

'Didn't mean it wasn't awful.'

'Whatever.' Said Tom rolling his eyes. 'Anyway, congrats to you guys, Jacob said the trail went amazing.'

'Yeah it did.' Smiled Derek.

'Thanks.' Giggled Meredith.

'The ring trials in a couple of weeks, apparently.' Carried on Tom.

'Yeah it is.'

'Have you guys heard anything from any of them? You know, ha the other shoe dropped?'

'No.' shrugged Derek. 'Nothing at all.'

'That's good.'

'I know.' Derek agreed, as Tom turned back to his computer, watching Meredith, typing away at her desk. Her blonde hair in a loose pony tail, concentration on her face, she looked so cute.

'Derek.' Mike's voice cut through his thoughts.

'Hey.' Said Derek, looking up.

'Hey Meredith, welcome back.' Mike turned to her.

'Oh, thanks.' She smiled.

'Can I have a word in the office?' said Mike, turning back towards Derek.

'Er, yeah, sure.' He nodded. 'I'll be right in.'

He couldn't think of anything worse than going to Mike's office right now. He was probably about to get lectured about taking two weeks off when he was the head on a massive fraud case. Probably something about the head lawyer of a company not taking time off, ruining the reputation or something. Because Mike was being an ass. He was being a total ass. Derek was in the middle of a separation from his wife, and his girlfriend had just been the victim of a domestic abuse trial, and here was Mike banging on at him about work. When Derek was pretty sure, his name did a lot for the company, not the other way around.

He sighed and continued out of the office, running a hand through his hair, and turning down the corridor to Mike's room. He knocked gently before stepping inside, stopping dead in his tracks when he saw a small, young brunette, sat in one of two chairs opposite Mike's desk.

'Derek,' Mike smiled, gesturing to the empty seat.

'Hi,' said Derek confused, walking over to sit down.

'This is, er, Miss Lexie Grey,' Mike coughed slightly.

'Excuse me?' said Derek.

'I…. she wanted to see Meredith… but I thought it might be best I got you.' Explained Mike.

'You're Meredith's sister?' he turned to Lexie, raising an eyebrow.'

'Yeah.' The girl said nervously.

'And you're here because?'

'Well, I… you said she'd be in touch and she hadn't and I left my number and I didn't hear anything and-'

'Exactly, she said she'd be in touch. I thought I said not to call until we called you?'

'I know…. But…. It's important. My dad.. our dad… it's an emergency…'

'You cant just turn up.'

'I know, I know, I know its wrong but I really need to speak to her.'

Derek sighed. This would freak Meredith. It was only her first day back at work after the trial and they hadn't even discussed contacting her sister, let alone Meredith being ready to meet her in Mike's office. But the girl seemed sweet, and genuine. And she said it was an emergency.

'What kind of an emergency?'

'I can't…. Meredith…' the girl trailed off.

'Lexie, I need to know what the emergency is.' Said Derek. 'I need to tell Meredith.'

'No, no I need to tell Meredith.'

'Lexie, no offence, but as soon as Meredith sees you shell run in the opposite direction, let alone listen to whatever emergency this is.'

'But she's my sister I need to talk to her.'

'Lexie,' Derek stressed. 'Please, I know Meredith. Tell me what this emergency is.'

'He's sick.'

'Sick?'

'He's an alcoholic. He's in rehab, but his liver's deteriorating.'

'I see.'

'And I really need to talk to Meredith.'

'Okay.' Derek nodded.

'He's shown us the will, she's in the will, and I really need to talk to her. She's my sister.'

'Half, sister.' Derek corrected.

'Yeah.'

'Okay.' Nodded Derek. 'I'll go talk to her.'

'Thanks.'

'How urgent is it? Just so I can… gauge time.'

'urgent.' The girl nodded.

'Okay. Is.. if we call you or whatever tomorrow okay?'

'Tomorrow? You have to promise she'll call tomorrow.'

'Tomorrow.' Derek nodded.

'Okay.'

'I'll tell her.'

'Okay. Thanks.'

'Okay.' Derek nodded. 'Is there anything else?'

'No, no. Just… Meredith.'

'Okay, I'll get her to call you tomorrow.'

'Thanks.'

'Okay.' Nodded Derek. 'Can I get back now?' he turned to Mike.

'Of course.' Mike nodded.

Once Derek reached the office, he took his seat back at his desk, and glanced back at Meredith, who was looking at him, expectantly.

'What was that about?' she asked across the desks as quietly as possible.

'I'll tell you later.' He nodded.

'You okay?' she asked concerned.

'Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Just…. Just tell you later.'

'Okay.' She grinned. And he couldn't help but smile. He really loved her.

X X X

'I'm at the church meeting tonight, dear, so you'll be alright cooking Meredith's dinner wont you?' said Carolyn into the living room where Meredith and derek were in their usual spot on the couch tangled in eachother's arms.

'Yeah, thanks ma.'

'Alright dear, see you both later.'

'Bye mom have fun!'

'Have fun Carolyn!' added Meredith.

'Thank you!' the older woman shouted as she left the house, locking the door behind her.

'So,' giggled Meredith, turning round to face Derek.

'So,' he echoed, as she began kissing his neck.

'We're alone.'

'We're alone.'

'We have the house to ourselves.' She murmured, lifting his top up and shifting to kiss his abdomen.

'We do.' He sighed. It felt really good. 'But, Mer…' he trailed off, as her fingers began working at his belt, while she was still kissing him.

'But what?' she looked up at him seductively, continuing to unfasten him.

'Nothing.' He sighed, as she slipped her hand into his pants. 'God,' he said breathlessly.

'hmmm?' she grinned, stroking him, her other hand playing in his hair as she straddled him.

'So good.' He breathed.

'Good?' she giggled, leaning to kiss his lips firmly.

'So good.' He nodded, moving his hands to wrap around her back, moving up to her bra.

'You feel so good.' She whispered in between kisses.

'You too.'

'So good.' She said as he unclasped her bra underneath her T Shirt.

'Mmmmm Derek.' She moaned as his hands moved from her back to her breasts. 'I love… I love you.'

'You too,' he whispered. 'so much.' As his hands ran down her delicate sides. He couldn't do this, not now. He wanted to. He really wanted to. His throbbing erection in her hand could tell him that. But he couldn't. not when he hadn't told her about her sister. He had to tell her.

'I'm really wet Derek.' She half whispered, half moaned.

'Don't… don't tell me that.'

'What? You like it when I'm wet for you.' She purred into his ear.

'I know I do, I love it. I just… I'm trying to stop this and you're not helping.' He laughed.

'Sorry.' She giggled, her hand still playing in his hair. 'Why do you want to stop?' she whispered, leaning to kiss his jaw.

'I.. I need to talk to you about something.'

'Hmmm? Can it not wait?' she said, trailing her kisses down to his neck.

'Not really.' He said, softly cupping her breasts in his hands underneath her t shirt.

'Are you sure?' she grinned, gasping slightly when his thumbs ran over her nipples.

'Yeah.' He said sadly. 'But I wish it could. I want you.' He leaned forward to kiss her, moving his hands from her breasts to her hair, pulling her into more of a hug than her straddle across his crotch.

'Are you okay?' she asked, kissing his naked chest and running her fingers up and down it lazily, as she flung her legs over his so that she was sat in his lap, his arms firmly around her, holding her close to him.

'Yeah.' He nodded, kissing the top of her head. 'I… In Mike's office today-'

'What did he say? If he was an ass to you about those two weeks off I swear I'm-'

'No, No it wasn't.' he said, ducking his head down to kiss her gently. 'Don't freak.' He warned, leaning his forehead against hers.

'Freak?'

'I've got you.' He breathed, kissing her again ,deeper this time, squeezing her to him gently.

'Freak about what?' she whispered nervously.

'Your sister was there.'

'My sister?' she almost choked, stopping her fingers on his chest.

'Yeah. Lexie.'

'Lexie?'

'Lexie.'

'What… what… what did she want?' she murmured.

'She wanted to see you,' he said, moving one of his arms up her shirt, rubbing a hand soothingly across her stomach.

'Why? I thought… I thought we said we'd contact her when we were ready.'

'We did.' He nodded, seeing the look of panic in her eyes. 'But she says its an emergency.'

'What's an emergency?'

'Your… your dad's sick. Apparently.'

'I don't care.' She said as firmly as she could, but Derek heard the crack in her voice.

'Mer,' he said, leaning to kiss her. 'It's okay if you do.'

'But I don't.' she shook her head. 'Is that it? That he's dying? Because if it is you can call and tell her I don't care. And we can get back to having hot sex on the couch.'

'Mer,' he half laughed. 'Even if you don't care, she still needs to see you. Something about you being in the will. And I'm thinking youre going to be on his health care directive, hence the urgency.'

'What?'

'She hasn't said that. But she seems to really need you as your dad deteriorates.'

'I don't want to.' She said quietly.

'I know you don't.' he said, kissing her cheek where a single tear had just fallen from her eye.

'I don't want to, Derek. Me and you. Just me and you.'

'I know.' He soothed, pulling her closer to him.

'I really don't want to.'

'I know you don't. But I'll be with you.'

'Unless Mike stops being an ass and gives you the time off.'

'I don't think he's going to stop being an ass any time soon.' He laughed.

'That sucks.'

'Stop trying to change topic of conversation.' He prodded, rubbing circles on her back.

'I'm not.' She protested.

'I said we'd call Lexie tomorrow.'

'Tomorrow?!' she looked up at him horrified. 'Tomorrow, Derek?!'

'It was better than today at work!'

'I know, I know.' She nodded. 'whats even wrong with him?'

''Liver. He's an alcoholic.'

'Alcoholic?'

'Yep.'

'So we have to call tomorrow.' She said sadly.

'Yeah.'

'And probably see her.'

'Probably.'

'I don't want to, Derek.'

'I know you don't. But it should all be over soon.'

'We said that about the trial.' She whimpered. 'Our happy ever whatever was meant to happen after that and instead more of my crappy life drama has hit us.'

'Hey, it doesn't mean we cant be happy.' He said, kissing her. 'I love you. And we don't even know whats going to happen. I mean, he might be dead by the end of the week and this could all be over, and we can get back to selling your house.'

'yeah.' She said into his chest.

'Shall I call the contractor, see if we can have a meeting tomorrow about our house? Something to look forward to after seeing your sister?'

'You… seriously?' she looked up, her eyes wide.

'Yeah.. if you want to?'

'I mean… can we? We haven't even sold the houses yet…'

'he wont start building it there and then, Mer.' He laughed. 'We can just see what's what and get some ideas of the house, money and time.'

'I'm so excited.' She grinned.

'So that's a yes to the contractor?'

'Definitely.' She grinned, leaning to kiss him.

'Just remember, whatever we're going through, at the end of it we'll have our house.'

'We'll have our house.' She echoed, leaning to kiss him.

'You okay?' he whispered against her lips.

'I don't know.' She admitted. 'But you make it better.'


	32. Chapter 32

_Hi guys! So I went to see Bridget Jones' baby again today... Love it. Thank you all for reading and thank you to those who always review! Please leave me one if you can!_

Meredith's hand was tightly in Derek's and she could swear it was the only thing keeping her standing up right now. They'd called Lexie in the morning before work and agreed to meet her at lunch. Derek had suggested their favourite Pizza place. Well, her favourite pizza place and his place to eat chicken Caesar salad. And she felt sick. She felt really, really, really sick. And her hand being in Derek's was the only thing making her feel okay. He was there. And that was all that mattered, she had someone who was there for her and that would love her no matter how badly she fucked it up with her family today.

He opened the door for her, like the gentleman he was, and followed her in.

'Hi, we have a reservation under the name Shepherd, for three.'

'oh, yep.' Said the girl, locating their name on her list. 'You're over here.' She said, leading them to a four person booth. 'Can I get you guys a drink or do you want to wait for your friend?'

'Drink, please.' Nodded Meredith. 'Tequila.'

'Shot?'

'Yes, please. And also a diet coke.'

'Sure. And for you sir?'

'just a still water for me thank you.' Replied Derek, smiling at Meredith across the table. 'A Tequila?'

'I need it, Derek.'

'I'm not saying you don't.' he laughed. 'You just make me laugh.'

'Well, I'm glad my crappy life amuses one of us.' She huffed.

'Hey, I didn't mean it like that.'

'I know.' She sighed. 'Sorry.'

'That's okay.' He smiled weakly as the waitress brought them back their drinks. Meredith tipped her shot back and placed the glass back on the girl's tray.

'Wow, that was quick.' Laughed Derek.

'Don't want her to think I'm an alcoholic.'

'It could run in the family.' He joked.

'Not funny.' She rolled her eyes as she saw Derek's eyes narrow. She turned behind her to see a slim, short, brunette speaking to their waitress at the door.

'That's her.' Breathed Derek.

'Her?'

'Her.'

'She's… she's really pretty.'

'She is.' He nodded. 'And so are you. Want me to sit next to you or shall I stay here?'

'I don't know.' She murmured, turning back round to face him. 'I don't know hows best to sit.'

'I'll stay here.' He nodded, as Lexie approached them.

'Can I get you anything to drink?' the waitress asked her as Lexie nervously sat down next to Meredith, sitting virtually on the edge of the booth as to not get too close.

'A diet coke, please.' She said sheepishly.

'Of course.' The girl smiled. 'I'll give you guys some time to order food.'

'Thanks.' Smiled Derek, knowing he was going to have to take control of this situation. Meredith was like a deer in the headlights, she would run any minute.

'Nice to see you, Lexie.'

'You too… Derek.' She tried to smile. 'Meredith….' She turned to Meredith, who smiled weakly back.

'Hi.' She nodded, before looking down, and grabbing to sip her coke.

'How are you today?' asked Derek.

'Good. Tired…. But good.'

'Good.'

'What about you guys?'

'Very good.' Smiled Derek. 'How's your dad today?'

'Same.' She sighed, before turning slightly more to Meredith. 'he's not good.'

'No… Derek said.' She said extremely quietly.

'Do you want to look at the menu, Lexie?' suggested Derek, handing one to her.

'oh, thank you.' She said, taking it off him and scanning it with her eyes, before realising that neither Meredith nor Derek were holding one.

'Oh, sorry, I didn't realise there was only one, do you want to share… or?'

'Oh no, it's fine.' Derek smiled. 'We know what we want to order.'

'Oh god, I wasn't that late was I? I thought I was only a couple of minutes. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, I couldn't find anywhere to park and then when I did it was blocks away and I ran straight here. Well, I didn't run but I walked quickly… very quickly… and now I'm rambling.' She stuttered, her fingers moving nervously over the menu as she looked down.

'It's fine.' Smiled Derek, 'you weren't late. We just come here all the time, and we kind of have a tradition as to what we order.'

'Oh.' She said, relieved.

'And don't worry about the rambling. I'm used to it.' He winked at Meredith, who was still relatively mute, and apparently unresponsive to his jokes.

'You okay?' he mouthed to her, as Lexie studied the menu intently.

She nodded and smiled weakly at him.

'Love you.' He mouthed, to which she grinned and reached under the table to squeeze his hand, looking him dead in the eye. She had beautiful eyes. A grey-green. They were really brought out when her hair was down the way it was today, in soft waves resting on her shoulders, which were covered by a lilac sweater.

'Hi guys, are you ready to order food?'

'Oh, erm, yeah.. if you guys are…' trailed off Lexie.

'Yeah, we're good.' Nodded Derek.

'Okay, I'll have the barbecue chicken sandwich please.' Said Lexie, shutting her menu.

'And I'll have the chicken Cesar salad.' Smiled Derek.

'No problem.' Said the waitress, writing them down, before turning to Meredith.

'Pepperoni pizza, please.'

'Certainly. Anything else I can get for you?'

'No, that's it thank you.' Nodded Derek, getting the vibe that neither Grey sister was going to answer.

'Okay. Just give me a shout if you need anything.'

'Of course.' He smiled. 'So, Lexie,' he began. 'What's the situation with your dad?' he asked before squeezing Meredith's hand, which was still in his under the table.

'Oh, well, he, is erm… he's an alcoholic, and he's in a rehab centre, so I guess he's technically a recovering alcoholic, but yeah, and his liver.. it's not good.'

'He's not in the hospital?'

'He refuses. He needs a transplant, but neither me or my sister are a match so-'

'Sister?' asked Meredith suddenly.

'Oh, yeah, Molly.'

'Molly.' Nodded Meredith.

'Neither me or Molly are matches, and my mother passed away last year, which kind of triggered his drinking to get to this point. And he wont sit in a hospital and wait for a donor. So no, he's not in the hospital, he's just at the centre.'

'So he needs a donor?' asked Derek, feeling Meredith's grip tightening on his hand, knowing where this was leading.

'Yeah… Well… yeah… we do.'

'I see.'

'I was wondering… We, were wondering if you… if you would consider… if you're a match… Meredith?'

'Oh.' She nearly choked. 'Oh, I… um… maybe… I'd have to think about it….'

'There's no pressure, its just that he hasn't got a lot of time… and it's bad… really, bad.'

'So there is pressure?' said Derek, raising an eyebrow.

'No… no pressure.'

'But you just put her under pressure.'

'Well… it is kind of urgent… but if you don't want to then…. I don't know.. but it would be fine.'

'I don't.' said Meredith quietly. 'I don't want to.'

'You don't?' breathed Lexie.

'No.' said Meredith.

'But… you just said you'd think about it…' Lexie protested.

'Derek,' Meredith whimpered slightly, looking up at him.

'It's okay.' He said, squeezing her hand. 'You can say no if you don't want to.'

'I don't want to.' She breathed.

'Then you don't do it.'

'Okay.' She nodded, turning back to Lexie. 'I don't want to do it.'

'Oh…' she said, deflated. 'Okay.. that's.. fine. Really fine.'

'good.' Meredith said quietly, knowing that it was not fine.

'totally fine.' Nodded Lexie.

'so, Lexie, what do you do?'

'Oh, I'm an intern, as a doctor, surgeon.'

'A surgical intern?' nodded Derek. 'Which hospital?'

'Seattle Grace.'

'Oh, you probably know my brother and sister.' He grinned. 'Dr Sloan and Dr Martin.'

'Dr Sloan and Dr Martin aren't brother and sister…. Are they?'

'no, not technically.' Derek laughed. 'He's kind of been adopted into the family.'

'Oh.. so he's your brother?'

'yeah.'

'So you know Dr Montgomery too?'

'We do.'

'Oh… well… that's unexpected….'

'yeah.' Smiled Derek, as an awkward silence fell upon them. He didn't really know what else to say, he'd kind of exhausted asking Lexie what she did, and she hadn't really expanded on the hospital talk. And he knew not to bring Thatcher up again, especially now they wanted Meredith to consider donating some of her liver.

'So….' He said after a good few moments of uncomfortableness.

'So..' echoed Lexie, while Meredith just remained silent, looking into her coke.

'What do you do, Derek?' Lexie asked, realising Meredith wasn't going to be a conversationalist.

'I'm a lawyer, which you kind of probably figured seeing as we work at a lawyers.' He laughed. At least the girl was trying.

'Oh, right, yeah. Stupid question.'

'It's okay.'

'Yeah.'

'Yeah.' He repeated. 'That didn't get us very far.'

'No.' nodded Lexie. 'This is… this is awkward…'

'Yeah.' Nodded Derek, looking at Meredith who was still looking down, playing with her wrists slightly.

'So, you have another sister?'

'Oh, yeah, Molly.'

'That's nice. What does she do?'

'She's a kindergarten teacher.'

'Aw, that's nice. Is she older or younger?'

'Older. Well… older than me… younger than Meredith obviously…'

'Obviously.' Derek nodded.

'She has a baby.'

'She does?'

'Yeah, Charlie.'

'So you're an Aunt?' he grinned.

'Yeah. He's adorable.'

'I have about a million nieces and nephews too.'

'You do?'

'Yeah, my sister Nancy has two boys, my sister Liz has two girls and a boy, and Kath has three girls and two boys.'

'Oh, wow, big family.'

'Yeah, and then I have Mark and my other sister who have no kids, so I guess there's gonna be even more in the future when those two decide to settle down.'

'Yeah. You must love it though, a big family?'

'It's great.' He smiled.

'Do they all live close?'

'Most of them. My sister Amelia is the only one who doesn't. And she doesn't have kids.'

'Aw.'

'Yeah.'

'So.. Dr Martin has two boys?'

'Yeah, they're twins. Double trouble.'

'They must be cute.'

'Their dad's a red head, so are they.'

'That's adorable.'

'Yeah. How old is Charlie?'

'A couple of months. So Molly's not at work right now.'

'Does she want more?'

'Kids? Yeah, definitely. Just not yet.'

'Understandable. It must have been hard for her losing your mom while having a baby.'

'Yeah she died a couple of weeks before he was born, which was really, really sad.'

'I can imagine.'

'And all he's got is a grandfather who's too drunk to take care of him.'

'Is she married, Molly?'

'Yeah, her husband Nes and his parents are great.'

'Nes?' Derek raised an eyebrow.

'His last name's Nesbitt, so we call him Nes. Don't ask. His real names Jordan.'

'Right.' Derek laughed. She was nice. She was very nervous and very not-Meredith. But she was nice.

'Hi, I have a Pepperoni pizza?' said the waitress, approaching their table with their meals.

'That's me please.' Said Meredith, looking up for the first time in what seemed like an age.

'There you go.' The girl smiled. 'A chicken sandwich?'

'Me please.'

'And the chicken Cesar salad must be yours sir?' she asked, handing it to Derek.

'Thank you.' He grinned. 'Can we have another diet coke please?' he said, gesturing to the now empty drink Meredith had been constantly sipping. 'Are you okay for a drink Lex?'

'I'm good but thank you.'

'No problem. Just another diet coke and a still water please.'

'No problem sir, enjoy your food.'

'Thank you.'

'He wants to see you, you know.' Said Lexie, turning to Meredith who had tucked into her first piece of pizza. 'Dad.'

'Oh.' She said, looking down.

'He doesn't know about the donor thing. That's me and Molly. Well, mainly me. But my point is, he doesn't know and he doesn't expect anything. But he thinks he's going to die and he wants to see you.'

'Oh.'

'I mean, you don't have to or anything. But if you don't want to donate, then he is… he is going to die. So if you want to see him…. Before…. then you should.'

'oh, right.' She nodded. 'okay.'

'So, do you want to?'

'Lex.' Derek said softly, shaking his head.

'I'm only asking.'

'Oh… I…er…' said Meredith nervously. 'I don't know.'

'He's your dad.' Her sister emphasised.

'Not really.'

'But he is. He's your dad.'

'He's _your_ dad, Lexie. Not mine.'

'He's both our dad's.'

'If you consider someone walking out on me when I was five my dad, then fine.'

'That's not very fair.' Lexie frowned.

'No?' said Meredith, suddenly sounding a lot more confident. 'Asking me to donate my liver to someone who's made it pretty clear he doesn't want me isn't exactly fair, is it?'

'You make him sound like a monster. You don't even know him!'

'Exactly Lexie I don't know him! I don't know him well enough to suddenly turn up and start acting like he's the same dad to me that he is to you, and that I'm going to be heartbroken if he dies! Because to be honest, he could already be dead, hell he could have died ten years ago and it wouldn't make any difference to my life because I don't know him! I don't know him, you're right.'

'But… but he's your dad…'

'He's not though, is he? Really?'

'I mean.. I know he wasn't around… but….'

'But what?'

'I don't know… he's your dad.'

'He's not my dad, Lexie. He's your dad. And I don't know him. I don't want to give him my liver and I don't want to go and see him in rehab. Okay?'

'Okay.' The girl said sheepishly, biting her sandwich.

'You okay?' Derek murmured quietly across the table.

'Yeah.' She breathed, picking up the biggest piece of pizza on her plate.

X X X

'Derek?'

'Alan, hi.' Smiled Derek, opening the door to Carolyn's. 'Come through.' He lead them both through to the kitchen, where Meredith was sat at the table in Derek's grey Bowdoin hoodie and a pair of her light blue jeans, her hair in a loose pony tail. And even though she was dressed down, she looked perfect.

'This is Meredith.' He smiled, as she got up to shake his hand. 'And Mer, this is Alan, the contractor.'

'Hi.' She smiled.

'Would you like a drink?' asked Derek.

'Coffee please.'

'Sure.'

'Black.'

'No problem.'

'So,' said Alan, sitting opposite Meredith. 'You want to build on the Shepherd land at the top of the Grange Hill?'

'Yeah.' Replied Derek.

'Okay, I have a few questions.' Alan nodded, getting some papers out of his briefcase. 'It's lovely land though, isn't it?'

'Yeah.' Derek grinned.

'Have you bought it recently?'

'Oh, no. It was my dad's actually, I've had it for a while.' He said, coming to the table and placing Alans drink down before sitting next to Meredith, putting his arm immediately around her shoulder.

'Ah, I see.' Alan said, drinking his coffee.

'We don't really know what we want yet, or what's even possible on that land, really. We just want to talk to you to know our options and limits and stuff.'

'Of course. Do you have a specific budget I should know about?'

'We will do in a few weeks, once we've both sold our houses.'

'No problem, we can look at options and I can inform you of prices and then once you have a more accurate figure you can get back to me and we can get specific in making this work for you.'

'Perfect.' Grinned Derek, squeezing Meredith's knee gently with the arm that wasn't draped around her shoulder.

'Okay so. Are we talking a family house? How many bedrooms are we thinking? Roughly?'

'Yeah.' Answered Derek, feeling Meredith tense slightly. 'A few bedrooms. We don't know what's going to happen yet, but we can always just use the extra rooms as guest rooms.'

'Okay. So, three bedrooms? Four?'

'Five.' Nodded Derek. 'Five?' he turned to Meredith, ducking his head slightly. 'Don't freak.' He whispered.

'I'm not.' She murmured, not quite meeting his eye.

'One for us, one for Hallie, and then three spares.'

'Yeah.'

'I'm not saying we have to have three kids right now. Maybe we'll never have three kids. Maybe we'll never have kids. But I'm only building us one house, so I just want to be prepared.' He whispered, leaning to kiss her cheek.

'Five.' She nodded. 'Five is good.'

'Okay?' he squeezed her hand.

'Okay.' She nodded. 'Really.'

'Okay.' He said, turning back to Alan. 'Four bedrooms.'

'Living room?'

'Big living room.' Nodded Derek.

'Big kitchen?'

'Yeah. Could we do open plan kitchen-diner and living room?' he asked, knowing Mer had brought it up the night before.

'Definitely.'

'That's good.' He smiled at her.

'How many floors are we talking?' asked Alan.

'Hmmm.' Frowned Derek. 'One or two?' he asked Meredith.

'Well, if its one I'm assuming it would have to be smaller scale for space?'

'Not necessarily.' Nodded Alan. 'You have a huge piece of land there. You could have a large size house all on one floor easily. And still have outdoor work and then obviously a big garden with the land you have left.'

'oh.' Said Meredith. 'I quite like the idea of it all being on the ground floor.'

'Yeah?'

'Yeah. And if the kitchen diner were all open plan with the living room, I don't know, it would all be quite close, and open. And I know that sounds stupid.'

'No, I like it too.' Smiled Derek. 'So one floor?'

'One floor.' She nodded.

'Do you want bedrooms together on one side and kitchen-diner-living on the other?'

'No.' said Meredith quickly.

'No?' asked Derek.

'You want our room right next to our kids?' she raised an eyebrow.

'True.' He laughed, although his heart swelled at her use of 'our kids'.

'Maybe one, next to ours.' She nodded. 'A nursery?' she asked him quietly.

'Sure.' He smiled. 'The rest the other end of the house?'

'yep.'

'That sounds good.'

'So two on one side, three on the other?'

'Yeah.'

'How many bathrooms?'

'We need our own.' Derek interjected immediately. 'So two on our side of the house, en suite for us. The other in the hall.'

'Okay.' Said Alan, writing down.

'One on the other side?'

'Two.' Replied Meredith. 'If you have family over to stay they wont want to share with… two. Definitely two.'

'Two.' He nodded.

'So two on one side, two on the other?'

'Yep.'

'Any additional rooms? Offices?'

'We could have an office.' Derek shrugged.

'Just one?'

'Just one. Unless you think we need one each?'

'No.' she shrugged. 'If its beig enough we can share, it's not likely we'll be in it at the same time a lot anyway.'

'So one office.' Derek nodded. 'What about a room for my fishing and hiking stuff?'

'You have got to be kidding me?' she giggled.

'No!'

'A whole room? For some fishing poles?'

'There is more to fishing than poles, if you may. And what if we want to go camping? We need somewhere for the stuff.'

'A whole room?'

'Please.' He grinned.

'Fine. But that's it.'

'Thank you.' He smiled sweetly before kissing her as she rolled her eyes.

'So we have eleven rooms: five bedrooms, four bathrooms, one office, one fishing room and then also an open kitchen-diner-living?'

'That sounds good.' Nodded Derek.

'Perfect.' Smiled Meredith.

'Do you want any outside work? Balconies, decking?'

'A balcony could be nice.'

'For our room?' she asked.

'Yeah.' He smiled.

'I like that.'

'Me too.'

'And French windows!' she gasped.

'French windows?'

'In our room, and maybe the kitchen-diner.'

'I like that too,' he grinned. 'keep it light.'

'Yeah.'

'French windows?' asked Alan.

'French windows.' Derek nodded.


	33. Chapter 33

_Hi guys! Thank you all so much for reading and thank you for reviewing. Please do review if you can- it makes writing so much easier!_

Derek and Helen's divorce was under way now, Jacob had taken it on in-between some of his other cases, as it was going to be easy, and hopefully quick. There were going to be very few complications as he had gone round to Helen's one night last week and they had discussed the splitting of money, assets, and custody of Hallie. Helen was going to buy out Derek's half of the house and they were going to have Hallie a week each. That way they both got her after school and at weekends, not one or the other. And Derek was happy about that, and therefore so was she. She knew it was important for him to spend time with his daughter and maintain his relationship with her. She did think that he made a point of it to her, because he knew her dad had left her, after her parents divorce, and he didn't want her to think he was the same. But she knew he wasn't. She knew he was a good man, and she loved him. She really loved him and she couldn't believe she had gone so long not loving someone the way she loved Derek. Nor could she believe she had gone so long not being loved the way Derek loved her. He made her feel so loved, so safe, and she couldn't quite believe how much she loved him.

Their house had just began to be constructed, as Helen's money for the house should be with them in a few weeks, meaning they would have enough money to complete the house. Well, Derek would anyway. As the highest paid lawyer in Washington, and one of the highest in the whole country, he wasn't exactly short of money at all.

They were meant to be going to her house today, to take her things and anything she wanted from it, then they were going to the agent who would put it on the market. She was nervous to go back, but at the same time, she kind of just wanted it done so that she didn't have to think about anything to do with Dave anymore. She could just think about Derek, and their new house. She was sat at her desk, scrolling down facebook on her phone, waiting for Derek to come out of Mike's office. He'd been in there a while and she was starting to get impatient. Mike had been a bit of an ass to Derek lately, and she knew that Derek was getting agitated. He was the best lawyer at the company, and he wasn't big headed about that, it was just a fact. And Mike decided to use that to his advantage whenever possible, whether that be using Derek as a show pony to HQ, or giving him the truly impossible cases, that realistically needed a large attorney team, expecting him to do it single handily.

She scrolled past a picture Helen had put on of her and Hallie the night before, liking it before looking up and seeing Derek walking quickly to his desk. Something was obviously wrong. She watched him pick his briefcase up off the floor, and start to shove the whole contents of his desk into it. His files, documents, and pictures.

'Derek?' she asked quietly, walking over to him.

'Not yet.' He breathed, opening his drawers and pulling everything out of them, shoving it into his briefcase.

'Okay.' She whispered, putting a hand to his back soothingly, knowing everyone in the office was watching, as it was pretty obvious what was going on.

'Okay.' He said, having packed everything up, and logging off his computer.

'Okay?' she asked, continually rubbing circles on his back.

'Yeah.' He nodded.

She knew he wouldn't want to talk about it in a full office, so she headed back to her own and picked her briefcase and jacket up, meeting him at the office door.

'Bye guys,' she called behind her to Tom, Jacob and Sam, before following Derek out.

'You okay?' she said, immediately wrapping her arm around his waist, resting her head on his shoulder, pressing a kiss to his neck.

'I quit.'

'You quit.' She echoed.

'Can we just go home?' he whispered, wrapping his arms around her to pull her closer to him.

'Home.' She nodded, kissing his neck again, before pulling away to face him, gently pressing her lips to his.

'Love you.' He breathed.

'I love you.' She said, kissing him again, 'So much. Now, let's go home, and you can tell me there.'

'Yeah.' He nodded, grabbing her hand and following her to the car.

The car journey back to Carolyn's was quiet, but Meredith had a feeling that it wasn't because Derek was necessarily upset, she got the vibe that he was angry. His annoyance at Mike had been growing for weeks, but she wasn't sure what had tipped him over the edge. She'd never really seen Derek annoyed before, not like this. And she didn't like it; he was normally so happy, so gentle, so smiley, and right now, he was not smiley at all. But he was still gentle, when he'd hugged her to him outside the office, his hands were still gentle and caring.

'Hello dears,' said Carolyn, greeting them at the door.

'Hey mom.' Said Derek, bending down to kiss her cheek.

'By God, what's up with you, Derek Christopher?'

'Nothing, ma.' He replied, as Meredith moved to hug Carolyn.

'Derek.' Sighed Meredith. 'She'd going to find out.'

'Find out what?'

'Derek.' Sighed Meredith again, poking him gently in the stomach.

'I quit work today.' He said, running a hand through his hair.

'Oh Derek, why ever would you do that?' asked Carolyn, gesturing for him to sit at the kitchen table.

'I don't know.' He sighed.

'Well, you must know in order to take such a drastic move.'

'I was just sick of it. Mike's been being an ass for weeks and today I just decided to leave. I'm the best lawyer in Washington surely somewhere else good will want me.'

'Of course they will.' Breathed Carolyn, placing a glass of water in front of him.

'What did he say in his office?' asked Meredith quickly, reaching to squeeze his hand.

'Nothing really that bad, wanted me to go to a Chicago conference tomorrow.'

'Tomorrow? But that's like…. Tomorrow.'

'Exactly. How the fuck am I supposed to just up and leave everything and hop on a plane tonight to be in Chicago at a conference I've done no preparation for- because I had no clue I was going!'

'Surely they would have taken that into consideration?' said Carolyn.

'That's not the point.' Snapped Derek. 'Sorry, ma. And sorry for the language.'

'That's okay. You're upset.'

'Yeah.' He breathed.

'What did Mike say?' asked Meredith. 'When you told him you quit?'

'He wasn't happy. Said I was being melodramatic. Offered me more money, the usual.'

'What did you say back?' she breathed, squeezing his hand again, and moving another through the curls at the nape of his neck.

'That I hadn't been happy there for a while. And no amount of money's going to change that. If I've learnt anything in the last few months, it's that happiness is the most important thing.' He said, squeezing her hand back. 'Life's too short.'

Meredith leaned and placed a kiss to his temple, as he leaned into her.

'It's okay.' She smiled. 'Another firm will take you on in no time.'

'Yeah.' He sighed.

'You don't have to rush into anything.'

'No.' he agreed.

'Do you want me to make your favourite dinner, dear?' said Carolyn, standing up to go to the fridge.

'no, ma. Honestly, I'm fine.'

'Do you want me to ring Mark and see if he can take you out? Maybe a few beers will cheer you up?'

'No, ma, I'm fine. Make whatever you want for dinner. I just want to lay with Mer.'

'Of course, sweetheart. I'll call you both when it's ready.' She smiled.

'Thanks ma, I love you.'

'I love you too, dear.'

'upstairs or the couch?' Meredith whispered into his ear.

'Upstairs.'

'Okay.' She said, standing up and reaching for his hand.

Once they were upstairs, they were just lay on the bed together, her in between his legs, resting against his chest, her hands over his which were wrapped around her stomach, his nose in her hair, placing kisses all over her head, neck and shoulders. She couldn't help but feel how different this was to her previous relationship. Granted, Derek wasn't as angry as Dave normally was, but it was the angriest she'd ever seen him. And if Dave had been as angry as Derek was today, she'd probably have a black eye and be reduced to tears right now. But with Derek, it was just so different. They'd been lay down for an hour and all they'd done was constantly touch, kiss, whisper to each other. And she could tell he was sad, he wasn't smiling like normal. But he kept telling her he loved her, running his hands gently up and down her sides and kissed her softly as she curled into him.

She didn't even really know what she could say to him at this point, she knew she just had to give him a night to sleep on it, and no doubt in the morning, once his anger had worn off, he'd come up with a plan of action. He'd have a smile on his face and reassure her everything would be okay, just like he always did. All she could do right now was be there for him and listen to him, and tell him that she loved him. Because she did.

'Love you.' She said quietly from her now position opposite him, lay on her side.

'Love you too.' He breathed, his head in his hand, propped up by his elbow.

'Really love you.' She smiled, leaning to press a kiss to his lips. 'A lot.' She giggled, kissing him again.

'Really love you too.' Whispered against her lips, pulling her whole body closer to him. 'I love you so much.' He said, kissing her head and squeezing her into him.

'You too.' She said, wrapping her arms around his waist.

'I'm sorry I'm not in a better mood.'

'Don't be stupid.' She said, kissing his jaw. 'You're allowed to be sad.'

'I know.' He said, pressing his lips to her temple. 'I can't wait until we have our house.'

'Me neither.'

'Just for us.' He whispered, kissing her firmly.

'Just for us.'

'With the French windows.'

'The French windows.' She breathed. 'They will be good for having sex against.' She giggled.

'Definitely.' He chuckled.

'I'm excited for that.'

'We'll have what- eleven, twelve rooms to christen?'

'We can't have sex in Hallie's room, Derek.'

'True.'

'But pretty much everywhere else.'

'Definitely everywhere else.' He said, leaning to kiss her neck.

'Everywhere.' She sighed happily. 'We should go see it tomorrow.'

'It wont be vey exciting.' He laughed. 'They only started constructing last week.'

'So? We should go see what they've done so far.'

'It wont be a lot.'

'It doesn't matter. It's our home, I want to see.'

'We can go see. I just don't want you to be disappointed.'

'Derek, you are practically building me a house. I'm not going to be disappointed.'

'If you say so.' He smiled softly, brushing some hair out of her face. 'Shit. I forgot about us going to your house today.'

'It's okay.' She whispered, reaching to run her fingers through his hair. 'We can go another day.'

'I know but I promised you today.'

'Derek its fine, it's not like it's going anywhere is it? We can do it tomorrow or later on in the week.'

'I know but I promised you today.'

'Yeah, but then something came up. It's not the end of the world, Derek.'

'I know but I promised you. I know you want to get this all over and done with.'

'Derek, honestly, stop. You quitting your job is more important right now.'

'hmmmm.'

'Derek.' She said, cupping his face in her hand. 'It's not always about me, you know. It's about you too sometimes. There are two of us in this relationship and I want to be there for you too.'

'Okay.' He whispered.

'I love you. And today you get to be sad. And tomorrow we'll decide what to do and figure out the house stuff.'

'Okay.'

'Derek, don't feel bad.'

'Okay.'

'I love you.' She whispered, kissing him gently as she felt his arms tighten around her.

'I just want to give you everything.'

'What?' she whispered softly against his lips.

'I don't want to let you down. I want to give you everything.'

'You are everything, Derek.' She breathed, stroking his cheek with her thumb. 'And that was cheesy,' she giggled. 'But you are. You are everything I could ever want, and you get to be sad sometimes.'

'I'm not everything.' He shook his head, running a hand up her shirt, the hairs on her back standing up at the sudden contact of his cool hands on her warm skin.

'You are to me.' She said quietly, as he looked at her, his eyes softened.

'I love you.' He murmured, leaning to kiss her, deeper this time.

'mmmm,' she breathed into his mouth.

'Love you.' He smiled against her lips before plunging his tongue into her mouth.

'Love you.'

'Love you.' He repeated, kissing her harder, forcing her arms around his neck and her fingers into his hair.

'Love you.'

'Love you.' He said, grinning now, rolling her over gently to lay on her back.

'Love you.' She said as he positioned himself over her, continuing to press his lips to hers.

'Love you.' He said for what seemed like the millionth time.

And in that moment, it didn't feel like Derek had just quit his job, or that she was avoiding her dad, or that he was getting a divorce, or that she had a house full of bad memories to sell. It just felt like Derek loved her, and that she loved him. And that in his arms she was safe, and happy. She loved him so much, more than she ever thought possible. She had no clue what would happen with his job, if he would even still want to quit when he woke up in the morning, but she did know that whatever he decided, she would support him. Just like he had supported her. And it actually felt good to be the one providing comfort for a change. It certainly felt amazing to think that just by spending time with her, laying and kissing, Derek's mood had improved significantly. He loved her. And they were in love. And that was amazing.

 _Pls review thank u_


	34. Chapter 34

_Hi guys! Thank you so much for reading and thank you for the kind reviews on the last chapter! This chapter is quite long, as I'm not sure how often I'm going to be able to update here, so please enjoy this long chapter as I'm not sure when you'll get the next one._

It had been almost four weeks since Derek had quit his job, and he still didn't know what he wanted to do. He and Meredith had discussed it, and he had enough in his savings and from the money he'd get from Helen for them to build them their house and live more than comfortably. Especially a Meredith would come into the money from the house sale, which was beginning to get underway, and her wage, and also the money the court granted her that she'd earnt while with Dave which he'd withheld in the joint bank account. They would be fine, so he was in no rush to jump into another job so soon. Anyway, the longer he was out of work, the more demand he would be in as word got around, he figured. He's already had a couple of calls from firms out of Washington, asking him if he'd consider joining their legal teams. But right now, he was happy to just be at home, overseeing the house, spending time with his mom and Hallie during the day, and Meredith at night.

It wasn't like he wasn't eventually going to get another job, because he would. And he knew his money wouldn't last forever, he just wasn't going to get one right now. He'd been under so much stress, with Meredith's case, and the unforgiving caseload Mike had been piling on him the last few years, including the strenuous Brown case he'd finished when he had just become friends with Meredith. He was just enjoying his life right now, something he hadn't done properly in a long time.

The a couple of weeks before they'd met with the reel-estate agent and put Meredith's house up for sale, so hopefully they would be able to sell it as soon as possible. They'd had a few offers and she'd told him she didn't mind if it sold for full price or not, she just wanted to be out of it all. Which he perfectly understood, although it was a lovely house and so even if it didn't sell for the full price, she would still get a reasonable amount.

She was at work, but should be home in a half hour. They'd gone to the car dealership last week and traded in her old one and gotten her a new one. So hopefully her licence plate was unknown to any potential friends of Dave, and also, it was just nice for her to have a new car. Derek had realised it was important for her to have new things. New things to replace the old ones. That car was the car was the car she would anxiously drive home in awaiting a hit, the car he bought for her, the car he raped her on the back seat of. And it was important for him to erase as much of that from her life as possible. He just wanted her to be happy. He couldn't believe how happy they were right now.

Every day seemed to get better, and he felt as though she was happier every day too. He would wake up, her limbs entangled in his, her lavender scent washing over him, and he would normally kiss her by way of waking her up. Whether it be her neck, shoulders, lips, he would kiss her until her lips formed into a small smile and her eyes fluttered open. He loved her, so much he couldn't even describe it. Then they'd either get up, or have sex, then go downstairs where he would make her breakfast. Usually pancakes due to his girlfriend's exceedingly sweet tooth. Then Meredith would get ready for work, usually at a struggle as he'd just want to touch and kiss her, and then she'd kiss him, often multiple times, goodbye. Then he'd either go to their land and talk to the contractors about the house, and watch, or even sometimes help where he could. It had only been under construction little over month, but it all seemed to be coming along so quickly.

After he'd been there a few hours he would come home to his moms, or go to Helen's to see Hallie before Meredith came home. And if it was their week to have Hallie, he'd bring her home with him, and they'd help Carolyn cook dinner ready for when Meredith got home. Then they would eat together, and he and Meredith would usually play with Hallie before he took her upstairs for a bath, and then Meredith would read her a bed time story, at Hallie's request, before they tucked her in for the night. Then he and Meredith would either join Carolyn downstairs to watch television, or just go to bed themselves and talk, and have sex. Lots of sex. Lots of quiet, discrete, sex. Well, as quiet and discrete as they could.

And if they didn't have Hallie, he would just come to his moms, read, or spend time with her if she wasn't looking after one of the kids that day. Then he would wait for Meredith to get home, and when she did he would steal her away and sit on the couch with her as they waited for dinner, just talking, giggling, kissing, like they seemed to do all the time. And then they'd do the same after dinner, or go meet up with Mark and Addison, and sometimes Helen, too. Their lives seemed to be getting into a routine, and Hallie absolutely adored having Meredith around. Which had been one of all his, Helen and Meredith's worries, that Hallie wouldn't welcome her. But she did, she loved having Meredith around, and seemed completely comfortable with her relationship with Derek. He couldn't help but think to himself that Hallie actually probably preferred him being with Meredith, to Helen. He was so much happier in himself, as was Helen. And him and Meredith were constantly touching and kissing, not only each other but Hallie too. It seemed like such a more loving environment for a child to be in, so much better than the eventually awkward one he and Helen had created as their relationship became more and more platonic.

But it was Helen's turn to have Hallie, and so he was waiting patiently for Meredith to come home, reading his book as his mom was at Kath's house, watching the kids. He turned the page of his book when his cell rang.

'Hey.'

'It happened again.' Breathed Mark.

'What?'

'The call. It happened again.'

'Oh.'

'She rang the house.'

'My house?'

'Yeah, Helen answered it.'

'Shit.'

'I know.'

'What did she do?'

'Helen?'

'Yeah.' Derek nodded, closing his book after folding the corner of the page and setting it on the table.

'She didn't say anything, just left it thirty seconds then hung up.'

'Shit.'

'I know.' Sighed Mark.

'And not traceable again?'

'Nope.'

'Oh god.' Said Derek, pinching the bridge of his nose. This was the last thing they needed just when things were beginning to fall into place.

'I know. What do you think we should do?'

'Honestly? I have no idea.' He admitted. 'We can not tell mom.'

'No shit Shep.'

'I know, I'm just saying. We cant tell her she'll be worried sick.'

'Either that or she'll tear her hair out.'

'I'm not prepared to deal with either to be honest.'

'I know.'

'So what do we do?'

'I don't know.'

'I need to change the house number once the sale's gone through next week.'

'What?'

'Well she cant be ringing with only Hel and Hal home, Mark.'

'I know but… she wont know where else to call.'

'She called you last time didn't she?'

'Well yeah but-'

'And I don't care, Mark. If she really is in trouble or if she really needs or wants us that much why cant she actually say something on the phone? I'm sick of chasing her when all she does is push us away.'

'I know, but she is our sister, Shep.'

'Yeah, well, it looks like me and Meredith are both avoiding our sisters at the minute.'

'I told Kath.'

'You what?'

'I told Kath.' Mark shrugged. 'And she told Nancy and Liz.'

'Great.' Derek said sarcastically.

'Derek, they have to know. She could end up on their door step any day- or they could get the next phone call.'

'I know, I know.'

'Anyway, Kath wants to have a family meeting to discuss it. So when are you and Mer free?'

'What?'

'When are you free?'

'What?' Derek repeated. 'Why do we need a meeting?'

'A plan of action. Kath says we can all go there for dinner one night to discuss. I'm only off Thursday and Friday night this week. So you need to pick which of those is most convenient for you and Meredith.'

'Meredith? Why does Mer have to come?'

'Oh, so if Amy shows up at Mom's one day and you're out and mom's looking after one of the kids, what do you expect Mer to do?'

'She hasn't met everyone yet…' he said quietly.

'Yeah she has.'

'No she hasn't.'

'Dude, are you forgetting your own kid's birthday party?'

'Yeah, but we weren't together then.'

'So?'

'So, its different.'

'Yeah, you suck her face now. All the time.'

'Don't be an ass. Mer's not used to families. And she already thinks everyone's going to suddenly hate her because of what happened with me and Hel.'

'The only one who would normally make a comment is Nance, but she really likes her. I think her being rushed into hospital with a fractured eye might have gained her the sympathy vote.'

'That's not the point.'

'How is Mer's eye now, by the way?'

'Really good.' Derek nodded. 'The scars have pretty much all faded, I mean they're still there but you wouldn't know unless you knew.'

'That's good. Remember- if she does ever want them taken care of, your brother happens to be the best plastic surgeon in the country.'

'More like Seattle.'

'Ouch.'

'You deserved it.'

'Anyway- Thursday or Friday?'

'Friday. Give Mer more time to warm up to the idea.'

'Okay, I'll get Kath to text you times.'

'Okay. Thanks.'

'And don't worry, man. Everyone's going to love Mer.'

'It's not me you have to convince.' Derek chuckled softly, hearing the sound of Meredith's car pull into the driveway. 'Anyway, I've gotta go. But thanks man, I'll call you.'

'Bye Shep.' Said Mark before hanging up, just as Mer walked through the door. Well, stormed, really.

'Hey-' Derek smiled at her, cut off by her annoyed face as she tossed her jacket off and slumped her bag down. 'You okay?'

'No.' she pouted, walking to the fridge.

'No?' he said, as she took out the orange juice and reached in the cupboard for a glass.

'No. She's stupid. So stupid. I said no…. I said no Derek. And you know what no means? No means no….. not 'I'll think about it' or 'call me in a couple weeks to see if I've changed my mind. No means no…. It means no. Doesn't it?'

'No?' Derek frowned, confused.

'No?'

'No?' he echoed.

'No doesn't mean no?'

'Yes…. No… means no…' he attempted. 'I'm lost.'

'Does no mean no?' his tiny girlfriend said, placing her hand on her hip while her other held her glass of orange juice.

'Yes. No means no.' he nodded.

'Then why did Lexie call me today asking me if I'd thought more about donating to my dad or going to see him?'

'She what?'

'She called me! Today!'

'Come here.' He breathed, reaching his arms out to her before pulling her onto his lap.

'This isn't very comfy.' She said as he wrapped his arms around her and squished her face into his chest, his chin resting on the top of her head.

'Are you saying you don't like sitting in my lap?' he smirked.

'I'm saying, sitting on a wooden dining chair isn't comfortable.'

'Couch?' he asked, rubbing his hand on her back, sensing how tense she was.

'Couch.' She pouted.

He pulled on her and sat them on the couch, wrapping his arms around her immediately. Kissing the top of her head and pulling her as close as possible to him. This wasn't the mood he had hoped she'd been in when he broached the subject of a family dinner in four days.

'Okay.' He said, kissing the top of her head again. 'Start from the beginning.'

'Well, I was on my lunch and right after I'd hung up from calling you, I was about to get my sandwich out my bag and she rang me. She rang me!'

'She rang you.' He nodded.

'And she was all 'hi Meredith I really hope you and Derek are both well blah de blah de blahdah.''

'Okay.' He laughed slightly at the childishness in her voice.

'And then she just jumped right in!'

'In what way?'

'I was just wondering if you'd thought anymore about helping dad? He's took a bit of turn for the worst and if you'd changed your mind about the donation then we'd be really grateful.'

'I see.'

'And I didn't know what to say! What do you say to that?' she groaned. Of course she didn't know what to say. His girlfriend didn't do family. She wasn't used to going through good and bad times with eachother, relying on other people's support no matter what. She didn't understand where Lexie was coming from, and that, in part all stemmed back to Thatcher himself.

'I have no idea.' He breathed, squeezing her to him. 'So what did you say?'

'I said that I hadn't changed my mind. And then she begged me to at least go and see him.'

'And then…..'

'Then I kind of snapped.' She sighed. 'I said no, Derek. I said no.' and he heard her voice waver slightly, and so tilted her face to his and saw a single tear down her left cheek.

'You said no.' he murmured, leaning to kiss the tear away gently before cradling her face in his hands. 'You have every right to say no.'

'I know I do.' She said quietly.

'So what's up?' he whispered, leaning to kiss her gently, knowing there was something still bothering her.

'I don't want to go Derek.'

'I know you don't.'

'But…. I don't know. Lexie ringing again… saying how his condition has declined… I don't know… She's desperate. Shes desperate, Derek and I feel like I should…..' she trailed off.

'You feel like you should do it?'

'Yeah.' She whispered so quietly, he almost didn't hear.

'Okay.' He nodded. 'Well, you don't decide anything now.'

'No?'

'no.' he said softly, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear. 'You're upset. So, we can talk about it now, but definitely no deciding. We'll decide in the morning after you've slept on it, okay?'

'Okay.' She whimpered slightly, nestling herself into him further.

'So, don't even think about the liver yet. Let's take it one step at a time. Let's think about going to visit him.'

'Okay.' She whispered into his chest.

'So, he's in some sort of rehab centre right?'

'Yeah. Apparently he's not drinking any more.'

'But his livers still declined?'

'Yeah. Apparently it's absolutely beat.'

'I can imagine.' He sighed. 'So, a rehab centre is a lot better than a hospital to visit.'

'You think?'

'Definitely. Its not as clinical, he wont be lay in a bed and you on a wooden chair so it wont be as awkward. They probably have a café. So we could go get coffee. It will be a lot more relaxed, as casual as you want it, Mer.'

'I just…. How do I go see a guy who abandoned me when I was five like 'Hi do you want to meet for coffee?''

'Well then we don't go for coffee.'

'But what do we do?'

'I think, the easiest thing will probably to go with Lexie and Molly, especially if Molly takes the baby. Because then you can follow their lead, the focus wont soley be on you- he has a baby grandson.'

'Yeah.'

'And, you wont have to talk about anything heavy if they're there, just small talk.'

'And you'll be there, right?'

'Of course I will, Mer.' He said, putting his fingers gently under her chin to bring her face to his. 'Of course I will.' He breathed softly against her lips, as she leaned forward to gently brush his with her own. She kissed him again, firmer this time, and moved a hand to the back of his head, playing with his hair, as his arm snaked around her waist.

'I love you.' He breathed.

'I love you too.' She smiled, for the first time tonight.

'I'll be right there.' He said, moving down to kiss her neck, before nipping at it gently, causing her to moan slightly.

'Uh, Derek.'

'Mer, I love you.' He said hotly against her skin, moving his arms up and down her sides before resting them on her stomach, just above the waist band of her suit pants, dipping his hand underneath her shirt. She shifted in his lap so she was straddling him, as he continued to suck at her neck, his fingers dancing along her stomach.

'I love you…' she whimpered, leaning to kiss the crook of his neck which she had perfect access to.

'Hmmm.' He groaned.

'God.'

'Mer,' he said breathlessly after pulling away from her neck, which she was pretty sure had a massive, dark hickey on it after the attack his mouth had just undertaken on her, and moving to kiss her hard.

'Oh.' She gasped by surprise, looping her arms around his neck. His tongue felt so perfect with hers, and she couldn't explore his mouth enough, even though by now they knew eachother's bodies inside out. Meredith began to move her hips over him, causing him to groan into her mouth slightly, and move his hands to her ass to press her against his growing erection.

'Since I'm upset, does that mean it's all about me?' she asked, beginning to smirk.

'Maybe.' He breathed, kissing her again as he moved his hands back to her pants, undoing them.

'Naked.' She whispered, pulling at the bottom of his shirt.

'Definitely naked.' He nodded, reaching for the hem of her shirt.

'Love you.' She said, kissing his cheek as she undid his buttons, still gyrating her hips on his increasingly hard cock.

'Love you.' He echoed, pulling off her top after she'd disregarded of his. He ran his hands along her bare stomach, just looking at her before even thinking about taking her bra off. She was beautiful. So beautiful. And she looked so turned on right now, her hips moving over his as her breasts heaved almost out of her cups, her stomach so soft and flat.

'You're gorgeous.'

'Oh…' she blushed, looking down before he held her face looking up to him again, kissing her.

'You are gorgeous.' He repeated against her lips, locking his eyes with hers.

'Thank you.' She smiled slightly, her cheeks still red. 'You're not so bad yourself.'

'I know.' He grinned.

'Cocky.'

'For you I am.' He said, referring to his hard on which was now making his pants uncomfortably tight.

'That was awful.' She giggled, kissing him as his arms went around her back to unhook her bra. She let it fall and sighed in pleasure immediately as his hands reached her breasts, cupping them softly in his hands. She loved what he did to her breasts. It was probably because before him they'd never been paid any attention. But now, they were really sensitive, and on the night of the trial, he'd made her come twice just by sucking and liking at them.

'So… gorgeous…' he murmured between kisses, pinching her nipples slightly.

'Derek!' she gasped, feeling herself growing wetter at the combination of Derek's hands on her breasts, her centre grinding against his jean clad dick, and his mouth on hers.

'I love you.' He whispered, moving his mouth from hers and bringing it down to her chest where he initially scattered soft kisses over the tops of her breasts, while his fingers continued to play with them. Until he took one nipple into his mouth, keeping one hand on the other, and moving one to her ass.

'Oh my god.. Derek..' she almost panted, feeling his lips latch on to her nipple and suck it softly.

'Feel good?' he breathed against her chest. His hot breath on her wet, hard nipple sending pleasure straight to her clit.

'Oh…' she gasped, her mouth open slightly and her eyes shut as she held his head close to her chest. 'Am.. amzing…. God… Derek!'

'mmmm.' He groaned, sucking harder, moving the hand from her ass to her pants, dipping his hand down them to cup her cheek with no clothing barrier.

'Oh…' she moaned. 'Der… Derek… I need…'

'What?' he asked against her nipple, before flicking it with his tongue and moving to the other one, replacing his hand on the one he'd been sucking.

'Oh… God…' she moaned again. 'Yes Derek… Oh….'

'What do you need?'

'Oh…' she panted, she couldn't even speak. This felt too good. They were literally dry humping while he sucked her boob. But it felt actually amazing.

'What do you need, Mer?' he repeated, sucking more of her breast into his mouth.

'Pants… pants off…'

'Pants off?'

'Pants o- ohhhh, Derek….' She panted, grinding herself harder and harder against him.

'Lift your hips for me.' He said, returning to kiss her on the lips.

'Uh-huh…' she whimpered, nodding.

'That's it.' He said softly as she lifted slightly so that he could gently begin to push her suit pants down her legs.

'I… oh…' she whimpered, pressing her lips to his as he began to push them down her thighs.

'Only me!' came Carolyn's voice through the front door, making them both freeze instantly.

'Shit.' Derek breathed.

'Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.' Said Meredith jumping off him and pulling her pants up immediately, zipping them up as he reached for his top.

'Throw this on.' Derek said, throwing her one of his hoodies off the couch arm. 'And throw me your bra and top, I'll shove it down the back.'

Meredith grabbed the hoodie quickly, hearing Carolyn go into the kitchen with what sounded like grocery bags.

'Shit.'

'Throw me the bra.'

'Shit.' Meredith repeated, pulling the hoodie over her naked top half.

'Mer, throw me the bra!'

'Shit!' she said, throwing them to him, before immediately jumping into his lap and trying to act as natural as possible.

'Breathe.' He whispered softly to her. 'You look so hot and flushed.'

'I was so close.' She said half seductively, half disappointedly into his ear.

'I'm sorry.'

'Not your fault.' She murmured, kissing behind his ear before gently sucking on his lobe.

'Hello dears.' Smiled Carolyn, walking into the living room.

'Hey mom.' Smiled Derek.

'Hey.' Smiled Meredith.

'I'd have thought being the gentle man you are you would have come and helped me bring the groceries in, Derek.'

'Oh, sorry.' He shook his head. 'I didn't even hear you. We had the TV on, we only just turned it off.'

'Anything interesting?'

'What?' said Derek, as his mom sat in the arm chair angled slightly in front of them, facing the telly.

'Were you watching anything interesting?' Carolyn asked, turning it on with the remote.

'Oh, no. It was all rubbish. That's why we turned it off.'

'I see.' His mom nodded, flicking through the channels.

Derek's pants were still tight as Meredith was sat in his lap, her ass on his dick and her still pert nipple against his chest. He ran a hand up her back. She had been so close. She had been so close and he had to finish her. But it was impossible for them to go upstairs after his mum had just got home and sat with them.

'Have you got the blanket down here, ma?'

'Yes, its just here.' Said the older woman, bending down and throwing it back to him.

'Thanks, Mer feels a bit cold.'

'Oh, that's no good, dear.'

'I know. I'll be fine.' Meredith smiled, confused by Derek's action.

'You just stay cuddled up to my Derek, he's like a personal heater that one.'

'I will.' Meredith giggled as Derek spread the blanket over them.

'What are you doing?' she whispered.

'You were so close.' He said hotly into her ear. 'I'll do this properly tonight. But you were so close.'

'I… Derek!' she gasped quietly. 'We… your mom is there!' she hissed.

'Yeah, and shes watching tv with the volume up to 100 because shes too stubborn to get a hearing aid.'

'Derek, no.' she whispered firmly, moving her attention to the television.

'Meredith, yes.' He said, and she felt his fingers gently lift up her sweater and rest on the top of her pants again. This time he didn't wait long before slowly unzipping them, and moving his hand into her panties.

'Derek..' she whispered breathlessly.

'Shhhh…' he said, kissing her softly, nodding to his mom.

'We can be sneaky but she's still here.'

'I…' she shook her head, immediately stopping as an overwhelming look of pleasure took over her face as he gently stroked her folds.

'Dirty.' She whispered. 'This is dirty.'

'I know.' He grinned.

'Derek.' She whispered as she felt him gently push her folds apart.

'Shhhh…'

'Wrong..' she shook her head.

'I know. But I love you. And you make me want to do dirty things.'

'hmmm…' was all she could respond and he gently thrust a finger into her. Her mouth opened slightly, and he leaned to gently kiss it before sushing her again, turning her face to the television, but continually thrusting into her, adding another finger. He could feel her body heating and she began to ride his hand as discretely as possible. He moved his thumb to press on her clit and almost had a heart attack when he heard her gasp, praying that his mother wouldn't turn round. He had a feeling him fingering his girlfriend while fox news was on, would not be a pleasant story during family dinner. And he relaxed when she covered it with a slight cough.

'You'll get us caught.' He whispered into her ear, rubbing her clit now, in small circles, and he knew if they were alone she would be whimpering and moaning underneath him.

'mmmm.'

'You know how hot this is? You're riding my fingers in secret. Under a blanket.'

'hmmmm.' She nodded, and he could tell she was so close.

'You're so sexy.' He whispered, sucking on her earlobe, and moving his other arm around her to gently cup her breast under her hoodie. 'You were close before, are you close now?'

'y… yes…' she whispered, nodding her head continually.

'That's it. You're so close, baby. So close.' He murmured, pinching a nipple and placing a third finger inside of her. Thrusting in and out, while still teasing her clit, it was only about a minute later he felt her walls contracting around him, and felt her breathing quicken, saw her face go a bright shade of red and her lips parted. He pressed his lips to hers immediately, stopping the loud moans he felt coming, if not- the loud screams. He kissed her passionately until he felt her body relax against his, and her breathing slow. He pulled away and rested his forehead against hers, before kissing her gently once more.

'Wow.' He whispered.

'Wow.' She almost giggled.

'I love you.'

'I love you too.'

'That was so hot.'

'I know.' She grinned, as he began to gently zip her pants back up and remove his hand from her breast.

'No.' she whispered. 'Keep it there.'

'Okay.' He nodded, putting his hand back on her breast. 'I would cup the other one, but you're all over my fingers.'

'Lets resolve that, shall we?' she smiled, as he carefully brought his hand from under the blanket. She immediately liked one finger clean. 'You take one.'

He nodded, licking a second finger, before she sucked the third, pressing her lips to his immediately after, her taste on both their lips. She smiled at him, kissing him softly once more, before turning back to the tv, leaning her head back on his shoulder as she felt his wet hand cup her other breast, his thumbs stroking lazily at her nipples. It felt so good. She had come so hard and now she was sat in his arms, and he was touching her affectionately. Kissing her neck.

'I was going to tell you before, but the Lexie thing came up before.' He whispered into her ear.

'What?' she murmured, her eyes still on the television, which Carolyn was watching obliviously.

'Friday… we have dinner at Kaths.' He felt her freeze for a second, but she soon relaxed into him again.

'Kath… as in…. your sister?'

'Yeah. You met her at Hallie's party.'

'Yeah..'

'I know… I know you're nervous… but this will be good. There will be no kids, no mom, just the siblings and their partners.'

'No kids?'

'No.'

'No mom?'

'No.'

'Why?'

'It's kind of hard to explain. Mom doesn't know, and she cant. It's kind of an emergency.'

'A bad one?'

'Kind of. It's complicated. It's Amy.' He said, moving a hand from her breast to gently rub her stomach.

'Oh.'

'But they want you to be there… I want you to be there.'

'I'll go.' She whispered softly.

'You will?'

'I mean… I don't exactly want to… but I do want to… for you…'

'If it's really bad we can leave.'

'Okay.'

'But it wont be really bad. Nancy likes you and shes the hardest to please. So, you're in.'

'Okay.'

'But sleep on it. Sleep on it and we can talk about it when we talk about your dad in the morning.'

'Okay. But I know I'm going.'

'Don't decide now.'

'But it's different. This is for you. I'm going.' She said, kissing his lips. 'We'll talk about Thatcher tomorrow.'

'Okay.' He smiled, kissing the top of her head as she turned back to the television. Of course, Lexie had to ring and disrupt the happy routine they'd just found. Now Meredith was stressed again. Nowhere near as stressed as the first time Lexie had appeared, but more stressed than she was yesterday nonetheless. And Amy. He just wished the Amy thing wasn't starting up again now. It sounded bad but he really couldn't be bothered with it. He just wanted to start his life with Mer in their new house, find a new job and be happy. But Amy complicated all of that.

 _Pls review thank u_


	35. Chapter 35

_Hi guys! I hope you enjoy this update because I really enjoyed writing it. Thank you so much for all sticking with me on this story and for still reading! Thank you so, so much for all of you who review as they really do make my day. Please leave one if you can, and I hope you enjoy_!

Meredith didn't do families. She didn't do moms, and she didn't do dads, and she definitely didn't do sisters. Yet here she was, going to dinner with Derek's family. All 8 of them. Mark, Addison, Nancy, Peter, Kath, Chris, Liz and Tony. That was a lot of people. She was fine with Mark and Addison, Mark was Derek's brother but he was also her friend, and she had grown to quite like Addison over the past weeks too. It was just Derek's sisters. I mean, she really liked them all when she met them at Hallie's birthday, they were lovely. A bit nosey, but lovely all the same. And Nancy had been really nice when she had been admitted.

But she hadn't met them as Derek's girlfriend. They all liked Helen, she was family. And now Meredith was here, a lot younger than Derek, with not a lot of money. She felt so anxious. She really didn't do families. But she knew this was really important for Derek. And she wanted to be there. For him. For him, she wanted to be there.

'Mer are you nearly ready?' he called up the stairs.

'Yeah!' she shouted back, which was a lie. She was sat in the middle of a pile of clothes, still undecided as to what to wear. What were you supposed to wear to family dinner? Apparently, Kath earned almost as much as Derek, and her husband even more. What did you wear to dinner with rich people? Especially rich sisters.

She sighed and looked around at her options again. Nothing was really standing out at her. She had no clue. Absolutely no clue.

'Mer?' he shouted again. Crap. Crap, crap, crap.

'One minute!'

'Okay!' he replied, but she could tell he was getting itchy. He didn't like being late.

She picked up a grey sweater and held it against her, standing up to look at it in the mirror. But it dipped down at the front and showed a little cleavage. She didn't want them to think she was a whore. And it was quite snug. So that one was a no.

She sighed, looking around quickly. Most of her clothes had been disregarded onto the 'no' pile, and she didn't think any of the remaining ones were suitable either. The whole room was a mess. Much like her head at this precise moment.

'Mer,' he breathed breathlessly, poking his head round the door before seeing her sat in her bra and panties surrounded by a clothes mountain, a stressed look on her face.

'Oh.' She said, looking up at him. Crap. She'd taken too long.

'Is everything okay?' he said cautiously, walking over to the bed.

'I have nothing to wear.'

'You have nothing to wear?'

'I have nothing to wear.'

'This isn't a hint at me to buy you more clothes is it?'

'No, Derek. I just have nothing to wear.'

'You have loads of things to wear.' He said, puzzled, sitting next to her.

'Not for a family dinner I don't.' she pouted.

'What?' he laughed softly, reaching for her naked waist and pulling her to him. 'Wear whatever you want, Mer.' He said, nuzzling her head before placing a kiss to her ear.

'I have nothing to wear, Derek.'

'Mer you don't have to wear anything fancy. I'm in jeans and a sweater, we're only going to Kath's.'

'Oh yeah, Kath the rich therapist with a pilot husband, totally casual.'

'Mer,' he laughed, moving to kiss her neck. 'It's only family dinner, not a ball.'

'I've never been to a family dinner.' She said quietly, moving to play with his hands which rested around her midsection.

'It's nothing big, I promise.' He whispered, kissing her shoulder.

'I have nothing to wear, Derek.' She repeated, only this time he could hear the tears behind her eyes.

'Mer, look at me.' He said, moving a hand to hold her face and bring it to him. 'Look at me.' He said when her eyes remained down, smiling brightly at her when she eventually looked up at him.

'I love you so much.' He breathed.

'I love you too.' She said quietly.

'I love you. And the fact you want to look nice for my family makes me so, so happy. Because that's you. You freak out. You freak out because you care. But I promise you, whatever you wear tonight, is fine.'

'Derek.' She rolled her eyes.

'It is! We're family, Mer. And it's dinner. To talk about my alcoholic sister. It's hardly formal.' He laughed slightly.

'I just want them to like me.' She whispered, looking down again.

'They'll love you.' He said, lifting her chin. 'Because I love you.'

'Derek-'

'I promise you. And I wont leave your side all night. And- you probably wont even have to make small talk, because they'll all be bitching about Amy from the get go.'

'hmmm…'

'Come here.' He said, pulling her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her as he leant back against the headboard.

'Love you.' She whispered into his chest, grasping at his sweater lightly.

'I love you too. So much.' He murmured into her hair.

'Love you.'

'Love you.' He replied as she moved her hand gently up and down his arm, her face still buried in his chest. 'What were your outfit options?' he asked gently.

'Jeans. And my blue T-Shirt.'

'That's fine.' He smiled, squeezing her.

'Yeah until I realised my blue T-Shirt's in the laundry.'

'Oh. Well then, what else?'

'That was the only thing.'

'Mer, we're currently surrounded by a mountain of clothes, any of which you look perfect in.'

'Derek.'

'Stop Derek-ing me!' he laughed.

'No.'

'Stop it. I'm trying to help.' He said, squeezing her again and bouncing her slightly in his lap.

'Well then why don't you pick me something to wear.'

'Okay.' He said, letting go of her and standing up, looking around him. 'Okay, so these jeans.' He said, throwing a pair of black skinny jeans on to the bed. 'Anddddddd….' He trailed off, inspecting the tops and sweaters she'd thrown everywhere. 'This one.' He said, presenting the grey sweater to her that she'd last thrown on the floor.

'That?' she asked, her eyebrow raised.

'What's wrong with it?'

'Derek- you can see my boobs!'

'I think that's a bit of an exaggeration, Mer, it shows the smallest bit of cleavage.'

'Derek, it shows my boobs.'

'Meredith, it doesn't.' he said, tilting his head to the side.

'I'm not wearing it.'

'Why?!'

'I don't want them to think I'm a whore, Derek!'

'No-ones going to think you're a whore,' he said, rolling his eyes before throwing the sweater onto the floor and climbing back on the bed, lying over her, pushing her onto her back.

'Derek.' She giggled as he began to trail kisses from her neck to the top of her breasts.

'It doesn't show half of these.' He laughed into her bra-covered chest.

'I don't care.' She laughed as he captured her lips. She returned the kiss, sucking on his bottom lip as she moved a hand to the back of his head. When he pulled away, she smiled, holding his face in her hands.

'Wear it.' He whispered.

'No.'

'Wear it.'

'No, Derek.' She giggled.

'Okay.' He chuckled, shifting slightly to lie over her. 'If we weren't going, if it was just me and you. What would you wear?'

'my jeans.' She said, lazily playing with the curls at the nape of his neck. 'And your Bowdoin sweater.'

'Which jeans?'

'Black.'

'Okay.' He nodded, running his hand along her stomach, soothingly. Before standing up and grabbing her black jeans. 'Put these on.'

'Derek-' she started, before he left the room, cutting her off. She rolled her eyes but giggled slightly. He made her feel better about herself in no time at all, and it didn't matter any more that they were running late. Because he was taking care of her, and he was amazing. She wished they didn't have to go to this dinner, so she could sit and lay with him and kiss him all night. Because he was amazing. Derek was actually amazing.

'There you go.' He said, throwing her his black Bowdoin sweater.

'What?' she giggled.

'Put this on.'

'But,' she said, smelling it. 'Where's your grey one?'

'My grey one?'

'Yeah.'

'It's in the drawer, but its not been washed in a week.'

'Oh.'

'That ones clean.' He said, gesturing to the sweater she still held in her hands.

'But the grey one smells like you.' She said, putting the black one down, and heading to the drawer before picking out his grey one.

Derek smiled to himself, as she slipped it over her head.

'Ready.' She smiled, ruffling her hair slightly.

'You're so beautiful.'

'Derek.' She rolled her eyes, but she couldn't help but still grin and blush slightly.

'Its true.' he grinned

'Are you sure this is okay?' she said, gesturing to her outfit.

'Perfect.'

'Converse?'

'Converse.' He nodded. 'You look like you.'

'And its definitely okay?' she said, grabbing her converse from the bottom of the wardrobe.

'Definitely.' He said softly, kissing the top of her head as she sat down to tie her laces.

Once they arrived at Kath's, Derek pulled up in the driveway, amongst 3 other cars. Great, they were the last ones to arrive. Which meant they would have to walk into a house full of Derek's family, which was definitely going to be awkward, really awkward. But this wasn't about her right now. This was about Derek. He had done so much for her and she could do this for him. It was only a dinner. And like he said, they would be talking mostly about Amy so she could sit quietly and avoid conversation as much as she wanted. So, she could do this.

'You okay?' he asked, looking over to the passenger side.

'Yeah, I'm good.' She nodded.

'It's okay if you're not, you know.'

'I'm okay, Derek. Really.'

'I'll be right there.'

'I know.' She smiled. 'Anyway, are you okay?'

'Me?'

'Yeah, this whole Amy thing. Are you okay?'

'Yeah.' He sighed. 'It's a mess, but I'm fine.'

'Good.' She said, leaning to kiss him lightly.

'You ready?'

'Yeah.'

'okay, lets go.' He said, opening his door and hopping out, walking to her side to shut the door behind her.

'Love you.' She said, as he slipped his hand in hers.

'Love you more.' He breathed, kissing her temple.

'Not possible.' She giggled, leaning to kiss his lips as they walked up the driveway.

'It is definitely possible.' He murmured, sqeezing hr to him before capturing her kips again.

'It's not. But anyway, I'm not having this lame argument.' She laughed.

'Fine, just because you're a sore loser…' he trailed off.

'I am not a sore loser.'

'Oh? So why did you demand a rematch of snakes and ladders with my five year old?'

'Shut up.'

'See, sore loser.' He laughed, kissing her pout as they reached the door. 'It's going to be fine.' He said, lowering his voice a little.

'I know.' She smiled as sincerely as she could.

'Love you.'

'Love you too.' She said, as Derek's sister opened the door.

'Kath.' He smiled.

'Derek.' She grinned, moving to hug him, meaning Meredith's hand lost contact with his for a moment. 'Hey Meredith.' Smiled Kath, pulling her into a hug too.

'Hi.' She smiled weakly once she'd pulled away, retaking Derek's hand as he led her inside.

The reached the dining room where everyone was already sat with drinks, two seats empty next to Mark and Addison. Thank god. At least she could sit in-between Mark and Derek and not one of his brother in laws.

'What do you guys want to drink?' asked Kath, as the rest of Derek's family said their hellos.

'I'll have a water, thanks.' Smiled Derek, moving his hand from Meredith's to the small of her back.

'A water? Jesus Derek I think you're going to need something stronger.' Said Nancy, sipping her red wine.

'I'm driving.' He shrugged, pulling out the chair next to Mark for Meredith to sit on.

'Thanks.' She whispered quietly, sitting next to Mark before feeling Derek's hands on her shoulders, resting there.

'Driving? You can still have one.' Said Liz.

'Or you could just get a cab home? Mom thinks you're out with Mark and Addie right?' asked Nancy.

'Kath, I'll have a water.' Derek repeated, his hands still on Meredith's shoulders.

'Fine.' Said his sister, rolling her eyes. 'What about you Mer?'

'Oh.' She said. 'I'll have a water too please.'

'Oh god, don't tell me you've turned her boring too, Derek?' laughed Nancy.

'I am not boring. And neither is Meredith.' He rolled his eyes before ducking his head to her ear and lowering his voice slightly. 'Have whatever you want, Mer.'

'I'm fine with a water.' She nodded her head.

'Kath have you got any white wine?'

'Derek.' Meredith hissed quietly.

'Yeah. Pinot alright?'

'Perfect.' Grinned Derek, before sitting next to Meredith, wrapping his arm around the back of her chair, placing his other hand on her thigh.

'Derek.' She said quietly as the conversation between his sisters shifted to something about Tony's wine collection.

'What?' he replied, a smile on his face.

'I don't need wine.'

'Everyone's drinking wine.' He shrugged. 'You can have whatever you want.'

'I know but-'

'Mer, it's fine.' He said, kissing her quickly. 'You look so pretty.' He murmured, kissing her again softly, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear as Kath came back with their drinks.

'Eurgh, put her down Derek.' She said, placing Meredith's wine on the table.

'I wasn't doing anything.' He protested, taking his water off her.

'Whatever.' Kath rolled her eyes.

'Is Derek all over her?' laughed Liz.

'What do you think?'

'Derek, not at the table.' Joked Liz.

'I wasn't doing anything!' laughed Derek, his hand going back to Meredith's thigh, and the one around her chair moving around her waist, pulling her closer to him.

'Whatever you say Der,' chimed in Nancy.

'It's true!'

'Hey, you know what else is true?' said, Mark, smirking at Derek.

'Oh god.' Groaned Meredith, turning red already.

'What?' asked Liz, sipping her wine again.

'Derek made her come nine times in one night.'

'What?!' Liz screeched, almost spitting out her wine.

'You have GOT to be kidding me!' howled Kath. 'Details, Now.'

'Oh god.' Said Meredith again, feeling Derek squeezing her side tightly.

'Nice one Shep.' Said Tony.

'Yeah, good on you man.' Added Peter.

'Thanks Mark.' Said Derek, a sarcastic smile on his face.

'No problem, pal.'

'Come on Mer- spill!' said Nancy.

'Oh… er… well… I don't know really…' she blushed.

'Guys.' Warned Derek. 'Do we have to? We are here to discuss Amy.'

'Yeah until we found out this!' said Liz.

'I never knew you'd be so intrigued about my sex life.' He laughed.

'Ew. Well, when you put it like that.'

'What? You don't want to think about your brother fu-'

'Okay, that is quite disgusting.' Said Liz. 'Forget it Mer, if it wasn't my brother I'd want every single detail. But I guess we can keep them between you two.'

'Thank you.'

'Shut up, Derek. You love the attention.'

'Not that kind of attention, Nance.'

'You like any kind of attention.' She taunted.

'Shut up.' He said.

'I knew that would be a golden moment.' Smirked Mark.

'Oh yeah, it's like your party trick. You like to pull it out at the most inappropriate of moments.'

'Too right I do.'

'You're an ass.' Derek laughed, before ducking his head down to Meredith's. 'You okay?'

'Yeah.' She nodded.

'I'm sorry about… that. It's not normally like that. It's just Mark being an ass.'

'It's okay.' She said. 'Just embarrassing.'

'Sorry.'

'Not your fault. And I'm okay. They were only joking, right?'

'Yeah.'

'Yeah, I'm good.' She smiled, as he leant to kiss her.

It wasn't exactly the ideal conversation she had been hoping for, but after Mark's comment, the attention seemed to have shifted from her and Derek, and she kind of felt like their time in the spotlight was over and done with. She was snuggled into Derek's side as the conversation had moved on to Tony's job. Apparently he'd been away flying constantly for six weeks, and so Carolyn had been helping Kath with the boys a lot more. And while his stories about Dubai and Asia were interesting, she couldn't concentrate on them.

All she could concentrate on was the way Derek held her and they blended in. They blended in to a bigger group of couples, granted none of them were practically sat on each other like her and Derek, but they were all couples none the less. And they were a family. Which her and Derek were a part of. He kept kissing her neck softly and she felt his hot breath on her skin every time he laughed at something someone said. And she loved it. Despite being extremely sceptical about the evening, she was loving it in this very moment.

'Anyway,' said Nancy, putting her wine glass on the table. 'Who's going to mention the elephant in the room?'

No-one answered and drank their drinks awkwardly, Meredith felt Derek's hand running up and down her side slowly, and then heard him clear his throat.

'It's why we're all here, isn't it?' he finally said.

'I just don't even know where to start.' Sighed Liz.

'It's a mess.' Derek nodded.

'You can say that again.' Said Mark.

'How many times has she called, Mark?' said Tony.

'Three. My cell twice and Derek's house once.'

'And it's just like the old calls?' said Nancy, to which Mark nodded.

'She calls, stays on the line silent until you hang up.'

'Helen changed the house number yesterday.' Said Derek. 'I don't want her calling there now I'm not there.'

'But what if she needs something?' said Kath. 'You cant just change your number it's all she has.'

'She's been calling Mark.' He shrugged. 'I'm not having her call there when it's just Hel and Hal. I'm not.'

'It's fair enough, Kath.' Said Liz, 'she's not exactly Helen's responsibility anymore.'

'She's none of our responsibility.' Said Mark.

'We cant just leave her with nothing, Mark.' Said Kath.

'I'm not saying we leave her, we're family. But shes a grown woman, shes responsible for herself.'

'He's got a point.' Said Peter. 'We can only help her so much.'

'Does anyone have any clue where she is?'

'Nope.' Said Derek.

'No.'

'No.'

'Mark? Have you traced the calls?'

'I've tried, got me nowhere.'

'Crap.'

'I doubt we're going to find her.' Said Tony, putting an arm around Liz. 'We just need a plan of action if she comes back.'

'Oh, she'll come back.' Said Nancy.

'Yeah she will.' Nodded Derek.

'Well, she cant stay with us.' Said Derek. 'We're still at moms.'

'yeah, that's out of the question.' Said Nancy.

'I feel like the obvious option is Mark, because he's the only one without kids.' Said Kath.

'I knew that was gonna come.' Sighed Mark.

'I know it's not ideal, but I don't want her living with my kids. I don't know about you guys?' said Kath, gesturing to Liz and Nancy.

'I get that but it doesn't mean we have to have her.' Said Mark. 'Addison's going to be moving in soon and the last thing we need is fucking Amy there.'

'Yeah, it shouldn't automatically fall on Mark.' Said Derek.

'Then why don't you take her if you're in your new house when she tips up?' said Kath.

'Stop being petty, Kath.' Said Derek. 'I'm not saying you should have her, I'm just saying, it's not fair to Mark to automatically assume he'll take her just because he has no kids. I mean, even on the weeks we don't have Hallie, I don't exactly want her living with me and Mer.'

'Then what do we do?' said Nancy. 'I don't really want her around the boys.'

'Yeah, I don't really want her around the girls either.' Said Liz.

'And she definitely can't go to mom's.' said Derek. 'That's not happening no matter what anyone says, even mom.'

'Speaking of mom, when are we going to tell her?' said Liz.

'Fuck knows.' Breathed Nany, pouring herself another glass of wine.

'Not yet.' Said Derek.

'Yeah, at least wait until we've had another call of she tips up.' Said Mark.

'But what if she tips up at moms?' Liz replied.

'Do we really think she will after last time?' said Peter.

'you never know with Amy.' Laughed Liz cynically.

'True.' Said Kath.

'So do we tell mom?' asked Tony.

'No.' said Derek. 'We do not tell mom. Not yet. Not until we know more, or the calls get more frequent. We've only had three.'

'How many did you get last time before she turned up?' said Addison.

'Like fourteen?' guessed Derek.

'Fuck.'

'So if last time's anything to go by, we've got a bit of time.'

'What if she turns up at yours Derek?' said Liz. 'I mean, that's where I'd guess she'd go.'

'You think?'

'hundred percent.'

'Then why is she calling Mark?'

'No clue.' Liz shrugged. 'But I think out of all of us, she'd go to you first.'

'I fucking hope not.' Breathed Derek. 'If she goes to that house I will not be happy.'

'She might not if she doesn't see your car.' Said Nancy.

'True.' Said Mark.

'Maybe next time she's on the phone, don't just let it stay silent. Talk to her even if shes not talking to you. Tell her stuff. For example: if you're thinking of coming back do not go back to Derek's house.'

'Yeah, because then she totally wont go to Derek's house.' Mark rolled his eyes.

'Just say he doesn't live there anymore.'

'And then say what? Actually, if you're thinking of coming back, don't because no-one is willing to have you.'

'We still need to sort that out.' Said Kath. 'But once we've reached a conclusion, tell her.'

'What is our conclusion?'

Everyone fell silent. No-one knew what to say. No-one was going to volunteer to take Derek's sister in, and she kind of got why. She wouldn't want a drug addict and alcoholic to be around Hallie, and she wasn't even her mom. And even though her and Derek wouldn't have Hallie all the time at their new house, she didn't really want Derek's sister there. She didn't want any more ruining of their little bubble. Dave had been enough disruption to that, and she just wanted this happy little routine they'd got going to stay good. She didn't want Thatcher, and she didn't want Lexie and she definitely didn't want Amy ruining that.

Her and Derek had spoken to Lexie the day before, and she had agreed to go and see Thatcher on Tuesday after work with her and Molly. She felt like, if he was going to die, she should at least go and see him. Just so no-one could turn around and say she hadn't. She wasn't exactly looking forward to it, but Derek had promised he would be there and help her escape any time she needed to.

He was still silent, his arm gripped around her waist and his hand rested on her thigh still, and hers rested over it.

'We need to sort this.' Sighed Peter. 'No-one wants them living with her, which I get. But we need to have some sort of plan. Maybe we could find a hostel or something where she could stay and we could all pay for it for a week or so until she can sort something out?'

'Pete, you know what she's like.' Said Mark. 'She isn't going to sort anything out and then god knows how long we'll be paying for a room.'

'I have a house.' Said Meredith quietly.

'What?' said Nancy.

'Mer, it's okay.' Said Derek. 'You don't want to get too involved. Amy would never pay you back.'

'No, but I have a house. I mean, instead of a hostel.'

'She'd never pay you back, Mer.' Said Nancy. 'Derek's right.'

'She doesn't have to pay me. I mean, we have it with an agent and are trying to sell it as soon as we can, so I don't know how long it's going to be there…. But by all means if it is for whatever reason, she could stay there.'

'It'll probably have gone.' Said Derek.

'Are you still waiting on a buyer?' said Tony.

'Yeah. It's not had any work done on it in a while, so it would need renovation to get a good sale price. But I just want rid of it.'

'Have you had any interest?'

'A few people, but none have put an offer in or anything.' She said.

'How much work needs doing?' asked Peter.

'Quite a bit. I mean, its totally liveable. But it's got some underlying problems that need sorting out.'

'We could buy it.' Said Tony. 'Between us, I mean. We could buy it as a family and do the renovation work, Pete, you could head all that up. And then we could keep it for Amy for a while, and then if she doesn't show up, sell it for more than we buy if off Mer for. And if she does show up, we have somewhere for her to stay.'

'That could work.' Said Mark.

'Wait- so we buy Mer's house?' said Kath.

'Yeah.' Said Chris. 'I can see it working.'

'What if Amy does show up, how long do we let her stay there before we sell it on?'

'We cross that bridge when we come to it.' Said Mark. 'If we buy it between us at whatever price Mer and Derek have agreed, then it wont be much between us, and as long as we can all afford it, we can all make a profit out of it.'

'But would Derek and Meredith be buying into it too? Because that just complicates everything.' Said Liz.

'I'd rather not.' Said Derek. 'I don't want to be involved in that house. So I'm not bothered, you guys buy it and sell it. We don't exactly need the money from selling it on after- Mer will be selling it to you guys anyway.'

'True.' Said Tony. 'So it would just be between us four couples?'

'Well, I don't know if it will be me and Addie, or just me. But I'm in.' said Mark.

'Yeah, I think we should do it too, Nance.' Said Peter.

'It does solve the problem.' Said Tony.

'And Pete is a builder so even if he cant do the actual renovation if it's electrics or whatever, you'll know some people, right?' said Kath.

'Yeah, I know a lot of people who can do it well, cheap.'

'Then why not?' she said. 'We have a place to stay and we can all make a bit of money out of it.'

'It sounds like a plan to me.' Said Liz.

'Sorted.' Said Mark. 'You can get us in touch with your real-estate, right Mer?'

'Yeah.' She replied.

'Then that's a plan. Two birds with one stone. Mer gets rid of her house and we have a place for resident alcy to stay.'

'Mark.' Said Derek, shaking his head.

'Sorry, bro. I'll stop with the nickname.'

'Good.'

'Although I might give you one. Mr Nine Times.'

'Fuck off.' He groaned, nuzzling Meredith's neck and kissing her as Mark smirked to himself.

 _Please review it will make me v happs thank u x_


	36. Chapter 36

_Hi guys! Thank you so much to all of you for reading and reviewing!_

Meredith was freaking out. Meredith was definitely freaking out. He was trying his best to calm her down, but it wasn't really working because she was still majorly freaking out. She'd texted him about twenty times on her lunch hour and another twenty times before she finished work, and when she'd got home, she hadn't stopped rambling. And while he loved the rambling and how cute she looked when she went on with herself, it wasn't a good sign. She had rambled on and on about work and Lexie, and Thatcher and a million other things. As soon as she walked through the door, she did not stop talking and walked straight to the cupboard, pulled out a slice of bread, buttered it and sat at the table, still talking, with her mouth full.

'I mean, it's not like I even have anything to talk to him about. Like, hi dad, you haven't seen me in over 25 years but how you doing? Oh wait, you're not doing great are you, you're livers burnt to a frazzle and you've not got much time left and you have a really, really annoying daughter and a dead wife, so yeah, you're doing great.'

'Meredith-'

'And Lexie, oh god, I don't think I can even stand looking at her face for a long period of time, let alone listening to her whiny voice. If Molly has the same voice I think I might just kill myself there and then. But then again, they'd like that wouldn't they, they could rectify my liver and deliver it straight into Thatcher. In fact, Lexie would probably test out her surgical skills and whip out a scalpel ready for the op.'

'Meredith-'

'And you know what Derek, I really-'

'Meredith-'

'I really-'

'Meredith!'

'What?'

'Please, stop.'

'What?'

'You need to calm down.'

'I am calm!'

'Meredith, you're far from calm.'

'Shut up.'

'Do you want me to get you anything?'

'No. I'm fine.'

'You're not fine.'

'I am.'

'What time are we leaving?'

'Lexie said six thirty.'

'So we're leaving here at six?'

'Quarter past.'

'Mer' he groaned.

'What?'

'It will be more akward if we're late.'

'It wont take half an hour to get there, Derek.'

'No, it takes twenty minutes, and will be rush hour traffic.'

'Derek.' She sighed.

'What?'

'Why do you have to be so reasonable?'

'Oh Mer,' he said, walking over and kissing the top of her head. 'It's going to be okay.'

'I don't know.' She sighed, leaning into him.

'It will. I promise.'

'hmmmmm.'

'Remember you freaking out on Friday? And it was fine.'

'I was not freaking out on Friday.' She pouted.

'Not as much. But you were freaking out. And it was fine.'

'Yeah but you're family are nice, Derek. This is my alcoholic dad who abandoned me when I was five.'

'We're only going to be there for an hour, maximum. And I will not leave your side. I know it's daunting and I know there's a thousand other things you'd rather be doing- there's a thousand other things I'd rather be doing too… mainly in our bed.' He murmured, to which she finally giggled and clasped her hands over his which were resting around her neck as his head rested on hers. 'But sometimes, you just have to do these things.'

'I know.' She said quietly.

'I love you.'

'I love you too.'

'And you can do this.'

'I know.'

'You're so strong.' He said, kissing her neck. 'You amaze me.'

'Derek.' She sighed, rolling her eyes.

'you are.'

'Shut up.'

'No.' he laughed. 'You are. And you've survived so much worse than one hour with your lame dad.'

'I know.'

'You can do this.'

'hmmm.'

'And then at seven, we can come home, have dinner, and an early night.'

'An early night?'

'An early night.'

'Does an early night equate to orgasms?'

'Maybe.' He smirked, kissing her neck again.

'I'm excited for this now.'

'Are you now?'

'mm-hmmm.'

'it'll be here in no time.'

'I guess it makes an hour with my dad and annoying sister slightly more endurable.'

'Do you want a drink or anything before we go?'

'Some water.'

'Okay, I'll go grab it.' He said, moving to get a glass out of the cupboard.

'You really think it's going to be okay?' she said, turning on her chair to face him.

'Honestly? I think it's going to be hard. But you can do it. We can do it.'

'hmmm…'

'We'll be fine. We'll let him talk to Lexie and Molly, and we can interject when you want. And if the worst comes to the worst we'll just amuse ourselves with the baby.'

'Molly's baby?'

'Yeah.' He shrugged, sitting down with her water.

'Can you remember it's name?'

'It's?' he laughed. 'He's a boy.'

'Fine.' She laughed, sipping her water. 'What's his name?'

'Ermmmm, Charlie?'

'Charlie.' She nodded.

'It's a cute name.' he smiled.

'I like the ones that end in ie. Like Charlie. Hallie.'

'Yeah.' He smiled.

'What time is it now?'

'twenty five past.'

'urugh.'

'you want a shower or anything before we go?'

'no. why? Do I need a shower? Do I smell? Why didn't you tell me I smelt before?'

'You don't smell!' he laughed. 'I was just checking.'

'Well, I wasn't going to have a shower. But now I'm not so sure.'

'Oh my god, Mer.'

'Well, youre the one who's making me question my hygiene.'

'I think our shower this morning confirmed to me that you're clean.'

'Well there wasn't exactly much washing going on.'

'Mer.' He sighed. 'You're clean. Forget I even asked.'

'Do you think I need to get changed too?'

'No.'

'You think I should go in my suit?'

'Go in whatever's comfortable.'

'So you do think I should get changed?'

'Meredith, stop.'

'Well, I don't do this family stuff. You do.'

'You did it fine on Friday.'

'I cant wear my jeans and your sweater to visit my dad.' She said, rolling her eyes.

'Why not?'

'… I don't know. Can I?'

'Of course you can. Wear whatever you want. We had this discussion Friday.'

'Well, what are you going to wear?'

'This.' He shrugged.

'Okay.' She nodded, taking in his dark blue jeans, pale blue shirt and navy sweater.

'Wear whatever you want. Just be you.'

'I don't want them to think…. Things.'

'what things?'

'I don't know.'

'Mer, even if they do think things, do you really care?'

'I don't know.'

'He doesn't have any right to judge you.'

'I know.'

'You okay?' he asked gently.

'I don't know.'

'I love you.'

'I know. And I love you.' She genuinely smiled.

'Good.' He grinned back.

'Did you go to the house today?'

'I did. It looks good.'

'I cant wait for it to be finished.'

'Me neither.'

'And we get to decorate once its built.'

'We need to start looking at furniture so that once it's built we can move everything in and live there as soon as possible.'

'Definitely.'

'Hallie's already excited about decorating her new room.'

'Oh I know. She told me. Butterflies. Lots of butterflies.'

'Butterflies?' he raised an eyebrow.

'Yes. Apparently your daughter wants white walls covered in pink, purple and blue butterflies. With pink bedding and accessories.'

'Oh, she does does she?'

'She does. She told me yesterday.'

'I can see this being an expensive room.'

'She's worth it.'

'She is.' He smiled. 'Have you had any thoughts on our room? Colours or anything?'

'Not really.' She said, scrunching her nose. 'But not blue. Mine and Dave's room was blue.'

'No blue.' He nodded.

'Maybe green? Like not a tacky green, maybe a darker green or a sage or something? And then like dark wood for the bed and dressers, and cream maybe too? We don't want all the walls green, we need to keep it light.'

'That sounds good.'

'I mean, obviously, the French windows will keep it light, but we cant have all green walls.'

'I like the cream walls. It's warmer than white, too.'

'That's what I was thinking.'

'I think we should keep the living room quite neutral.'

'Yeah, if it's all open plan with the kitchen diner we don't want to go overboard on a colour.'

'If we keep it neutral, we can always introduce a colour/ colours when we feel ready and when we know what fits.'

'I like that.'

'What about the guest rooms?'

'hmmm.' She said, tilting her head. 'Will we need double beds in them all? I mean, I know they're eventually going to be for our kids but if we have guests to stay we cant put them in single beds. Can we?'

'hmmm. Not really.' He agreed. 'Well, we have Hallie's room, nursery, and two other rooms. So we could keep the nursery empty for now, and then put a double bed in one room, and a single in the other?'

'That sounds good.'

'Okay, we'll do that.'

'It's all becoming so real.'

'I know. It's actually happening.'

'It's weird. I never thought I'd be here.'

'Me neither.' He murmured.

'I mean, even when we first got together… I never thought Dave would go down and things would be this easy with Hallie and Helen and we'd be building a house.'

'A house.' He repeated, smiling.

'A house.' She grinned. 'With room for our babies.'

'I want to have your babies.'

'I know.' She giggled. 'And I want to have yours.'

'I'll look after us all, you know that don't you?' he said softly.

'I do.' She nodded. 'And I'm not saying we have a baby right now…. But I never thought… being with Dave I never thought I'd have babies… or if I did… it wouldn't be like this… when we have babies we're going to be a proper family, with Hallie, and your mom and everyone. And both of us will love them. Our babies will have a daddy that loves them.'

'They will.' He smiled, leaning to kiss her gently. 'I'm not Dave. And I'm not your dad.'

'I know.' She said, kissing him again.

'Just remember that when we're there today. Our kids will have a dad that loves them, and a mom that loves them.'

'I cant promise I'll be a good mom.' She said quietly, looking down.

'Mer you'll be a brilliant mom.'

'I never… I never wanted them before, Derek… I don't… This is new… and I want it. I definitely want it. With you, I want it. But it's still new.'

'I know,' he whispered. 'It's new and it's big and it's scary. But you are so loving, and kind, and warm, you will be an excellent mom.'

'My mom…'

'You are nothing like your mom.' He cut in. 'You're you. You're amazing with Hallie and you're going to be even more amazing with our babies. Okay?'

'I'll try.'

'Mer, you make it sound like you're going to fail me or something.'

'Helens a great mom.' She shrugged.

'she wasn't before we had Hallie.'

'Well obviously not because she wasn't a mom then was she.'

'Exactly.' He laughed. 'No-one knows what its going to be like, Mer. You're going to be amazing. But you don't even need to be thinking about that yet.'

'I know.'

'And as much as I want to sit here and talk about our babies all night I'm afraid it's time to go see your dad.'

'Urugh. I don't want to Derek.'

'I know.' He said, kissing her gently. 'I know.'

'Our babies cant turn out like me.'

'I'd love for our kids to be like you. But I get your point. We wont be like your parents. I promise.'

'okay.'

'I love you so much.'

'I love you too.'

'And our family will be everything yours wasn't.' he breathed.

'I know I just said it but I love you. I really love you.' She said, leaning to kiss him.

'I love you too.'

'Okay. Lets go. Get it over with so we can come home and have lots of sex.' She said, standing up.

'Lets go.' He echoed, following her out of the house.

When they reached the rehab centre, it was different to how he had expected it to be. It was kind of a cross between a hospital and just a general social house. They stood at reception waiting for Molly and Lexie, and behind the desk was a common room type thing, just full of tables, chairs, sofas, vending machines of snacks and canned drinks, where a few people who he assumed were patients were sat talking, laughing. The receptionist explained there was also a café and a designated visitors room where they could meet Thatcher. The rest of the building was comprised of treatment and 'class' rooms, as well as patient rooms and a canteen. And there was a lot of out door space, which Derek presumed could only be good for the patients to get fresh air.

'You okay?' he said quietly, ducking his head down to meredith's.

'Yeah.' She nodded, leaning up from her spot on his shoulder to kiss him.

'Love you.'

'Love you too.' She mumbled, curling into him more, wrapping her arms around him as she felt his go protectively around her back. 'What time is it?' she asked.

'Literally one minute away from half past.' He said, just as the cry of a baby came through the front doors.

'shhhh, Charlie, shhh baby..' cooed a woman who Derek could only assume was Molly, as Lexie was behind them, her eyes searching eagerly for who he assumed was Meredith.

'Charlie shhhhh,' she cooed again, as Lexie's eyes sprung onto them.

'Meredith! Derek!' she waved, walking over to them.

'Right here.' He whispered into her hair, before kissing the top of her head.

'I know.' She whispered, turning herself round in Derek's arms to face Lexie, yet keeping his arms firmly around her.

'Hey.' Grinned Lexie.

'Hey.' Meredith smiled weakly.

'Hey Lexie.'

'Molly! Over here!' she called to her sister, who was struggling with her little boy.

'Meredith, this is Molly.' Lexie said, as Molly came over.

'Hi.' Said Meredith. 'I'm Meredith.'

'We've heard a lot about you.' Molly smiled. 'Nice to meet you, Meredith. This is Charlie.'

'Hey Charlie,' Meredith whispered, letting go of Derek's hand to gently lean forward and stroke her nephew's cheek.

'This is your aunt Meredith, baby.' Said Molly, kissing Charlie's head. 'and you must be his uncle Derek?' she said, looking up at Derek.

'I guess so.' Derek laughed as Meredith re-attached herself to his hip, standing next to him, snaking her arms around his waist.

'Nice to meet you too.' Molly smiled.

'Likewise.'

'You were right Lex, he is hot.' Molly turned to her sister, who turned a bright shade of red.

'We signed in at reception.' Derek said, putting an arm around Meredith to pull her closer.

'Great.' Said Molly, moving to put Charlie on her hip. 'We have a regular slot on a Tuesday so we can just go straight through.'

'Okay.' Said Derek, grabbing Meredith's hand tightly as they followed Lexie and Molly through, past the desk. They walked straight through the common room area, down a corridor.

'Lex says you're a lawyer, Meredith?'

'Oh, yeah.' She stuttered, squeezing Derek's hand.

'That's so cool.' Molly grinned, bouncing Charlie slightly. 'You too, Derek I believe?'

'Yeah. Well, I'm not in work at the minute, I recently resigned from the company Mer works for, but I am certainly a lawyer by trade.' He replied, returning the squeeze.

'Did you meet at work then? That's so cute.'

'Yeah, we've worked together for a long time.' He smiled.

'But we only recently got together.' Meredith added.

'So adorable.' Molly smiled, before stopping at a door entitled 'Visiting Room'.

'Yeah.' Smiled Meredith, as Molly pushed the door open.

'Right here.' Derek repeated, kissing her temple as they followed towards where Thatcher was sat.

'Hey dad.' Smiled Molly, leaning to kiss her father, before Lexie did the same. 'Charlie-bobs has missed his grandpa.' She said, handing the baby to him.

He was sat at a table with six chairs, Molly and Lexie sitting on either side of him. Meredith immediately sat next to Molly, her instant favourite of the two sisters, and Derek sat next to her.

'Meredith.' Thatcher smiled, looking up from Charlie.

'Yeah… um… hi…' she stuttered nervously, reaching for Derek's hand under the table.

'Hi.' Her dad repeated. 'You look beautiful.'

'I…um… thanks…'

'I knew you would be, but… wow.'

'Thanks.' She mumbled as Derek's other hand found her upper thigh.

'And you must be Derek?'

'I am.' He nodded.

'wow.' Thatcher nodded. It was awkward. Thatcher was smiling, a nervous smile, but definitely a smile. A smile which said to Derek that the man in front of him loved his daughter and regretted letting her go. He knew things weren't that straight forward for Meredith, and he understood that. But it seemed clear to him that Thatcher was happy Meredith was here and that he was trying. And Meredith deserved that, even if his trying was late. She deserved her dad to make an effort with her.

'How you feeling today, dad?' said Lexie.

'Good, a lot better than I have been.'

'That's great.' Molly smiled.

'What have the nurses said?'

'My condition is still the same, it's just my symptoms aren't as bad today.'

'So no real improvement?' Lexie asked.

'Not when you put it like that. But I feel a lot better in myself. Not great, but a lot better.' He said, as Charlie grabbed on to his finger. 'How's my favourite grandson?'

'He's great.' Molly smiled.

'He looks extra cute today.'

'He's cute every day, Dad.' Molly rolled her eyes.

'He is.' Thatcher agreed. 'Aren't you pal?'

Meredith sat, watching. It was awkward. But Derek was right, coming with Lexie and molly was a good idea, they could lead the conversation and they could just kind of be there in the background. Derek had his hand, gently on her thigh, his other clasped in hers and she would do anything to just go home with him right now and cuddle. She didn't need this family, she didn't want this family. She wanted Derek's family, and a family with Derek.

'I got to scrub in on a surgery yesterday, Dad.' Lexie grinned.

'You did?'

'Yeah, Dr. Martin was doing an-'

'Dr. Martin?' Meredith found herself saying, and immediately regretting.

'Yeah…' said Lexie confused.

'Do you know him?' said Thatcher, attempting to make conversation.

'Oh. No. Well, yes. She. She's a she. Derek's sister.'

'Oh. I thought… nevermind.' Thatcher trailed off.

'She let me scrub in with her and it was amazing.' Lexie beamed.

'I bet it was, sweetheart.' Thatcher smiled. 'So, your sister's a doctor, Derek?'

'She is.' He nodded. 'And my brother.'

'You're not a doctor though, right?'

'No. No, I'm a lawyer, like Meredith.'

'A lawyer?' Thatcher grinned. 'My little girl's a lawyer?'

'Oh.' Said Meredith. 'Um, yeah… we… we're lawyers.'

'I thought your mother would have had you in that hospital as soon as she could.'

'Oh. Erm, no.'

'How is she?'

'Oh. I don't… I don't know…'

'Being the usual Ellis Grey?' Thatcher laughed. 'Unreadable?'

'No. I don't… I don't know. We haven't… We don't talk… I haven't seen her in years.'

'What?'

'She kind of disowned me when I didn't want to be a doctor.'

'Oh.'

'Yeah.'

'So… you haven't seen her?'

'No.' Meredith shrugged. 'No contact.'

'She was always a bitch.' Thatcher sighed.

'Yeah.' Meredith said awkwardly.

'Although I'm not one to speak bad of your mother to you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Meredith, I should have stayed.'

'Yeah.' Meredith said so quietly, Derek thought he was the only one who heard it.

'I am.'

'Okay.'

'I don't expect you to welcome me into your life. I just want you to know I am sorry. And I just wanted to see you.'

'Yeah.'

'And I'm sad I never got to be a part of your life. You have a great job and you're obviously very much in love with Derek, I can tell my how hard you're clutching his hand.' He laughed slightly, and Derek felt her stiffen next to him slightly. 'And I'm really sad I never got to be a part of that. It's my own fault, I know. But I just want you to know that I am really sorry. Really.'

'Okay.' Meredith nodded.

'It's really good to see you.' He smiled.

'Yeah.' She tried to smile back.

'Dad, shall we go and get everyone some drinks?' said Molly.

'Yeah.' Thatcher nodded. 'Lex take Charlie?'

'Of course. Hello, Charlie-bobs.' Meredith's youngest sister grinned to their nephew.

'Coffee, Mer?' said Molly.

'Oh. Yes please.'

'Black?'

'Yeah, thanks. One sugar.'

'No problem.'

'Coffee for you too, Derek?' Thatcher asked.

'Not for me thank you. Although if there's any water?'

'Still or sparkling?'

'Still please.'

'No problem.' He said as he and Molly walked to a refreshment desk.

Meredith immediately relaxed into Derek, wrapping her arms around him and resting her head on his chest lightly.

'You're doing great.' He whispered to her, kissing the top of her head.

'Thank you.' She whispered.

'You're welcome.' He replied, kissing her head again.

'No, for being here.'

'Oh. Where else would I be?'

'I don't know.' She sighed. 'But I love you.'

'I love you too.'

'When we get home, lots of sex. And lots of cuddling.'

'That sounds good to me.' He said, squeezing her to him.

'Love you so much.' She said, pulling away to place a kiss on his lips firmly.

'You too, Mer.'

'I know.' She smiled. 'I know you love me and it's the first time I've ever known that and I love you, okay?' she said, tears beginning to pool her eyes.

'Hey, I know you love me.' He said, reaching to her eyes softly. 'Don't cry. What's wrong?'

'Nothings wrong.' She shook her head. 'I feel weird being here but nothings wrong. I just love you. A lot. And being here has made me realise that even more. Well, not really because I love you a lot all the time. But I just really love you, Derek, a lot.'

'I love you too.' He said, leaning to kiss her.

'You can never leave me.' She whispered.

'I wont. I told you. I'm not your dad.'

'I know.' She smiled, kissing him.

When Thatcher and Molly came back there was some more small talk, but mainly between Meredith's sisters. Derek and Meredith sat next to eachother, her practically sat on his lap, or as close as she could get, his arm protectively around her and her hand on his thigh. They joined in conversation when appropriate but Molly gave Meredith Charlie to hold, and so their attention was mainly on the baby in her arms. Derek couldn't help but smile at how Meredith's face lit up when Charlie reached up to her or pulled her hair. She grinned at the little baby and stroked his cheek, and looked adorable. There was no doubt in Derek's mind that Meredith was going to be an amazing mom. Not that they were ready for kids yet, because they definitely weren't. But the mere fact that she had changed her mind about wanting them, and seeing her with Charlie was enough to signal to Derek that she would be amazing. And their family would be amazing. He couldn't wait to give Hallie a sibling with Meredith one day, and he had a feeling they would be the most loved children in the world.

An hour passed quickly with Charlie in his girlfriend's arms, and she eventually gave him back to her sister. Before awkwardly saying goodbye to Thatcher, with no promise of seeing him again, but no grand farewell either. It was a strange parting. But one he knew Meredith was thankful for. And he took her hand, following Molly and Lexie back through the way to reception, ready to get her home and love her like he had wanted to ever since she had gotten emotional in the visiting room.

He loved her and that was new to her. And while they'd been together a few months now, he knew he was the only person to show genuine love to her so much that she thought he was the only person who had ever loved her. Which was sad but kind of amazing at the same time. Because he loved her that much. And he did. She was amazing. And he couldn't wait to have her underneath him tonight, moaning in pleasure.

But his thoughts were cut as they walked back through the common room when he heard a laughter he recognised. It couldn't be. He froze.

'Derek?' Meredith turned to him pulling on his hand, confused when he seemed to stop walking.

'Wait.' He said quietly.

'What?'

'Just wait.' He whispered. He heard it again.

'Der, is everything okay?' she said, moving closer to him, tracing his cheek with her fingers.

'Behind me, whos behind me?'

'What?'

'We're in that common room right?'

'Yeah.' Meredith nodded, turning to lexie and Molly. 'You guys go. It was nice to see you.'

'Mer.' He pleaded, tears in his eyes.

'Der, what's going on?'

'Who's behind me?' he repeated, not moving to look.

'Theres a man and a woman sat at a table.' She said quietly, lost.

'What does she look like?'

'What?'

'The woman, Mer. What does she look like?'

'Der, I'm confused, please just tell me what's going on.' She said, scared at her boyfriend's suddenly upset expression.

'Please just tell me what that woman looks like.'

'Okay.' She nodded, placing her hands gently on his chest as she looked over his shoulder.

'She's got dark hair. Brown. It looks like it might have a hint of red tones in it.' She said, seeing his face fall. 'She's pale skinned, pretty, quite slim.'

'Mer.' He whispered.

'What?' she said, sympathetically, brushing her lips along his gently. 'Derek what's wrong? I'm scared.'

'I don't….' he trailed off.

'Derek, please. You're scaring me.'

'One second.' He said, taking a deep breath, before turning behind him, then immediately back agin, his eyes wide. 'That's her, Mer.'

'What?' she said, wrapping her arms around his neck, her fingers going to his curls.

'Amy.' He breathed. 'That's Amy.'

 _Pls review thank youuuuuuuuuu_


	37. Chapter 37

_Hi guys! I am SO sorry it's been so long since I updated. And I also apologise that it is short! I have had so much work the last couple of weeks, and sadly our family has suffered another passing. So I've not had much chance to write, and when I have I've not always felt in the mood. Although once I finish my next two assignments (hopefully in just over a week!) I should be free to write over the holidays for a couple of weeks, and really catch up on a few updates for you!_

 _This story is heading in a direction now, where hopefully, Meredith and Derek's relationship is becoming more cemented, and it's no longer about them falling in love and getting together, but now starting to tackle life as a proper couple, together. I know exactly where it's going and already have some ideas of what I'm going to write when this one is finished. Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing!_

'Derek?' she whispered, leaning her forehead against his and tracing his cheek with her fingers.

'Mer.' He breathed, looking up at her, his eyes brimmed with tears. She'd never seen him looking so scared, so vulnerable. She'd been told about Amy, but Derek was obviously a lot more emotional about it than he'd been letting on the past few weeks. He looked really, upset, and helpless.

With all her troubles, it seemed like a very Dereky thing to do for him to keep quiet about his own feelings. He ignored his own feelings and focused on her, which was sweet. But definitely not what she wanted. She wanted to help him with his problems too. She wanted to hold him while he cried just as he had done her.

'It's okay.' She whispered.

'I cant… Mer…' he whimpered and her heart wrenched.

'shhhh, it's okay.' She whispered to him, trying to be as discrete as possible.

'Has she seen me?'

'I don't think so.'

'Mer….' He whispered, his voice cracking.

'It's okay.' She said, feeling his hands shaking around her waist.

'I cant… Mer…. I cant…'

'do you want to go?'

'Yeah.' He nodded.

'Lets go then.' she whispered, reaching for one of his hands.

'I cant.' He breathed, his head falling. 'I can't.'

'Der,' she breathed.

'I can't go. I can't… not now I know she's here…. If Mark asked… I can't… I can't pretend like I haven't seen her…. I can't…'

'We could always go home and you and Mark could some together or something tomorrow? You're upset, Derek.'

'I can't…'

'Derek you're in shock, you need to calm down.' She murmured, pulling his body closer to hers.

'I can't… Mer… she… I can't…'

'Der' she hushed, running her hands up and down his chest soothingly. Her heart clenched to see him like this.

'She… she'd been in rehab before… she walked out last time… if I leave she might… we might.. I can't..'

'Okay, breathe, Der. Please, for me, just breathe.' She cooed, moving her palm to gently brush his cheek.

'I can't…' he said for what felt like the millionth time. 'I.. I can't.. Is she… has she seen me?'

'No, Der, but she will soon if you don't calm down.' She said, moving her arms around his neck again, soothingly running her hands through his hair.

'Mer I don't… what do I do?'

'I don't know, Der.' She whispered. 'But let's at least go and sit down and get a drink before you decide what to do.'

'Okay.' He said, unmoving.

'Der.' She breathed, tugging at his hand.

'Yeah.' He nodded, following her desperately trying not to draw any attention to himself as his tiny girlfriend led him out of the room. He couldn't quite believe this was happening. Amy was in rehab again. Which meant one of two things, she'd finally kicked her drug and/or alcohol habits in a genuine attempt to come clean, or something really bad had happened, resulting in her being sent to rehab by a doctor or something. He had no idea what state she'd be in. But she'd been laughing. He couldn't actually remember the last time he'd heard Amy laugh. Last time she'd been back, there had been a lot of yelling, a lot of arguing, a lot of crying and not a lot of laughing. But equally, there had been the phone calls. Something must be up in order for her to be calling. It was all so confusing, and Derek could honestly do without it right now.

Today had been stressful enough with Thatcher, the last thing he needed was Amy and the last thing Meredith needed was him freaking out. Tonight, they were supposed to go home and have lots of sex and cuddle. Instead he was close to having a breakdown in a rehab café.

Meredith sat him down and kissed his head before walking to the counter to get them both a drink. He noticed she'd got him a coffee in addition to his normal water, which she knew he didn't normally drink. But she obviously thought he needed it.

'There.' She said, placing the tray of coffees and his bottled water on the table.

'Thanks.' He breathed.

'Der, it's going to be okay. You do know that right?'

'Why me?' He whimpered. But she got the impression it was a rhetorical question.

'Oh Der.' She sighed, squeezing his hand over the table.

'Why did it have to be me to come across her? Why, Mer? Does God like to throw all his shit to us or something.'

'you'd think so.' She laughed slightly. 'I don't know what to say Der. You need to talk to me.'

'I don't know what to say either.'

'you seem pretty upset to see her.'

'I just haven't seen her in a while.' He whispered.

'Derek, you're about to cry. You never cry.'

'It's just complicated.'

'How? Tell me.' She urged, squeezing his hand again.

'She.. she was my favourite.' He began, smiling slightly. 'She was my favourite sister. The baby. I was her big brother and I looked after her. I always…. I always looked after her….' He trailed off, looking away and Meredith could see him fighting back the tears. 'I always looked after her… and then… dad…. And then the drugs… and the drink… and she just… I lost her… I failed her… and I…'

'Derek, you didn't fail her.'

'No, I did.'

'You didn't, Derek.' She repeated.

'It's not just that.' He said, squeezing his eyes shut. 'I… I lost her…'

'Der,' she whispered, wanting nothing more than to be in bed with him, holding him in her arms as he cried instead of being sat opposite him in a café while he was blatantly trying to hold himself together.

'I… We lost her… She.. she changed… she's not the same… I don't… I don't even like her anymore, Mer.'

'Oh Derek.'

'And I feel guilty. Because it's my fault she changed and so I shouldn't dislike her but I do… I don't like my own sister any more…. But… but I still love her.. how twisted is that?'

'It's not twisted, Derek.'

'I can't stand her, yet I can't let myself walk away from her.'

'You… why don't you like her?' she breathed.

'She… she's awful. You should have heard her with mom, Mer. Last time she was here. She was awful and she's unreliable, and she's nasty when she's had a drink, and she cant hold down a job and she takes you for the money you're worth and she's just not the same. But I know that's my fault so I shouldn't-'

'It's not your fault. Derek, it's not your fault.'

'It is.' He whimpered, a tear rolling down his cheek.

'No. Derek, it's not.'

'How isn't it, Mer? I wasn't there for her.'

'Derek, I've told you. You were living your own life. Amy had your mom and sisters, the blame for her grieving doesn't lie solely on you.'

'It feels like it.'

'Der, you can't think like that. Please. Derek it's not your fault. You have a family of six siblings, any of the other four could have helped her, you were at college.'

'I don't know.' He shook his head.

'I'm going to call Mark.'

'What?' he said, looking up.

'I'm calling Mark. You're a mess and I'm not letting you face her alone, you need Mark here.'

'No.'

'Derek.' She sighed.

'Fine.' He whimpered.

'Der, please don't cry.' She whispered, leaning across the table to kiss him gently. 'I love you.'

'Love you too.' He said against her lips, as she continued to hover around his face.

'Love you.' She repeated, kissing the corner of his mouth and then his cheek where it was wet from a tear.

'Love you.'

'I'm calling Mark.' She whispered, pulling back to sit down, taking her cell out of her bag.

She wandered into the hallway, away from Derek. She didn't want him to hear her talking to Mark, she knew he felt bad and her telling Mark he was a mess wasn't going to help.

It took Mark four rings to pick up.

'Grey?'

'Hey, I need your help.'

'Why?' he said, suddenly concerned. 'Is everything okay?'

'Not really… I don't really… I don't really know how to say it so… I'm just gonna say it… I.. I need you to come here, right now.'

'Where are you? What's wrong?'

'It's Derek,' she breathed.

'Derek? What's wrong with him? Is he okay? Is he hurt?' he said, sounding more and more alarmed.

'No, no, God no.' she gushed. 'No, no, he's no hurt.' She was pretty sure if something had happened to Derek she'd be on the floor or something because she was already beginning to feel her heart clench just at seeing him upset. She dreaded to think what she'd be like if something actually happened to him.

'Then what's up?'

'He's found Amy… We've…. Found Amy… although it was more like a bumped into… rather than a find…'

'Wha….' Mark tailed off into silence.

'Mark.' She nudged. She needed Mark to be the strong one right now. She needed him to take charge of the situation. She needed him to take care of Derek. She couldn't have them both in the same state, she had no idea what she was doing.

'…Amy?'

'Yeah.'

'Wha… Where?'

'Brown… BrownHill Rehab Center on Dronwell Lane.' She said, leaning to read the sign on the rehab notice board.

'Rehab?'

'We came to see my father.'

'And Amy's there?'

'Yeah.'

'You're sure it's her?'

'Well.. I don't know her, but Derek seems pretty sure.'

'Shit. What has he said to her? What did she say when she saw you?'

'He's not… spoke to her.' She said quietly. 'He's really upset, Mark.'

'He's not spoken to her?'

'No, he's having a drink and calming himself down. He needs you to come. I need you to come. _We_ need you to come. I don't know what to do and Derek's so upset.'

'Okay.'

'Okay?'

'I'm on my way.'

'He's… he's really upset Mark I've never seen him like this… I think… I think its goinf to be really hard for him.'

'It's going to be really hard for all of us.'

'I know, I know.' She said quickly. 'But please just be patient with him. _Please._ '

'I will, Grey.'

'Thank you.' She almost whispered.

'I know how Shep feels about our Ames. I'll be there in twenty.'

'Okay, thanks. We're in the café, you can just meet us there. You'll see us, its not busy.'

'Okay. See you soon.'

'Thanks Mark.'

'No problem.'

Although Meredith knew it was a big problem. This was so out of the blue for all of them and she had a feeling none of the siblings would be happy about their sister's appearance, and she knew it was probably the worst possible thing for Derek to have found her. His sisters seemed annoyed and concerned about Amy's return, but none of them seemed upset like Derek did. She felt like it was all to do with the two of them being there when his dad had died. That day it seemed Derek took on a lot of responsibility, including his sisters. She put her phone in her pocket and walked back into the café, where she saw Derek hunched over, his head in his hands.

Her heart was broken and she honestly felt so helpless. She loved him so much and she didn't know what to do to make it better. Which she was pretty sure made her a crap girlfriend. But she didn't know what to do except hug and kiss him. So that was going to have to do until Mark arrived.

She walked over and sat next to him, shifting him gently into her hold. He wasn't crying, but he was quiet, and it was obvious he'd had a few more tears since she'd left the room. She stroked his hair and placed a kiss to his temple.

'I love you, Derek.'

'You too.' He breathed, clutching for her other hand.

'I know that probably doesn't mean much right now. But I do love you. And when you said that to me when I was upset, it made me feel better. So I hope it helps… even just a little bit.' She whispered. 'I really, _really_ love you.'

'I love you too.' He sniffled. 'And it means more than you know.'


	38. Chapter 38

_Hi guys! I've finally updated I am sorry for the delay again._

 _Anyway, thank you all for reading and reviewing as always, reviews are very much appreciated!_

Meredith took a deep breath as she knocked on the door to Kath's house, feeling possibly the most awkward in her whole life. She tried not to look at the woman next to her fidgeting with her sleeves and looking around nervously. It was awkward. Very awkward. She kind of felt for her, but she didn't really know what to say. And her priorities lay with Derek anyway, her main focus was making sure he was okay. She tried to smile weakly at her, and she got one back. Hurry up Kath.

'Oh. Meredith, hi.' Greeted Kath, surprised.

'Hi.' Meredith said nervously, reaching to play with her wrist as Kath's eyes averted to her sister standing next to Meredith.

'Oh….' She trailed off as Amelia diverted her gaze.

'Derek…. Derek is in the car… he… erm… with Mark.. He's in the car with Mark… I… He said we couldn't take her home to Carolyn's… I um…' she was rambling, great.

'It's okay.' Kath said evenly, and even thought Meredith could tell that she wasn't impressed by Amelia's appearance she seemed to understand where Meredith was coming from. Derek was sat in the car with Mark, while Meredith dropped Amelia off. And then they were going back to Mark and Addison's. Derek was a mess, and Mark wasn't much better, so she had driven them here in Derek's car and they had left Mark's there.

'I um… do you want me to come in and explain or…' she trailed off, Amelia still silent.

'No it's fine. You got look after my brother.' Kath smiled. 'I'll take it from here.'

'Okay, thanks.' She said, not quite knowing how to step out of the situation.

'You coming in then?' said Kath, gesturing towards her sister.

'Uh, hi Kath.'

'Chris! Take Lily and Luke upstairs!' Kath shouted inside. 'Come in.' she sighed to Amelia. 'Thanks Mer.'

'I'll… um… see you later.' She said, turning back to the car and heading down the driveway. When she got back in the car, Derek was still sat with his head resting on the glass, looking out the window away from the house. Mark in the back, looking out the window on the opposite side window.

'Hey,' she whispered, reaching to take his hand in hers and stroke the back of it gently with her thumb.

'Hey,' he said barely audible, turning to face her, his eyes red and puffy, his face long.

 _'I'm sorry, Derek.'_

She smiled at him softly, before leaning forward to kiss his forehead, he closed his eyes and leaned into her. She gently moved to cup his face with her free hand and held him close to her for a second.

 _'I am, really sorry.'_

'You okay until we get home?' she whispered into his hair and felt him nod in response. He may have sniffled a reply, but she didn't hear it.

'Okay.' She whispered, kissing his forehead once more, before leaning back into the driving seat and glancing at Mark through her rear view mirror.

When they got to Mark and Addison's, Meredith parked on their driveway before turning to Derek, who seemed not to have notice they'd arrived. He hadn't said a word on the way there, no one had. She didn't know what to say, and if Mark wasn't speaking, she took it as a sign not to.

'Hey,' she smiled at him again softly, reaching for his hand.

He only turned to face her when their skin made contact. 'Hey.' He whispered back.

'We're here.' She said, stating the obvious, before turning back to Mark too.

'Yeah.' Sighed Derek.

'Do you want to go inside?' she asked, squeezing his hand gently, letting him know she was there.

'Yeah.' He said, but making no effort to move.

'I need to tell Addie.' Mark breathed, opening his door.

'Okay.' Said Meredith, hoping this would prompt Derek to move too. It didn't. They watched Mark walk into the house after he slammed the car door shut. She glanced back at Derek who was looking in his lap and leant to press her lips to his temple, nuzzling his neck slightly afterwards.

'We should go inside.' He said, to himself more than her, she thought.

'We don't have to, we can just go home if you want.'

'No. I cant go to mom's yet.'

'Okay.' She breathed, pressing a kiss to his neck before pulling her hand away from his and getting out of the car, hoping if she led, he would follow, and he did.

She reached for his hand again as they approached the door and ran a hand through his curls before kissing him and stepping inside. Mark was sat at the kitchen table with a beer, Addison sat next to him.

 _'I just.. I didn't know what else to do. There seemed no other way out.'_

'Hey,' smiled Addison as they walked in. 'Do you guys want a drink or something?' she asked, standing up.

'I'll have a still water please.' Said Meredith.

'I'll have a beer if there's anymore going.' Said Derek, sitting opposite Mark.

'So, I believe we found Amy.'

'Yeah.' Sighed Derek, nodding, but not expanding.

'It was quite unexpected.' Said Meredith, sitting next to him and placing a hand on his thigh, knowing it was an obvious statement to make, but wanting to ease the men in gently to the conversation. It wasn't her place to relay what had happened.

'How is she?' said Addison cautiously.

'Amy.' Mark laughed harshly. 'She was on drugs, not even painkillers, this time all sorts of crap.'

'Oh.' Said Addison, placing a drink in front of both Meredith and Derek before sitting herself back down next to Mark.

'Her dealer went to prison or stopped dealing or whatever, apparently.' Mark sighed. 'So she was cut off, and we all know what Amy's like when she's cut off from something, no matter what it is- drugs, painkillers, alcohol. She goes crazy.'

'So how did she end up in rehab?'

'She couldn't cope without the drugs and she said she was living with one of the dealers friends, or the dealer or whatever, and he just kicked her out. She asked a friend if she could bunk on their couch and apparently they took her straight to Brownhill.'

'Oh my god,' said Addison quietly. 'That's awful.'

'I know. I just… drugs? Full on drugs? Living with a dealer?' said Mark, exasperated. 'Like… _really_ , Amy? Are things _that_ bad?'

'It was rough.' Meredith nodded, realising Derek wasn't going to reply.

'Where is she now?' asked Addison.

'Kath's.' Meredith replied.

'What's mom going to say?' said Mark. 'I mean, _drugs._ Drugs.'

'She seemed like she wanted to get better though.' Said Meredith in the most hopeful voice she could, for the silent Derek beside her, more than Mark.

'She always wants to get better.' Said Mark, rolling his eyes. 'I just… I don't know.'

'She is your sister.' Addison prodded gently.

'Yeah, well, I'm kind of at the end of my tether I just don't know what to do anymore. Once Kath finds out shes been on the drugs she won't want her around the kids. So all eyes will fall on us to have her and I want to help her but I don't exactly want her here. Especially not if she's mixing with Seattle's cocaine elite.'

'What are we going to do?' she said, putting her hand in Mark's.

'Fuck knows.' Sighed Mark. 'Shep?'

'No idea.' Derek replied, to Meredith's surprise, following his silent stint.

'We cant take her to Mom's.'

'Absolutely not.' Said Derek, a lot stronger this time.

'We haven't sorted the house out yet, this is all a lot quicker than planned.'

'We could go to the agent and ask if we can do they payment as soon as possible?'

'Yeah, tomorrow?'

'We'll have to make sure everyone has the money ready.'

'They should do, they've had long enough to put it aside. And Mer didn't take any of the furniture, just personal stuff so we would have to get clean sheets and food but then just put her in there.'

'We'd have to re open the utilities.' Said Meredith gently.

'I'll call them when we get home.' Derek nodded.

'Do you think Kath will let her stay the night?' said Mark.

'She seemed to be dealing with it well when I took her in.' Meredith shrugged.

'If we tell her we're hoping to put the house payment through tomorrow she should do.'

'Wait- why do we have to wait until the payment's gone through?' said Meredith. 'She can stay there tonight, if they payments going through tomorrow it really doesn't make a difference.'

'Are you sure?'

'Of course. We can get her clean sheets and it should be fine.'

'Shot gun us not getting the sheets.' Said Derek, which was a lot more playful than Meredith thought he could muster right now.

'You're letting her stay in Mer's house, you definitely do not have to get the sheets. I'll ring Liz, or Nancy.'

'Okay.' Said Derek. 'This is so what we don't need right now.'

'I know right.' Said Addison. 'How was your dad thing anyway, Mer?'

'It was… interesting.' She replied, grateful for a _slightly_ lighter topic change. 'Not the best, but a lot better than it could have been. I have a nephew, he's cute.'

'Very cute.' Agreed Derek, seeming almost like a different person to the one who had walked into the house ten minutes ago.

'Very cute.' She echoed.

When they got back to Carolyn's house, it was strange. Derek was acting as though his breakdown from earlier hadn't happened, he wasn't his usual, happy self by any means. But he wasn't in the awful state he had been before. It was odd. She thought it was probably because they were going to see his mom, and he wanted to act like everything was okay for her. Meredith was still in the dark a little regarding Amy, but her talk with Derek and Mark had answered a few of her questions.

From what she understood: last time Amy had come back, she had been addicted to painkillers after telling them all she was clean. And acted irresponsibly and nastily, resulting in Liz losing some money, and Derek having to take care of her. She'd left after an argument with Carolyn and had blamed Derek for the whole situation, _and_ her addictions. Albeit in an angry state, which she claimed was meaningless earlier that day; but she had casually blamed Derek before she left.

Meaning his feelings weren't simply him blaming himself, which she thought he would probably have done anyway, before her accusations. But Amelia had actually told Derek it was his fault, and as far as Meredith could tell, it made Derek feel like he'd let his dad down, _again._ He already felt like he should have done more for his dad at the scene of his death, and so coupled with the blame of Amelia's additions, he was certifiably miserable. He felt guilty, but at the same time angry. He was angry with her for placing the blame on him, yet at the same time, he didn't reject it. He felt to blame even though deep down she knew _he_ knew he wasn't.

When they had spoken to Amy, she had been nothing but apologetic. She really seemed disappointed in herself to have let Derek down, and all she did was apologize to him. She told him it wasn't his fault, and that she was sorry for what she said. But the fact she'd turned to drugs since he'd last seen her, seemed to deepen Derek's guilt even more.

But he seemed okay now, and even if it was just one night for the sake of Carolyn, she was glad he was feeling okay.

'Hello dears,' his mother greeted as they walked into the living room. 'Have you been seeing Thatcher all this time?'

'Yeah.' Meredith nodded as Derek pulled her onto his lap. 'Well, we called at a store on the way home. But we didn't buy anything.' She said, happy to take the lead on their cover story.

'And how did it go dear?'

'It was…. Okay.' She nodded. 'Awkward. And I'm not wanting to hurry back any time soon. But it was okay.'

'I told you it would be.' Derek smiled, squeezing her slightly.

'It was okay.' She nodded.

'Well I am glad to hear that.' Said Carolyn. 'Would you like anything to eat or drink? I have some fresh cookies and a cake.'

'Some cake sounds good thank you.' Giggled Meredith slightly.

'I'll have some too.' Said Derek.

'Very unlike you Derek.' His mom commented before leaving for the kitchen.

'Are you okay?' Meredith whispered to him, loosely looping her arms around his neck.

'Yeah.' He breathed evenly. 'I think my cry before was a long time coming. Letting it out, I don't feel… I don't know… I somehow feel better about it.'

'That's good.' She murmured, playing with the curls at the nape of his neck, kissing him quickly.

'Thank you.'

'For what?' she asked innocently.

'For being here.' He said, leaning to kiss her softly.

'Derek are you serious-' she began before Carolyn came back with a plate of cake for them both.

'Here you go dears.'

'Thanks mom.' Said Derek taking his plate as Meredith took hers.

'This looks lovely.' Meredith smiled.

'So, how long is it now until your house is finished? Not that I'm trying to get rid of you, you know I love having the three of you here. I'm just curious.'

'Well, he said it takes the best part of a year.' Said Derek, as Meredith had her mouth full of cake.

'But apparently they're really ahead of schedule.'

'Oh that's good.' His mom nodded.

'Yeah he said it should only be three months until its finished.'

'Oh excellent, I bet you can't wait.'

'We can't.' giggled Meredith.

'But then obviously we have to furnish and decorate. So when we'll actually move in might be another month.'

'Still, it's only been going on a couple of months and in about four you'll be moving in.' Carolyn smiled.

'I know.' Said Derek, genuinely smiling, which made Meredith's heart tingle.

'Hallie's excited, she's been telling me all day.' The older woman laughed.

'She's so cute.' Smiled Meredith.

'She is.' Carolyn agreed. 'And she seems to have quite the affection for you, Meredith. Apparently she's excited to watch movies with popcorn while Daddy's out once you move.'

'Oh is she now?' laughed Derek.

'She is.' Laughed Carolyn.

'Bless her. We can definitely watch movies when daddy's out.'

'What about when daddy's in?' Derek pouted.

'I guess we can watch them then too, if it's approved by Hallie.'

'My life.' He sighed. 'Ruled by a five year old.'

After about a half hour Carolyn headed to bed, given that it was nearing ten o'clock. And Meredith was grateful to be alone with Derek. She couldn't make sure he was okay and ask him if he needed to talk while his mom was around. So after Carolyn was up the stairs, Meredith moved to shut the living room door indefinitely shut.

'What's happening here?' mused Derek when she situated herself back on to his lap.

'Making sure we have privacy.'

'And why would we need privacy?' he said, cocking an eyebrow.

'To talk.' She stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

'I thought you were going to give me sex.' He pouted.

'No.' she rolled her eyes.

'But sex is a stress reliever. And I'm stressed.'

'We are _talking_ , Derek. And maybe if you're lucky, you'll get sex.'

'Sex.' He repeated, his eyes lit up.

' _Talking._ ' She repeated.

'Talking.' He nodded, a smirk on his lips.

'I mean it.' She said, hitting him lightly on the arm.

'I'm being good.' He protested.

'Whatever.' She rolled her eyes. 'stop making light I'm being serious.'

'Sorry. Serious.' He nodded.

'Serious.' She nodded. 'So, about you saying thank you for being here- seriously Derek, where else do you think I'd be?' she said not angrily, but passionately. 'You've been there for me through so much crap do you really think I'd not be here? I've told you, _I love you._ ' She said, tracing his cheek with her fingers. 'I love you.'

'I love you too.'

'And you can stop saying thank you and sorry. Because I _want_ to be here for you Derek.'

'You don't have to be though.'

'And neither do you.'

'But I want to be.' He suddenly looked up, frowning.

'Exactly.' She rolled her eyes. 'I love you too, you know?' although it wasn't really a question. 'So you can talk to me, if you need to. Actually, even if you don't _need to_ , you should talk to me. Okay?'

'Okay.' He nodded.

'Today was intense.'

'It was.' He agreed.

'You still feeling a bit calmer than before?'

'Yeah.' He nodded. 'You calm me down.'

She smiled at his simple statement which melted her heart. 'I'm glad.'

'I love you.' He said quietly, reaching to entwine their hands.

'You too.' She smiled. 'What's the plan for tomorrow?'

'I don't know.' He sighed. 'We're gonna have to tell mom. But I'm not looking forward to that.'

'Are you all going to do it?'

'I don't know. I'll give Mark a call in the morning, see what he thinks. But I'm not doing it on my own.'

'You shouldn't have to.'

'I'm not doing.' He said firmly. 'I'm not her only sibling.' Something about the determination in his voice screamed for help from his brother and sisters. He'd taken it all on last year and consequently bared the brunt of Amy's cruel words, and seen what it had done to his mom. 'Hallie's going to be so happy her Aunt Amy's back, but I cant have her around her tomorrow. Shit. We have Hallie tomorrow for the rest of the week. She can't be here when we tell mom, or when Amy's here.'

'Is Helen working?'

'Yeah, I think George and Ruth have her in the day, but Liz and Kath are probably working till five when we would pick her up.'

'I could take her?' she suggested.

'What?'

'Hallie. I could take her for dinner, at five? I could take her for dinner somewhere and hopefully in a couple of hours she'll be falling asleep so I can bring her straight home and into bed without even entering the living room or kitchen, so she wont see anyone.'

'Are you sure?'

'Of course I'm sure.'

'You don't have to.'

'I'd love to. I love Hallie, and we haven't had much girl time recently.'

'I love you.' He repeated.

'I love you too. But will you be okay on your own?'

'I think so.' He nodded. 'You'll come down as soon as she's asleep wont you?'

'Of course.'

'Knowing you're coming will get me through.'

'Cheesy.' She giggled.

'Leave me alone.'

'Cheesy.' She repeated.

'Stop making fun of me or you'll have to say sorry.'

'Cheesy.'

'Right. Apologise right now.' He said sarcastically, before she leaned over and kissed him sensually, slipping her tongue into his mouth and moving herself over him so she was properly straddling him, her hands in his hair.

'Is this kind of apologising okay?' she whispered into his ear after pulling away.

'More than okay.' He replied, feeling himself start to harden already, the power she had over his body was crazy.

'Good.' She giggled placing her lips on his again as his hands reached her back. She felt amazing over him and the way she was moving her hips over him made him want to strip and enter her right now. But he wouldn't. He would wait.

'You're right you know,' she said, moving her kisses to his neck. 'Sex is a stress reliever.'

'It is.' He said breathlessly.

'So, orgasms.' She said simply.

'Orgasms.' He repeated as she kissed his jawline before his lips again.

'Let me take your top off.' She said, reaching for his sweater, pulling it over his head then undoing the buttons of his shirt, kissing down his chest as she passed each button.

'hmmm.' He groaned after she'd finished, reaching for her own top, pulling it off in a swift movement to reveal her simple black bra. 'You're beautiful.' He whispered, leaning to kiss her hard, his hands moving to her butt.

'Thanks.' She giggled. 'So are you.'

'I love you.'

'I love you too. Are you going to take my bra off or do I have to do it myself?'

'God, you're hot.' He murmured before unclasping her bra, letting her breasts free, her nipples already pert. 'God.' He groaned, immediately moving his hands from kneading her ass to her breasts, cupping them and pressing them together before looking her back in the eye. Her mouth slightly open, her face flushed. She looked so sexy. He leant down and licked down her cleavage, her breasts still in his hands, then pinched both of her nipples, eliciting a gasp out of her. He smirked up at her, she looked so turned on.

'Derek…'

'shhhh,' he soothed her, running his thumb over her nipples before leaning up to kiss her softly.

'Der-' she breathed as he pulled away and moved his hands from her breasts, replacing them with his mouth. 'Derek!' she whimpered as he sucked a nipple into his mouth, running his hands up and down her sides. She felt _so_ good.

'Mmmm,' he groaned against her breast, before moving to the other one, sucking a little harder this time. Her hands clutched to the back of his head keeping him close to her as she began raising her hips to him. 'Not yet.' He whispered before gently biting.

'Oh Derek… oh..'

'Feel good?'

'Mmmmm,' she nodded desperately, trying to keep her breath. For some reason her breasts were always sensitive and she loved it.

'Can you come for me?' he whispered against the wet skin, flicking the nipple and taking her other nipple back in his mouth.

'Li-like this?' she gasped.

'Uh-huh.' He hummed against her.

'Oh…' she said as he bit her gently again. 'Derek'

'I know you can, you love this. Don't you?'

'Mmmm.' She nodded again, biting her bottom lip gently, she looked so hot.

'Come on Mer, come for me.' He whispered. 'Come.'

'Derek.' She panted as he removed his mouth from her breasts and whispered in her ear while he gently tugged on her nipples.

'Come for me.'

'Fuck!'

'I know you can.'

'Oh… Derek… oh fuck…'

'Mmmm.'

'Oh.. oh… oh- Derek!' she gasped as he began to suck on her neck, still playing with her nipples as he felt her body tighten. He pulled back to see nothing but pleasure on her face as her body thrashed against the couch.

'That's it.' He smiled, leaning to kiss her softly.

'Derek.' She panted, fluttering her eyes open as her body started to calm down.

'That was amazing.' He smiled against her lips, moving his hands to run through her hair gently. 'You look so gorgeous when you come.' He said, pecking her lips.

'Oh… thanks.' She said breathlessly. 'Love… love you.'

'Love you too.' He grinned, kissing her harder this time, feeling her legs wrap around his waist and her hands to his hair.

'Not yet.' He murmured between kisses.

'What?' she pouted.

'You need more.' He grinned, kissing her and moving his hands down her body until they reached her already very wet centre. 'God, you're so wet.'

'You… You turn me on.' She breathed.

'Mmmm, you're wet _for me_.' He whispered appreciatively into her mouth and she moaned as she felt his fingers over her.

'For you.' She nodded breathlessly.

'Mmmm, so wet.'

'Derek.' She said, almost panting again. 'Your… it's your stress we're relieving…'

'I like doing this though.' He smirked, moving his finger to her clit.

'But…' she trailed off as a wave of please took over as he rubbed her gently.

'You still complaining?'

'Fuck,' she gasped as his sole attention lay on her clit.

'Mmmmm.'

'Fuck, Derek…' she panted, once again taking her bottom lip under her teeth.

'Fuck.' He echoed, seeing the pleasure on her face.

'Derek,' she whimpered as he moved back on his heels, looking her in the eye as he played gently with her clit. She was already feeling close, he was doing the most amazing things to her and it made her breasts feel so tight and heavy. She reached to massage them herself, knowing that at the same time as increasing her pleasure, seeing her touch herself would turn him on even more.

'Fuck.' He breathed as she moved her hands to cup them, his fingers continuing their ministrations. 'Fuck, Mer.'

'Uh, Derek.' She whimpered again, tugging her nipples, playing with them as he played with her clit and she panted.

'Oh my god, you look so…' it was his turn to trail off now. 'Fuck, Mer that's so sexy.'

'Uh,' was all she could muster as she felt herself on the brink of an orgasm again. 'Close… Der…close..'

'You look so hot, Mer.'

'Uh…'

'You can come again,' he breathed, keeping his fingers where they were and leaning over gently to kiss her, making sure not to knock her hands out of the way.

'Mmmmmm' she groaned into his mouth as he massaged her tongue with his own.

After he could tell she was about to orgasm, he pulled away, spreading her thighs a little more so he could watch. And as if on cue, her body seemed to be taken over again as she moaned and her whole body shook, her breathing heavy and her eyes shut.

'God Mer,' he said softly, lying over her, caressing her sides as she came down.

'That…. Oh Derek…' she panted, her hands landing in his hair again. She was about to kiss him as he suddenly entered her, stopping her in her tracks and once again making her moan. 'Derek..'

'Fuck.'

'Oh… oh…' she gasped as her muscles tightened around him and he stayed deep within her.

'Mer,' he groaned, kissing the valley in between her breasts.

'Oh my god. Oh my god.'

'Mmmm.'

'Der.' She whispered, holding his face in her hands and pulling him up for a kiss. 'Please?' she whimpered once he pulled away, to which he nodded and gently began rocking his hips.

He couldn't help the grunts and pants which came from him as he picked up speed, she felt so good. She was so wet and so tight she felt amazing and he wasn't sure how long he could last. But he had to make her orgasm again.

'Der..' she panted, still holding his face close to hers as they both struggled for breath. 'Feels… you feel so good.'

'You feel amazing.'

'…How?'

'How?' he echoed, thrusting deeply into her, making her move up the coach slightly.

'Oh! ….How…. how do I feel?'

'Oh my god,' he grunted, slowing down his thrusts, trying to savour and simultaneously torture her, moving his mouth to her ear. 'Amazing.' He sucked her lobe. 'So tight.' His hot breath against her now wet skin. 'So wet.' He kissed just under her ear. 'Warm.' He repeated the kiss and felt her dig her heels into his back, pushing him in deeper. 'So amazing baby. So amaizing.'

'You… you too.' She practically cried, raising her hips off the couch, trying to let him in deeper. 'So big… strong… Derek… you're so big.'

'Oh fuck.' He groaned, unable to go slow anymore and pounding into her even harder than before, hearing the moans which came from her only made him hornier and her kept pushing deeper and deeper into her, so hard that she kept moving up and down the couch.

'Derek…. Oh..'

'Fuck, Mer.'

'Fuck.' She gasped, pulling at his hair as he moved to take a nipple into his mouth and two fingers to her clit. 'Oh my god!'

'Fuck.'

'Uh… uh… Derek!'

'Come.'

'Oh!'

'Come for me.'

'Fuck.'

'Come.' He whispered against her nipple before taking it back into his mouth as he felt her spasming around him, her whole body on fire and shaking as she rode out the orgasm. He could tell she was coming hard, her walls contracting around him felt even more amazing, and he couldn't help but release with her. He panted, letting himself fall onto her as he spilled into her, pressing his lips against hers as they rode the last of it out together. Once they'd both come down, they didn't move, she wrapped her arms around him and he pressed a kiss to her neck.

'Stay. Inside me, just for a minute.' She begged.

'Uh.' He whimpered, his hands holding her butt lazily as she tightened her muscles around him.

'I love… love you.' She breathed, running her hands through his sweaty curls.

'I love you too.' He murmured, running his hands up and down her body.

'Did it work?'

'What?'

'Stress relieving?' she giggled.

'Oh…yeah… I'm very relaxed.' He nodded.

'Good.' She giggled again, kissing the top of his head. 'That was amazing.'

'Beyond amazing he agreed. I love you so much.'

'You too. You feel so good inside me.'

'It feels good being inside you.' He whispered, kissing her gently before slipping out of her and moving to hold her in his arms as they lay together on the couch. 'I really love you, Mer.'

'I really love you too.' She whispered, reaching for his hand as he placed a kiss on her shoulder.

 _Pls review thank youuuuuu!_


	39. Chapter 39

_Hi guys! I know I haven't updated this in FOREVER. But I read it from start to finish this weekend, deleted what I'd already written for this halter and started again. I hope you like this chapter, because I do. Thank you for reading and hopefully you're sticking with me!_ 'You sure you're okay?' She breathed, cupping Derek's face in her hand and stroking his cheek with her thumb softly.

'Yeah.' He whispered.

'Derek.'

'No.' He sighed.

'Oh Der.' She sighed back, leaning to kiss him softly.

'No, I'm okay. I'm okay.' He nodded.

'Are you sure you're okay if I go?'

'Yeah, Hal can't be here.'

'She can't.' Meredith nodded.

'Just, you'll come back when you can?'

'Of course.'

'Okay.'

'I love you.' She whispered, leaning to kiss him again.

'I love you too.' He breathed.

'And I'll see you in a couple of hours. What time are they all coming?'

'Addison just text saying her and mark are ten minutes away.'

'And mom still has no idea?'

'Nope.'

'Okay.' She nodded. 'I'll go get Hal and we'll go.'

'Okay. Thanks, Mer.'

'No problem.' She smiled, kissing him again before pulling on his hand and heading out of his room and down the stairs.

'Meredith I'm ready!' Hallie giggled as Carolyn zipped up her coat in the living room.

'Yes you are.' Meredith giggled, still holding Derek' hand.

'I'm excited.' The little girl grinned at her.

'Me too.' Meredith smiled.

'You have to be really good for Meredith, okay Hal?' Said Derek, letting go of Meredith and crouching down to his daughter, placing a kiss on her nose.

'I will daddy.' She rolled her eyes.

'You better be.' He smiled.

'I will.' She nodded.

'Promise?'

'Promise.' She nodded.

'You have to do everything she tells you.'

'I will.'

'No running off from her.'

'I won't.'

'Hold her hand when she tells you to.'

'I will.'

'Good.' He smiled. 'You're a good girl.' He kissed her again.

'Love you daddy.' Hallie wrapped her arms around his neck.

'I love you too.'

'See you later.' She smiled, suddenly moving to Meredith and grabbing her hand. 'Can we go now?'

'We can.' Meredith smiled. 'Let me just say bye to daddy.'

'Kay.'

'Bye.' She leaned to kiss him softly.

'Bye. Don't be scared to tell her off if she's bad.'

'She's not going to be bad, are you Hal?'

'Nope.' She shook her head.

'See.' Meredith giggled.

'Okay. Bye, I love you.'

'I love you too.' She said as he leaned to kiss her quickly again.

'Bye Carolyn.' Meredith smiled.

'Bye dear. Bye Hallie have a lovely time.'

'I will.' Said Hallie, as her grandmother bent down to kiss her.

'Love you.'

'Love to too grandma, lots.'

'Lots.' Carolyn smiled as Meredith led them out of the house.

She took Derek's car and drove them to the bowling alley. Hallie liked bowling, they had been with Derek before, so she could do this.

They got their bowling shoes and Meredith paid for their game before they headed to the lane, Hallie pulling on Meredith's hand.

'This ones real heavy.' She frowned, picking up a ball.

'Put that one down sweetie.' Said Meredith. 'Let me test them all for you.'

'Kay.'

Meredith picked up all the balls and decided on a purple one.

'How's this one?' She said, handing it to the little girl.

'Good.' She said, taking it off her.

'Not too heavy?'

'Nope.' Hallie shook her head.

'Perfect.' Meredith smiled, getting the ramp for Hallie.

'Thank you Meredith.' Hallie grinned as Meredith aligned the ramp up ready for her to bowl.

'You're welcome.'

'Can I go now?'

'You can.' Meredith grinned as Hallie let the ball go and it went down the side.

'I can't do it.'

'Yes you can. You did it when we came with daddy, remember?' Meredith said, pushing a piece of hair behind Hallie's ear.

'I know but now I can't do it.' She frowned.

'Yes you can.' Meredith smiled. 'Let me help.' She said, standing behind her and putting her hands over Hallie's. 'push the ball really hard.'

'Kay.'

'Ready?'

'Yeah.'

'Go.' Said Meredith, pushing the ball with her, as it went down the middle, knocking all but two over. 'There you go!'

'I did it.' Hallie grinned.

'You did.' Meredith nodded. 'You just hadn't done it in a while.' Picking up a ball for her own go.

After they'd played and Hallie beat Meredith by one point, and Meredith purposefully played badly on her last few goes so she could catch up, they headed back to the car. Hallie gripping Meredith's hand tightly telling her all about what she had been doing that day.

'Did you have fun?' Meredith giggled, putting Hallie in the back of the car and fastening her seatbelt.

'Yep.' She nodded. 'I won.'

'You did.' Meredith laughed. 'Well done.'

'You did good too though, Meredith.'

'Why thank you.' She giggled. 'What do you want for dinner? Pizza?'

'Pizza!'

'Okay. Let's go get some.' Meredith smiled glancing at her watch, it was already six fifteen, by the time her and Hallie had eaten and gotten home, she should be well ready for bed.

'Okay. So we can go to the place we went with daddy last week, or we can go to your favourite. Which would you rather?'

'Piccolinos!'

'Okay.' Meredith breathed, knowing that was Derek and Helen's restaurant.

'They do real good pepperoni pizza, Meredith.'

'Good.' She smiled.

When they arrived, the waiter showed them to their table and Meredith ordered both of them a water to drink, and then Hallie a small pizza and herself a large. If Derek were here he would laugh, she could eat forever.

'Meredith?' Said Hallie, taking a sip of her water.

'Yes sweetie?'

'Is you and daddy gonna get married?'

'What?' Meredith breathed.

'You and daddy. Is you gonna get married? Because daddy was married to mommy and he loved her lots and now he loves you lots so is you gonna get married?'

'Oh. Well, not right now.'

'No?' She frowned.

'Not yet.'

'Do you not love daddy enough to gets married?'

'I do.' Meredith smiled. 'I love your daddy lots.'

'Then why you nots getting married?'

'Because you know how daddy was married to mommy?'

'Yeah.'

'Well, before your daddy can marry anyone else, he has to get a piece of paper that says that he's not married to mommy any more.'

'Paper?'

'Yep.'

'Why?'

Meredith shrugged. 'He just does.'

'So when he gets the paper you're going to get married?'

'No,' Meredith shook her head.

'But why not?'

'Do you want me to marry your daddy?' Meredith laughed.

'Yes.' She grinned.

'Well that's good.'

'Why?'

'Because if you didn't that would make daddy really sad.'

'It would?'

'Yep. Me too.'

'Why?'

'Because he loves you. And if you didn't want us to get married then we wouldn't.'

'You wouldn't?'

'Not while you were upset about it.'

'Oh.'

'So it's good you do. But me and daddy won't be getting married for a really long time.'

'Why?' She whined, making Meredith laugh.

'Because.' Meredith giggled.

'But I want to be a bridesmaid! Like Georgia! Her mommy's marrying her boyfriend and Georgia gets to wear a pink dress and carry flowers and be real important.'

'So that's what this is about?' Meredith laughed. 'You want to be our bridesmaid?'

'I do.' Hallie giggled.

'I promise whenever me and your daddy get married you can be our bridesmaid.'

'Thank you Meredith.'

'You're welcome.' She smiled.

'So when you gets married are you gonna have a baby?'

'What?' Meredith choked on her water.

'Georgias mommy's having a baby so Georgia's getting a little brother after her mommy gets married.'

'Oh.' Said Meredith.

'But I don't really want a brother.'

'You don't?'

'No, I want a sister. Boys are stupid.'

'Not all of them.' Laughed Meredith.

'Yes all of them.' Hallie nodded.

'But what about daddy?'

'Daddy's the only one not stupid.'

'He is?' She giggled.

'Uh-huh.'

'What about uncle mark?'

'Hmmmmm, him too.'

'Okay.' Laughed Meredith.

'But I still don't want a brother.

'You don't get to choose.'

'Why not?'

'You just don't.'

'Well that's rubbish.'

'It is.' Meredith nodded.

'So is you gonna have a baby then?'

'I don't know.'

'Why not?'

'It's complicated.' She laughed.

'That's what daddy says when he doesn't want to talk about something?'

'It is?'

'Uh- huh.'

'Well, it's very grown up.'

'Grown up stuff is boring.' She sighed.

'It is.' Meredith agreed.

'So who is your favourite Disney princess?'

'Oh.' Meredith laughed at the sudden change of topic. 'Rapunzel I think.'

'I like her too, she real pretty.'

'She is.'

'And she has pretty hair.'

'She does. Who's yours?'

'I like Belle.'

'You do?'

'Uh-huh. And sleeping beauty.'

'She's my second favourite.' Meredith smiled.

'Sleeping beauty?'

'Yeah. I like the bit when her dress changes from blue to pink.'

'Me too!' Hallie gasped. 'Mommy got me the pink dress for my birthday but I want the blue one too.'

'You do?'

'Uh-huh.' She nodded as the waiter came with their pizzas.

Hallie ate all of her pizza, as did Meredith. And Hallie talked Meredith through all of her favourite Disney songs and why they were her favourite. Apparently Beauty and the Beast was her favourite, for obvious reasons. And she also liked under the sea from the little mermaid, but she didn't like let it go from frozen because she didn't like Elsa. Only Anna.

When they got in the car, she'd asked if they could put her Disney princess cd on which was in Derek's glove box. And when Meredith realised she no longer had a little voice behind her belting out the words, she turned to see Derek's daughter asleep. She smiled to herself as she carried on driving. Hallie looked just like Derek when she was sleeping. She definitely had Helen's face, but she had Derek's hair and eyes, and when she was sleeping she looked just like him.

She drove along the street to Carolyn's to find multiple cars parked outside the house, and Mark's on the driveway. Meaning she had to park across the street. She unbuckled Hallie's seatbelt and lifted her gently onto her hip, resting her head on her shoulder before shutting her door and locking the car. She carried the six year old to the front door and opened it gently, entering the hallway and hearing the family talking in the kitchen. She put her bag on the floor and headed straight upstairs to put Hallie to bed. She lay her on the bed and picked her some pyjamas out of her drawer.

'Hallie baby,' she whispered, kissing her on the cheek.

'Hmmm,' she stirred.

'I need you to get ready for bed sweetie.'

'Kay.' Hallie whispered, not opening her eyes.

'I have your pjs.'

'Princess ones?'

'Princess ones.' Meredith nodded, running her hand through Hallie's hair.

'Kay.' The little girl sighed, opening her eyes.

'There you go.' She said, handing the top to her. 'You okay putting it on?'

'Uh-uh.' She nodded, sitting up.

'Pass me your clothes and I'll put them in the laundry pile.'

'Okay.' Said Hallie standing up and pulling off her t shirt then handing it to Meredith.

'Thank you.'

'You're welcome Meredith.' Said Hallie, pulling the top over her head, as Meredith bent down to untie her shoe laces.

'Step out of these sweetie.' She breathed once Hallie had her pyjama top on.

Hallie rested her hands on merediths shoulders and stepped out of her shoes before slipping her pants down her legs.

'Thank you.' Said Meredith, taking them off her.

'You're welcome Meredith.' Said Hallie, making Meredith laugh. Hallie had more manners for her than she ever had for Derek.

'Come here.' She replied, pulling her pyjama pants up her legs.

'Sleep time.' Hallie mumbled, climbing back on the bed.

'Not yet love bug.' Meredith giggled lifting her off the bed. 'We need to brush your teeth and brush your hair.'

'Kay.' Said Hallie, her eyes close to shutting.

'You go brush your teeth and then I'll brush your hair in bed, okay?'

'Okay.' She whispered, leaning to wrap her arms around Meredith's neck before she lowered her to the ground.

'Love you Meredith.'

'Oh.' Said Meredith, as Hallie clung to her. This was the first time Hallie had said she loved her when Derek wasn't around. It felt different. Like Hallie actually loved her and not just because her dad was in the room too.

'I love you too sweetie.' She said, kissing the top of her head and squeezing her gently.

'Don't wanna brush my teeth.'

'I know.' She kissed the top of her head again.

'But when it's done you can get in bed I promise.'

'Promise?'

'Promise.' Meredith leant to kiss her nose gently.

'Kay.' She smiled, leaning to kiss Meredith's lips.

'Love you Hal.'

'Love you Meredith.'

After Hallie had brushed her teeth; Meredith had sat behind her in bed and brushed her hair, braiding it as Hallie fell asleep. She kissed her head then moved out from behind her, pulling the covers up over her tiny body, pressing a kiss to her cheek before she moved out the room, turning off the light.

She felt anxious walking down the stairs, she had no idea what she was about to walk into. They were all still here two and a half hours after she had left and she really had no idea what to expect.

When she reached the kitchen door she pushed it open slightly, peeking her head in before moving in completely.

'Hi,' she smiled quietly, spotting Derek at the other side of the table between Mark and Kathleen, an empty chair between them.

'Mer,' Derek turned to her.

'Hey,' she said quietly, getting the feeling she'd interrupted something.

'Hey,' he smiled, gesturing for her to come over.

'Hey Mer,' said Mark as she walked past.

'Hey.' She smiled, taking her seat between Derek and Kath.

'Did Hallie go down okay?' Derek murmured as Nancy and Carolyn continued their conversation, the others joining in too.

'Yeah, she fell asleep in the car.' She breathed.

'Was she good?'

'As gold.' Meredith smiled.

'Good.'

'Are you okay?' She asked, leaning to kiss him gently.

'Yeah.' He nodded.

'Is it going okay?'

'Yeah.' He sighed, his hand falling to her thigh as he kissed her again.

'Good.'

'Mom's not happy. But Amy's in the house now.'

'She is?'

'Yeah.'

'Good.'

'I... I need to talk to you.'

'Okay.'

'Me and Mer are just going to go into the living room.' Derek turned to his family.

'Okay dear.' Sighed Carolyn as Derek stood and took Meredith's hand, leading her out the room.

'I missed you.' He breathed, sitting on the couch and pulling her onto his lap.

'I missed you too.' She giggled, leaning to kiss him. 'I love you.'

'I love you too.'

'What's happening with Amy.'

He sighed. It was never a good sign when he sighed. 'I don't even really know how to say this.'

'What?' She said confused.

'You know how she's been on drugs and her dealer went to jail?'

'Yeah.' She nodded.

'Well, when Kath dropped her off at yours, she said she'd been there before.'

'Oh.'

'So I think we all know where she was getting her drugs from.'

'One of them.' She breathed.

'Hmmm.' He nodded.

'Shit. So she... she's friends with Dave?'

'Appears so. She'd been there drinking a few times.'

'Fuck.' She tensed in his arms.

'It's okay.' He whispered. 'Kath caught on straight away and just said we'd bought the house. Nothing about you.'

'Okay.'

'And we'll handle it.'

'But if she knows them all... they're not all in prison, Derek.'

'I know.' He murmured.

'But their trial is soon, and we don't even have to mention anything in front of Amy.'

'She'll find out if she's still in contact with them.'

'Apparently she's not. She's tried to get in touch with them for drugs and she can't.'

'She can't?'

'They've changed numbers whatever and aren't where she tried to find them.'

'Hmmmm.' She breathed and he could tell she was on edge.

'Well be okay.' He promised.

'You don't know that Derek.'

'I do.'

'Derek.' She groaned, leaning away from him.

'Hey,' he breathed pulling her back to him. 'Come back here.' He kissed her softly.

'I just, this is the last thing I need Derek.'

'I know.' He said, kissing her again. 'And I know we just thought we'd got rid of them. But no one is going to mention anything to Amy, and I promise I will keep you safe.'

'Okay.' She said unconvinced.

'Trust me, Mer.'

'I do.'

'Mer,' he breathed, squeezing her. 'I would never let anything happen to you. You know that.'

'I know.' She murmured softly, moving a hand to his hair.

'I love you.'

'I love you too.' She leaned to kiss him, slipping her tongue into his mouth.

'Hmmmmm.' He breathed as she pulled away. 'You're so pretty.'

'Shush.' She giggled, rolling her eyes.

'You are.'

'And you're hot.' She smiled, kissing him again, leaning her head on his shoulder when she pulled away. 'How's mom?'

'Okay.' He breathed. 'She's not gushing to see her but I think she's happy she's safe.'

'Good.' She whispered, running her hand lazily through his hair.

'I think she's going to see her tomorrow with Nancy.'

'That's good I guess.'

'Yeah.' He breathed.

'So what's going to happen now?'

'Fuck knows.' He sighed.

'Why can't things just be easy.' She whispered into his neck.

'I know.' He whispered, leaning to kiss her head. 'But I love you.'

'I love you too.'


	40. Chapter 40

_Hi guys, so I know I haven't updated this in AGES, and I'm sorry this chapter is short. But I'd already written it and found it hard to carry on, so I'm posting this so that I can write dinner with Amelia from scratch. Thank you for reading and I'm sorry this story has taken such a backseat!_

'Wow….' Meredith panted, holding Derek's head close to her chest. 'Derek.'

'Mmmmm.'

'Wow.' She panted again, moving her hands over his shoulders.

'Wow.' He breathed.

'Breathe.' She giggled slightly as she ran her fingers through his sweaty curls and he slumped against her.

'Breathing.' He whispered.

'Love you.' She whispered, leaning to kiss the top of his head.

'Love you too.' He breathed into her chest, unmoving.

'Are we still going to the house today?'

'Uh-huh.' He nodded.

'And then…. did you… did you decide?' she said quietly, still running her fingers through his hair. 'Derek.' She prodded when he didn't answer. 'Are we going to see your sister?'

'I don't know.' He breathed, rolling off her and moving to pull her naked body into his arms.

'Derek. I think we should go.'

'Mer.'

'No, don't Mer me. Not after I just gave you sex.'

'Great sex.' He smiled.

'Great sex.' She mirrored his grin, leaning to kiss him.

'More great sex?' he breathed, capturing her lips and kissing her harder.

'Mmmmm,' she breathed, leaning into him, her tongue dipping into his mouth. 'No.' she breathed, pushing him back slightly.

'No?'

'Derek.' She sighed. 'I love you and we can have more great sex but you need to talk.'

'Mer.'

'I just said don't Mer me! Are we going to see your sister or not?'

'Do we have to?'

'No. But I think you should. You're going to have to tell Hallie sooner or later and when you do she's going to want to see her, wouldn't you rather have seen Amy first and make sure things are okay between you two?'

'Why are you suddenly wanting to see Amy? I thought the last thing you'd want to be doing is visit that house.'

'It is. But you need to.'

'Mer.'

'Derek.' She raised her eyebrows, cupping his face in her hands. 'Maybe you'll get some more dirty sex later.'

'Fine.' He sighed.

'Maybe we could… I don't know… have dinner with her, Addison and Mark?'

'Maybe.' He nodded.

'Less intense than going on our own?'

'True.'

'And Nancy said her and mom going alone was intense.'

'Yeah.'

'So, shall I call Addison? See if they're free?'

'Sure.'

'Derek, are you okay?'

'Yeah.'

'You don't sound okay.' She said, tipping her forehead against his and running her fingers over his cheek.

'I'm okay.' He nodded. 'I'm just tired.'

'Okay.'

'I don't want to move.'

'Me neither.' She giggled. 'But I'm hungry.'

'You're always hungry.'

'We just had sex! Sex makes me hungry!'

'As I said, you're always hungry.'

'Don't be mean.' She pouted.

'There we go.' He laughed, leaning to kiss her.

'What?'

'That pout.'

'My pout?' she raised an eyebrow.

'I love kissing your pout.'

'Shut up and get me food I'm hungry.' She laughed.

'Fine.' He sighed. 'You get dressed and I'll go make pancakes.'

'Thank you.' She grinned.

'You're welcome.' He grinned back. 'I love you.'

'I love you too.' She said, kissing him quickly before getting out of bed.

Derek made his way downstairs, Hallie was at Helens and his mom was sat at the kitchen table. Just sat, not eating, not drinking, not reading, just sat.

'You okay, ma?'

'Oh, good morning dear.'

'Morning. I'm making Mer some pancakes, would you like any?'

'Oh no, thank you dear I just had some eggs.'

'Nice.' He smiled, opening the fridge. 'What are you doing today?'

'Not much dear. How's Meredith?'

'She's good. Just getting dressed. Listen ma, me and Mer are going to see how the house is coming along this morning, if you want to come?'

'Oh I would absolutely love to dear. I cant wait to see your future home.'

'Are you sure?'

'Of course.'

'Ma,' he breathed. 'Are you sure?'

'Derek. Your father died a long time ago, now you are building a new life where he wanted you to. With the right woman. Of course I want to come.'

'Okay. And It should be done really soon. Then we'll be out of your hair.'

'Oh don't speak like that sweetheart, I have loved having you here.'

'I know, but I'm sure you'll welcome back the quiet.'

'That is true.' Carolyn laughed. 'You and Meredith can be rather loud.'

'Mom.' Derek stuttered by the stove.

'Oh dear, do you think I'm an idiot? Of course I know what you get up to, but it would be nice not to have to listen to it.'

'I… I'm sorry ma. I… we try… she'd loud.'

'Don't apologise sweetheart.'

'We… we will try and keep it down.'

'Thank you, dear.'

'No problem.' He breathed, turning back to flip the pancake.

'So when is the house estimated to be finished?'

'Two weeks. And then we need to furbish.'

'How exciting.'

'I know, Hallie cant wait for her new room.'

'I'll bet.' His mom smiled. 'Now, I don't mean to pry dear. But how are you going to afford this only on Meredith's wage?'

'What? I have money, ma.'

'Oh I know you do. But surely you cant live off it forever.'

'Well, no.' Derek agreed.

'So….'

'So when am I getting a job?'

'You have been out of work for quite a while now, dear.'

'I know.' He nodded. 'I know. And when we're in the new house, I'm going to get something.'

'You are?'

'Yeah. I don't like not working ma, but I just couldn't work there anymore. Mike was being an ass. When you become successful under their name they just…. You… you don't do what you love anymore.'

'So what are you going to do?'

'I don't know. Look for another firm?'

'You're the best lawyer in the state, and one of the best in the country. I'm sure you wont have a problem finding another firm, if that's what you want.'

'I don't…. I don't know.' He sighed, as Meredith walked through the door. 'Hey. You look pretty.'

'Thanks.' She giggled, taking her plate of pancakes and syrup off him while he made his own.

'You're welcome.' He smiled, kissing her quickly before she went to sit by Carolyn.

'So, what were you saying Derek?'

'What?'

'You were talking about finding a job at another firm, or?'

'Oh, nothing.' He breathed, both his mom's and Meredith's eyes on him.

'Nothing?'

'I don't know what I'm going to do yet, mom.'

'About work?' asked Meredith, shovelling another piece of pancake into her mouth.

'Yeah.'

'I was going to talk to you about this.' She nodded.

'I don't… we'll talk about it later.' He breathed, sitting opposite them with his own pancakes.

'Okay.' Meredith nodded carefully.

'Mom's coming to the house with us.'

'You are?' Meredith smiled.

'Of course dear, I'm excited to see your new home.'

'It should be done in two weeks.' She said, excitedly.

'So I believe.'

'We're going to see Amelia tonight mom.'

'Oh.' Carolyn turned to Derek.

'Do you…. Want to come?'

'No dear. I think we've said enough for now.'

'Okay.'

'No-one's said anything about Dave…. Or anything…. right?' Meredith looked up.

'No dear.' Smiled Carolyn. 'Not a thing.'

'Good.' She breathed.

'Don't worry. No one will say anything.' Derek's mom smiled at her, reaching to squeeze her forearm. 'And unless something happens outside of this family, she never has to know.'

'Thanks.' Meredith smiled.

'You're family, sweetheart. No one's going to do anything to hurt you.'

'Oh. Thanks.' She smiled again, turning back to Derek. 'You know Hallie asked me if we were getting married.'

'She did?' he smirked.

'She did.'

'She's been on at me too.'

'She has?'

'Yep.'

'She wants to be a bridesmaid.' Meredith laughed.

'Oh, I know that too.' Derek rolled his eyes. 'Georgia is being one apparently. So obviously she wants to be one too.'

'She may have mentioned it to me a couple of times, too.' Laughed Carolyn.

'She has?' asked Derek.

'She has.' His mother nodded. 'But I would see it as a blessing rather than a curse, dear. You'd rather her be happy enough with you and Meredith to want for you to get married, than to resent her for breaking up her parents marriage.'

'Oh.' Breathed Meredith.

'Not that I see it like that sweetheart.' She quickly reassured her. 'But things will Hallie could be a lot harder.'

'I know.' Derek nodded. 'I know.' Shooting Meredith a soft smile.

After they'd finished eating, they headed out to the house. It was almost done. It was literally almost done and Derek couldn't believe that his house with Meredith was almost done. It was almost done and there were five bedrooms, and there were bathrooms, and there was a living room. And pretty soon there would be a fully fitted kitchen. They just needed to furbish the rest of the house now. He promised Meredith they would pick up some magazines on the way home, and they could look through them, and online after their dinner with Amelia. And really start getting things going.

His mom was impressed, and even more impressed that she had her own guestroom. It was starting to feel real, that he would be living here on her dad's land. With Meredith and Hallie, he would be living on his dad's land.

But first he had to sort out his damn job. And he had to see his sister.

 _Thank you for reading and please review! X_


	41. Chapter 41

_Hi guys! Thank you to those of you who read the last chapter of this fic- I honestly thought no one would read it! And thank you even more to those of you who reviewed, it's sometimes really hard to find the motivation to write, especially going back to something you've put off for so long, so your reviews really encouraged me, thank you!_

 _Hopefully I will have also updated Runway by the end of the week too- I have started the chapter I just need to finish it. But hopefully it should be with you around Friday!_

'Hey,' smiled Addison, opening the door to her and Mark's house, letting Derek and Meredith in.

'Hey,' replied Meredith, squeezing Derek's hand gently.

'Come through,' Addison nodded, Meredith could hear Helen's laugh from the kitchen, which hopefully meant things weren't too heavy and wouldn't be too awkward.

'Shep,' Mark grinned as she and Derek walked through to Mark's kitchen-diner, where Helen and Amelia were both sat, drinking coke.

'Hey,' he smiled, avoiding eye contact with his sister.

'Hey Mer,' smiled Helen.

'Hey,' she breathed, before turning to Amelia. 'Hi,'

'Hi.'

'Do you guys want a drink?' Asked Addison as they sat at the dinner table opposite Mark and Amelia.

'Sure,' Meredith nodded. 'That would be nice.'

'What would you like?'

'I'll have whatever everyone else is having.' She smiled, noting the lack of alcohol on the table.

'Diet coke okay?'

'Great thanks.'

'Derek?'

'I'll just have water, thanks.' He nodded, wrapping his arm around the back of her chair.

'You had a good day?' Mark asked, sipping his coke as Addison handed them their drinks before sitting at the end of the table on Mark's other side.

'Yeah thanks.' Her boyfriend nodded. 'We went to the movies with mom and Hal.'

'Was it good?' said Helen from across the table.

'Yeah we had fun.' Derek smiled. 'Didn't we?'

'Yeah, it was good.' She agreed, noting the way Amelia was eyeing her.

'And she's with your mom now?' asked Helen.

'Yeah,' Derek laughed a little. 'They're making home made pizza.'

'I bet she's loving that.' Helen grinned.

'I know,' Derek smirked. 'They were having fun when we left.'

'Did you tell them where you were going?' said Amelia, forcing Derek to make eye contact with her.

'Yes.' He said evenly. 'Dinner at Mark and Addie's house.'

'You know what I mean.' Amelia rolled her eyes.

'No, I didn't tell her.' Derek said carefully.

'I see.' Amelia sighed.

'Excuse me?' frowned Derek.

'Shep.' Mark shook his head.

'No,' frowned Derek. 'Don't Shep me. We're trying to do what's best in the interest of our family.'

'Dinner isn't exactly gonna do any harm Derek,' Amelia rolled her eyes.

'It isn't about dinner.' Derek quipped. 'and you know that.'

'I don't see why everyone is making this into be such a big deal.'

'Are you serious?' said Derek, his body tensing slightly. 'You turn up again out of nowhere after being back on drugs and you expect everyone to just act normally?'

'Yeah.' She shrugged. 'I don't understand the big deal. I mean, yeah I fucked up again but I got help and I'm here.'

'And you've fucked up so many times no one knows when you're going to do it again.'

'That's not fair.' Amy hissed, things suddenly becoming extremely awkward.

'So I'm sorry if we don't all want to welcome you with open arms when god knows who's going to get hurt this time.'

'Stop acting like a baby, Derek.'

'I'm not being a baby.' Her boyfriend snapped. 'Do you have any idea the damage you cause?'

'I get it, mom hates me. I said sorry.'

'Hmmmm.' Breathed Derek, and Meredith reached for his hand under the table.

'And I get that you all hate me for doing drugs but I'm clean now.'

'You said that last time.'

'Derek.' Meredith whispered.

'Sorry.' He mumbled quietly. 'I just…. We've given you a place to stay and we're trying to help you when it's really difficult for us all. You should be grateful.'

'I am grateful.' Amelia groaned.

'Oh yeah, you sound it.' Derek rolled his eyes.

'I am! But you're still treating me like shit.'

'Amy.' Mark sighed.

'I'm treated like some sort of disease no one wants to catch.'

'It's just complicated.' Said Mark. 'Like Derek said, you hurt a lot of people, and you coming back… no offence but it's just bringing more chaos.'

'Well, sorry, should I just leave then? Because you hate me when I don't keep in touch and now you hate me because I'm back.'

'Maybe if you hadn't have lost contact at all we wouldn't be in this problem.' Groaned Derek. 'You seriously expect us to all just take you on and act like nothings happened? You're difficult, Amy. And it would be nice if you gave us some time to adjust.'

'Adjust?' she frowned.

'Yes. To adjust.'

'What does that even mean, Derek? I'm not some extreme temperature change.'

'You're the human equivalent. Maybe we'd all just rather get used to having you around again, see what kind of place you're in before we go back to happy families?'

'Fine.' She sighed.

'We're here for dinner aren't we? We're trying.'

'Exactly.' Nodded Mark. 'How about we all cool off a bit and try and have a nice, normal conversation?'

'Hmmmm.' Sighed Derek, once again looking away from his sister.

'Didn't you guys go to see how the house was coming along yesterday?' asked Addison.

'Yeah,' Meredith smiled, squeezing Derek's hand again which was resting on his thigh. 'It's almost done.'

'That's so great.' Grinned Helen. 'Have they given you a completion date yet?'

'It should be four weeks.' She nodded.

'That's gone so fast.' Addison shook her head.

'I know.' Meredith giggled.

'Did mom go with you?' asked Mark.

'Yeah.' She nodded. 'She loved it, didn't she Der?'

'What?' Derek snapped out of whatever trance he was in.

'Mom loved the house,' she murmured quietly.

'Oh, yeah.' He smiled. 'She really loved it.'

'That's so sweet.' Said Addison.

'I know.' Meredith agreed.

'Hallie says it looks big.' Helen laughed.

'It's huge!' Meredith agreed. 'You'll have to come and see it as soon as it's done.'

'Definitely.'

'You're building a house?' Amelia asked.

'Yeah,' Meredith smiled, trying to be nice to Derek's sister who had clearly just upset him.

'Wow.'

'I…. yeah.' Meredith breathed.

'On dad's land?' Amelia raised her eyebrows, looking unimpressed.

'I…erm…' Meredith turned to Derek, unsure of what to say.

'Yes, on the land dad gave to me.' Derek nodded.

'Wow.' Amelia repeated, more cynically this time.

'Is there a problem?'

'It's just that you suddenly want to build on daddy's land a house with your new homewrecking girlfriend, and no one says anything. But everything I do is apparently wrong.'

'Shut up.' Derek hissed, leaning forward across the table.

'Why?' Amy laughed.

'Seriously shut up,' he snapped. 'And apologise to Meredith right now.'

'Oh please.' Amy rolled her eyes.

The whole situation was so extremely strange, and Meredith had do idea where all of this had come from. When they had found Amelia at the rehab centre she had been really emotional and apologised over and over again to Derek about what had happened between them and how she hadn't been present. But now, it was like she was a completely different person. She was mean, and she was being nasty, with no real reason.

She was beginning to see where Derek was coming from on the not liking her front, Meredith didn't like her very much at the moment either. It was genuinely like she'd had some sort of personality transplant, and if this was how unpredictable her moods were then Meredith was gathering why none of the siblings were overjoyed with dealing with her.

But Derek and Mark were trying, even Helen and Addison were trying, despite having no obligation to. And Amelia had just kicked off.

'This is why nobody likes you, Amy.' Derek smirked. 'Because one minute you're all apologetic and the next you want no responsibility for your actions and try to put any blame on anyone else for anything you can.'

'I said I was sorry.' His sister groaned.

'Yeah, and you obviously didn't mean it.'

'Guys,' said Mark, 'calm down.'

'No.' Derek said firmly. 'You have no idea what you're talking about with me and Meredith so just back off.'

'I'm just saying, you're not a saint Derek. Its actually all quite hypocritical.'

'Amy it wasn't like that.' Said Helen quietly, glancing at Meredith. 'There's no need to be angry at Derek and Meredith.'

'So he didn't leave you for her then? When he has a kid?' Amy's eyes flashed at her brother's.

'Amy!' Derek snapped. 'What you're doing isn't fair to Helen and it isn't fair to me or Meredith. If Helen doesn't have a problem then I don't see how you have any place to judge.'

'You're very touchy tonight.' Amy smirked.

'Fuck this.' Derek breathed. 'We try and be nice to you and this is what we get, nice.' He stood up from the table. 'I'm leaving.'

'Derek,' said Mark. 'Sit down.'

'No, I wont sit down. We deal with all her problems and try our best to help her and she's still as argumentative as ever.'

'You're acting like I killed someone, Derek.'

'Yeah and you're acting like you haven't been off the rails for god knows how long with an attitude of a five year old!'

'Derek,' Meredith whispered, reaching for his hand attempting to pull him back down.

'You know, I tried my best with you. I tried and and I tried, but I guess it wasn't good enough. You go on about dad, and what I can and cant do with his land as if he's some sort of God. Yet, you give nothing for this family and its stability, which is what he would want us all to care about. Yes, my marriage didn't work out but I never deliberately hurt anyone.'

'Yeah,' Amy rolled her eyes. 'You just screwed Helen over.'

'Amy!' He snapped, banging his fist slightly on the table. 'Stop making this about me, it's got nothing to do with me. This is about you, and your addictions, and your lack of work ethic, and the way you treat this family.'

'You mean mom.' She sighed.

'No,' Derek shook his head. 'I mean all of us. Why are you picking a fight with me? Because I'm not as ready to welcome you back into my life as you'd hoped? Maybe if you'd given me a couple of weeks we could have worked past this and talk things through. But no, you just go steam rolling in, not giving any consideration that my life might be stressful at the minute too.' He said firmly.

'Then Mark and Addison- they invite you into their home for dinner and you start fights before they've even fed us? Then let's see,' he breathed. 'Kath, took you to the house- a house your family pay for and own and are _letting you stay in_ and you were still rude to Kath!'

'I was not rude to her.' Amy rolled her eyes, again.

'You know Kath's always the one defending you to us? When we talk about stuff she's always the one telling everyone they're being too harsh or they need to have more compassion. And then you're rude to her when she takes you to the place they're giving you to stay!'

'Well then Kath has a pretty warped definition of rude.'

'You have a pretty warped definition of everything, it seems.' Derek sighed. 'We're all happy you're safe Amy, and we're all happy you're clean.' He said a lot calmer. 'But you cant expect this to be easy on us, not after last time.'

'You keep going on about that as if I'm the same person!'

'And you're not?' Derek laughed harshly. 'Right now you're still arguing with me and you've stopped the initial apologetics as soon as we've given you money and somewhere to stay. Now you somehow think you're entitled to everyone's respect and you can throw insults at people in this family as though you have the right. You don't have the right Amy and I'm leaving.' He sighed, turning to Mark and Addison. 'Sorry… I… I think it's just better I go.'

'No worries man,' Mark nodded. 'I don't blame you.'

'Erm?' Frowned Amelia at her other brother, who just ignored her.

'I'm sorry Addie, we were really looking forward to dinner.'

'Don't worry, about it,' Addison smiled warmly. 'We'll see you soon though, right?'

'Of course.' He nodded, turning to Meredith. 'Are you okay if we go?'

'Course.' She nodded quickly, standing up from her seat, feeling very, very awkward.

'Hopefully Hallie can make you a pizza.' Helen laughed slightly.

'Yeah,' Derek smiled.

'Maybe the four of us could do something together this week?' Helen asked hopefully.

'Yeah,' Derek nodded. 'I'd really like that.'

'Me too.' Smiled Meredith.

'Great.' Nodded Helen. 'Just text me.'

'We will.' Derek nodded. 'Bye guys.'

'Bye.' Smiled everyone at the table, apart from Derek's sister.

When they reached the car, Derek had definitely calmed down, but Meredith knew his fight with his sister had really gotten to him. It was weird. The whole thing was really weird and she still wasn't over it. It was like there was tension between them that hadn't been there last time they saw each other. But how can two people become so pissed off at each other in a time where they've had no contact? It didn't make sense.

'You okay?' she murmured before they pulled off Mark's driveway, her hand immediately going to his.

'Yeah.' He sighed. 'I just… I cant stand her.'

'She was mean.' Meredith nodded.

'I…. this is what I mean when I say I love her but I don't like her.' He said quietly. 'When we found her I…. I was just so glad she was safe and that she was there…. But now… I cant even bring myself to like her.'

'Hmmmm,' she nodded, rubbing small circles on the back of his hand with her thumb.

'But then it makes me angrier because I think it's my fault she's the way she is.'

'It's not your fault.' She said firmly, and no matter how many times she said it he still thought Amy's shortcomings were his own fault. 'It's not your fault Derek.'

'Hmmmmm.'

'It was like she was a totally different person.'

'I know.' He sighed. 'And I hate the way she always talks about Dad. I mean, she acts as if her relationship with him is the only one that matters; and I'm not even making that about me. I mean… I know we were there when he died and how awful it was to watch and how it made his death more painful…. But she acts as if the others didn't even know him. When technically we all probably knew him better than she did, we were older and spent more time with him. But she seems to think he's all hers.'

'Yeah but you guys know that's not true.' She tried to soothe him.

'I know, but it just still pisses me off.'

'I know.' She whispered.

'And if you heard the things she said last time she was here. To everyone. And to me and mom, I just…. How can she expect us to be all over her? We obviously care about her, but as Kath's been saying, when we have kids and the whole Dave thing… we have a lot to think about and Amy isn't the most stable.'

'Hmmmm.' She nodded.

'I… I don't want to talk about her anymore.' He shook his head. 'I just want you and Hallie and her pizza… we can talk about this tomorrow.'

'You sure?'

'More than sure.' He smiled, the softness returning to his eyes. 'I love you.'

'I love you too.' She mirrored his growing grin.

'And I'm sorry for what she said.' He whispered.

'It's not your fault.' Meredith shook her head.

'I know… but…'

'It's okay,' she breathed. 'I'll make sure she apologises next time we see her.'

'Good. So will I.' he promised. 'I… I know this isn't the happy I promised us after your trial.'

'I know,' she leant into him to kiss him softly. 'But I love you.'

'I love you too.'

'And we'll get our happy.'

'We will.' He smiled.

'Home?'

'Home.' He nodded, turning out of the driveway and down Mark's street. When they reached Carolyn's house, Derek seemed completely fine. She didn't know if it was an act for his mom and Hallie, or whether he had genuinely calmed down and put his fight with Amelia to the back of his head for now.

To be honest, she was kind of hoping all this Amelia stuff would die down quickly. And not for herself, but it was stressing Derek out. One minute he was all concerned for her and the next he was raging, and now he seemed completely fine. It wasn't right and it wasn't a healthy space for him to be in all the time. So either he and Amy needed to have it out, or they needed to avoid each other as much as possible.

'Daddy!' Hallie squealed as Meredith and Derek walked back through the front door and into the kitchen where she and Carolyn were eating. 'Meredith!'

'Hey baby,' she giggled, leaning down to hug Derek's extremely adorable daughter who she really couldn't stop loving.

'You're not supposed to be here!'

'I know,' Derek laughed. 'We came home early.'

'Why?' his daughter frowned, sitting back down at the table to eat another slice of her pizza.

'Because Mark and Addison were called to work.' Derek sighed, which was rather smooth considering they hadn't discussed an excuse.

'That's a shame, dear.' Said Carolyn. 'Is there an emergency at the hospital then?'

'There must be.' Derek shrugged. 'We didn't even get dinner,' he turned to Hallie. 'So we thought our favourite chef might help us make some more pizzas?' he grinned.

'Yes!' she beamed. 'Grandma said I was real good, right grandma?'

'You were sweetie.' Carolyn nodded.

'So I can help.' Hallie nodded. 'We have lots of pepperoni left Meredith.'

'Oh good.' Meredith giggled.

'We'll wait until you've eaten yours and then we'll make ours together, okay?' asked Derek as he and Meredith joined them at the table.

'Uh-huh.' Hallie nodded, her mouth full.

'And maybe, if you're really good we can watch Beauty and The Beast after.' Derek tucked a piece of hair behind Hallie's ear, just as he often did to Meredith's.

'Yes!' grinned Hallie. 'But I wanna watch it with Meredith.'

'I'll definitely watch it.' Meredith nodded.

'We can put it on in the living room if grandma doesn't mind, and the four of us can watch it together?'

'But I wanna watch it with Meredith.' The little girl pouted. And although it was probably quite insulting to Derek and his mom, she secretly loved that his perfect little girl wanted to spend time alone with her. Maybe she wasn't going to be so crap at this mom thing after all.

'How about we watch it all together and then me and you do something on our own tomorrow?' she suggested, knowing how much Derek just wanted to spend time with the three of them tonight.

'Like what?' Hallie looked at her a little more interested.

'What do you want to do?' she smiled.

'Hmm…' Hallie pondered. 'We could go to the movies and get popcorn!'

'We can definitely go to the movies and get popcorn.' Meredith giggled. 'If that's okay with daddy?'

'That's very okay with daddy.' Derek smiled at her, his eyes glistening. She knew how much it meant to him that she and Hallie had a good relationship.

'Yay!' Hallie grinned.

'That's sorted then,' Derek nodded. 'Pizzas and Beauty and the Beast tonight cuddled on the couch tonight, and you and Meredith can go to the movies tomorrow. Sound good?'

'Yep.' His little girl smiled.

'Sounds good.' Meredith grinned. There was something so special about spending time with Derek and Hallie, when they all cuddled together on the couch watching a movie, or when Hallie would put on a show for them which they and Carolyn were often forced to watch. It was just so special. And she couldn't wait to be cuddled with her perfect boyfriend and his perfect daughter on the couch tonight, especially after such an incident with Amy.

 _Thank you for reading and please please review! (Especially if you're new to this story, which I know some of you are! I would love to know what you think.)_


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